Jack Boulware

She is JT LeRoy

How did a 40-year-old woman fool the world into thinking she was teenage prostitute and wunderkind author JT LeRoy? As a punk rocker, porn writer and phone sex operator, Laura Albert had been inventing herself for years.

When Geoffrey Knoop confessed to the New York Times in February that his partner of 16 years, Laura Albert, was the one who wrote as JT LeRoy, the jig was up. For over 10 years, Albert, now 40, had fooled the literary world with her invented character, who wrote a confessional novel and stories based on his tempestuous life. The concept was tailor-made for the tragedy-redemption media racket — LeRoy was a male cross-dressing prostitute whose mother pimped him at truck stops in West Virginia. He ended up a street urchin in San Francisco, turning tricks in the Tenderloin for heroin money, before learning to become a writer.

His books quickly became hipster samizdat. Celebrities like Lou Reed, Courtney Love and Tatum O’Neal gobbled the stories like candy and eagerly volunteered to perform his works at public readings. Movie producers smelled opportunity and bought film rights to his books. The indie film “The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things,” based on LeRoy’s collection of stories, starring Asia Argento and featuring cameos by Peter Fonda, Winona Ryder and Marilyn Manson, opens this Friday in New York and Los Angeles. And Albert and Knoop’s rock band Thistle toured the United States and Italy, thanks to lyrics by LeRoy.

As his fame grew, so did demand for public appearances. And so Knoop’s half-sister, an aspiring model and actress, was recruited to play LeRoy in public, wearing a stringy blond wig and sunglasses. With the recent admission by Knoop, persistent rumors of the gigantic ruse were finally confirmed, and the LeRoy saga quickly collapsed and disintegrated into a mist of anger and recrimination.

Albert and Knoop are now split up. The stress of keeping up the JT LeRoy charade was a source of their separation. While battling for custody of their young son, he pursues a movie deal, and she sits in her San Francisco apartment, where the phone rings, the e-mails pour in, and the JT LeRoy empire slowly melts away.

LeRoy’s fiction is in many ways Albert’s life. Both were fond of aliases. JT LeRoy was known as Terminator and Jeremy; Albert has used many names, including Speedie, Laura Victoria and Emily Frasier. Both engaged in long, late-night phone conversations. Both emerged from desperate lives spent on the streets — Albert in New York, LeRoy in San Francisco.

The heart of the LeRoy saga beats in San Francisco, the streets where young people roll up on shore and pick up the pieces of a scarred life. “San Francisco flotsam,” a friend of Albert’s describes the milieu. People don’t move to San Francisco to climb the corporate ladder of Manhattan or hitch onto the fast train of Hollywood. They come to choose a new name, take drugs and get freaky with sex, start bands, zines and Web sites. Salvation doesn’t come through success and career. It’s gained by getting out of your head, having a laugh, pissing off the uptight and knowing you got away with something. And if you happen to make a living at it, hey, that’s good too.

If you traversed through San Francisco’s underground art and music scenes in the late ’80s and ’90s, you would have crossed paths with Albert and Knoop. Both of them circled in and out of my own life for over a decade, until last September, when Albert, posing as LeRoy, agreed once more to have “his” work read at an event for Litquake, the San Francisco literary festival of which I’m co-director.

While I was writing this story, Albert and her family did not respond to my calls. Knoop remembered me from the early ’90s when I was editor of the San Francisco magazine the Nose, and was initially excited about doing an interview, but said he had to run it past his publicist and entertainment lawyer. He later begged off after his attorney told him the interview could damage his custody case.

A number of the couple’s friends and acquaintances agreed to talk to me on the condition that I not use their names. They said they wanted to remain friends with Albert and Knoop. They were also embarrassed. “If you’re somebody who’s a prominent person, you don’t want to be seen with egg on your face,” says renowned sex author Susie Bright, who met the couple when Albert was struggling to make a name for herself as a sex writer.

However you choose to view the whole affair — cruel, obvious, protracted, selfish — even those who are the angriest will admit that, yes, the whole thing was ingenious. Posing as a bruised young gay man with a lilting Southern accent, 10 years’ worth of phone calls, sending hundreds of e-mails and faxes — it took a lot of courage to pull off such a brazen stunt. Everyone I contacted said Albert was exactly the person who could do it, and when they discovered that she was indeed JT LeRoy, they said they weren’t surprised at all. It was an incredible show, and most of the credit goes to a punk-rock mom in San Francisco who wrote porn and did phone sex for a living.

I first heard of Albert and Knoop sometime around 1993 or 1994, when my then girlfriend, Holly MacArthur, was puttering around her studio apartment in San Francisco’s Mission District. Her chain-smoking, elderly landlady rapped on the door, wanting to show the apartment to some tenants. MacArthur opened the door and greeted the landlady and a young couple in their 20s.

The young woman was named Laura and her boyfriend was Geoff. They were looking for a cheap place to live and $500 a month for a San Francisco studio, at least during this time, was a decent price. They discovered MacArthur was a journalist, said they knew other journalists in town and started telling her about their rock band, Daddy Don’t Go. Laura wrote the lyrics, Geoff did the music. The band’s name came about, they said, because both had had lousy experiences with their fathers. Many of the lyrics were about abused childhood. They could use some press, and hey, how about your boyfriend, Jack, and his magazine?

The three chatted for much longer than your average tour of a studio apartment. “Laura could just ramble forever about anything, but not in a Chatty Cathy way,” says MacArthur, who now lives in Portland, Ore., and works as an editor at Tin House, a literary quarterly. “You felt you could talk to her for a long time. She experienced a lot, she was bright, and there was an edge to her. But she did seem a little on the make. It was one of the first times I felt someone was being nice to me to get something.”

Friends remember Albert as legally estranged from her family at a young age. Her childhood in Brooklyn, N.Y., was not pleasant. She lived for a time in a house on Fulton Street, adjacent to Brooklyn Bridge Boulevard, a few blocks from the piers. Her mother, Carolyn, a playwright and drama critic, raised Laura and her sister, Joanna, mostly on her own. Laura told people her parents divorced when she was young, that she had lived in a halfway house, was locked up in juvy, and at age 15 was living by herself on the streets of New York. “She told me she basically accelerated her life,” says MacArthur. “And the court allowed her to make her own decisions when she was 16. She said she was doing phone sex in New York — working in a boiler room situation. She was a Scorpio and said all the girls who worked there were Scorpios.”

In the mid-’90s, Steven Blush interviewed Albert about her early life as a street kid for his punk-rock history, “American Hardcore.” (A documentary film of the book premiered at Sundance in January but did not feature Albert.) “She just fell into the punk-rock thing,” says Blush. “She was a Jewish kid and basically became a skinhead. She lived on Avenue A with the skinheads. They squatted, spare-changed. And those were the days of the fucked-up East Village. You said ‘Avenue A’ and people got scared.”

“There was a cadre of 100 to 200 kids in every city in the early ’80s and she was one of them,” he continues. “She had pen pals and they would trade fliers and information. It was like this social network for all these fucked-up kids of various types to find themselves. Rich-kid misfits, poor misfits, queer, straight, all found themselves, this mishmosh of alienated youth finding power in this music and this network.”

In this milieu of New York punk’s second wave, led by tough thugs like Jimmy Gestapo and Vinnie Stigma, Albert collected punk-rock fliers and fanzines. Her archive of punk memorabilia provided Blush with a quarter of the material for his book. “She was an archivist, she was a networker, she was an active scene participant,” says Blush. “It was as important as being in a band. It was kind of like this youth culture setting the tone. The impossible could happen because there was nobody to tell you you couldn’t do it.”

Blush spent hours on the phone with Albert, discussing her frustration with the gender issue in punk rock. The scene was dominated by males. It was all about male power. Girls couldn’t be intuitive or emotional; they had to be hard-ass just to keep up. Being a girl attracted to the music, but seen as only sexual, stuck in Albert’s brain.

“I was always aware of this very male sexual energy going on,” Albert told Blush. “And since I wasn’t a boy, I couldn’t be part of it. I wanted something from these people, but I knew I didn’t want to actually have sex with them. I had this feeling that I could have gotten more if I was a boy.”

Albert continued: “The role of the women in the scene was as the sexual outlet, or as something that hung on the arm and stood on the side,” she said. “Women weren’t welcome in the mosh pit. Girls who did mosh, that was some weird tomboy thing. You were not welcome in bands. Girls didn’t welcome each other, either. There was no camaraderie. The only thing you really could offer was sex. It pissed me off that I had to do it, but I was also grateful for it ’cause I got in there in a good way. I wanted that power too, so I learned to play the game. I did what I had to do.”

At the time, Albert was working as a phone sex operator, creating aural characters and fantasies for her customers, telling them what they wanted to hear, bartering favors in exchange for an erotic conversation. She was also frequently on the phone talking with bands. At some point, she realized it was easier to talk to musicians if she wasn’t a girl.

“If she pretended to be an English boy, they would talk to her,” Blush says. “All these bands knew her as a fictitious character. Her British voice is down pat; it’s really good. She had all these multiple identities that she was working. She was really good as both an English guy and a British woman.”

Despite her identity as a hardcore New York skinhead, Blush says, Albert grew genuinely frightened after interviewing Ian Stuart, lead singer of a pro-Nazi band from England called Skrewdriver, whose lyrics were proudly racist and all about white power. The Jewish Board of Deputies had labeled Stuart “the most anti-Semitic man in Britain.” During the interview, Albert told Stuart she was Jewish. Stuart snarled, “I wouldn’t say that if I were you.” Not long after, in the mid-’80s, Albert moved to San Francisco.

Beginning in the late ’70s, San Francisco produced a spate of notorious punk bands, including the Dead Kennedys, Flipper, the Avengers and the Nuns. As they did during the beatnik ’50s, hippie ’60s and gay ’70s, young people from around the country made their pilgrimage to San Francisco, hoping to plug into the street scene. Kids squatted at an abandoned high school in the Haight and at a former Falstaff brewery in the Potrero District, where they were known as “vat rats.” They thumbed local punk publications Search & Destroy and Maximum Rock & Roll. By the time Albert arrived, the male-dominated punk scene was already branching out into more female-oriented bands like Frightwig and Tragic Mulatto.

San Francisco’s ’80s punk demimonde coalesced at a few different scenes. In North Beach, it centered around the Mabuhay Gardens, a Filipino restaurant that hosted mostly local bands. The Farm, a community center in the outer Mission District, turned over evenings to punk-rock bands, while freeway traffic whizzed overhead. A third was a South of Market hangout called the A-Hole, located across the street from what became ground zero of Wired magazine and the dot-com boom.

The A-Hole was open all night long and attracted a zooworthy menagerie of punk rockers, fans, art students, squatters, weirdos and runaways. After the clubs closed, people streamed to the A-Hole, climbing a winding stairwell to enter an epicenter of debauchery — great recorded music, copious alcohol and drugs, an art gallery, the occasional live performance. A who’s who of punk rock played and slept at the A-hole, including the Sex Pistols.

This is the San Francisco that Albert adopted when she moved to the city. She also had adopted a few more names. In addition to the aliases she used for phone sex, she went by the name Speedie. San Francisco artist Bruce Pollack, who ran the A-Hole from 1979 to 1990, is not certain Albert is the Speedie who was often seen circulating among the bands, fans and freaks at the club. What he does know, he says, is “there was a punk rocker named Speedie who lived there a short while and did a lot of drugs.”

Not long after moving to San Francisco, Albert met Knoop. He was a guitarist, born and raised in San Francisco, who discovered punk rock at age 14 and a year later formed his first band. She was a cool punk chick from Brooklyn who had done phone sex for a living. They were about the same age and shared mutual interests in music — punk rock, of course — and also the Cocteau Twins, Scotland’s ethereal duo that featured a female lyricist and lead singer, her male partner on guitar.

By 1993, Daddy Don’t Go, Knoop and Albert’s band, was performing gigs at San Francisco clubs, sometimes opening up for the gay guy band Pansy Division. Daddy Don’t Go struggled for a unique sound. Knoop’s chord-based electric guitar progressions weren’t breaking any new ground and Albert’s vocals were high, thin and soft, sounding very similar from song to song. Her lyrics were earnest and mostly in third person, as though she were being careful to keep an emotional distance.

Daddy Don’t Go was also a dud live. “Laura was always a little apprehensive in the limelight,” recalls a friend. “I don’t think she found it easy to be onstage. She was definitely a little unsure of herself.”

But both Albert and Knoop were confident about the band. Like every other starving musician, they lusted for a record deal. While Knoop handled the music production, Albert did administration. Because they didn’t have a publicist or manager, Albert made the calls herself, pretending to be each one at various times. It was no different from phone sex, which she continued to do for money. Just tell them what they want to hear.

“I remember Laura calling up journalists and playing the publicist’s role,” the friend adds. “She would play games with them and Geoff would say, ‘Oh Laura, don’t go that far!’”

Friends from this period also noticed other differences in the two. Knoop was friendly and laid-back, into health food and being healthy. Albert had the hustle and energy of a New Yorker. She was friendly but also shy and insecure; she didn’t seem to have a lot of friends, preferring to spend most of her time at home. Some remember a nurturing earth-mother quality in her. She donated time as an activist, doing outreach on behalf of sex workers. “She’s a little dark and a little sad,” recalls another friend from this time. “Not depressed. Just that sadness that some people have. She was a little emotionally fractured.”

She came alive most when interacting with people over the phone. She didn’t just talk on the phone, she worked it. Her role-playing skills made her a natural in the sex world.

In the early ’90s, San Francisco was the G spot of the nation’s sex scene. When I was editing the Nose, I shared an office with a magazine called Future Sex, which received boxes of pornography and sex toys every day — strange gizmos and gadgets that attached to genitalia, with virtual-reality helmets and masturbatory mittens.

The founding editor of Future Sex, cyberpunk novelist John Shirley, lasted just one issue. The publishers replaced him with Lisa Palac, a young erotica writer who was a good Catholic girl from Chicago. And very photogenic. At least once a week I would enter what I thought was my office and be shushed by a camera crew from Italian television, interviewing Lisa about sex. Or the New York Times dutifully gathering sound bites on “teledildonics.” Or a photographer from Leg Show, setting up a tripod to shoot Lisa wearing pantyhose. What was really irritating was that none of these people were interested in the Nose or me. How can you compete with teledildonics?

Anyone and everyone in the sex and porn and publishing industries knew of Future Sex. It epitomized creative, offbeat, kinky, goofy, pro-sex San Francisco. The magazine paid freelancers well and everyone wanted to write for it. And that included Albert. Sometime in 1994, she and Knoop cozied up to Palac and her fiancé, Ron Gompertz, a record producer who ran a small label called Heyday Records. “They wanted to get a deal for Daddy Don’t Go with Heyday,” writes Gompertz in an e-mail from Montana, where he now lives. “And they were also very interested in eroticism. So Lisa and I thought they would be perfect for Cyborgasm.”

Palac and Gompertz had recently started a new audio venture called Cyborgasm, an erotic anthology of stories and music produced with a 3-D technology they called Virtual Audio. I’m not sure how it worked exactly, but apparently it was better with headphones. Given that the first Cyborgasm sold well, they considered doing a sequel. Palac and Gompertz were intrigued that Albert was doing phone sex and agreed to include her and Knoop in the new recording.

Albert’s friends say she saw the Cyborgasm project as an opportunity to promote Daddy Don’t Go and her storytelling skills. They recall that Albert and Knoop invited friends over to their apartment for recording sessions. Albert was writing porn lyrics, Knoop was doing music and sound effects, and guests would do the voices. Nobody really knew where it was going.

As it turned out, Albert and Knoop were the only ones who contributed two tracks to Cyborgasm 2. (It featured 10 other artists.) Daddy Don’t Go recorded a song called “Down” with the producer from Los Angeles mope rockers Mazzy Star. Knoop and Albert also contributed a spoken-word piece called “Vicious Panties.”

Recorded at San Francisco’s legendary Hyde Street studios (Grateful Dead, Creedence Clearwater Revival), “Vicious Panties” was a completely improvised scene done in one take. Basically, a closeted, cross-dressing guy gets caught by his girlfriend putting on her stockings, and she decides to turn him into a little-girl slut and humiliate him. With vicious panty-related consequences, of course. It was hot, the role-playing seemed very realistic, and the Cyborgasm staff loved how it turned out.

The Cyorgasm 2 recording was released through Time Warner in 1995. Daddy Don’t Go performed, along with other contributors at the launch party at Slim’s nightclub. The show was sold out. After that, everyone involved with the project hoped that Albert and Knoop’s song would hit it big, get some airplay and sell copies of Cyborgasm, and that everyone would become rich. But there was no radio interest. The band was still unknown and had no live-audience following. “We tried to hook up Daddy Don’t Go with Warner Bros.,” Gompertz says. “But it didn’t stick.”

Sadly, the general public tends not to go crazy over obscure musicians who are 30 years old. It was too late for them to be considered the next big thing. Aging is never easy for anyone to accept, especially rock musicians. Daddy Don’t Go was finished.

Cole Valley is a leafy Victorian district just up a hill from Haight Street. In early 1996, editor and business writer Eric Wilinski bumped into his Cole Valley neighbor Terrence Owens, a psychiatrist at St. Mary’s Medical Center, who ran a therapy clinic for adolescents.

“He came to me one day with a sheet of paper, a one-page typewritten essay,” remembers Wilinski. “He told me, ‘I’ve got this kid who’s really damaged. This is the first thing he wrote. I don’t trust my judgment.’ It was a piece about the terrible beauty of heroin balloons. It was an instant hit into an addict’s psyche.” The psychiatrist told Wilinski he had never met Jeremy, only spoken to him over the phone.

In interviews, Albert, posing as LeRoy, said an outreach worker named Emily Frasier first found Jeremy at age 13, fresh from a childhood of abuse and neglect, wandering around in San Francisco traffic in a haze. Albert said Frasier rescued him and brought him to Owens. (Owens did not return my messages.)

Wilinski was fascinated that a 15-year-old kid could have written something so mature. It was rough but showed some real talent. “I wrote a paragraph basically encouraging the kid to keep writing,” Wilinski says. “The next week or so I got a phone call from this soft voice, hemming and hawing. It was a kid, I thought. We ended up having a relationship that was almost exclusively over the phone. He called me a lot. He would call me at 11 p.m. and read me things. My editorial input was just to encourage him to keep writing. ‘Oh, that’s interesting,’ I would say. ‘Why don’t you tell me more about that?’”

The troubled teenager, however, pushed the conversations beyond books and movies and writing. Wilinski found himself, as so many other JT LeRoy friends would later discover, something of a confessor and life coach.

Says Wilinski: “It wasn’t just about writing. It was, ‘I think I’m going to kill myself. I’m going to start using again.’ Those sorts of things. He got me on the phone with [author] Dennis Cooper once. I don’t know what the hell he was doing. ‘Hey Dennis, Hey Eric. So, you’re friends with Jeremy. OK, gotta go.’ The thing for me is, I was handed this kid by somebody, an intelligent person who I trusted. I had no reason to doubt the legitimacy that Jeremy existed.”

The two continued their phone relationship for the next few years until LeRoy’s first published story, “Baby Doll,” appeared under the byline “Terminator” in a September 1997 anthology edited by Laurie Stone, “Close to the Bone: Memoirs of Hurt, Rage, and Desire.” Then the calls from Jeremy tapered off. “I just figured he’d moved onto other people,” says Wilinski. “It didn’t bum me out that he stopped calling as much.”

There were a few reasons Jeremy didn’t call. His literary career was taking off and he was working with agents and editors. His ghostwriter Albert was trying to carve out a new career as a porn writer and sexpert. And she was busy with a baby. There are only so many hours in a day.

By the mid-’90s, as the Internet bubble loomed over San Francisco, the city was swarming with khakis-and-blue-shirted dot-commers. One venture among the hundreds was the Web magazine, launched by technology publisher International Data Group in late 1996. The magazine lasted only a year and is remembered primarily for launching the annual Webby Awards.

Journalist Steve Fox was tapped to be editor of the Web. Early on, he received a query letter from a young freelance writer named Laura Victoria, the romance-novelist pseudonym that Albert was now using.

“I’ve been doing this since 1979, and it may have been the best cover letter I ever received,” Fox says. “It was so wonderfully written. She seemed to really get what we were trying to do with the magazine. So I gave her a call. She was very funny. She’s definitely got some style. So we started chatting and I gave her a couple of things to work on. Sex was obviously a big part of the magazine and she was definitely interested in working on the sex beat. We had a regular sex columnist, Lily Burana, so Laura ended up writing our reviews.”

Now editor in chief for InfoWorld Media Group, Fox recalls meeting Albert only once, when she had green-streaked hair. He always dealt with her over the phone. Albert continued to do phone sex on the side and contribute to Rolling Stone’s Web site, but the gig with the Web seemed to be her primary source of income. Fox remembers that she was extremely good at cranking out short reviews of sex sites and products.

“Her stuff was on time and high quality,” Fox says. “She had an ability to inhabit the intended audience of the sites she was reviewing. It would be impossible to tell what her sexuality was from reading her reviews.” She could also be cheeky. In a review of a site called Russian Rendezvous, she wrote: “Tired of American women? Be the first on your block to have a Russian mail-order bride  We suggest you tell ‘em how easily toilet paper can be procured here, and love will soon follow.”

Her reputation began to grow. The Los Angeles Times interviewed her in 1997 about the downside of the Internet’s growing porn industry. Owners treated video phone sex performers like “stripper cattle,” Albert said, forcing them to work eight-hour shifts with little or no employee benefits.

The Web magazine folded in early 1998, leaving Albert to strike out on her own as a freelance sexpert. She continued to write a column for Rollingstone.com called “Frank Talk With Laura Victoria.” She hustled writing gigs for various publications, from Adult Video News to Playboy.com to Bayinsider, a portal affiliated with a regional TV station. She also contributed live audio sex stories for adult Web sites.

Simultaneously, another voice inside her was growing — the voice of a young boy, fragile and scattered, a survivor of an unimaginably tough childhood. She was becoming more comfortable with the voice. Phone calls were easier to make as him. It was getting easier to ask other writers for advice while posing as Terminator. His writing began to echo her own life on the streets, with tales of shoplifting, meth labs and molestation. She now had an outlet for the things she had seen and known. Writing as Terminator had an organic momentum and it was building.

In 1997, John Strausbaugh, then the editor of New York Press, received a phone call from author Bruce Benderson, who told Strausbaugh to check out some writing by a kid in San Francisco named Terminator, whose stories were attracting a stable of high-profile supporters like writer Mary Gaitskill and agent Ira Silverberg. Benderson passed along a few of Terminator’s pieces, and Strausbaugh began a phone and e-mail relationship with the kid.

“Very charming, funny, sweet — everybody at the paper who dealt with him on the phone — receptionist, copy editor — really liked him,” Strausbaugh recalls. “We ran a couple of the stories and Terminator wanted to start doing phone interviews with writers and rockers, and I said sure, go for it. It totally fit our Carnival of Souls masthead. We had such an odd roster of writers — this one was a Satanist, that one a dominatrix. We had Claus von Bulow writing theater reviews from London. So what was one more wacky persona? Just as long as the writing was good, and I thought his was.”

The first few Terminator columns varied widely, from a version of the short story “Coal,” about a junkie mother and her son on the run, which later appeared in “The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things,” to a rambling description of a Cheap Trick concert at a dot-com party. “OK, so our latest was a private party,” wrote Terminator. “Astor’s old trick hooks us up  It’s the folks who do Real Audio for the Internet, their private computer party. We’ve done some porn for the Internet using Real Audio so we feel part of the family.”

Throughout 1998 and 1999, Albert maintained an exhausting schedule. She continued as a phone sex operator. She hustled for gigs as a sexpert. But now emerging fiction writer JT (short for Jeremy Terminator) LeRoy was consuming most of her time. He was busy writing for New York Press, Spin and Nerve, calling up people and reading his writing to them over the phone, and trying to fulfill a contract to finish a novel about his life among prostitutes who picked up johns at truck stops. (Knoop later told the Times he helped with some of the administration and paperwork for LeRoy. But the writing and the phone calls were all Laura.)

In October 1999, Albert suddenly popped back into my life via an e-mail. I had received a few e-mails from her list now and then, mostly Internet jokes and links to weird videos. This time she introduced herself as Laura Albert, reminding me that we had known each other. She wanted me to write an article about a mass orgy to be held in a month, somewhere in Mexico. Apparently a woman named Cleopatra would have intercourse with 1,000 guys, all of it broadcast live on the Internet. Laura included a press release about the Cleo 1000 event and, as credibility for herself, also a link to a recent story she had done for Playboy about adult publicly traded stocks.

“Wanted to ask you if you might be interested in covering the below in any way,” she wrote. “Pays great! If you are, please gimme a ring.”

A few years earlier, I had published a book about the sexual revolution in the ’60s and ’70s and I wasn’t exactly anxious to plunge back into the speed-crazed world of contemporary sex and porn. I had spent three years there and it was mentally fatiguing and soulless. I couldn’t imagine spending time in Mexico with these people. Of course, if it was $2 a word, I would immediately reevaluate the offer more closely. So I e-mailed her back and asked her what publication this would be for.

Albert quickly replied back: “I am up most nights till 3 or 4 a.m. If we’re sleeping, we turn off the phone so you don’t gotta worry about waking us up. Look forward to chatting with ya.” She never mentioned a publication. I thought about this: Was she working for the orgy people? The date of the big event was rescheduled to the following February. I never heard from her again about the Cleo 1000.

Still curious, I followed a link in her e-mail to her personal Web site. This was her online résumé, the billboard of who she said she was, and what type of services she advertised. There were some professionally shot black-and-white portraits of her wearing jewelry and vintage-type clothing, looking mysterious and coy. An eyebrow and lip were pierced. She was sucking her thumb in one shot. Her eyes looked intense, troubled, a bit sad.

I couldn’t help noting that she showed absolutely no cleavage or partial nudity. This was unheard of in the sexpert game. No matter the age or level of attractiveness, every sexpert always sauced up her image with an overtly sexual photo, smiling, laughing, perhaps bleached-out hair, tight clothing, tattoos, a corset or a whip or, at the very least, boobs pushed out for maximum appeal. What Albert’s images seemed to say were, “Here I am, keep your distance and I’ll keep mine.”

A short biography listed some writing credits and links to her reviews of porn Web sites. At the bottom of the page sat a gleaming, trophy-shaped icon called the Laura Victoria Gold Award. She bestowed this award upon the best of the best adult Web sites, although it was entirely a vanity project, and as far as I could tell, no site ever received a Laura Victoria Gold Award, or at least publicized that it had. Most of San Francisco’s sexpert stars — Susie Bright, Lisa Palac, Lily Burana, Carol Queen — had leveraged their media exposure into book and movie deals, lectures and TV appearances. Albert’s Web site spoke of a sex-writing career going nowhere.

“Being a sex writer is a slippery slope,” says sex author and journalist Susannah Breslin. “To a certain degree, sex writers aren’t taken seriously, no matter how seriously they take themselves. Any sex writer knows that.” Breslin says the unspoken appeal of sex writing is seducing readers. “All writers, in a way, are whores — for attention, for fame, for money, for art, for love. Sex writers take this phenomenon to the extreme. One way to seduce readers is to create a persona — an individual who is sexier and more titillating than the writer herself.”

For the past five years, Albert had been doing exactly that — creating a persona that would be irresistible to listeners. With her sexpert and singing careers having crashed to the ground, she concentrated on being JT LeRoy. She showed friends a copy of the unpublished manuscript of the novel “Sarah,” and said it was written by a boy she knew from doing sex outreach. But with certain friends, she bragged that she wrote it.

When the literary publishing house Bloomsbury released “Sarah” by JT LeRoy in April 2000, it detonated in the publishing world like a secret bomb. The lurid tale, told in teenage slang, had the whiff of autobiography. An androgynous 12-year-old narrator, nicknamed Cherry Vanilla, competes with his mother, Sarah, for tricks at truck stops in the South.

An elaborate back story quickly unfolded in reviews and articles. This was the life the author had lived as a young boy. He eventually ended up wandering the streets of San Francisco, and was rescued by a doctor and sympathetic writers and editors, who encouraged him to put down his hellish life on the page. Although Albert didn’t initially publicize LeRoy as being HIV-positive, at some point in the media swirl, the young prostitute was mentioned as having the virus, and Albert never discouraged the rumor, which continued to disseminate through articles and blogs.

As she had done with her rock band, Albert donned the mask of a publicist to promote herself. “Dear friends,” she wrote in an e-mail spam, “I am writing to plug a book, one that I’m fairly certain will be unlike any other you have ever read. It just debuted on the LA Times Best Seller List at #10! It’s by a new writer, JT LeRoy and the book is titled, ‘Sarah.’ The reviews and the word of mouth is phenomenal.” As were, apparently, the helpful e-mails from friends.

“For a first novelist, JT LeRoy is astonishingly confident,” wrote Catherine Texier in the New York Times Book Review. “His language turns the tawdriness of hustling into a world of lyrical and grotesque beauty, without losing any of its authenticity.” Piped in Suzanne Vega for a cover blurb: “JT LeRoy has a gift, to be able to articulate his world so clearly and astringently, with grace and humor, but without glossing over the pain and brutality of it.”

A San Francisco friend recalls Albert’s joy and excitement at being published. She was no longer a sex hack, churning out reviews. She had given birth to her very own literary baby, complete with a chilling back story and telephone persona. Like mother and son, Albert and JT were connected at the DNA. His experiences were based on hers. He had lived through hard times, just as she had. Together, they fooled the entire publishing community. It was a thing of beauty.

One afternoon in 2001 my phone rang and on the other line was a hesitant, tiny voice with a Southern drawl. I was unlisted, but JT/Albert had found my number somehow. We talked for three hours, and as others can attest, the experience of talking to a young boy who had worked as a truck stop hooker was eerie, fascinating and addictive. He recounted his crazy life and adventures, mentioning that everything he wrote was autobiographical, and furiously dropped names of celebrities. He said he had just gone to San Francisco’s swanky Charles Nob Hill restaurant with Gus Van Sant, where they got drunk and threw food around. Albert gave great phone.

Not long after, JT e-mailed me, asking if he could interview me for his column in New York Press. I had just published an unorthodox guide to oddball San Francisco called “San Francisco Bizarro,” which JT said he loved. He was very chirpy and flirty and becoming a big shot. The book could use some exposure. So of course I agreed.

JT sent over a list of questions, and I answered them, blathering on, sharing my adult wisdom with a genuinely curious kid. I could feel my ego swell. I was now one of the groovy insiders in JT’s universe. He had interviewed Suzanne Vega, Nina Hagen, Mick Rock, Mary Karr, Jerry Stahl, Joe Strummer, Gus Van Sant, Dorothy Allison, Penelope Spheeris, Rancid, Silverchair and me. I feel a little sick thinking about it today, but back then it was pretty cool.

After the release of “Sarah,” Laura Albert the sex writer disappeared. Her Web site shut down, she stopped doing porn reviews. Playing JT became a full-time gig. She now had to do JT interviews for newspapers and magazines, and National Public Radio with Terry Gross. Celebrities started calling and she developed a major-player list of JT phone friends.

She and Knoop formed another band, Thistle, and solicited producers like Jerry Harrison of the Talking Heads. Bay Area drummer Prairie Prince (notably of the Tubes) even filled in on a recording session. Thistle quickly eclipsed Daddy Don’t Go in popularity. The gigs were now at high-profile clubs in San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Rome. Not because the music was much better than Daddy Don’t Go. But this time, the lyrics were written by JT LeRoy, literary wunderkind.

After a few gigs, Albert stopped performing with Thistle and was replaced with Jennifer Hall, a young actress who came via a referral from Drew Barrymore. But Albert was still involved behind the scenes. “She was at the shows,” remembers former Thistle drummer Stephen Heath. “She was totally supportive; she was always up front, rocking out, getting the crowd moving.”

When JT’s second book was published in June 2001, “The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things,” Albert sent out an e-mail as JT, inviting people to a night of readings at Manhattan’s FEZ club. “Why are they reading?” she asked. “Because they all love JT!” The list of celeb readers was impressive. It included actor Matthew Modine; writers Sharon Olds, Mary Karr and Arthur Bradford; and musicians Rufus Wainright and Theo Kogan from the Lunachicks.

As JT’s star kept rising, Albert worked the phones and e-mail far more than necessary to sustain the ruse. She was obviously caught up in the excitement. Part of it was so punk rock, messing with people’s heads. And it was also a chance to demonstrate that her own writing, her own version of an emotionally damaged character, was as valid as anyone else’s. To let the whole opportunity slip away would be a big mistake.

Only Albert really knows why JT began acting out more in interviews and e-mails. This behavior was believable in the sense that success and celebrity power often do go to someone’s head. And certainly writers are no exception. The combination of working for so many hours in solitary confinement, added to the adulation and money and endless invitations to parties and events and sex, can turn anyone into an asshole.

But there was a neediness to JT’s tone that made you want to push him away. You imagined him stamping his feet like a spoiled child. His celebrity name-dropping became really annoying. In July 2001, after being featured in Vanity Fair, he told one reporter, “I was interviewed by the amazing Tom Waits and photographed by the righteous Mary Ellen Mark. It was amazing, too, because I have always loved the documentary film ‘Streetwise,’ which was filmed and directed by Mary Ellen Mark’s husband, Martin Bell, based on the work she did for Life magazine.”

His suicidal phone calls were the most disturbing. Susie Bright, who received her share of calls from Albert as JT, recalls, “This really breathy, tearful, high-pitched voice would say, ‘I just don’t believe in myself.’ Being desperate, being like, ‘I hate myself.’ It wasn’t comical. You felt like you really had to get into therapist mode and give him reason to hope.”

Along with acting suicidal, JT acted moody or stoned out of his gourd. Albert’s friends are baffled why her fictional character, who worked so hard to endear himself to others, would let himself act in such a way, often to those who helped him. Was Albert adding texture to the character? Was it supposed to seem more real? Did she feel these thoughts herself?

Jacob Brown worked on the JT LeRoy Web site for two years without remuneration. He had joined the JT e-mail list and was recruited to work on the site while still in college at Cornell University. Albert clearly saw him as an easy mark. He posted clips of JT’s books, reviews and diary entries, and talked with JT at least once a week. Albert also asked him to do the Web site and logo for Thistle. He says he never suspected Albert was LeRoy.

Brown, who now works at Paper magazine, admits, “I was definitely doing a lot of fucking drudgery.” When Albert was writing the JT story, “Harold’s End,” later published as a novella, she called Brown and read it to him over the phone. “It’s really weird,” he says. “Long before it came out, I was like, great, whatever. Same as the other stuff. At that point, I was getting tired of it.”

The moment that really creeped out Brown was when gay novelist Henry Flesh passed away from non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. JT was close to him, and when he died, Brown called up JT and told him the news. “I sat there on the phone while he cried,” he says. “He was really emotional about it.” The memory of this is still vivid. Brown makes a noise of disgust. That was the last time he spoke with JT.

As JT’s career kept rising, rumors started to fly about his real identity. San Francisco writer Stephen Beachy began researching the facts of LeRoy’s life, discovering that much of it didn’t check out. His ensuing article was originally intended for the San Francisco Bay Guardian, an alternative weekly, but according to Ron Turner of Last Gasp, which published “Harold’s End,” the story was delayed because Bay Guardian editors and Last Gasp staff attempted to arrange a meeting with Beachy and LeRoy to sort out the facts and details. Turner says he always suspected something was up because “the first time I hugged JT, I felt a bra strap.”

As the Bay Guardian and Last Gasp dallied, Beachy took his story to the more prestigious New York magazine, where it did a lot of damage in a hurry. After the New York Times exposed Knoop’s half-sister Savannah as the actress who played JT in public, it became apparent that the photos of JT at readings and clubs were phony. They look just like what they are: a young woman in a bad wig. But at the time, Savannah was good enough for Carrie Fisher and Shirley Manson.

Now that Albert has been exposed, it’s likely that in a few years, nobody will care about JT LeRoy, as we all move on to discussing other things. His books will sell out their print runs, maybe even be reprinted for novelty appeal. His fictional life is already immortalized in Asia Argento’s film. Knoop’s potential film version of the hoax, or one produced by the Weinstein brothers, are likely to be pop culture’s final fling with JT LeRoy.

Albert’s future is less solid. She is guaranteed a footnote in history as the author of a literary hoax. She can take her place alongside the 25 staff members of New York Newsday, who in 1969 penned “Naked Came the Stranger,” an erotic memoir by “Penelope Ashe.” In fact, her JT books are more like, and were probably inspired by, the 1993 memoir, “A Rock and a Hard Place,” by Anthony Godby Johnson, a supposed 14-year-old HIV-positive survivor who turned out to be a creation of Vicki Fraginals, who masqueraded as his foster mother. The story was later fictionalized in “The Night Listener” by Armistead Maupin.

Today, Albert sits in her San Francisco apartment surrounded by ghosts, the papers and books and galleys and manuscripts, remnants of a career that punk’d us all. Producing these books was a collaborative effort involving many authors and editors. Does she have a writing future under her own name? Will anyone care if she puts out a book besides the tell-all story about the hoax?

“I see JT as an elaborate nom de plume,” says former New York Press editor Strausbaugh. “Sort of a 21st century George Sand. Here’s this middle-aged woman who’s not getting anywhere as a writer. She reinvents herself as a girly boy and becomes a huge success. On whom does that reflect more poorly, her or all the rest of us?”

Many of her friends, like Blush, are proud of what she did. “It’s very hard to pull off a prank these days,” he says. Wilinski, who witnessed the hoax from the beginning, sees some positive aspect to all of it. “The runaway kids that I ran into on Haight Street were humanized for me because of the JT books,” he says. “My friends felt the same way.”

A few months ago, an old friend of Albert’s got back in touch with her after several years. Rumors and news stories were circulating that JT was a hoax. Albert told the friend it wasn’t true. Regardless, the friend continued, JT LeRoy was in a way pure genius. Albert replied, “You know, I just like to get good work out there.”

Bill Hicks, the black-humored articulator of doubt

One of America's best and darkest comedians is eight years gone, but with a new biography and a new CD, his career shows no signs of stopping.

It’s October 1991, inside the brass-and-ferns Punch Line comedy club in San Francisco. The sound system is blasting Stevie Ray Vaughan at top volume. I’m here because a friend has pestered me for weeks about a comedian named Bill Hicks, whom I’ve never heard of. He’s performed in the city several previous nights, and I’ve finally made it down to see a show. I’m busy editing a satirical magazine called the Nose, and writing a similar column for SF Weekly. There’s funny all around me. I have plenty of friends who are cartoonists, writers, comedians. And the country is already full to bursting with comedy clubs and lame comics. So who the hell is Hicks?

He walks onstage wearing all black, thanks the crowd, and says it’s really great to be here, wherever he is. Pulling out a cigarette, he asks a guy in the front row how much he smokes. A pack and a half a day, the man answers. Hicks snorts. “You little puss — I go through two lighters a day.” He lights his cigarette, the flame adjusted to a ridiculous height, flaring like a blowtorch, and delivers a message for all the uptight, whining, prissy little nonsmokers: “Nonsmokers die … every day.” He pauses and exhales up to the ceiling. “Sleep tight.”

Bill Hicks died of cancer in 1994. But here in 2002, his career is doing quite well. A greatest hits CD, “Philosophy.” A brand-new Harper Collins biography, “American Scream.” Bill Hicks tributes at comedy festivals in Aspen and Montreal, another tribute in London, Hollywood screenplays in the works, all of it eight years after his death. The timing is weird, but not surprising. The specter of Andy Kaufman waited 15 years for his film treatment, and 17 years for the biographies. America often overlooks its own best resources, especially in the marginalized subculture of stand-up comedy.

Back at that club in 1991, as I watched the show, I had no idea that my life was going to become intertwined with Bill Hicks, however briefly, until his death. I was preoccupied with listening to the guy, because he was astonishing — polished, uncompromising comic sermons about hot-button subjects like Christians, JFK conspiracies, drugs, abortion. I’d never seen a comic so committed to communicating with an audience, and yet he could really care less if the crowd liked him. One bit about overpopulation ended with him squatting down to stare at the front row, and miming the act of a trailer-trash mother squeezing out unnecessary babies: “There’s Trucker, Junior. There’s your brother, Pizza Delivery Boy, Junior. There’s your other brother, Will Work For Food, Junior,” each birth punctuated with a loud “thunk.” This was rude humor taken to a new level. The antithesis of TV-friendly material. No wonder I’d never heard of him.

He was an acquired taste, and the San Francisco audience got it immediately. The city has always been a town hip to comedy, from Tom Lehrer to Lenny Bruce and Robin Williams. When tourists did walk out, he’d wave goodbye and thank them for coming.

This wasn’t standup comedy. It was something else: a tent revival meeting for a congregation of paranoid chain smokers? The word scalding came to mind. You felt it in your chest. I kept hearing an image, the sound of bacon frying, and thought, I need to know this guy. I introduced myself to him after the show, and he gave me his number.

I returned to the magazine offices and described to the staff what I’d seen. A black-humored, satanic Texan, holding forth on the world, articulating the doubts of every American who was paying attention. I’m pretty sure it was the first time any of us had heard Dick Clark referred to as “the anti-Christ.” In some ways Hicks was expressing in a live context what we were attempting to do in the world of magazines. Except, of course, he was actually making money.

In that pre-Internet time, the Lollapalooza generation developed a perverse fascination with the dark side, from autopsy photos to vintage porn, medical oddities, tattoos, piercings and government conspiracies. America’s pop culture was swirling with hellish apocalyptic information. Our magazine eagerly squeezed humor from this new shock chic. We didn’t really pay attention to comedy. To us, the world was already funny and disturbing enough. But Hicks seemed to fit into this groove. We had to interview him.

I contacted his management, and starting reading his press kit: suburbs of Houston, doing comedy since age 14, part of the hard-partying Texas Outlaw comedy collective along with Sam Kinison and Ron Shock. He’d recently gotten sober, had headlined six shows at the Just for Laughs comedy festival in Montreal. He’d done Letterman, released a CD, “Dangerous,” and was about to put out another. It seemed like he’d had at least two careers already, and he wasn’t yet 30.

What impressed me most was that he was an autodidact redneck with a high school education, who turned around and used his background to his advantage. (In one of his bits a dimwitted waffle house waitress came up to his table, saw him reading a book, and asked, “What are you reading for?” Not “what are you reading?” as Hicks put it, but “what are you reading for?” His reply was brutally funny: “Well, I read for a lot of reasons, but one of them is so I don’t end up a fucking waffle waitress.”)

A few weeks later Hicks, who’d agreed to an interview, called my apartment from a hotel in Houston. As we talked about comedy and sacred cows, he tossed in things he’d read by Ray Bradbury and Kurt Vonnegut. I asked him if he ever saw himself on a network television show. He paused, and then brought up a quote from Paul Westerberg of the Replacements. The idea was essentially if you hate elevator music, by all means write elevator music.

“Like, go in there and change it,” he said. “I thought that was very interesting. But I think there’s so many people that hate elevator music, they’re not all gonna be able to fit on the elevator. I don’t know. It depends on the show. I’m totally confused about what I’m going to do with my life. That’s why I’m going to an astrologer later today.” He laughed.

When asked for a favorite review, he dug up a letter to a club owner from an irate woman who had attended a recent show, hoping to see some “real and refreshing humor,” like Milton Berle or Sid Caesar. Instead, she listened to Hicks do bits about serial killer Henry Lee Lucas. He read the entire letter to me over the phone, shrieking with laughter at the woman’s anger — he had a great evil cackle — and how she thought his act had no scruples or dignity. He loved such feedback; it didn’t seem to bother him at all.

“You know, I don’t think mass murder is funny at all,” he said. “Probably the opposite. But I just have this weird theory. The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light. I thought the whole point of it was to make you feel un-alone. Many thoughts I do have are not my own thoughts. You know what I mean? They’re not secret thoughts.”

Another of his bits, he told me, was about the movie “Silence of the Lambs.” The previous night, he had asked the audience if they found the film funny, a man cutting up women and wearing their skin as coats. Because he happened to think it was hysterical. The crowd oohed. Hicks described the movie’s advertising, which boasted that the film was so scary, viewers will hold their seats until their knuckles are white.

“That’s the way I feel after I see Chevy Chase movies,” said Hicks. “I pace the floor, I can’t sleep, I’m frightened. Are they makin’ another ‘Fletch’? How does this guy do it — is it a pact with the devil? Every one of his movies sucks. And then I go, ‘Maybe they should, you know, skin Chevy Chase and put his skin on a funny person.’”

We published the interview in early 1992, and ran cover type which announced: “Bill Hicks: Texas Outlaw Comic Says ‘Skin Chevy Chase!’” Hicks returned to San Francisco, and after the show I handed him the issue, pointed to the cover type, and he busted up laughing.

Many comics will put together a solid set of jokes, and then trot out the same bits over and over again, changing words here and there. But Hicks constantly wrote more material. The quality progressed as well. No more images of kiddie-pop stars Tiffany and Debbie Gibson spanking each other’s bottoms (“Now there’s a video I’ll watch”). His attention was shifting to the rest of the world — the Rodney King beating, President Bush and the Gulf War, America’s bully foreign policy and insights gleaned from his tours of Australia and the U.K. He asked for everyone in the audience who worked in marketing or advertising to kill themselves: “Suck a tailpipe. Hang yourself. Borrow a pistol from an NRA buddy. Rid the world of your evil fucking presence. OK, back to the show. You know what bugs me though, is that everyone here who’s in marketing is thinking the same thing, ‘Oh cool, Bill’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a huge market.’”

After the shows we’d chat a bit, but each visit he was attracting more and more people, crowding around him, that unmistakable momentum of someone on the rise. I called up my friend John Magnuson.

Magnuson was in his 60s, a film and advertising producer, and had worked with Lenny Bruce. Their 1965 collaboration, “The Lenny Bruce Performance Film,” was shot in one take in a San Francisco nightclub, an unedited record of Bruce’s act made expressly as a document, to be submitted as evidence in Bruce’s ongoing obscenity trials. Magnuson had told me stories about the two of them planning the project, walking the North Beach streets until the sun rose, talking like maniacs. The final film ended up a legendary piece of history, serving as a record of Bruce’s last-ever club gig and playing a pivotal role in clearing his name after his death.

Magnuson was always interested in the current state of comedy and satire. Hicks sounded right up his alley. If anyone could appreciate a scathing comedian who challenged the status quo, it had to be Magnuson. I suggested he check out a Hicks show, but he was skeptical. I guess I wasn’t the first to recommend a new comedian to him over the years.

In the summer of 1993, Magnuson caught Hicks’ show at Cobb’s Comedy Club in San Francisco, and had a peculiar feeling. Afterwards he walked up and introduced himself, as he had done with Lenny Bruce 30 years earlier. Magnuson told him he’d never seen anybody that had reminded him so much of Bruce. Hicks was surprised, and very flattered. The two met up the next day, and drove around the city, shooting scenes for a ninja film spoof that Hicks had been working on.

Later that week, Cobb’s was packed. After Austin and Chicago, San Francisco was Hicks’ biggest market. Local radio appearances, and a positive review from the Chronicle newspaper were drawing in the curious. But there was something else in the room, a conscious efficiency, as if there wasn’t time to waste. Microphones had been mounted in the ceiling of the club, recording the shows as audio sketches for a new album, “Rant in E Minor” (the final taping was eventually done in Austin).

The “Rant” album opens up with Hicks saying hello to the crowd, and immediately going off on the stunted intellectual behavior of Americans, about how the nation operates on an eighth grade mentality. A woman in the crowd shook her head no, and Hicks took the opportunity:

“Please don’t debate me, it’s my one true talent. I have 23 hours to develop this web of conspiracy theory, so please, just relax and enjoy your hair … Your little cracker spawn are back at the hotel choking down the mini bar contents, probably fucking each other and producing more little crackers to come fuck with my life, you inbred redneck hillbilly fucking tourist, you. Good evening, how are you tonight? Welcome, welcome to ‘No Sympathy Night.’ Welcome to ‘You’re Wrong Night.’”

This new material was his darkest yet. He was furious over how the government handled the David Koresh/Branch Davidian episode, and kept repeating that Janet Reno and Bill Clinton were liars and murderers. “I fucking hate patriotism,” he spat. “It’s a round world last time I checked.”

Hypocritical right-wing Christians were always prominent targets, but now the tone was even more poetically cruel. He envisioned the day when Sen. Jesse Helms finally snapped and committed suicide. Afterwards, authorities would find the skins of young children hanging in his attic, and we’d see his wife on CNN, saying, “I always wondered about Jesse’s collection of little shoes.”

This phase was some of his best writing, crafted for the hair-raising joy of live performance. His impersonation of a sell-out Jay Leno was devastating. But it bugged me that he kept insulting the audience. If we didn’t react properly to something he said, he’d call us a bunch of sleepy cows, following each other blindly, and do a quick impression of a lazy cow chewing its cud. I remember sitting in the audience and thinking, Who are you calling a cow? I came here to see you because I’m not a cow.

When the show ended, I asked the manager if I could speak to Bill. He burst out of the backstage room and came over to where I was sitting, very focused, intense but friendly. We talked about his change in management, and his newest album-in-progress, “Arizona Bay.” He thanked me for introducing him to Magnuson, and said he was looking forward to working with him. Over his shoulder I spied the tape recorder.

Hicks had always been obsessed with recording his work. Leaving a legacy was very important to him. But there was another reason for taping all the shows. A month earlier, doctors had diagnosed him with pancreatic cancer. It had already spread to his liver. In most cases, it was quick and fatal. At this point he hadn’t told even close friends. That was the last time I saw him.

In the coming weeks, Magnuson talked to Hicks frequently, and kept me updated. Publishers offered book deals. The Nation invited him to contribute. He envisioned a live performance film of his “Rant in E Minor” material, shot in San Francisco, filmed in black and white. Hicks called Magnuson and asked him to do the film. Magnuson was amazed. First he got to work with Lenny Bruce, and now Hicks. As the two discussed the project, Hicks didn’t seem at all to Magnuson like the kind of guy who had been told he was going to die.

In October, Hicks was scheduled to be a guest on Letterman, his 12th appearance. I was feeling out of the loop, juggling a magazine and a column, and made it a point to stay home to watch. This was Letterman’s new CBS persona, tassle-loafered and double-breasted, no more sweaters and Adidas sneakers. He introduced Hicks at the top of the show, guests came on, I saw another comedian I’d never heard of, and then the program ended. I thought, was I drunk? What happened? Hicks’ entire segment had been cut at the last minute.

The censorship made national news, and ended up the centerpiece of a New Yorker profile by John Lahr. In the article, Lahr referred to a letter Hicks had written to him, a 40-page explanation of the Letterman circumstances and a script of the jokes in question. Hicks also sent a copy to Magnuson, who passed a version to me. It’s an impressive and heartfelt document, a first draft written longhand. The Letterman staff, especially producer Robert Morton, come off as complete hypocrites, first approving Hicks’ material, then deciding at the last minute to scrap the entire segment, and blaming it on the network. Hicks admitted to Lahr that because of the Letterman incident, his awareness of the industry had changed: “I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself — to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true,” he wrote. “It has been a long road, let me tell you, but after sixteen years of constant performing up until this little incident on October 1, 1993, the cold realization finally struck me. A sobering answer to the wish of that young boy I once was back in Houston, Texas, all excited with the idea that ‘if they like these guys, then they’re going to love me.’ The realization was — they don’t want me, nor my kind. Just look at 90 percent of television programming. Banal, puerile, trite scat. And this is what they want, for they hold the masses — the herd — in such contempt.”

With the ensuing media coverage, people were finally talking about Hicks. Because I’d written about him, I answered my share of “so what’s he like?” questions. One day Magnuson invited me over to his apartment, and we watched the “Revelations” TV special Hicks had shot in London the year before, taped at the 2,000-seat Dominion Theatre. Hicks was introduced with loud Jimi Hendrix music, and walked onstage through a circle of flames, wearing a black, floor-length duster coat and cowboy hat. I thought the opening was cheesy, the cliché Wild West theme, with coyotes howling in the background, but Hicks immediately took off the hat and coat, and did his material. The Brits ate it up, the naughty American making jokes about the “United States of Advertising.” Bits that had gotten a cool reception in a U.S. comedy club were understood in the nation that invented wit. Maybe this was Hicks’ destiny, the direction he was heading — a rock and roll theater act, with a smart audience instead of drunk tourists at a club.

Toward the end of the year, Hicks’ management sent me another package of materials. A press release described projects in the works. Besides the book and magazine offers, he was nominated for an American Comedy Award. HBO was planning to air the “Revelations” show. Channel 4 in the U.K. had signed him to do a new program. The package also included a home videotape of Hicks performing at Igby’s, a Los Angeles club, in November 1993.

This would be one of his last-ever performances, and it was a memorable one — onstage for over an hour, a cavalcade of what he called the “comedy of hate.” The audience was with him all the way, cheering even through a perverse scenario of Rush Limbaugh lying in a bathtub, with Reagan and Bush peeing on him, and Barbara Bush defecating into his mouth. At the end of the show, Hicks played Rage Against the Machine, singing along with the chorus, “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!”

I’ve screened this video to friends over the years, and the reaction is chilling. Comedians in particular stare at the screen like they’ve seen a ghost. It isn’t the Bill Hicks they remembered, performed with, opened up for, introduced to the stage. No trademark black shirt and jeans. He was frighteningly skinny, wore a patchy beard, tweed sport coat and saggy khakis. Three months away from dying, and he was going for it, still in the saddle, riding the horse all the way down. The performance was sharp as a tack.

Magnuson and Hicks had agreed to shoot their film Jan. 23 during a performance at San Francisco’s Punch Line. The date crept closer. Magnuson still hadn’t heard from Hicks. The upcoming week of shows was suddenly canceled due to Hicks’ stomach flu. Hicks called up Magnuson and told him they’d have to wait. I was faxed a press release alerting everyone that Hicks was “seriously ill.”

January morphed into February. Hicks put all commitments on hold and moved back home to stay with his parents in Little Rock, Ark. Magnuson befriended Hicks’ parents, and passed me their address. In a daze, I wrote Hick a final letter while sitting on a train, one of those dopey letters you write to someone who has inspired you. I thanked him for furthering the cause of enlightened rednecks everywhere, and slipped a photo of JFK’s head autopsy into the envelope. He died a few days later, on Feb. 26. His manager Colleen McGarr and I ended up on the phone, and she started sobbing. A great one was taken from us much too early. A memorial service in Little Rock attracted comedians from around the country.

Bill Hicks passed away with a TV deal in the works, a finished film script and two albums waiting to be released. It would take his estate another three years to put out the material that was already recorded and compiled. Magnuson told me he made Mary Hicks, Bill’s mother, promise not to edit any of the original recordings. And so in 1997, when Ryko released its 4-CD set, “Dangerous, Relentless, Arizona Bay, and Rant in E Minor,” he noted that Mrs. Hicks had kept her word.

Joining these original CDs as part of the Hicks legacy is a greatest-hits compilation, “Philosophy,” released late last year, and the new biography, “American Scream,” by Cynthia True. For someone who never saw or met Hicks, True has done a thorough job of examining his life and career. She wisely stays out of the way, and lets the chronology unfold through quotes and dates, without analysis. Hicks fans will appreciate the attention to personal details, and since another biography doesn’t seem imminent, this book is, for the moment, the sole full-length version.

What strikes me about her book is the differences in how it was marketed to the U.S. and the U.K. Hicks was perceived quite differently by the two nations — in the U.K. he was stopped on the streets for his autograph, and yet in his home country he was censored off television. The American cover is a photo of Hicks sitting in a chair, in front of an American flag. On the U.K. cover, Hicks is lighting his cigarette from a burning American flag. The U.S. back cover runs a quote from Dennis Miller. The U.K. back cover prints an excerpt of the pro-life/Christians routine that was cut from Letterman’s show. The U.S. version features a forward by Janeane Garofalo, a recognized Hollywood name, but it doesn’t really introduce readers to the text. The U.K. edition carries a forward by Irish comedian/writer Sean Hughes, who describes the first time he saw Hicks take the stage at an Australian comedy festival. Hicks himself would have pointed out the differences, that the U.K. readers understand the wit and irony, and good old literal America, his home and birthplace, still needs to have everything explained very simply. And safely.

The United States thrives on “protecting” its citizens, and despite the Land of the Free hokum, if you dare to speak your mind and have more than 10 people ever hear it, you’ll encounter offers of compromise. You’ll hear unqualified taste-makers in every industry say the same things: Where can we fit you into what we’re doing? No, no, no, we don’t care what you think or how you feel. Can you do what this other guy did, only slightly different? How about a combination of x and y? Can you tone this down, beef this up? Can you be edgy? (A magazine editor once told me to make an article sound “undergroundy.”)

And if we pretend to embrace our job so we’ll always have a job, it’s fairly easy to pretend to embrace the rest of the nation, right? Even if it’s ironic. Once you place yourself in that proper frame of mind, it’s a snap to live in America and get excited, even if it’s cheap irony, over the daily distractions of unnecessary celebrities, unnecessary TV shows, unnecessary “news you can use,” unnecessary electronic gizmos, unnecessarily large vehicles and the rest of the shit culture we gleefully produce, consume and export around the world. You tell me where Hicks would fit into this picture. I’d like to go there. I’d like to live there.

Among Hicks’ favorite targets was the empty-headed celebrity, whether it was George Michael, Debbie Gibson, Michael Bolton or country singer Billy Ray Cyrus. One of the bits censored by Letterman was a new television show Hicks would host, called “Let’s Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus”:

“I think it’s fairly self-explanatory,” Hicks said. “Each week we let the Hounds of Hell loose and chase that jarhead, no-talent, cracker idiot all over the globe ’till I finally catch that fruity little ponytail of his, pull him to his Chippendale’s knees, put a shotgun in his mouth — POW!”

To help them run the estate, Bill Hicks’ mother and father have hired an attorney from Nashville, who counts among his clients … Billy Ray Cyrus.

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“We are good”

A post-Sept. 11 rant by the author of "San Francisco Bizarro" and "Sex American Style."

This rant was first performed Oct. 20 at San Francisco’s Edinburgh Castle at a party hosted by Kevin Williamson and Angeline Ferguson of Rebel Inc. — original U.K. publishers of the novel “Trainspotting.”

Boulware uses snippets of actual TV,, radio and Web site news about the Sept. 11 attacks in what the bar’s Web site called his “staccato rhythmic roll” that “snared the drifting uneasiness that has befallen the country since Osama’s men kicked off.”

“Standing before an America: Open for Business poster, he barked satire with reflection and added spices of quiet patriotism,” the site continued. “Thoughtful, and rejecting the corporate mullahs’ call of Shop to Defeat Terrorism, Boulware proved he is an emerging national voice that is destined to get louder.”

Boulware is a San Francisco resident and former “Naked World” columnist for Salon.

A teacher’s nightmare

Elementary school kids see porn instead of a dinosaur movie, thanks to a forgetful janitor.

It was a routine Monday in the classroom full of third-graders at Roosevelt Elementary School in Kenosha, Wis. The kids were fresh from the weekend, and looking forward to watching a video about dinosaurs. Their teacher had already shown them part of the tape on Friday, and now they were to see the rest of the show, and marvel at the fascinating ancient world of velociraptors and brontosaurs. But when the teacher popped the tape into the VCR, the children’s eyeballs were suddenly scorched by a 15-second burst of hardcore pornography. The inadvertent sex lesson came courtesy of a horny janitor, who had forgotten to remove the porn tape.

According to James Twomey, former member of the Kenosha Unified School Board, and parent of a child who witnessed the X-rated footage, the teacher responded quickly to the situation, diving at the machine and hitting the stop button.

“This is an elementary school teacher’s worst nightmare,” Twomey told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.

Blame was eventually placed on a school custodian, who took advantage of the empty school over the weekend to watch some porn on the classroom’s VCR. Unfortunately, the broom-wielding pornhound ended up taking home the wrong tape when he was finished, leaving the steamy scenes sitting in the VCR. When the teacher started class Monday, she assumed the dino tape was still cued up, and pushed play.

School administrators swung into action, and sent e-mails notifying members of the Kenosha school board. However, nobody bothered to alert the parents of the children, which is a violation of school policy. Board members have promised to look into the matter.

News reports do not reveal the title of the porn film nor its stars, but Twomey did mention to reporters that when the images of fornication flashed onto the screen, “the kids let out an ‘ooh’ sound.”

The janitor has resigned from his job.

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Thai one on

A sex survey in several Asian countries reveals a special love of spanking in one nation.

Along with the beautiful scenery and relaxed attitude you’ll find in Thailand, you might see Thai couples spanking one another’s bottoms until they turn bright pink, cheered on by gays waiting in line for seconds. According to a new sex survey in Asian countries, people in Thailand seem to enjoy getting their butts spanked, and have no problem with homosexuality.

According to the Bangkok Post, the survey conducted by Time Asia magazine questioned men and women in Hong Kong, Thailand, South Korea, Singapore and the Philippines. Respondents indicated that they all liked the missionary position best for intercourse — apparently it’s good to always keep an eye on things — but from there on out results differed widely.

Koreans, for instance, are apparently the biggest consumers of pornography, especially among women: Nearly a third of Korean females admitted to watching porn, with 28 percent saying they had hunted for it online in the past three months. But the nation with the most eager women seems to be Singapore, where 18 percent of females say they initiate sex — the most of any country. This statistic may shed light on the fact that Singapore also boasts the most faithful couples, with two-thirds of the men bragging that they have never strayed outside their relationships.

But it is Thailand that offers the most sexual freedom. In the spanking department, 37 percent of Thai men and 34 percent of women gave a thumbs up to the bottom swat (a reassuring figure, especially for those in the paddle business). Thai men were also the most accepting of gays, with 47 percent saying they have no problems with homosexuality. (Compare this with South Korea, where only 23 percent reported a positive attitude toward gays.)

Among all the countries surveyed, Hong Kong consistently ranked at the bottom in sexiness. Only 2 percent of men there reported enjoying getting their ass smacked, and a mere 5 percent of men and 16 percent of women said they consider themselves sexy.

Residents of Hong Kong are encouraged to quit their jobs and head to the Philippines, where 68 percent of women and 55 percent of men think they’ve got it going on sexually. Or, if they’re feeling especially liberated, perhaps they should go to Bangkok for a good spanking.

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Tokyo teens

A gynecologist dispenses sex information to girls out of a burger joint.

Teenage girls in Tokyo don’t often go to their school counselor for sexual advice. Nor do they visit a doctor. And they’re certainly too afraid to ask their parents. So where does a young woman turn if she’s worried about genital warts or pregnancy? She waits until Thursday night, then drops by a hamburger shop in the busy Roppongi District and talks to the man named Tsuneo Akaeda.

According to the Japan Times, for two years the 57-year-old gynecologist has operated a free sex counseling booth for young girls, located in the corner of a burger joint. Many of his clients don’t bring money or health insurance forms, so he often charges nothing for his services. But he knows his sex. He’s run a clinic in Roppongi since 1977, and has seen it all, whether it’s unwanted pregnancies from one-night stands or sexually transmitted diseases. The idea of a free counseling booth came to him, he says, because so many girls showed up at his clinic for treatment of STDs. The girls refer to him as “Roppongi’s doctor.”

“It shocks me to work as a gynecologist in Roppongi,” Akaeda said, “because I see so many young girls who have crazy sex lives without any concerns about their health.”

His advice cuts to the chase, from “You do not have sexual freedom unless you can take care of your body” to “If you have a sexual urge, just masturbate.” Sound suggestions, even if you don’t live in Tokyo.

Akaeda’s presence signals a dramatic shift in the sexual habits of Tokyo’s teenagers. In a 1999 survey of students, 39 percent of females and 37.8 percent of males said they had experienced sexual intercourse, numbers that have increased nearly 20 percent in the past decade. And in a 1998 survey, one in 20 high school girls reported having been involved in prostitution.

Roppongi’s doctor sees the evidence for such statistics every Thursday night. To many of these girls, he says, sex is now just a cheap form of entertainment.

“Men should shoulder more of the blame for the situation, since they have promoted a sex culture based on their desires while ignoring the delicate nature of female bodies,” said Akaeda. “Teenage prostitution, girls selling their panties to old men … For the past decade, the media have repeatedly reported such extreme cases as if they are common practice among high school girls, convincing them that it is unfashionable to be careful about sex.”

Sex education in Tokyo leaves much to be desired if kids must stop at a hamburger stand to learn about sex and their bodies. But Akaeda is optimistic in his crusade. Not only does he care about the dangers sex poses to teenagers, he’s also proud of his neighborhood, and doesn’t want to see it disappear.

“I’ve lived here for more than 20 years and liked it better when it was a quieter, more mature and arty area of Tokyo,” said the good doctor. “I don’t want to see Roppongi deteriorate too much.”

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