And yet, she wavers, “We never quite jumped in with both feet, and though we’re compatible in many, many respects, I’m still a little bit of a wild child with self-destructive tendencies, and Jasmine plays grown-up too much and sinks into bouts of passive-aggressiveness.” They both want to date others, but don’t want the affair to end — a proposition known as having your cake and eating it, too. “Should we gently put our relationship in the over-and-done-with stack,” Amanda asks, or “should we get into a counselor’s office now so as not to risk losing a lifelong love to the cauterizing barriers we will build without each other?”

Amanda: Dec. 29, 1969, noon hour. Capricorn Earth Rooster, hour of the Horse.

Jasmine: May 15, 1974, 9:02 a.m. Taurus Air Tiger, hour of the Snake.

If Jasmine, a well-rounded Taurus Tiger, knew how analytically and soberly Amanda, a conscientious Cap Rooster, regards their breakup, she would be mystified. The Rooster and the Tiger are not exactly compatible, not exactly incompatible; they both see the world through different windows. The Tiger looks out, takes in the whole terrain, assumes its hers for the taking, and wonders how she can best enjoy and use it; the Rooster looks out, notices the potholes, the fallen trees, the things that need fixing, and the troubling intruders and worries about how best to bring everything and everyone on the property into line. If the Tiger jumps into the landscape, the Rooster will think the Tiger also needs to be brought into line, but the Tiger will resist curtailments of its freedom. In short, the Rooster has control issues, the Tiger has “being controlled” issues.

As an Earth Rooster, Amanda does not shy away from difficult truths. She wants to get to the bottom of everything, and she never does a job halfway. If she is Rooster-like, she will tell people what she thinks needs fixing; if she is Hen-like, she will be much more tactful and quiet, but will know how to make her approval or disapproval felt. Her Capricorn Western sign reinforces her tendency toward duty, order and the success and public esteem that come from consistent hard work. Luckily, Amanda has been splashed with Horse by her birth hour, which puts some Technicolor in Kansas. Her strong, pragmatic character will be punctuated by bursts of intuition, caprice and emotionality. Nonetheless, the Earth Rooster-Cap blend produces a little more reality than the average pleasure-loving, praise-seeking Air Tiger can really bear; and the vivacious Horse hour, in addition to rounding out Amanda’s character, also gives her the wit to make really astute, painful criticisms. Here, it’s worth adding, Air Tiger’s self-serving nature can wound the Rooster; and if Amanda has lashed out at Jasmine verbally, she has probably had reason. Since Amanda says the couple has not fought much, it may be that Amanda has bottled up her anger, not wishing to estrange her captivating Tiger. Tigers can be sadistic, and Roosters need to make sure that in humoring their Tigers, they’re not mistaking masochism for patience — and letting themselves get plucked.

It is probably Jasmine’s Taurus sun sign that fuels this couple’s attraction. The reliable Taurus is an earth sign (like Capricorn) and helps ground Jasmine’s volatile Air Tiger moon sign. The Tiger year gives great charm, humor, popularity, intellect, strength and ability, but it does not give a firm work ethic, or a very solid notion of honor and commitment. Air Tigers can work hard, as other Tigers do, but they prefer to be more opportunistic — to get results from working not so very hard — and their moral choices tend to be based on expedience and personal benefit. Calling them on this will make them angry; to remain friends with a Tiger, you must continue admiring the Tiger. Tigers will not stay long with a nonfan. Also, Tigers ultimately like to be the boss in their relationship, which is hard for Roosters, who are equally prideful, to swallow. However, the blending of the conservative, traditional, fair-minded, dutiful Taurus with Tiger creates a nicely balanced personality. The Tiger charm will be wedded to the Bull’s greater sense of honor and mission. The Taurus deliberateness and rigidity will be lightened and broadened by the Tiger joie de vivre and creativity. In a couple of years, Jasmine’s Snake hour birth will assert itself more, calming her Tiger agitation and putting her more in tune with Amanda’s outlook. But can they ride out the wait?

Amanda and Jasmine’s Taurus and Capricorn earth signs attract them to each other, but their Moon signs bedevil them with Big Picture conflicts. Taurus Tiger likes to live in the moment and not over-analyze that moment; Capricorn Rooster likes to think long-term and evaluate the moment ad infinitum. Oxen (1973) and Snakes (1965 or 1977) warm to the Rooster approach, Tigers don’t, quite. Tigers tend to prefer the more impetuous signs, such as Dogs (1970) and Horses (1978).

Because both Amanda and Jasmine have very self-sufficient melds, they are each so complete in themselves that it may be hard for them to hook up with others; they are like two marbles, not like two puzzle pieces, they are non-interlocking players. If they choose to draw others into the game, they might try seeking partners who also have well-rounded melds but who have a birth year that is more compatible with theirs (as described above). Still, there’s no reason for Amanda and Jasmine to shoot each other out of the circle while they wait for the other marbles to turn up — as long as they can play nice.

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How to write to Love Collision

What coy stars are toying with this couple, pushing them into perpetual orbit without letting them collide?

Clive: Sept. 10, 1959, 2:37 p.m. Virgo Earth Boar, hour of the Sheep

Ida: Aug. 21, 1963, Leo-Virgo cusp Water Rabbit

Clive’s and Ida’s birth years — Boar and Rabbit — are ideally matched; Boar, Rabbit and Sheep have a built-in strong affinity for each other, and Clive’s Sheep birth hour means that on the Lunar Calendar, Clive and Ida have all the bases covered. However, the criss-crossing of their Lunar and Solar calendars creates motivational conflicts, which will explain why this couple hasn’t got to first base.

Ida is a “shy Leo” according to Clive, but since such a combination is essentially unimaginable, I’m going to go out on a limb and call Ida a Virgo-Leo cusp, leaning to Virgo, since she demonstrates few Leonine tendencies, was born on the verge of Virgo, Aug. 21 (most calendars start Virgo on the 22nd), and has never married. If we knew her birth hour, that could help pin her down further, but she has the makings of a classic Virgo Rabbit, so let’s stop there. A Virgo Rabbit will be highly intelligent, hardworking, observant, friendly, verbal, gentle, loving, idealistic, ultra-sensitive to others’ emotions, graceful, gracious and (often) quite beautiful. She is also self-critical, indecisive, idealistic, sentimental, set in her ways and easily upset.

Virgo Rabbits remember past grievances a long time. They often don’t get along with their parents, but they enjoy being spouses and parents themselves. They can be squeamish and highly spookable, and generally avoid unsubtle people and messy situations. For some Rabbits, “messy” includes sex. Rabbits tend to fall to one extreme or another sexually; they are usually either highly sexed (in which case they settle down early, build families and channel their sensuality into safe outlets, so they can work well and support their families), or they are unusually aphysical.

Reticent Rabbits still seek intimacy, emotional connectedness and love with another person, but they frequently lack much libido and would secretly rather not mess with the embarrassing affair of sex at all. They will give sex to get love and children, though; and if you reassure them of their specialness to you, and make the whole business as affectionate and secure as possible, you can coax them to play. It is tricky to woo a reticent Rabbit, but their love is deep and lasting once won; they are loyal as can be, and sunny when humored. But a Rabbit doesn’t like to be dislodged from its security; to win one, you must convince her that she’ll feel more secure with you than on her own.

Clive is lucky that, as an Earth Boar, he is predisposed to strive valiantly, good-humoredly, and unstintingly toward his goal. Like all Boars, he will care about his creature comforts, so at the age of 42, he probably has achieved a comfortable lifestyle by now — which has removed some of the urgency of finding a mate. Boars are usually quite sensual, and physically expressive, but as a Virgo, Clive may well display reticent Rabbit qualities, making him less randy than some Boars, more thoughtful, more critical of himself and others, fussier and more averse to change. This gentle part of his disposition draws him to Ida, whose quietness and subtlety heighten her allure for him, and reassure his masculinity. Both Boar and Rabbit have strong instincts for privacy (they both can be selfish or exclusive toward those outside their inner circle) and a strong nesting ability; they are good together; but the problem is, both signs are also very good at creating a home whether or not they have a partner. Because Ida seems to be governed by an over-cautious constellation, whether this flirtation remains an end or evolves into a means — that is, a real relationship — will probably depend on Clive.

Clive’s Boar Moon sign gives him the extra burst of physicality needed to push matters forward; to woo his cautious Virgo Rabbit, he will need to make his interest plain, in non-aggressive terms; show Ida that with him, she would live more happily than she lives alone, and convince her both that he admires her romantically, and that mere physicality is not all that matters to him. A full-on pounce is not advised; but a courtshippy outing leading to a kiss would be a good start. After such a date, a present would impress her. But this again depends on Clive; what are his intentions?

His Sheep hour birth makes him especially kindhearted and tolerant of others’ calling the shots, but is Ida really calling the shots here? Or is Clive actually dawdling, because he’s not sure he wants to give up his comfortable Boar bachelor life? In his letter, Clive stressed his and Ida’s unmarriedness; so it sounds as if he’s thinking of Ida as his potential future wife, which is probably why he’s dawdling; it’s a big change, and he’s a happy Earth Boar whose life is already OK. Once he’s made up his mind, he’ll have no problem drawing his lovely coy rabbit out of her hole. It’s his neurotic Virgo impulse (and hers) holding them up.

Both of them need to quit dwelling on their separate pasts, and fretting about their possibly combined future, and succumb to the present. Let the Rabbit-Boar attraction pull them into the moment, and see what it brings.

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How to write to Love Collision

This week, Frieda writes in to admit her fears that she and her husband, David, live in a fantasy world that reality will spoil one day. Frieda grew up a sheltered rich kid, and now she runs a restaurant with her parents, whom she leans on for emotional and financial support. She relies on David for love and for “the whoops of chimps at play.” Will that be enough to sustain their marriage when her parents are gone? And will she and David ever have kids and careers of their own (and maybe a bigger place)? “Please tell me why that darn son-of-a-gun husband of mine has wheedled himself so deep into me?” Frieda writes. “He drinks too much, is ridiculously sexy and handsome, snores, has less ambition than a rock, makes me laugh more than anyone I’ve ever known, and after being together for more than ten-and-a-half years, he still manages to explode my soul with color and light when he simply stares at me and smiles.” Should Frieda call a shrink? Or should she call Miramax?

Frieda: April 17, 1971, 2 p.m. Aries Metal Pig, Hour of Sheep

David: June 3, 1968, late morning. Gemini Earth Monkey, Hour of the Horse (est.)

All four of Frieda and David’s signs conspire to bring them together like Bonnie and Clyde, Pebbles and Bam-Bam, a con man and his shell game. The Aries Gemini relationship (when it works, as this one clearly does) has no brakes. Aries is an eternal optimist, hugely energetic and desirous of hero-worshipping people (remember: optimists get disappointed more easily than pessimists). Aries often depend on their parents one way or another throughout their lives (even when they’re not hitched to a mad Gemini). Meanwhile, Gemini always wants to be unhindered; to be given free rein to be as creative and spirited as possible. Geminis don’t like to think they’re making a single compromise. When an Aries believes in her Gemini, she’s incapable of saying “Whoa!” She will defend him to the last, however harebrained his schemes may be. She will believe in him, in herself, and in the two of them against the world. When she’s lucky, it turns out her Gemini was a genius, and her faith pays off.

David is born in the Gemini Monkey constellation — an especially charmed and brilliant combination — so maybe this Aries won’t be let down. Both signs are utterly withered by criticism (well, Aries is withered, Gemini is enraged); they will instinctively protect each other from any intimations of failure (which explains the unreality aspect that dances around this pairing). They make excellent allies; watch out if an Aries-Gemini pair starts sweet-talking you; they will come away with the candy, whether or not you meant to give it to them.

As a Metal Pig, born in the Sheep hour, Frieda is sensual, loyal, headstrong, jealous, gullible and somewhat of a hedonist. Pig and Aries are both home-loving creatures; Frieda will need to have a comfortable home, and she’s right to worry that without her parents providing an Eden of security, she would become unhappy. She might consider asking them to give her a down payment to get a house for her and David now (it might be wise to get the house in her name). If she feels strongly about having a child, she should push the point with David; Monkeys often resist or delay childbearing.

An Earth Monkey is the most thoughtful of the Monkey signs; they’re still scheming and clever and funny, but they’re also introspective, generous, and comparatively high-minded. There’s an unusual twist in the Chinese relationship between Pig and Monkey — they can have a good accord, yet the Monkey often manipulates the Pig. But David’s Earth Monkey year birth makes him more likely to be aboveboard. His Horse hour birth (if indeed he was born between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m.) can make him temperamental, but he will be well-meaning, and the Gemini-Monkey-Horse meld will make him unusually lively and appealing.

It’s a mischievous but powerful sign combination that draws Frieda and David together. The only thing that worries me in Frieda’s letter is David’s drinking; she treats it lightly, but a bad drinking habit can scupper even a Gemini Monkey’s chances at happiness — and David won’t be able to take good care of the two of them if he can’t learn to subdue this appetite. This matters particularly because, despite appearances, Frieda, with her Aries-Pig born entitledness, is the one in the couple who will really need “long-term care”; David needs allegiance, appreciation and nurturing but he’s not as soul-searching as she is.

Frieda will need a nice home, day-to-day fulfillment and emotional feedback. (Pigs are popular, but don’t go out of their way to make friends; Frieda would be helped by trying to extend her circle of friends.) As far as the home goes, David may surprise her; Monkeys are usually very clever at coping financially. If David has not done so for the two of them now, this may be because Frieda and her parents have made it unnecessary for him to exert himself. A monkey can whoop like a chimp at play, but he also knows how to dip the honeyed grass blades into the anthill when he has to. But why eat ants when passion fruit and bananas are dangling before you?

If David and Frieda are still exploding each other’s souls ten years on, it sounds like they have come as close to conjugal happiness as two married people can, so maybe it doesn’t pay to borrow tomorrow’s trouble. And if trouble comes — well, that’s so unromantic, why worry? It doesn’t take away the ten years. Besides, if Frieda’s parents are as well-heeled as her letter implies, she’s got a safety net that can tide her through any number of future difficulties. As Hall and Oates would say, “You know it don’t matter anyway.”

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How to write to Love Collision

Vincent: May 26, 1966 Gemini Fire Horse, born 3:20 p.m., hour of the Monkey

Matt: April 24, 1978 Taurus Earth Horse, born 3:05 a.m., hour of the Tiger

Vincent and Matt’s relationship is an excellent illustration of a complicated fact; there are not really 12 Chinese Lunar signs — we use 12 because it’s easier to understand for people who know the 12 signs of the Greek zodiac. There are 60 Chinese Lunar signs, and that’s because each of the basic 12 signs has five incarnations: Metal, Water, Wood, Fire and Earth. Each animal sign has many common characteristics, but wide variation occurs every 12 years. So Vincent, a Fire Horse, is a very different beast than Matt, an Earth Horse. Think of a rearing Arabian steed compared to a Clydesdale. Same species, way different neighborhood.

The sign of Gemini corresponds to the sign of the Horse; and as a Gemini Fire Horse, Vincent is ambitious, energetic, independent, talky and intuitive. He is used to accomplishing his goals through bursts of impulsive energy and almost magical inspiration. His Monkey birth hour gives him extra powers of follow-through; he’ll be able to apply himself to win laurels and gain social prominence (important to Monkey natives). He loathes routine, can’t bear working for anyone else and is easily bored. He loves socializing but tends to gets so caught up in the moment that he doesn’t listen well to others and doesn’t notice the impression he makes.

When he does focus on you, the effect can be overpowering. He makes friends easily because he is vivacious and optimistic, but he does not keep friends unless he makes an active effort. Sometimes, he is more at ease with strangers or acquaintances than with close friends, because close associations tend to produce in him feelings of constraint and obligation, which make him buck. He is by nature friendly and generous but likes to be so because he feels like it, not because it’s expected of him. Hence his difficulties with committed relationships.

Vincent’s romance with Matt is highly charged because Matt is also a Horse, so neither likes being in harness. However, Earth Horses are much calmer than Fire Horses, and less averse to falling in step with someone else. I have observed strong attraction and mutual admiration in Fire Horse-Earth Horse couples, but I worry about their long-term prospects; for one thing, Horses fall in and out of love easily and not too deeply; for another, as the Earth Horse gets older and wants to be his own master, innate Horse competitiveness may weaken the bond. On the plus side, Matt’s Taurus sun sign softens the meld, reining in his flighty Horse nature and making him more methodical and compliant. Still, stubborn Taurus likes consistent behavior, so Vincent’s wavering attention may make Taurus Horse sulky; and Matt’s prideful Tiger birth hour ensures that if he senses he is not sufficiently admired, he will bolt. But problems in this couple are more likely to come from Fire Horse than from Earth Horse; Fire Horse is too changeable to fix long on one person, unless his heart is truly engaged.

Like Olivia in “Twelfth Night,” Fire Horses are incurable romantics; they set unrealistic goals for a partner. They long to be in a couple, but only with somebody grand and multifaceted enough to satisfy their splendid imaginations. Such people barely exist in fiction, much less in the schools, offices and shopping malls of 21st century America. Once they pick somebody, they magnify his qualities beyond reason, then vilify him when he disappoints. Fire Horses often choose as lovers either people who are obviously unable to commit or people they can dominate. But for the Gemini Fire Horse to really get caught, he needs a mysterious partner, someone quiet and assured, who ensnares him by being subtler than the typical Horse, someone who rules by seeming not to want to rule.

Horses don’t so much want to be “boss” as they want to be not visibly bossed around. They secretly appreciate authority, but people who send out overt “boss” signals spook them. Therefore, a Libra, Cancer or a Capricorn sun sign would appeal, as would Dog, Boar, Sheep, or even Snake moon signs. A type II Scorpio (nature-loving, inward, sensual) Tiger could be a winning combination.

It is worth mentioning here what I call the “teeter-totter factor”; when one partner is significantly older than another. Vincent and Matt first got involved when Vincent was 31 and Matt was 19, and that bespeaks a dominance issue. Is the younger person capable of true commitment, or is the younger person growing himself up on the older person’s time? Is the older person respectful of the younger person’s individuality, or is the older person trying to occupy a position of unquestioned superiority, conferred by age, experience and security? In such an uneven pairing, equality must be established between the two partners, or else someone’s going to be bumped off the seesaw. Vincent and Matt have returned to each other so many times that they clearly have something worth saving. If they want their relationship to last, they will have to share power. It is not enough to be loving or admiring; each must respect the other, each must pull equal weight.

Horses don’t like being alone; anyone who has kept real horses knows how miserable they get without a fellow horse to keep them company. And yet, once you buy a second horse, horse No. 1 often resents the attention horse No. 2 gets. Human Horse year natives have the same problem; it’s hard for them to reconcile their desire for companionship with their desire to be number one in the barn. Nobody can make two horses harmonize; they must choose for themselves to run in sync. When they do, it’s a beautiful thing to see.

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How to write to Love Collision

I know of two parents, an Aquarius Rooster and a Pisces Rat, whose struggle to get along with their Aries Sheep daughter has been lifelong. They are meticulous, conscientious, hard-working people, much concerned with duty and reputation; their daughter is a creative, free-thinking, self-involved, criticism-averse whirlwind of energy, who finds her parents’ relentless chiding and rule-dispensing hurtful and suffocating. The three of them love each other dearly, despite decades of tearful scenes, but any pundit would have told Rooster and Rat parents-to-be that if they wanted a smooth family dynamic (considering the temperaments of their own melds), they would have done well to avoid a Sheep year, to say nothing of Aries.

Of course, once a child is born, with or without benefit of pundits, there can be no second-guessing; and in any event, most Western parents know nothing of the wisdom of the lunar and solar calendars. What can parents do when their child’s temperament differs wildly from their own? The first thing to do is to remove the element of surprise — investigate your child’s sign meld; know your progeny. Then you can begin to anticipate areas of difficulty and adjust to accommodate the differences that are bound to appear.

This week Theresa, a Libra Boar, and Dave, a Libra Sheep, have written in to ask about their toddler daughter, Mariel, an Aries Dragon whose feisty personality has thrown them both for a loop. Marisa writes, “My husband and I are both Libras. Our daughter seems to be very unlike us. Already, she seems very much an Aries.” Theresa would like to know what “the intersection of that with our Chinese lunar signs portends, and asks, “Should we expect familial harmony or not?”

Theresa: October 11, 1971, 6:00 a.m., Libra Metal Boar, hour of the Rabbit

Dave: October 5, 1955 time unknown, Libra Wood Sheep

Mariel: March 22, 2000, 12:22 p.m., Aries Metal Dragon, hour of the Horse

“Should we expect familial harmony or not?” It’s tempting to laugh, but not unkindly. The good news is that Theresa and Dave have very well-matched sign melds and are highly suited to one another. As a Boar, Theresa is good-hearted, well meaning, home-loving, sensual and capable. As a Metal Boar, she is capable of working harder than other Boar varieties, though like all Boars, she will know how to avoid over-exerting herself, and her Rabbit hour birth will give her the intuition to know what she can leave undone.

Theresa is not a quitter; she will solve problems, and her Rabbit birth hour, allied with Boar, means she’ll omit no detail in tackling her work and responsibilities. She is the embodiment of “family values” and will be selfish on her family’s behalf — protecting their joint interests. Boars and Sheep make one of the strongest pairs in the calendar; they communicate, they intuit, they work best when they are teamed, they help each other grow.

Dave’s Sheep sign makes him charming and beauty-loving, and his Wood year makes him a particularly nurturing, kind, and lucky sheep. (Also, he will probably not be a workaholic.) The fact that both Theresa and Dave are Libras means they will be skilled at sharing their thoughts and worries with each other. When they do have troubles, Dave is more likely to be the one to complain or get upset than Marisa; Sheep bleat a bit, and take things too personally. But Theresa will know how to soothe him. In short, they are calm, amusing, loving, creative, familial, fair-minded and friendly without being wildly gregarious. Their life goal is probably comfort, not standing out in a splashy way.

Enter the Aries Dragon. Mariel is born in the strong character year par excellence — the year of the Dragon. The year 2000 — year of the Metal Dragon — produced an Asian baby boom in America, because so many Asians want their babies to be born under this auspicious sign, which augurs wealth, power, charisma and luck (usually good luck).

Metal Dragons are loaded with vitality and a sense of purpose from day one; you will find Mariel knows what she wants to do, and if she expresses interest in some activity, leap to get her involved in it. This sign gets angry if it’s understimulated. She will be very social but likes to play with her equals or “betters” (i.e., older children, while she’s young) and will enjoy work as much as play (get her involved in sports; it will be a good outlet for her energy). She will want either to lead others or to serve some strong leader. She will be dear to children who look up to her or who are younger, but she may have a tendency to pick fights with children who cross her in some way or whom she considers a “threat” to her standing.

In general, from the earliest days, she needs to be gently encouraged to feel good about her own achievements but not to be overcompetitive with others. The Dragon and Aries signs correspond to each other, with only a few differences. The Aries is vivacious and glittering with ideas but secretly self-doubting; the Dragon has total confidence in himself but is less inventive than the Aries and seeks a tried-and-true means to distinction. The blending of this pair makes for a dazzling creature. And Mariel’s Horse birth hour is a funky wild card that makes her magically creative and hard-working but easily bored and capricious. This girl could go very far — or explode in a puff of fireworks. She will be dramatic, whatever happens.

How will the parents deal with this ball of fire? Mariel will be good at wheedling her father, who will be awed by her — Dragons are good at working compliant Sheep. However, Dave will probably draw back, out of caution, and Mariel will be closer to her Boar mother. Boars can’t hide their admiration of the miraculous Dragon, and nothing makes a Dragon/Aries love you like showing them admiration and devotion.

The Dragon daughter will be full of inspirations and schemes, and although it would be impossible to humor all of them, try to satisfy many of them; her ideas will be good, and one of them may end up leaving you well off in your old age! Try not to criticize her much; the Aries takes criticism very personally and really is undone by it. If she’s behaving badly, guide her into other activities; chances are she’s unfulfilled if she’s acting up. The Dragon doesn’t care as much as the Aries about pleasing others but believes in duty and family loyalty and will struggle to deserve your love and respect. This is a very strong and gifted meld, but its personality is a little outsize for Boar-Sheep Libra parents!

Theresa and Dave can be encouraged, though, that they are ideally suited to support one another; and that their daughter’s sign meld predisposes her to admire them, love them, and seek their praise through achievement. She may exhaust you, but she will likely give you great rewards in the end and make you proud. One idea, though; send her to her grandparents one week a year and give yourselves a vacation — you’ll need it.

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How to write to Love Collision