2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Topics: Entertainment News
The U.S. men’s soccer team came from behind Sunday to beat Mexico 2-1 in the final and win the CONCACAF Gold Cup, the championship of North and Central America and the Caribbean.
It was a historic win for the Americans, who continued their recent dominance over Mexico, winning for the ninth time in 12 tries. It was the first time since 1934 that the U.S. had fallen behind Mexico, then come back and won.
But I want to talk about uniforms.
The women’s team has gone to a dull gold that’s popular in sporting circles these days.
What’s the deal with that? What’s wrong with U.S. flag red, white and blue? Not to put too fine a point on it, as Gregg Easterbrook is fond of saying, but the most successful color scheme in world history.
Fans of the women’s national soccer team can give three cheers for the rust, navy and Gulden’s mustard.
I also think the New England Patriots, the Philadelphia 76ers and the Washington Nationals, all of which used to wear red, white and blue and don’t anymore — though the Nationals come close — should all wrap themselves in the flag again immediately, as the Washington Capitals have done.
The Caps deserve praise for ditching their blue, black and copper — three cheers for that mishmash, eh? — color scheme and bringing back Old Glory for next year. The Nationals get a special jeer for changing their colors from flag red, white and blue when they moved to the capital of the United States. Even if the old red, white and blue were the colors of the French flag.
The Nationals officially wear red, white and blue, but the gold and black trim are so prominent that I have never once looked at that uniform and thought “flag.” Have you?
That is, the way I used to look at the Montreal Expos uniforms and think, “Three cheers!”
The Patriots burned the flag in favor of a dull silver and navy scheme with red trim, also ditching one of the greatest logos in sports in favor of one that makes them look like the Postal Service team or something. Or a USFL team.
Even that lame design featured flag blue for a few years before the Pats recognized the problem and went to nautical blue.
I understand the desire of the U.S. women’s soccer team and all these others to move merch, and every time you change things up you’ve got a new batch of gear to sell to the fans. But Gulden’s mustard yellow? Nothing against Gulden’s mustard. I actually like Gulden’s mustard.
But when some gets on my shirt, I change my shirt.
I think sports teams should favor bright colors over dull ones, and all of the above returning to Old Glory would take care of that. But that’s a matter of personal taste. National teams or those with patriotic connections should wear the good ol’ red, white and blue. And that’s not.
Betsy Ross demands nothing less.
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Those spontaneous hockey team photos [PERMALINK]
It’s in-box day around here. Or visual arts day maybe.
Earlier this month, when the Anaheim Ducks — color scheme: black, white and copper … blech! — won the Stanley Cup, I wondered about that hastily assembled team photo the NHL champions always take on the ice, with the team gathered around the Cup.
“Whenever I’m in a group photo,” I wrote, “even if the group is six people, it takes the group and the photographer 10 minutes to get everybody arranged just so. How is it that hockey teams can get themselves posed in 10 seconds?”
“You’re right,” he wrote me in an e-mail he’s given me permission to reproduce, “it is impressive how they can get themselves together for a team photo in seconds.
“Let a bunch of people pose themselves, however, and you’ll have a short person behind a tall person and you’ll only see the top of their head or half of their face as they peer around a shoulder. When a professional takes the time to position every person in a group photo, it’s to make sure they can all be seen properly by the camera.
“In a team photo, it’s also usual to place the most important players near the center. [In the Ducks on-ice photo], you can see a couple of partial faces, like I described, and a lot of assistant coaches, trainers and third-string players near the center of the photo, while star players Francois Beauchemin, Dustin Penner, Todd Marchant and Ryan Getzlaf look like afterthoughts in the upper right.
“While fun, this is not a ‘good’ team photo.”
I bet the Niedermayer brothers, flanking the Cup front and center, would disagree with that, and I bet that 20 years from now if anybody in that picture has a team photo of the 2007 Anaheim Ducks on their wall, it’ll be that very one. But it’s true the Ducks would have a hell of a time passing something like this off as a team photo if Lord Stanley’s hardware weren’t in the middle of it.
That’s why you should try to win the Stanley Cup if you’re a hockey player. Makes pictures better.
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Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.