Stephen Colbert gives 2016's weirdest candidates an epic sendoff: "American voters didn't give 2.5 milif**ks"

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, it would still get more votes than Jim Webb"


Sarah Burris
October 27, 2015 5:00PM (UTC)

After last week's break, "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" returned just in time to talk about the candidates we lost in the last week. Clad in his Caesar Flickerman impersonation gear: blue hair, shiny silver jacket, ascot and a glass of champagne, Colbert even got some help from actor Stanley Tucci himself when reviewing the tragic poll numbers of the candidates.

"Yes, Jim Webb is withdrawing from consideration," Colbert began. "I'm sure that will be a great disappointment to his supporter. So sad!" Colbert jutted his bottom teeth out with a wide open mouth perfectly capturing the weird enthusiastic laughter Caesar does best. He even threw in a growl for good measure.

Advertisement:

Alas, we also lost Lincoln Chafee, who, Colbert says, had all the charisma of the logs he was named for. Colbert showcased the exciting Chafee polling numbers that bounced up and down from 0 percent to "the dizzying heights of just over 0.6 percent!" Colbert mocked Chafee's announcement speech that taught the nation about what the hell a farrier is. Hint: it's someone who puts shoes on horses. Colbert said this was perfect for announcing Chafee's 19th-century jobs plan. It's tragic because Chafee was the only candidate supporting the conversion of the U.S. to the metric system. "A stirring campaign slogan: Go Metric! Unfortunately, American voters didn't give 2.5 milifucks."

Stanley Tucci then got in on the action because he said that his Tucci-sense tingles when he feels someone doing a bad impression of Caesar Flickerman. "Caesar, for me, is a nuanced role. He's a larger than life TV host who is hungry for the adulation of the crowd and whose effervescence masks his true vulnerability." Colbert stared blankly. Tucci said that with Colbert's bubbly attitude he's really more of an Effie Trinket than a Caesar Flickerman. To be fair, Stephen does makes a lovely lady.

Check out the video below:


Sarah Burris

MORE FROM Sarah Burris


Related Topics ------------------------------------------

Donald Trump Jim Webb Joe Biden Late Show With Stephen Colbert Lincoln Chafee Stephen Colbert

Fearless journalism
in your inbox every day

Sign up for our free newsletter

• • •