The Tiger Woods drama can't be bottomless -- or can it? Eventually we're bound to hit bedrock, but fear not, because that day is surely not this one. By the time you finish reading this sentence, another eight women will have come forward to say they tapped that PGA ass, and a lurid video or voice mail will have been released and reached 8 million hits on YouTube.
Let's bring it up to speed. We've got endorsement dropping! A possible VIP coochie-procuring ring! The inevitable busty cougar angle! The suddenly ironic last interview! And three words: Crazy. Ambien. Sex.
Truly, it's like striking tabloid oil. It's pretty tough to strike oil, however, without getting coated in a slick layer of suffocating goo. And even in this largest of larger-than-life dramas, there are still fragile, mistake-prone human beings. Which is how we got in this whole pickle in the first place.
Yesterday Radar Online reported that Child Protective Services investigated the Woods family regarding possible domestic violence involving a weapon. The site posted an "incident history" from the Florida Department of Children and Families dated Dec. 11. The document lists "units at gate" of the now infamous Windemere address for a "domestic in front of children" situation that ends in "negative contact" (presumably meaning they didn't get in to talk with the embattled sports star).
Fueled by the image of a raging, club-wielding Elin Nordegren, the blogosphere promptly erupted in new speculation that Nordegren "attacked" Woods. But as CBS reported Monday, the state is obliged to investigate any complaints that come in, which means any guesses regarding the welfare of Woods' 2-year-old-daughter, Sam, and 10-month-old son, Charlie, are highly premature. It is, however, a sobering reminder that in the midst of this ongoing train wreck, there are very young children whose parents are going to have work very, very hard to keep them clean from the taint of their strained relations, two high-profile people whose worlds changed forever on Thanksgiving night. But where do they go from here?
Radar Online says Nordegren's talking to a divorce lawyer. The Daily News says she'll stick it out for the kids. Nordegren herself, meanwhile, has been spotted pumping her own gas in Florida without her wedding ring.
That's surely not some random left-it-by-the-soap-dish-while-puttering-in-the-yard thing. If you've ever taken off a wedding ring, you know -- that symbol your beloved slipped on in front of all your friends and family and the whole world on the alleged happiest day of your life is not so lightly sloughed off. I don't know anyone who's ever done it painlessly, and I don't know anyone who wasn't making an unmistakable statement when they did so. (Elizabeth Edwards, who's still married to her famously philandering mate John, made a splash last year when she started making the rounds similarly bare-fingered.)
So while Tiger and many, many, many, many of his conquests have issued their own statements, Nordegren seems content, for now, to let her finger do the talking. And it speaks volumes.
Sex sells -- and it can also help build political empires. Media magnate and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi understands that: His popular television stations showcase a rotating cast of scantily clad beauties, and women are often promoted within his political party based on aesthetic qualifications alone. But while his perviness has helped him become one of the richest and most powerful men in the world, it increasingly seems like it could also cause his unraveling.
To say that Berlusconi has had a bad year would be a monumental understatement. On Sunday, a protester's shockingly brutal attack landed him in the hospital and allegations of his mafia ties have been renewed once again -- but he also has a whopper of a woman problem. He's had not one but two sex scandals: This spring, his wife publicly announced she was leaving him following rumors about his romance with an 18-year-old girl, and an Italian businessman recently alleged that he supplied the prime minister with 30 aspiring starlets -- including one prostitute -- for personal entertainment at his various vacation homes.
Then, Berlusconi dug his hole even deeper by telling Rosy Bindi, vice president of the Chamber of Deputies and one of Italy's most powerful female politicians, on state TV that she was "always more beautiful than intelligent" -- a comment many interpreted to mean that she was especially unintelligent. Her retort, "I'm not one of the women at your disposal," galvanized some 100,000 women to send in photos and notes of protest to a liberal newspaper, many of which declared, "Mr. Premier, I'm not at your disposal."
A new documentary, "Videocracy," also takes a critical look at Berlusconi's "skin is in" approach. In the film, "crowds of eager parents and grandparents egg on skittish young women" auditioning for the coveted role as a "velina," one of the many pieces of eye candy featured on Italian news programs and game shows, the Associated Press reports. (Think Barker's Beauties or "Deal or No Deal" models.) In the (NSFW) trailer for the documentary, a bevy of girls wiggle their hips and flip their hair in the desperate mating dance of 20-somethings everywhere. On a similar tack, the popular video "Il Corpo delle Donne," which translates as "The Body of Women," compiles some of the most shameless moments of T'n'A from Berlusconi's stations and state television. The most egregious example: A woman is shown suspended from the ceiling in skimpy underwear next to a literal piece of meat clad in a matching pair of panties; it's awfully reminiscent of that infamous meat-grinder Hustler cover. Worse than anything shown in either video, though, is the fact that a recent poll of young girls in Milan found that most want to grow up to be a velina.
Of course they do. In Berlusconi's world, there is no dividing line between politics and entertainment; instead, he's created a politi-tainment conglomerate of sorts. His minister for (of all things) equal opportunity is a perfect example of this: She started as a showgirl on state TV; that alone is her qualification for the job. Formidable female politicians like Rosy Bindi are derided as ugly old crows for forgoing the cleavage and collagen look of veline, while inexperienced Berlusconi appointees are giddily celebrated for being fuckable. There are many factors at play here (like a deeply entrenched patriarchal culture) but it would be hard to overstate Berlusconi's particular influence on the current sexual culture; the guy holds sway over an estimated 90 percent of Italian media.
The recent outcry shows there is hope yet for those little girls, though. More and more Italians are looking beyond the nearly naked women Berlusconi has surrounded himself with to discover that it's the emperor who has no clothes.
On Friday, one of Nevada's most important industries took a big step toward gender equality. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean men in leotards will now be serving cocktails on casino floors at 9 a.m., but it does mean that people who like to have sex with men will legally be able to purchase an opportunity to do so.
Technically, male prostitution wasn't expressly prohibited before, but health codes required "that prostitutes must undergo 'cervical' testing for sexually transmitted diseases," leaving those without a cervix out of a job. Bobbi Davis, owner of the Shady Lady Ranch, hired an ACLU lawyer to ask that the language be changed, and the health board approved the request. Davis intends to have male prostitutes working for her in the new year. Like her female employees, they'll decide whether to accept men, women or both as clients.
Although Davis and other brothel owners will probably be happy to have a new revenue stream in tough economic times, you know that whenever the subject of men having sex with men comes up, somebody's going to A) be unhappy and B) say something remarkably stupid on the record. In this case, the outrageously offensive overstatement of the day award goes to George Flint, longtime lobbyist for the Nevada Brothel Owners Association (and a former Assemblies of God minister), who called the decision "Pearl Harbor for the brothel industry." He predicts "fallout and backlash" because "Some may feel it's a repugnant thing to do or something that does not have the appetite of the state as a whole." As opposed to female prostitution, which everyone's thrilled about? Yep, if you ask Flint. "We've worked hard for years to make the traditional brothel business in this state socially acceptable and something we can be proud of that most Nevadans accept," he said. But clearly, a population that's cool with female prostitution, gambling and drive-thru wedding chapels will find the idea of men selling sex unacceptably tacky. Of course.
The original punishments -- including standing on the gallows for an hour with a noose around the neck -- have been softened to a $1,200 fine, but the unenforced 200-year-old crime of adultery still is on New Hampshire's books.
Seven months after the state approved gay marriage, lawmakers will consider easing government further from the bedroom with a bill to repeal the law.
Durham Democrat Timothy Horrigan is co-sponsoring the repeal bill. Horrigan believes the state should not regulate people's sex lives.
But Kevin Smith, executive director of Cornerstone Policy Research, says repealing the law would weaken families by diminishing the harmful effects of adultery.
It turns out hookup culture isn't a sign of the coming apocalypse, nor is casual sex emotionally corrupting young adults. (No surprise here.) If there's something the matter with kids these days, don't blame it on sex.
This "no duh" news come by way of a University of Minnesota survey of the sexual habits and psychological well-being (based on "body satisfaction, self-esteem and depressive symptoms") of 1,311 young adults in their late teens and early 20s. Researchers simply found no discernible difference in the mental health of kidults in committed sexual relationships and freewheeling bed-hoppers. The study also noted that cases of depression often exist before adolescents lose their virginity or engage in unsafe sex. Of course, self-reports of anything -- perhaps especially when it comes to sexual history and the nuances of one's emotional health -- is fallible. Also, the study focused on participants' most recent sexual experiences as opposed to conducting an in-depth review of their entire sexual history. So, these findings are best used as a counterweight to the hand-wringing and condemnation provoked by the "hookup generation."
However, the researchers were careful to make note of health risks of another sort: Previous research has found an association between "positive attitudes about casual sex" and "a history of sexual aggression among men and attitudes conducive to intimate partner violence." (Yet another perk to being a gal.) And, of course, there is always the major, undeniable risk of sexually transmitted diseases. Lead researcher Marla E. Eisenberg says the study underscores "the need for [safe sex] messages in sexuality education programs and other interventions with young adults." Maybe that would be a more useful educational message than one about the psychological damage of sleeping around, hmm?
Here at Broadsheet, we love us some earnest, academic talk about the sexual differences between men and women -- but this will not be one of those discussions. Sometimes, a girl needs a break from all the stuffy talk of nature versus nurture, and the satiric sketch "Are Women As Horny As Men?" (via Gizmodo) does just the trick. The skit opens with a man and a woman sitting at a bar debating that very question. Naturally, she argues that women are equal horndogs -- and he thinks she's insane. Then commences a dream sequence in which the world is turned upsidedown and men are sexually objectified by women. Without giving too much away, I can tantalize you with the fact that there is some beer gut on stripper pole action. As you might have gathered, it is extremely NSFW (or the faint of heart).
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