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Tuesday, Sep 15, 1998 7:25 PM UTC1998-09-15T19:25:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Hot Flash: I want your sex

How ethical is it to choose the sex of your baby, and what does it mean for the future of the human race?

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When I was 4, my mom announced that she was pregnant. I was ecstatic
– finally I’d have the little brother I’d always wanted. There was no
doubt in my child-mind that the baby would be a boy. My parents already
had a girl, so why would they need another one? I just assumed they
would ask the baby gods for a boy and be granted their wish.

Needless to say, when my sister was born, I was devastated. I
had been replaced by a gurgling bundle of joy who, by all accounts, had
the rosy cheeks and ringlets of an earthbound angel. I couldn’t hack
the competition. I packed my suitcase and tearily headed out the door,
a self-proclaimed orphan.

I eventually got over my replacement complex and learned to love my
little sister. A natural selection was made and now I can’t imagine life
without her. But for those older siblings — and parents-to-be — who
want to challenge nature, a formidable weapon is at hand. Last week,
doctors at the Genetics & IVF Institute in Fairfax, Va., led by Dr.
Edward Fugger, announced that they can sort sperm in such a way that
will allow couples to choose the sex of their babies. But how ethical is
gender selection, and is it safe?

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Lisa Moskowitz writes and lives in San Francisco. Her work has appeared in Adweek, PC World Online, MyLifePath.com and American Kite magazine.  More Lisa Moskowitz

Tuesday, Feb 14, 2012 1:00 AM UTC2012-02-14T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Interview With My Bully: When I confronted my bully about racism

In seventh grade, Mary's "ching-a-ling" routine scarred me. But years later, she was the one who cried victim

bully

 (Credit: Salon)

Judy Blume, my mentor and friend, told me not to engage with my bully. “Forget her, she isn’t worth it,” she told me. But I had a strange curiosity over what happened to the woman — I’ll call her Mary — who had once been my tormentor. Over the years I’d developed a secret theory of bullies, that they were the ultimate softies, the ones who have to build a fearsome spiked carapace over some sad, sad hurt. It’s that kind of empathy, perhaps, that made me a novelist. And Mary certainly gave me a story to tell.

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Marie Myung-Ok Lee’s essays have appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, The Guardian, The Washington Post, and she is regular contributor to Slate. She is the author of the novel Somebody’s Daughter and teaches creative writing at Brown University. Find her on Twitter @MarieMyungOkLee and on FacebookMore Marie Myung-Ok Lee

Thursday, Jan 26, 2012 12:15 AM UTC2012-01-26T00:15:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Stop diagnosing my son

When we adopted Jake at 7, we waited years before letting a psychologist label him. Others haven't been so kind

diagnosed_boy

 (Credit: Shutterstock)

“Sounds like your son has Asperger’s syndrome,” she said. “Have you ever thought of that?”

I looked back at my son, hanging upside down on the monkey bars. “Sounds like you have Asshole syndrome,” I said. “Have you ever thought of that?”

In my head, I said that. What I said out loud was something like, “We think he’s just Jake, and that’s good enough for us.”

“Well, he might have Asperger’s,” she pursued. “And you should have him tested.”

“Well, you might be a bitch,” I said, in my head. “Is there a test for that?”

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Debra Hanlon is a former high school English teacher and community college composition and literature instructor, now a home-school mom. She lives in northern Illinois with her husband, her son and their five German shepherds. Her occasional blog is LifeItIs.org—Insights and Incidents.  More Debra Hanlon

Sunday, Jan 15, 2012 2:00 PM UTC2012-01-15T14:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The science of getting along

Research shows that our first years of life shape our ability to play well with others. Here's how

baby_cooperation

 (Credit: hxdbzxy via Shutterstock)

This article is excerpted from the new book "Together: The Rituals, Pleasures and Politics of Cooperation," from Yale University Press.

I’m sure every parent could tell a distinctive story about how their children grew. You might well observe, whatever your own views about children, that learning to cooperate is not easy. That very difficulty is, in a way, positive; cooperation becomes an earned experience rather than just thoughtless sharing. As in any other realm of life, we prize what we have struggled to achieve.

The child psychologist Alison Gopnik observes that the human infant lives in a very fluid state of becoming; astonishingly rapid changes in perception and sensation occur in the early years of human development, and these shape our capacity to cooperate. Buried in all of us is the infantile experience of relating and connecting to the adults who took care of us; as babies we had to learn how to work with them in order to survive. These infant experiments with cooperation are akin to a rehearsal, as infants try out various possibilities about getting along with parents and peers. Genetic patterning provides a guide, but human infants (like all young primates) also investigate, experiment with and improve their own behaviour.

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Richard Sennett's works include "The Craftsman," "Respect," "The Fall of Public Man" and "The Corrosion of Character." He taught for many years at the New York Institute of the Humanities and also at the London School of Economics where he is emeritus professor of sociology. He is now a Distinguished Visiting Scholar at the University of Cambridge.   More Richard Sennett

Monday, Jan 2, 2012 6:00 PM UTC2012-01-02T18:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

How stress is really hurting our kids

New science shows that childhood trauma can cause cancer, heart disease and other problems. An expert explains

scared sick

 (Credit: Dainis via Shutterstock)

Fear is a part of everyday life, for all of us. We worry about the mortgage, about the way we look, whether we’ll be fired. We worry whether we’ll be able to take the kids on vacation, or how we’ll afford to pay the bills. The fact is, the more stressed we are, the less healthy we are. Doctors and scientists point out parallels between our growing rates of trauma and questionable decision making, and the fact that they’re leading to greater rates of obesity, diabetes, heart disease and high cholesterol. But when it comes to children, the effects of trauma can be much, much worse.

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Thomas Rogers is Salon's deputy arts editor.   More Thomas Rogers

Saturday, Nov 26, 2011 8:00 PM UTC2011-11-26T20:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The dilemma of taking care of elderly parents

Aging boomers are agonizing over how to help Mom and Dad. I should know -- my daughter is one of them

Caring for Mom and Dad

 (Credit: Kuzma via Shutterstock)

It has become the baby boom generation’s latest and, in some ways, most agonizing life crisis: what to do when the parents who once took care of you can no longer take care of themselves. Raise your hand if you’re one of the 60-year-olds reading this who has one or more living 80-year-old parents.

Listen in on a group of middle-aged children of the elderly, and you’ll hear that even the most casual mention of aging parents is likely to open up a Pandora’s box of anxieties. These are stories told with tears, with exasperation, and sometimes, when they can take a step back, with laughter. Not funny ha-ha mirth, but more like the hysterical laughter we all experience at those moments when we’re forced to come to grips with the absurdity of life and our own helplessness.

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  More Lillian Rubin

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