Sexiest Man Living 2007

Who: Strong Bad
Age: N/A
Know him as: Cartoon character

"Greetings, party people in the place to be! I am called Strong Bad! ... I've been described as cool, awesome, hot, video games, the hottest, and real real hot."

Naming Strong Bad, a character from the cartoon and game site Homestarrunner.com, among the sexiest men living may require a flexible understanding of the word "living" -- and, for that matter, a flexible understanding of the word "man." The animated Adonis is fictional, and though he's definitely male, we're not totally sure he's human. But factor in his gravelly voice, wicked wit and perpetual shirtlessness, and it's clear that Strong Bad is indeed real, real hot.

Strong Bad's primary gig at Homestarrunner.com is answering reader e-mail, which he's been doing since 2001. Readers turn to him for answers to their burning questions, which range from the pedestrian ("I was wondering if you could give me some ideas for my new Web site") to matters of life and death ("Dear Mr. Bad, How do you know if someone's butt is stupid? I mean, is there some kind of IQ test?"). Each new Strong Bad e-mail is presented in its own animated video clip; Strong Bad recites each incoming message -- exaggerating any errors in punctuation, spelling and grammar along the way -- and reads his answer aloud as he types it. For some responses, he moves away from his computer and into the magical world of Strong Badia, where he carouses with the other offbeat inhabitants of the Homestar Runner universe. It's a pretty simple format, but Strong Bad's literal yet loopy humor makes it sublime.

Here's Strong Bad on how to attract ladies: "You've got to look as much as possible like the Strong Bad. Take off your shirt, sand off your nipples, and wear tight pants that accentuate all your suppleties." On what to name your band: "The easiest way is to, you know, just have a really cool last name and use that. You know, like, Van Halen, or Dokken, or to a lesser extent, Z'Nuff." He also gives great guidance on distinctive fraternity party themes: "I think you guys should throw a 'FRAT PARTY' And you could all come in baseball hats from the college that you go to. And khaki pants with a tucked-in T-shirt from the party that you threw last month. And at some point get the guy with kinda long hair to whip out his acoustic guitar and play everybody some white blues."

Strong Bad is no overperfect Prince Valiant -- he's vengeful and self-congratulatory, and his primary interests are death metal, hair metal and skirt-chasing. He bullies his nemesis, the affable doofus and site namesake Homestar Runner, and his own younger brother, downcast emo-boy Strong Sad. But Strong Bad is also appealingly fallible: Most of his moneymaking and lady-catching schemes backfire, and though he's been around this great, big Internet of ours a few times, he's beset with technical problems. His computers age and break, his printers are always running out of ink, and the title tag on the Strong Bad e-mail archive reads "Denny's Menu." It's very relatable.

Plus, he's handsome -- at least, we think he is. His trademark lucha libre mask covers most of his head, but it can't obscure the manic glow of his neon-green eyes, or the expressiveness of his rectangular mouth. Even Strong Bad's mask has its own allure -- it has mystical forces that can open beer bottles, making it handsome in a Bud Light sort of way.

In the end, description doesn't really do the guy justice. For the full experience, dust off your Flash player, head over to the Strong Bad e-mail archive and check out all his majesty. Our favorites? The e-mails titled "dragon," "Trevor the vampire" and "sugarbob." And "mini-golf." And "English paper." And...

-- Page Rockwell and Louis Bennett

Who: Anderson Cooper
Age: 40
Know him as: Anchor of CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360"

I used to obsessively watch CNN's "Anderson Cooper 360," staring slack-jawed at the screen, my cheeks reddening and my heart leaping. Nightly, I would get my panties in a twist, thinking one thing and one thing only: This passes for journalism? So, it wasn't love at first sight. But, with each goofy, gravitas-shattering laugh, Anderson Cooper has managed to transform my contempt into a full-blown crush.

Post-conversion, it's possible to see Cooper's journalistic fumbles in a whole new, libido-tinted light. His choked-up, sputtering interview with Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu after Hurricane Katrina? Endearing! His apple-polishing one-on-one with Angelina Jolie? Cute! Intellectually, you think: He's just a "Method anchor." But emotionally, lustfully, you believe in every contemplative, burdened and reflective look that he summons for the camera -- the furrowed brow, pursed lips and squinty eyes. You become distracted by the way his gunmetal-gray hair complements his watery baby blues, the perfectly parallel angularity of his nose and chin, and his adorably elfish ears.

Cooper has no shortage of devotees, from both sides of the gender divide. Fan sites abound with the type of digital collages and enthusiastic misspellings befitting a shrine to a pubescent heartthrob. He recently inspired a blogger frenzy by broadcasting from the Cambodian rain forest, wearing a form-fitting black T-shirt -- it seems all along he's been hiding quite a bit of muscle under those studio-appropriate blue button-downs. In the same series he was shown bathing elephants in a lake, his wet T-shirt suctioned to his skin. Bloggers have been on around-the-clock bicep watch ever since.

Perhaps broadcast porn has arrived to fill the void of hard-hitting broadcast news.

-- Tracy Clark-Flory

Who: Peter Sarsgaard
Age: 36
Know him as: Actor

Peter Sarsgaard may be best known for playing creepy and disturbed characters, starting with his turn as Brandon Teena's killer in the harrowing "Boys Don't Cry," through to the stricken screenwriter he portrayed in "The Dying Gaul." But damn, the man has range.

He shared a kiss with Liam Neeson in "Kinsey," seconds after displaying some rare full-frontal male nudity (in interviews, he's shrugged at the idea that either of these things should be shocking). The beleaguered New Republic editor he portrayed in the pitch-perfect "Shattered Glass" was a smart, good guy just trying to do his job, and it was both thrilling and heartbreaking to watch him untangle Stephen Glass' lies. Sarsgaard was sweetly strange as an animal-lover alongside Molly Shannon in "Year of the Dog." And in "Garden State," he played a pot-smoking gravedigger still living with his mom in the Jersey suburbs. The role could easily have been a caricature, but Sarsgaard exuded a subtle, sympathetic sexiness that made the grief of Zach Braff's character seem almost vulgar.

Whether sporting some scruff, a shaved head or shaggy hair, Sarsgaard makes me seriously weak in the knees. That wan smile of his blossoms easily into a goofy grin, and his signature murmur can shift quickly from soothing to menacing. He comes off as familiar, but also mysterious, in performances that are always layered and subtly intense.

Reassuringly, he has excellent taste in women: his fiancé and baby mama is the ravishing Maggie Gyllenhaal. The story goes that when they started dating, Gyllenhaal showed Sarsgaard her movie "Secretary," in which she was emotionally and physically naked as a woman in an S/M relationship with her boss. Sarsgaard, unfazed, screened for her "The Center of the World," in which his character has explicit sex with a prostitute. Dreamy!

-- Eryn Loeb

Who: Anthony Lane
Age: 45
Know him as: Film critic for the New Yorker

I've had what can be called a man-crush on Anthony Lane -- a swell of admiration verging on covetousness -- ever since reading his review of "Pride and Prejudice," in which he compared Keira Knightley's underbite to that of the queen in "Aliens." I wish I could so eloquently turn pretentiousness into comedy. Later in that same review, Lane narrates the climactic scene between Knightley's Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy: "Widening her eyes to maximum chocolatey hue, she stares into his, which are of that sea-cold, grayish blue favored by Gestapo officers in war movies … In a last, despairing gesture to Georgian England, they do not kiss. Oddly, however, they do rub noses, like well-bred Eskimos, while the rising sun gleams between the tips." This passage of ridicule was not written with malice; it is a vivid, accurate description. Like a Robin Hood of good taste, Lane damns his victims by doing them justice. This strategy has been perfected by generations of imperturbable British men, from Oscar Wilde to Winston Churchill. Unlike these forebears, however -- who probably developed their sharp wits by evolutionary necessity, in proportion to their ugliness -- Anthony Lane is handsome. Dapper. Rakish. Take a bit of Prince William's haute-boy charm, add Jude Law's swagger, and multiply by funny. What you get is one sexy movie buff.

-- Ben Van Heuvelen

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