If not the correspondents over at "The Daily Show," who else is going to properly honor the news stories that've managed to capture the entire essence of our great nation in just a few words?
Bringing Samantha Bee and Jessica Williams to the stage, Jon Stewart rolled out the segment "'Mercun Awards" -- a segment which honored America's brave patriots such as that guy who burned himself while praying over a sizzling hot plate of Applebee's fajitas earlier this year. The story prompts Stewart to burst out in song ("BURNED IN THE USA!") and a reduced-to-tears Samantha Bee to award the story with the top honor: "two guns f**king each other."
Watch the clip below: