Oscar, Luna, Max, Cleo, Bella. Is that the roster of characters in the newest twee young adult book-movie adaptation smash hit? Nope. It's a list of some of the most popular cat names in the country, and it is soft as the throw up your cat left in both your little black sneakers.
Some states like Wyoming, Vocativ notes, don't have enough insured cats for accurate data, so the map features the most popular name nationally. The most popular dog names are unsurprisingly similar, with Max and Charlie among the most popular for boy dogs, and Bella and Lucy leading for girl dogs.
Where are your sturdy American names like Anthony, Paul, Rachel Rosenfeld? Your clever takes on great political figures like George H.W. Bush? Why are there not more Abyssinians named John Gotti? We should be ashamed, America. Do better next year.