Unheralded sides from Costa Rica, Denmark, Ireland and Paraguay are all still alive, while the French, winners of both the 1998 World Cup and the 2000 European championship … well, let’s just say il fait très beau in Paris this time of year. Although nonscoring forwards David Trézéguet and Thierry Henry — the latter ignominiously missing the last game after being sent off with a red card — had better wear disguises if they want to get served in the hot boîtes of the Left Bank.

But beneath the apparent chaos of upsets and topsy-turvy group results, soccer order is in fact asserting itself. Sooner or later the glass slippers will be pried off the American and Japanese and Senegalese feet. Nearly unnoticed amid the hubbub, a handful of elite teams — mainly the old warhorses from Brazil and Germany, with England and Spain lurking just behind — have come through the first stage reasonably unscathed and are now zeroed in on winning the championship. (Despite its mediocre first-round play, Italy also scraped through on Thursday morning, thanks to a 1-1 draw with Mexico and Croatia’s surprising loss to Ecuador; if Portugal can survive South Korea on Friday, they’ll remain contenders as well.)

You could even call this year’s tournament the Revenge of the Ice People: With Denmark, England, Germany and Sweden all advancing — and one or two of those teams likely to survive to the semifinals — the grind-it-out industrial style of North Sea soccer seems to have vanquished its flashier Mediterranean cousin. None of this, of course, is to say there won’t be more shockers: Japan in the semifinals? The U.S. beating Italy and Spain? This is the year when the old sports cliché that anything can happen is actually true.

Some jerk who writes for Salon apparently picked France to repeat this year, but without injured midfield general Zinédine Zidane, who watched the first two games from the sidelines, the team was revealed as an incoherent collection of high-priced talent, disorganized in defense and jittery on the attack. The championship French team had seemed, almost miraculously, to escape from the phlegmatic national character, but in its second game of this tournament, a spiritless 0-0 draw with Uruguay, all the ennui and anomie and escargots and general je ne sais quoi seemed to come flooding back.

As Internet soccer scribe Adam Novy has observed, this journey through the desert of goallessness transformed French head coach Roger Lemerre into Jean-Paul Sartre: “Doubt is the fate of all thinking men,” he told a postgame press conference. Zidane returned for the final game against Denmark but limped around through the thickening existential gloom with his thigh muscle heavily bandaged while Trézéguet bounced more shots off the crossbar. It was 2-0 Denmark and back to the future for France: If the joyous ’98 victory was often compared to the 1944 Liberation, this ignominious defeat (coupled with the international embarrassment caused by semifascist presidential candidate Jean-Marie Le Pen) might bring the national mood closer to the humiliation of 1940.

Sure, Argentina was the consensus front-runner this year, but the potential for disaster was evident all along. The players pretty much announced that they were bringing home the Cup to salve their nation’s wounded pride — to say nothing of its ruined economy — when what they were really doing was writing the script to a classic Argentine melodrama of tragic love and crushed expectations. After barely managing to squeak out a 1-0 win over Nigeria in a game where they had 77,538 scoring chances (by my unofficial count), the Argentines were driven to boredom and despair — along with the world television audience — by the smothering defenses of England and Sweden.

England’s 1-0 win (the only goal coming on a David Beckham penalty kick) was sweet revenge for the Three Lions after a lengthy history of frustration against the Argentines, but purely as a soccer game it didn’t live up to expectations. England triumphed on sound tactical play and midfield ball control, which is a good way to burrow yourself close to a championship without quite finishing the job. I officially predict that England’s second-round matchup with Denmark will be the most boring game in history, an unendurable draw decided on penalty kicks (with the lucky winner facing Brazil in the quarterfinals).

Even after the dispiriting loss to England, all Argentina had to do was beat Sweden on Wednesday to advance, but that’s never an easy or enjoyable task. The Swedes played most of the game with their entire team behind the ball (i.e., defending their own goal) and then, with the Argentine players apparently distracted by their own theatrical flailing, snatched a goal on a beautiful free kick by Anders Svensson. Finally playing with enthralling desperation, Argentina equalized when Hernán Crespo knocked in a rebound off a penalty shot with two minutes to go, and actually had several last-second chances to seize a winner. But Claudio López sent another four or five lovely, curling shots high and wide, looked heavenward in desolation as he had been doing since the opening whistle, and the tango of despair was complete. Maybe the Argentine players should spend the summer in Paris too; I wouldn’t recommend going back to Buenos Aires just yet.

The cup’s third- or fourth-biggest surprise so far has been the emergence of the U.S. team, a phenomenon long predicted by the tiny cadre of American soccer loyalists (who have probably long since stopped believing their own hype) and long dreaded by the rest of the world. In case you still thought that people of all nations felt love for the Red, White and Blue just because of those buildings that got knocked down, roll the videotape of those South Korean players celebrating their goal against the U.S. with a dance mocking American Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno.

Ohno is a Korea-specific ugly American, to be sure; the point is that most soccer fans around the globe watched the 3-2 ambush of Portugal and the frantic 1-1 draw with South Korea in a state approaching horror. Americans in general still don’t care about men’s soccer, even if 20-year-old U.S. forward Landon Donovan has become an overnight teen heartthrob and sports-talk shows have temporarily abandoned their usual tone of condescension. That makes it even worse, in European eyes, that coach Bruce Arena’s team, with its inelegant, scrambly athleticism, now looks capable of beating almost anyone if it gets a few lucky bounces.

It should be said that the U.S. was more than a little lucky to scrape a point out of the Korea game (in soccer, you get three points in the standings for a win and one for a tie), played before a hysterical, red-painted home crowd that seemed on the verge of spontaneous human combustion. If the speedy and superbly conditioned Koreans had any finishing ability whatsoever they would have won by two or three goals. But luck happens when the soccer gods start to smile on you.

Internet soccer geeks have been baying for Arena’s head since midway through the U.S. team’s uneven qualifying run, but everything he’s done in this tournament has turned to gold. He kept head-case star striker Clint Mathis on the bench against Portugal, and Donovan and fellow 20-year-old DaMarcus Beasley ran the Portuguese defense ragged. He put Mathis — now sporting a hideous Travis Bickle mohawk — back on the field against South Korea, and Mathis slithered through an invisible crack in the defense to score the Yanks’ only goal. He started Brad Friedel in goal ahead of the more experienced Kasey Keller, and Friedel became the first ‘keeper in this year’s tournament to stop a penalty kick.

On the other hand, Arena is probably still starting central defender Jeff Agoos because by rule he has to put 11 players on the field. Either that or he views Agoos as some kind of good-luck mojo, since Agoos — a great guy and a dependable Major League Soccer performer for the San Jose Earthquakes — has been repeatedly torched by opposing forwards and is personally responsible for all three goals the U.S. has surrendered to date (an own-goal and two blown assignments). The Yanks have some real talent along with confidence, swagger and luck. What they don’t have is discipline or depth, and eventually someone will make them pay for it.

Who exactly will that someone be? It’s too early to say. Presuming the Americans get at least a draw out of their Friday game with winless and goalless Poland, they’ll play a second-round game on June 17 or 18, probably against Italy or Mexico. Survive that encounter — and, given the mood of the soccer gods and those teams’ self-destructive tendencies, it’s not out of the question — and it’s on to the quarterfinals, most plausibly against either Germany or Spain.

Germany is a mentally and physically tough team; the U.S. cannot and will not beat them in such a high-pressure game. The Spaniards, on the other hand, are the perennial choke artists of world soccer. Fumbling away a huge match to an overmatched U.S. team would be precisely the sort of ignominious flop for which they’re celebrated. A bad call in the penalty box, a sneaky Mathis goal, more of that “When Chickens Attack!” offense from Donovan and Beasley and there you have it: The U.S. plays in the World Cup’s final four while the male populations of Europe and South America commit ritual suicide.

OK, it won’t happen. What will have to happen eventually — to avoid an upset of outlandish proportions, that is — is that someone will have to beat Japan, with its surprisingly elegant rabid-Smurfs attacking style, in front of 10 bazillion screaming Japanese fans. Nobody wants this job, which is why Japan will overwhelm whoever they play in the second round (Costa Rica or Turkey) and could pose a real threat to the Arctic composure of the Swedes in the quarterfinals. You really, honest to God, might see Japan facing Brazil in one semifinal while Germany plays Spain in the other.

Indeed, almost any fan inspecting the probable second-round bracket would pick Brazil and Germany — who have both played with calm competence and avoided the spotlight — as the new favorites to hoist the trophy in Yokohama on June 30. But this tournament has been excessively cruel to favorites so far, and anyone who has watched its parade of dazzling upsets has to wonder whether the soccer gods are done laughing.

“I think they should come out with a strong statement and not just wash it away and hide behind it with some wishy-washy comments,” Lavrikovs told The Associated Press. “We are talking about a very basic human right that is being violated.”

Blatter, speaking in South Africa on Monday at the launch of a post-2010 World Cup legacy project, was asked if he could foresee any cultural problems with the tournament being held in Qatar.

“I’d say they (gay fans) should refrain from any sexual activities,” he said, smiling.

Lavrikovs noted the situation “is not a joke.”

“This is a matter of life and death to people,” Lavrikovs said. “Qatar and more than 70 other countries in the world still criminalize individuals for homosexual relationships, and some countries even punish them by death sentence.

“It’s disappointing to see that an organization that is promoting the game, which in its statutes condemns discrimination of any kind, is coming out with comments like this.”

Qatar beat Australia, Japan, South Korea and the United States in the FIFA vote on Dec. 2.

Since FIFA made what is widely regarded as a surprise decision, concerns have been raised about Qatar’s hosting such a major tournament while it has stringent laws that are seen by many to violate basic human rights.

“Sepp Blatter jokes about the risk to gay visitors in 2022, but Qatar’s anti-gay policies are no laughing matter,” British human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell said.

Also condemning Blatter was John Amaechi, a former NBA player from Britain who revealed in 2007 that he was gay.

“The statements and the position adopted by Sepp Blatter and FIFA regarding LGBT (Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transgender) fans who would pay the enormous ticket and travel prices to attend the World Cup in 2022 should have been wholly unacceptable a decade ago,” Amaechi said on his website.

“Instead, with little more than an afterthought, FIFA has endorsed the marginalization of LGBT people around the world,” he added.

Amaechi also demanded an apology from FIFA and urged other associations to distance themselves from Blatter’s comments.

“Anything less than a full reversal of his position is unacceptable,” he said.

The worst part is, not only was America snubbed, but terrorists won. The 2022 World Cup will be held in Qatar, a tiny Persian Gulf state. Behold the wrath of Mike Allen:

TOP STORY – “Russia and Qatar take World Cup to new lands” – Reuters/Zurich: “FIFA gave its ultimate recognition to emerging markets on Thursday by awarding the 2018 and 2022 editions of the prestigious and lucrative World Cup soccer finals to Russia and Qatar, both new hosts. Russia won the right to put on the 2018 World Cup, the first time it will have been staged in Eastern Europe after 10 editions in the western half of the continent. Qatar, which has never qualified for the World Cup finals, will stage the 2022 tournament, a first both for the Middle East and for an Arab country. It will also be the smallest nation ever to host the World Cup.” http://reut.rs/hz0k7t

–The U.S. inexplicably lost to Qatar, which is two-faced in the war on terror and full of radical sympathizers. A Ben Smith reader points out a WikiCable “in which Mossad chief Meir Dagan briefed Bush homeland security aide Frances Fragos Townsend: Dagan characterized Qatar as ‘a real problem.’” http://politi.co/f0kcmq

–International Herald Tribune p. 1: “FIFA tilts soccer’s future toward the East.”

–Brits push for FIFA reform – BBC: “England 2018 bid chief executive Andy Anson has warned his country against bidding for the World Cup again until Fifa reforms its voting process.” http://bit.ly/gyKAhC

PLAYBOOK FACTS OF LIFE: These obviously absurd choices are the product of a corrupt process that includes no accountability. These organizations (FIFA, IOC, etc.) are Eurocentric, if not blatantly anti-American. As a wise young friend e-mails, “These bids are like a modern day ‘Concert of Europe.’ And we certainly aren’t Prince Metternich, despite what we may think.”

Lots of people consider Qatar a poor choice for the World Cup, but not because it’s not America. Or because they are secretly pro-terrorist! Or because Mossad said something bad about them in a secret cable! It’s considered a poor choice because it is a tiny nation with no soccer team of its own. Also it’s a desert with high summer temperatures and they pump absurd amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere. And it’s full of foreign-born indentured servants with very few rights. And you’re not allowed to drink booze in public. But “being two-faced in the War on Terror” is pretty far down the list of reasons why this might be a bad idea.

Also, FIFA is a Zurich-based international organization, so calling it “anti-American” is pretty much a non sequitur. As for “Eurocentric,” much of Europe is very disappointed in FIFA for awarding a World Cup to Qatar. (Qatar is not in Europe.) And Russia, despite its own problems, is not an “obviously absurd choice,” because it’s a massive world power that loves soccer. Also, your “wise young friend” sounds insufferable.

The other nations bidding for 2022 were the U.S., Australia, Japan or South Korea. All would’ve been fine choices, though the fact that Japan and South Korea co-hosted it in 2002 probably disqualified them, and the U.S., unlike the rest of those nations, is not a country that cares about soccer. So if Mike Allen could put aside the jingoism and Islamophobia for a moment, he would perhaps see that he should really be outraged on behalf of Australia, which has never hosted a World Cup and which put together what was, by most accounts, a pretty good bid.

[Via Peter Feld]

The invertebrate was stepping “back from the official oracle business,” Tanja Munzig, a spokeswoman for the Sea Life aquarium in Oberhausen, told AP Television News at the time.

“He won’t give any more oracle predictions — either in football, nor in politics, lifestyle or economy,” she said. “Paul will get back to his former job, namely making children laugh.”

Paul correctly predicted the outcomes of all seven of Germany’s World Cup games. He made his predictions by opening the lid of one of two clear plastic boxes, each containing a mussel and bearing a team flag.

After his World Cup soothsaying skills were revealed, the English-born Paul was appointed an ambassador to England’s bid to host the 2018 World Cup. He had English roots, having been hatched at Weymouth Sea Life Center on England’s south coast in 2008.

Imitators sprang up all over the world, including Mani the Parakeet in Singapore and Lorenzo the Parrot in Hannover, Germany.

The latest was a saltwater crocodile named Dirty Harry, who predicted Spain’s World Cup final win and called the result of Australia’s general election by snatching a chicken carcass dangling beneath a caricature of Prime Minister Julia Gillard.

Paul became so popular in Spain that a northwestern Spanish town tried to borrow him.

In response to hundreds of requests to bring Paul to Spain, the Madrid Zoo asked Sea Life if it would be willing to make a deal to bring him in as a tribute to the Spanish team’s victory, either temporarily or for good. But the German aquarium turned down that offer, too.

Paul also had an agent and his name was used to help endangered turtles on the Greek island of Zakynthos.

——

David Rising in Berlin contributed to this report.

The soccer world governing body’s ethics committee also will investigate whether two countries bidding for either the 2018 and 2022 World Cups engaged in collusion.

“Today is a sad day for football and for FIFA,” Sulser said.

FIFA’s ruling executive will select the two World Cup hosts in a Dec. 2 secret ballot in Zurich. The 2018 tournament bidders are England, Russia and joint bids by Belgium-Holland and Spain-Portugal.

FIFA launched investigations after British newspaper The Sunday Times alleged Adamu and Temarii offered to sell their votes for funding toward soccer projects.

Amadu was filmed requesting $800,000 to build four artificial soccer fields in Nigeria, and for the money to be paid to him directly.

“The decision to provisionally suspend these officials is fully justified and should not be put in question,” Sulser said. “The evidence that has been presented to us today has led us to take this provisional measure, as we considered that the conditions were definitely met to take this decision and we deem that it is crucial to protect the integrity of the 2018 and 2022 FIFA World Cup bidding process.

“We are determined to have zero tolerance for any breach of the code of ethics.”

Countries bidding for the 2022 hosting rights are the United States and four Asian confederation countries, Australia, Japan, Qatar and South Korea.

FIFA barred bidders from making agreements with other candidates, and insisted they must act with “integrity, responsibility, trustworthiness and fairness.” FIFA secretary general Jerome Valcke issued a reminder of the rules last month after rumors of vote-swapping deals being struck.

The Sunday Times allegations kicked off a dramatic week as FIFA seeks to maintain the integrity of the bid process.

Temarii, the Oceania Football Confederation president, met FIFA president Sepp Blatter on Sunday and asked to clear his name before the ethics committee.

The 43-year-old former professional player was filmed asking for $2.3 million to fund a soccer academy in Auckland, New Zealand.

“I’m confident about my integrity, but I made a mistake by talking in that way,” Temarii told The Associated Press on Sunday.

The newspaper also quoted Temarii saying backers of two other unidentified bidders offered $10 million to $12 million to Oceania.

FIFA does not have power to fire members of the 24-strong executive because they are elected by their continental bodies.

However, its code of ethics for officials says those who “severely fail to fulfill, or inadequately exercise, their duties and responsibilities, particularly in financial matters, are no longer eligible and shall be removed from office.”

Adamu’s four-year term ends at the Confederation of African Football’s congress on Feb. 23 in Khartoum, Sudan. The 57-year-old former physical education teacher joined FIFA’s executive in 2006, succeeding Ismail Bhamjee from Botswana, who resigned after a ticket scalping scandal at the World Cup in Germany.

Temarii, who has led 11-nation Oceania since 2004, is scheduled for re-election at a Jan. 21-23 congress on his home island.