When I heard the latest Donald Trump news, my first reaction was to write an article that was nothing but the words "HA HA!" over and over again, to be read aloud in the voice of Nelson from The Simpsons. Trump is such a vile operator that any time the slightest misfortune crashes down upon his ridiculous clown wig, it's perfectly acceptable and in fact constitutionally mandatory to bask in the warm glow of schadenfreude.
Simply put: Trump is rapidly being kicked out of show business, with the exception, that is, of the Republican presidential nominating process which increasingly resembles the world's ugliest Saturday morning cartoon.
First, the Spanish-speaking network Univision announced that it would no longer carry Trump's Miss Universe and Miss USA pageants. Trump responded with the unmitigated class and unrivaled grace we've come to expect by immediately banning all Univision executives from using his golf courses. He also demanding the firing of Univision president Alberto Ciurana.
Then, on Monday, NBC announced that it was cutting all ties with Trump, including literally firing him from his "Apprentice" shows. Say it with me now: "HA HA!"
“Due to the recent derogatory statements by Donald Trump regarding immigrants, NBCUniversal is ending its business relationship with Mr. Trump,” NBC said in a statement. “At NBC, respect and dignity for all people are cornerstones of our values.”
Naturally, both fracases stem from Trump's presidential announcement speech in which he referred to Mexican immigrants as "rapists," thus fashioning an unholy coitus between two topics Republicans should never, ever, ever under any circumstances talk about: rape and race. Either one of those topics alone is toxic for even the most skilled Republican, but Trump jumped in rug first, and then totally doubled-down the next day rather than walking back the remark as any normal human being with a conscience and functioning gray matter would have. And somehow, he's even tone-deaf enough to be shocked that people are outraged by what he said.
Certainly Trump doesn't need the TV income if the net worth he announced at the outset of his campaign is to be believed. But what Trump really needs, and which he's being denied now, is the attention and the exposure. He might be America's original "famous for being famous" celebrity; and like most of the others, being in the spotlight is like heroin for Trump. The real question, however, is this: Why the hell does anyone actually like this guy?
Speaking for myself, I enjoy the accidental comedy he provides, but broadly speaking, it's utterly confounding how Trump is in second place nationally in the GOP primary campaign (technically third, since undecided is first) until we realize that Trump embodies the most horrendous characteristics of America. He's an arrogant, flashy idiot with too much money, even though he's arguably a terrible business man, and it's all topped with a fetish for self-aggrandizement and attention-whoring. Toss the swirly comb-over into the mix and we have self-satirical vanity as the kicker. That's America. The worst of America, sure, but American enough to appeal to voters who simply don't care that he's reflecting back our most gratuitous, superficial character flaws. In a better world, Trump would be the most popular assistant manager at a Cheesecake Factory in Connecticut, but in our world, acting like a tasteless, classless buffoon is praiseworthy and, to too many, presidential.
Because of that, Trump won't be away from television for long. There's always Fox. But for now, let's set aside the Debbie Downer take on Trump and, instead, enjoy a moment of indulgence in the news that this orangutan's sphincter has been essentially kicked off television -- television, that is, that he doesn't have to pay for.