The show starts off with quite a bit of braggadocio. Mila claims her “point of view is better” than Jay’s. Emilio is “going to Bryant Park, bitches” with yet another show-stopper. It would be nice to see a bird poop on him. Or for him to trip. Something mildly humiliating. Seth Aaron says something that gets so bleeped out that I can’t even understand what it is. Fuck yeah, Seth Aaron.

Fast forward three months, and we see Tim on his rounds. First stop: Vancouver, WA to visit Seth Aaron and his rather ordinary-looking wife and children. No black nail polish or faux-hawks to be found.

Seth Aaron has a rack full of tough-looking jackets and coats that are black or leather or both. They’re spectacular. (Surely you’ve figured out my bias for non-pretty things by now). He has also been very prolific. Tim is stunned by the sheer number of pieces and he claims that people will be on their feet after the collection is shown, but… he doesn’t think Seth Aaron will win. There is no surprise in the collection. Seth Aaron swears some more then decides he can re-conceptualize. 

After telling SA to start over, Tim plays Pictionary with the kids and guesses “fallopian tubes” for one of the drawings (it was a stethoscope). He then jumps on the trampoline and shows us that he has absolutely no coordination. I don’t like seeing him fall on his ass. So vulnerable that way.

The next stop: Emilio in New York. Tim meets Emilio’s brothers and we are given a (quite cool) little history lesson about what the South Bronx was like in the ’70s and ’80s. Emilio was influenced by the graffiti and the birth of hip hop. His unfinished collection is a hodge-podge of jewel tones and something hideous that he calls “spray-painted brocade.” Tim hates everything and tells Emilio not to waste his time. Emilio tells the cameras that Tim never wore women’s clothes so he has no idea what women want to wear. Tim is quite irate by the end of the conversation and tells Emilio that the collection lacks sophistication and looks old. SNAP! Emilio remains cocky.

Mila in Los Angeles is next. Her entire home is filled with black and white patterned accessories and wall art. Good Lord, she even has a dalmation. I notice the spots are not exactly even though. Her collection is mostly black and white. Wait, there’s also aubergine. Tim tells her it looks conservative and matronly. Mila is shocked but takes it pretty well. She discusses Jay with us, the audience, and says, “I don’t want to lose to that little [bleep].” A lovely dinner with her parents and supportive boyfriend follows. There are no pictures of the female reproductive system. 

The last Tim visit is with Jay in San Francisco. Jay has been inspired by Japanese samurai and geisha. There are lots of appendages sticking out of his garments. Tim warns Jay to edit it because it runs the risk of looking like a student collection. The absolute kiss of death, apparently. Jay then says something adorable about a cuckoo Chanel girl. I want to be one.

Dinner with Jay’s family is next. Jay’s mother is tickled to meet Tim (“I only see you on TV”) and his dad looks thoroughly confused during the whole thing. Jay says his dad has no idea what Fashion Week is.  

Fast forward again: it’s Fashion Week! Mila and Jay enter the hotel room and awkwardness abounds. However, they have their Lifetime moment, forge a bond and stop hating on each other.

Seth Aaron arrives wearing a fedora and plucked brows. Everyone discusses the Westin hotel Heavenly Bed (TM). Tim arrives and bestows two-cheek fashion kisses. Everyone heads to the workroom, and Mila and Jay are informed that they 1)have to share a table and 2) have to present their three representative pieces on the runway in three hours. Jay’s shin guards won’t zip and Mila is worried about the lack of color in her collection. They both end that segment by sobbing uncontrollably. 

So do I, after the commercial break that follows. A toilet paper commercial bragging that their product doesn’t leave pieces left behind. Is this a problem for a lot of people? Then comes the ad for “Deadly Honeymoon,” wherein some screwed up shit happens on a cruise ship. This is rounded off by a trailer for a movie starring Jennifer Lopez looking impossibly hip and thin. 

Finally it is time for the runway. Heidi isn’t pregnant anymore. Mila shows an asymmetric collared coat, a striped tunic/coat hybrid, and a rather gorgeous paillette mini dress. All black and white, of course.

Jay shows a zippered purple mini dress, a silver top with slim pants and the famous shin guards, and a jacket with a huge collar. We get to see some longer judging, which is a treat.

Heidi really likes Mila’s pieces and says they’re simple with a twist. Michael has never really been a big Mila fan and still isn’t. He thinks it could have been edgier and doesn’t look modern. Nina is concerned about her narrow point of view and wonders what will happen if Mila has to do six collections per year.

Heidi thinks Jay took his collection up a notch. Michael loves the trousers and the “gaiters”/shin guards. He quips pointedly (at Mila, I’m assuming), “There is nothing that is retro about this collection.” Nina likes the impeccable tailoring and that the pieces are innovative. She’s worried about over-embellishment and Jay’s ability to edit.

The designers are sent backstage while the judges deliberate. Michael gets into quite a tizzy with Heidi. He thinks it is better to start with something that is over-designed and rework it, because that’s what designers do. He then babbles in Yiddish. Nina is surprisingly non-committal about her choice. 

The designers return. It is down to the question of who is ready to show a collection. Mila will be going to Bryant Park, and Jay and his fabulous scarves are going back home to San Francisco.

Next week is the season finale, where a winner will be declared. And I will finally get some sleep on Thursday nights.

Anthony is a bit concerned about which type of tent it’s going to be, because he doesn’t think his Gucci driving loafers are going to be able to handle any rugged terrain. Luckily, it’s the Ringling Brothers, Barnum and Bailey circus tent. 

The designers are standing in the tent in front of the ring, a lot of spotlights start blazing and Tim prances down the blue circus runway grinning from ear to ear. Their challenge this week is to create a high-end look inspired by the circus. For inspiration, the designers receive a private show.

There is a creepy shouting ringleader, clowns putting large rings down their pants, a girl swinging on a rope, a man running on a large metal wheel, and eight shirtless men doing acrobatics. Jay notices these buff acrobats, too. It isn’t just me. Tim issues them all a warning about not making it too costumey.

The designers go to Mood fabrics one last time. Emilio, stealing Mila’s signature palette, wants to do black and white and mix stripes and polka dots. Mila is inspired by the ringleader. Anthony liked the girl in the blue and sliver outfit who was swinging on the rope. Jay is combining the ringleader with the clowns and Anthony gets a warning from Tim that he’d best step it up a notch. 

Back in the workroom, Tim announces that this will be a two-day challenge. There is much rejoicing by all. For some unfathomable reason, Emilio keeps saying, “Come hard or go home.”

Mila is just disgusted with Emilio’s cocky behavior. He is muttering things about wanting people to pee on themselves because they’re so excited by his gown and that he wants it to be the judges’ favorite look of the season. Mila is going to give herself cataracts with all the eye-rolling she is doing.

Tim comes in and announces that he is going to “engage everyone.” Seth Aaron is making a long coat with boning, a tie and a top hat. Emilo smirks and Tim is skeptical. Emilio is doing a staggering gown of black and white, but Tim asks him rather menacingly, “Where’s the color?” Mila smirks and rolls her eyes. Or else they’re stuck that way from all the previous eye-rolling. 

Anthony is concerned about pumping up the volume. Tim attempts to be supportive by using the words “viscera” and “contrivances” in a sentence. Anthony confesses he needs a dictionary. Mila is doing something black and white with a chevron pattern. (I feel like I type that same sentence about her designs every week.)

Jay is doing some bad-ass (his words, not mine) pants and a military-meets-Michael Jackson-meets-Brit redcoat jacket. Tim and Jay also talk about bitches for a bit, but it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Jay’s design. Or Mila.  

Anthony changes his design and doesn’t seem to have a clear idea about what he wants to do. Jay gets “Lifetime Moment of the Show “#1 by mentioning that his family really believes in him and he’s going to push himself for a change. Seth Aaron doesn’t like Mila’s “shiny-shiny.” Emilio adds some color to his dress. Jay is mocked for his Michael Jackson coat. 

The designers head back to the Atlas apartments after day one is complete and talk about how nervous they all are. Mila thinks Anthony and Jay should be eliminated, and Jay thinks Mila should be eliminated. He even admits that he dislikes her as a person.

Cynthia Rowley is the guest judge this week. She has been a designer since the 1980s; she has collaborated with Target, done home furnishings and is designing new uniforms for United Airlines. She’s not quite the mega-watt fashion personality that one would expect for the penultimate challenge. 

Here are the highlights from the runway:

• Jay pulls off the bad-ass pants. They are slouchy and cool, and the red bandleader jacket is actually much more subtle than it originally appeared.
• Mila combines fuchsia pants with a chartreuse top and tops it off with a shiny jacket covered with black and white stripes.
• Anthony sends a frumpy blue dress that sags at the waist and has stiff, ear-grazing shoulder ruffles.
• Emilio sends a back and white dress with cranberry accents that is short in the front with a long train. It really is quite gorgeous. 
• Seth Aaron sends red leather pants and a very large and not-subtle black and white jacket with yellow accents.

Heidi, Cynthia and Nina like Seth Aaron’s outfit despite it being a bit costumey. Michael Kors asks about the “crazy crotch” and suggests a man might be able to fill the pants out better. 

Anthony babbles nervously about his dress, and Michael calls it a snooze. He then takes a closer looks at the dress and rushes the runway to feel the fabric. He is absolutely appalled that it is polyester crepe de chine. Heidi cannot believe Anthony spent $300 on polyester. The final nail in the coffin is the “she looks like a big blue condom” comment.

Jay’s outfit is pronounced “beautifully made” but somewhat boring.

Michael Kors is a Mila fan and thinks her outfit is dramatic and not costume-like at all. He doesn’t mention a word about the fuchsia/chartreuse combination. Nina remains unconvinced and isn’t crazy about the look. Cynthia declares that she hates the fuchsia. Oh, but look. She’s wearing a fuchsia dress. It’s all a joke.

Heidi then asks the designers, in true reality show style, who they think should accompany them to New York Fashion Week. Seth Aaron would take Emilio and Jay. Jay would take Seth Aaron and, in Lifetime Moment of the Week #2, Anthony, because he wants to share it with him. There are tears, and I’m left wondering if there was an off-camera romance that wasn’t seen by the viewers. Mila would take Emilio and Seth Aaron. Anthony, using the word “viscera,” would take Emilio and Jay.

And the results are…

Emilio is pronounced sophisticated, and Michael Kors did indeed dub his gown the favorite look of the season. He’s in. Setha Aaron is exciting and innovative, and he is also in. 

Anthony, while he has talent, doesn’t yet have the skills, and he’s out. Mila and Jay both had problems this week, but the judges don’t send either of them home. It’s a tie, and they will both design collections. On the strength of those collections, one will be chosen to go to Bryant Park. Poor, poor Anthony. Tim still thinks that Anthony should be happy. After all, he got to make dresses for Heidi and Jessica Alba.  

So will it be Mila or Jay who goes to Bryant Park? Stay tuned for next week, when Tim will visit everyone at home and generally make a nuisance of himself.  

The contestants go to meet Heidi, who tells them they will be designing a celebrity look for someone who is notoriously picky and opinionated. With this vague warning, the designers gamely move into the workroom, where Tim will have more details. With horror-movie music playing in the background, Tim tells everyone that the challenge is to design a red carpet look for a celebrity. Are you ready to meet her? Yes! Who is it? Is it Angelina? Cameron Diaz? Kate Gosselin? The door opens… Oh. It’s Heidi.

Yes, once again, the designers will be creating a look for Heidi to wear, this time on the red carpet. One can only wonder what sort of dire financial straits she and husband Seal are in since she is constantly using “Project Runway” as a source for garments. She admonishes them, “I want to be on the best dressed, not the worst dressed list.”

With that warning, the designers begin sketching and mumbling to themselves. Jonathan thinks he needs to be in opposite world for the judges to like him, because he was convinced his dress last week was stunning. So he decides to make something really ugly and is sure this will cause the judges to like it. Mila doesn’t do red carpet. She just doesn’t. Emilio is designing something not subtle that will be sure to impress the paparazzi. Maya mysteriously walks out of the workroom. The camera pans to her empty work station at least three times during the sketching. (No longer subtle foreshadowing.)

Tim walks in with a shy Maya and says that she would like to make an announcement. She is leaving the show. She just got out of school, can’t perform on command, isn’t ready and needs to figure out what her point of view is. In the words of Seth Aaron, “Are you bleeping crazy??” Everyone is shocked, and Emilio is particularly supportive when he says the decision is a cop out and quitters are never winners. In an interview, Seth Aaron tells us all off, swearing at us and saying we don’t understand the pressure of being on “Project Runway,” so don’t judge Maya.

Everyone takes an uneventful trip to Mood fabrics, and then Tim comes into the workroom again to say that of course they can’t continue with only five designers, so the show is bringing a designer back. “Here she is!” In walks Anthony, in all his aqua-shirted glory. Yay! The designers get back to work, and Anthony is sent to Mood alone.

Tim comes into the workroom yet again and cannot believe just how busy he is this week. He needs a private chat with Seth Aaron. It seems that Valeria, his model, was offered a job with Donna Karan, so he is going to need to work with a new model. Seth Aaron admirably takes it all in stride and adjusts his dress dummy to the new shape.

Tim returns to the workroom a few hours later with Heidi in tow. Everyone is flustered and not really eager to show her their dresses yet. She tells Seth Aaron that his needs “a little bit more somewhere.” She likes Anthony’s black and white gown. She tells Jay, “We don’t want to look bigger than we are.” She questions the placement of the cups on his bustier, then proceeds to give Jay a look at her no-doubt ample bosom so he can see what proper cup placement looks like. Unfortunately, the cameras do not get a close-up of that particular moment. Mila’s dress is not too simple, but perhaps others’ are better. Jonathan is using coral curtains. We see lots of shots of the half-naked models being fitted. Between this and Heidi’s bosom inspection, is Lifetime trying to attract more male viewers?

The sleepy designers are back in the apartment. Poor Anthony only gets two hours of sleep. Mila is happy to see that so many of the other designers’ dresses are ugly, which can only help her case. Emilio, whose cockiness I have grown to downright dislike, is snarking that Seth Aaron’s dress is neither Heidi nor red carpet. Jonathan is making his dress for the third time in an attempt to get rid of the curtains. After much complaining about the time crunch, everyone is finally ready for the runway.

The guest judge this week is Jessica Alba, looking unnaturally blonde. I scoff at first, but she  have a lot of experience wearing red carpet gowns, so this is probably a good judge choice.

Here are the highlights from the runway:

• Jay sends a short, dove-gray bustier dress with an exaggerated ruffled hemline. He says, “I guess I like big butts.” Cue Sir Mix-a-Lot.
• Mila’s is a short black dress with gold accents. The model looks like she is about to have a wardrobe malfunction at any minute; the bustline is in danger.
• Anthony’s dress is black and white and flowy.
• Seth Aaron sends a black studded dress that looks more like a long undergarmet than a red carpet gown. 
• Jonathan sends a too-short, poorly draped, stretched out Spanx dress down the runway. Uh-oh. 
• Emilio sends down an impeccably tailored and elegant sparkly gown.

The judges are fairly unanimous in what they like and hate this week. Seth Aaron’s is deemed too boring and lacking sex appeal or the potential for “glorious cleavage.” Everyone loves Anthony’s gown, especially Jessica Alba. Mila’s is too simple and, yes, poorly fitting at the bust. They gush over Emilio’s gown. Nina keeps saying that the fabric could have looked cheap, it really could have. (I suspect she is tired of his cockiness and wanted to take him down a peg, too. Alas, not tonight.) Jay’s dress is fine from the waist up, but they all hate the butt-enhancing qualities of the exaggerated ruffles. Jonathan’s looks like it was put together in two hours, makes the model look waxy and plastic-y and puts her at risk for butt-cheek exposure.

After the usual deliberation, Heidi announces that tonight there is not a winner; there are two winners! Emilio and Anthony both win, and Jessica asks if she can wear Anthony’s dress on the red carpet. Everyone swoons. Jonathan and Jay are in the bottom two, and Jonathan is voted off.

Next week is the last show before the final three designers are chosen to go to Bryant Park. Any predictions for winners? I have an idea, but I’ll keep it to myself for now.

Tim marches everyone down to Michael Kors’ store in Soho. No time is wasted announcing the challenge. The designers will be eschewing Mood Fabrics and instead will make their garments entirely out of materials they find in a hardware store. They also need to make an accessory to complement the apparel. This is going to be a riveting episode, I can tell. (I know. Tool puns are not good. I won’t use any more, tempting though it is.)

Michael Kors pulls out every bad corporate-ism in the book, telling them to push the envelope, think outside the box, and be unconventional. I find this all a bit ironic, coming from a designer best known for classic, American basics.  

Amy and Maya are both excited. Maya says cryptically that she has experience working with strange objects. Emilio looks worried, saying that he’s not crafty. He decides to get nothing but cords and washers, only to find he is way over budget and needs to return about half. He starts mumbling about macrame and Paco Rabanne. I’m now worried, too.

There is s lot of hammering in the workroom this week.  Seth Aaron and Jess are both pounding on metal bustiers. Ben is attacked by a feral piece of copper flashing. Maya is working on her focal point, a large key necklace. Mila is being Mila. She’s color blocking a mod-inspired dress. Anthony is trying to make a metal screen light and airy. 

Poor Emilio, who is usually so poised and mature, is taking a fair amount of ridicule. His hot pink cord and washer macrame project is not going well. The word “stripper” is thrown about fairly liberally, and someone snarks, “It’s definitely creative.”

Jay gets the “Lifetime Moment of the Week” when his eyes well up with tears while talking about how he and his younger sister always had to fight for everything, and that he was fighting for his goals now.  Jay is getting quite a bit of screen time this week, actually.

In walks Tim, who this week utters his famous catchphrase no less than four times. The phrase “make it work” doesn’t seem to have a corporate sponsor attached. Perhaps Lifetime has amended his contract to state that he must use it a minimum amount of times per episode? Anyway, he announces that the workroom looks like the Arms and Armor wing at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. 

Mila and Maya are told that their designs have the potential to be exciting and spectacular. Jesse is making an Elizabethan mini, and that gets Tim’s signature one-eyebrow-up look of disapproval. Emilio is told that his dress is so short that “you may end up with a bikini.”  Anthony’s dress looks “tortured.”  Tim is skeptical of Jay’s desire to use garbage bags to make pants, but he ultimately pronounces them spectacular. 

Emilio finally has to concede that, indeed, he doesn’t have enough materials to make a dress, so he is going to do a bathing suit. It is supposed to be a bikini, but the bottoms are so heavy that they won’t stay up, so he has to tie the top to the bottom, effectively converting it to a one-piece. Anthony quite tactfully says,”The one thing that never goes out of style is making a woman look like a lady.” Lady Gaga, maybe. He is clearly worried for Emilio, too. 

On runway day, the designers are all uneasy about the show. None of them are confident in their designs this week. Someone says, “My bloody fingers are crossed.”  

There are two guest judges this week, in addition to Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. Isabel Toledo is an independent designer probably best known for designing the chartreuse  outfit worn by Michelle Obama on Inauguration Day. Stephen Webster is a British jewelry designer who produces big, chunky designs using large, semi-precious stones and unusual shapes, such as lobsters and shark jaws. 

Here are the highlights from the runway:

• Mila sends a black and white mod dress made out of grooved paint trays down the runway. It looks polished, even though the idea isn’t original for Mila. 

• Jesse’s piece is a poofy metal skirt and hammered metal bodice. Michael Kors, with his usual quick thinking and colorful metaphors said, “Is that a giant Hershey Kiss?”

• Anthony’s lilac dress made out of screens is soft and pretty, but lacks imagination.

• Ben sends a single piece of copper  body armor that appeared to be hovering around his model’s body.

• Emilio’s hot pink washer-embellished one piece bathing suit is the embodiment of the phrase “hot mess.” Trashy and kitschy, and the exact opposite of the prim outfits he sent down the runway on week 6. He is going to be skewered at judging.

• Jay’s transcendent outfit is made out of plastic trashbags. The motocross style pants and bubbled bustier top had clean lines and looked expensive. One of the few outfits that looked like a garment and not an art project. He nailed it (Yes, yes. Tool pun intended. I could not resist).

• Seth Aaron, who should have done something with studs and luckily has immunity this week, only comes up with a tin-girl-on-ice outfit.

• Amy uses sandpaper to create a sunburst pattern on the bodice and a flippy skirt.

• Maya sends a simple sheath dress offset by a modern jacket made out of black cording and a statement necklace made of keys and screen, which looked modern and on trend.

The top three this week are Mila, Jay, and Maya. Amy was robbed. Her design was lovely and original, and while Mila’s was well-executed, there was no design originality. But the judges don’t seem to tire of her well-worn mod aesthetic. The judges all love Maya’s outfit and called her necklace the strongest accessory out of all the contestants. The judges are impressed that Jay’s faux leather oufit looks like a luxury product even though it was made out of the least luxurious material.

During judging, Stephen Webster is entertaining and offers productive comments, and Isabel Toledo doesn’t say much of anything. The fact that I can’t recall specifics of what either one said is either a shortcoming on my part, or they just weren’t that dynamic. 

The bottom three are Emilio, Jesse, and Anthony. Surprisingly, the judges are not as harsh with Emilio’s design as I expected them to be. Nina actually says, “I don’t think it’s that bad” and actually admires that he went for a full-on Barbie effect, complete with big hair. Michael pronounces it a full-on cheese fest.  The word “pornographic” is used. I am very bothered that Emilio keeps saying, “All the other designers were safe and went with a dress, but I wanted to do something different.” The reality is he misjudged his material  and had to do a smaller garment. Tim, the augur, had joked that Emilio was going to end up with a swimsuit.

Anthony’s is condemned for being too pretty and too boring. Stephen Webster said if you saw it on the sales rack you would skip right over it. They thought he missed the point of the challenge and didn’t embrace the materials. Jesse took the worst criticism with his tin man/Hershey Kiss/dirty vacuum bag (Heidi’s description, not mine) dress. 

Jay wins this week, and I suspect he is going to be in the top three this season. His designs have been strong, original, and well-executed. Jesse is sent home, and I’m certain Emilio heaved a big sigh of relief. It’s clear the judges see potential in his other works and partially judged him on that.

Though gimmicky, I like to see the challenges where the designers are required to be inventive with unusual materials. It always surprises me that they can come up with anything at all, nevermind a wearable garment that actually looks stylish. But that is why they’re on “Project Runway” and I’m not. 

Kids’ clothes are tough. You can’t do gowns. You can’t do anything sexy, as Anthony points out. You can’t do anything with safety pins or other ornamentation (choking hazard, of course). Jonathan sums up the designers’ fears nicely when he says, “I am scared of children. They are very small.” 

The bantering in the work room is hilarious this week. Anthony weaves tale after tale in that golden voice of his. The designers finally challenge him to see how long he can be quiet. After donning a Lady Gaga-like mask complete with painted lips, he lasts for 14:56. Jonathan does an absolutely spot-on Michael Kors impression. I hope he does it during judging. 

We get teasing little glimpses of what everyone is working on. Mila is color-blocking. Shocker. She does a pink and green mod dress that is straight out of Lilly Pulitzer.  Jonathan has a lot of yellow. Janeane takes a little break to have an extraneous and unrelated (though very Lifetime) moment with her husband on the phone. She could really use a hug and kiss. Sniffles commence, but not full-on tears. 

Someone notes that it is very peculiar that Tim hasn’t popped in to check on everyone and offer his usual nuggets of advice. Yes, very peculiar indeed. Oh, wait, here he is! “Designers, I have some good news for you. You are not showing these looks on the runway today.” Instead, they must make a complementary outfit for their adult models and show it with their kids’ outfit. All the designers actually seem relieved about this, and I am, too.  

Emilio is very worried about the challenge this week. He has made a sweet, traditional pink Easter dress and must interpret the look onto a modern mommy. Seth Aaron is happy with his looks and is working with graphic black and white for both. Someone snidely wonders whether black is a good color for children.  

There is very little drama in the workroom this week. The moment of chaos comes when the models, big and little, come for their fittings. The girls are running around, cutting random pieces of fabric with scissors, and talking to everyone. Anthony wants to know if they have an off button. When asked by one of the girls to explain what an off button is, Anthony asks, “Where are your mamas?” I fully understand. If you have ever been cornered by a 7-year-old girl, you know it is utterly exhausting. 

Finally Tim comes in to usher everyone onto the runway. He is the best preschool teacher ever, and clucks at models and girls alike to get everyone moving.

The guest judge this week is Tory Burch, a “lifestyle designer” who designs for women and children. She is well known for her use of pattern and color on her signature piece, the tunic.  She seems a little nervous up there, though her comments are thoughtful ones. She’s not bitchy. For an ex-New York City socialite, she is actually quite considerate. 

Here are the highlights from the runway:

• Amy’s models wear orange and  aqua, cut into petal shapes. The adult pants are a series of overlapping petals in the aforementioned colors. Michael Kors shakes his head discernibly, one can only assume in disgust.

• Ben’s models are in gray dresses with red details. The effect is graphic and sophisticated. The mother’s dress is particularly va-va-voom with a big belt giving her an hourglass shape. 

• Seth Aaron’s little girl wears a black and white houndstooth hoodie, trimmed in hot pink. The mother’s jacket is black and white striped and crisply tailored, with strong shoulders. A show-stopper. I want it. 

• Jonathan shows toilet paper stuck on a dress. Except he keeps calling it cotton organza.

• Emilio’s outfits would fit in perfectly on Park Avenue. A sweet, little pink dress and a matching power dress for the mommy who lunches. 

The judging is  a little boring, and the good and bad designs are pretty obvious this week. The bottom three designers are Jonathan, Amy, and Janeane. The top three are Jesse, Seth Aaron, and Jay. Predictably, Michael Kors accuses Jonathan of using toilet paper on his dress. Jonathan accepts this critique without retorting in his Michael Kors voice. Janeane’s looks like a “cheap mall outfit” (her forte, let’s be honest). Amy’s is deemed hideous, and Tory says that the blue and orange don’t go together at all. I hear the words “clown clothes.”

 The top three are pretty stellar this week. The judges rave about Seth Aaron’s looks, especially the jacket, and Michael tells him that it is the best-tailored garment they’ve seen all season. Jesse’s and Jay’s are both deemed sophisticated and urban. Seth Aaron is the winner, and he is excited to show his 8-year-old daughter the outfit.

 Jonathan is safe this week, and despite the beating Amy took for those peacock pants, she stays. Janeane is auf’ed and, amazingly, DOES NOT CRY ON THE RUNWAY. Yes, she cries later while being interviewed, but at least she holds it together up there.

I was expecting a horror show this week because of the kid challenge, but am pleasantly surprised. The top three looks were creative, interesting, and fashionable. No tantrums necessary.