Mexico

Love letters in the sand

I was his English teacher, 14 years older. But on the beach in Mazatlan, love is love.

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Love letters in the sand

Marry a kind man, a man like your father, my mother told me. And I did. But nobody saw that at the time. People only recognized our differences. Julio is brown; I’m white. He speaks Spanish; I speak Philadelphia English. Both our fathers are handsome former athletes, but my father, when he coached in the NBA, owned a Mercedes sedan. His father built brick houses with his hands, lost his front teeth in a soccer game long ago and doesn’t know how to drive a car. I am a writer. Aside from Mexican school textbooks, Julio has never read a book in his life. I have a journalism degree from the University of Wisconsin. He was still in high school. He was my student, in fact, and I was his English teacher. I was 33 years old. He was 19.

Julio was the reason I had shaved my legs again and started wearing skirts to school, the reason I had put away my Butch Wax for crew cuts and was growing my hair out. He showed up for class with a single notebook every day at 4. My stomach did a lively quebradita when he did. After class, he waited for me halfway down the hill in a sandwich shop.

Many of my boy students fought for the privilege of walking me home, where they hoped to be invited into my single woman’s apartment, where I lived alone, a condition unknown in most of Mexican society. Only now do I realize what a tantalizing figure I cut. My students dated on doorsteps, and stole kisses in the shadowy dark part of the street where the street light didn’t reach. Girls were yanked inside at 10 or allowed to go to the Jardin, the town’s central plaza, to meet a boyfriend only if accompanied by a little brother. I lived unsupervised.

I had survived my first semester teaching English to several classes of uninterested Mexican adolescents. I knew little Spanish, which made me a less-than-effective teacher. This was also the reason I was dim to the fact that most male students were looking at me sideways, trying to figure out how “loose” I was, or they could get me to be. And although “loose” was something I could be when convenient, I had somehow figured out that Preparatoria Benito Juarez in San Miguel de Allende was not quite the place.

But Julio — so shy, unaggressive, awkward, gorgeous — Julio, fingering the edge of my desk nervously to ask what kind of music I liked, a midnight black curtain of hair falling down the side of his face, Julio I couldn’t resist.

Twice he managed to utter that I should go dancing with him. One day after class he took a black string and bead cross from around his neck and put it over my head. The next time he asked me to go dancing, I said yes. I brought a friend to the disco so it wouldn’t be a real date, but by the end of the night I had my face pressed against his completely hairless brown cheek. I felt like I was nuzzling a baby; his skin was so soft and the sensation so pure.

After that we walked every night to the Jardin and sat on a plaza bench, touching at the shoulders and pulling away when someone we knew passed by. I wanted more. But I couldn’t bring myself to say so, and Julio didn’t ask for sex. I was beginning to understand that girlfriends were worshipped, their honor upheld with fistfights. Gringas were light and pretty and willing and good for something on the side. Where did that leave me? I wanted to be willing and worshipped. But I was perceiving that in Mexican society, a woman was one or the other.

By mid-December, I was ready for vacation. A buzzy elation took hold of students as they turned in their last exams and spilled out of the Prepa and down the hill. Julio and his brother, Xavier, had signed up for a school-sponsored trip to Mazatlan, a Pacific resort town. I had turned in my grades and saw a pillowy, blissful week ahead. I would stay home, sleep late, write and have no other plans.

The bus loaded in front of El Instituto Allende, where a lot of North Americans studied Spanish and painting. That semester I occupied a teacher’s apartment on the grounds. Julio and I hugged behind some plants on El Instituto’s patio. He went out to the bus.

I strolled outside five minutes later, pretending I had just happened upon the group on my way to the corner store. Looky here, the school trip. And there’s that Julio Garcia and his brother. Julio wore a New Kids on the Block T-shirt and looked about 15. How could he be the one to to make me feel like not only ripping his clothes off, but carving our initials in wet cement?

Blankets and boomboxes were tossed up onto the charter, a no-frills former school bus. The chaperons were teachers from the Prepa. Julio boarded, I waved and the bus pulled away.

An entire plan-less day stretched in front of me. I headed for the Prepa to collect my salary, doled out by the director every Friday in cash. Most December days were cool, but this one was warm and breezy. I walked up the hill in a pair of rubber tire-soled huaraches, feeling the sun on my shoulders through a white cotton shirt.

Strolling down again with a pocketful of pesos, I hummed please don’t go, don’t go-oo, from a song Julio and I had danced to in the disco. The song made me weepy when I thought of how ridiculous and precarious my budding relationship was with this Mexican teenager, and how someday it would have to end. I was an East Coast Catholic. I wore white gloves to Mass as a kid, vacationed at the Jersey shore, watched Sunday dinners prepared in small linoleum kitchens by quick-tongued, racist aunts who inhaled Lucky Strikes while they tied up the roast. He was a central Mexico mountain town boy who didn’t have running water in his house until he was 10, skipped Sunday Mass to watch “Lucha Libre” — Mexico’s all-star wrestling — on TV, and had never traveled beyond the next big town. I couldn’t stay in Mexico forever, but at least I had committed to teach one more semester. I would enjoy Julio, then return to my life in Philadelphia. Having a Mexican boyfriend helped me learn Spanish and navigate the culture, I reasoned. Plus, I couldn’t get Julio out of my head.

As I neared the bottom of the hill, Julio and Xavier turned the corner and trotted toward me.

“Marta, get on the bus! There’s one space left!”

“Come on. Come with us!”

I looked from Julio to Xavier and could not think of one reason not to follow them to the Pemex station where the bus was filling with gas. Julio took my elbow and I let him lead me. I was suddenly ecstatic. Here I was being chosen again, albeit by a teenager with a shy smile. Again and again, I was in awe of the way he showed up — on my doorstep, at my bus stop. After two months, I knew that even though El Instituto was locked up tight after dark, I could push open the side door and find Julio on the flagstone step, watching the slow traffic on the Ancha de San Antonio. Waiting for me.

Next thing I knew I was climbing the bus stairs and stepping over protruding knapsacks until I reached the back seat of the bus and sat on the split upholstery. “Teacher!” the students whooped. Julio collected 150 pesos from me and delivered it to Pepe, the math teacher. Pepe had grown a moustache but still looked barely older than the students. Perhaps I passed as a student, too, in Levi’s jeans, bouncing on the back seat between Xavier, Julio and their friends Mono and Raul.

The bus rattled and chugged and picked up a great roaring speed. Once outside of San Miguel, the terrain quickly became dry and undernourished. Ranchero children whacked the backsides of cows and squatted in curtained doorways of low makeshift houses. We passed a sign for Pantoja, a tiny village set back from the two-lane highway, and a panic gripped me. My hours of freedom, my plans to write, a time away to shake my head clear of this foolish relationship — I had just denied it all. We were only 20 kilometers out of San Miguel. I could ask the bus driver to stop on the side of the highway, then I could hitchhike back. Or walk.

A mile went by, then another. Julio’s fingers played with the seam on my jeans.

“You can wear Xavier’s T-shirts,” Julio said. “He’s thin.” Xavier was slender but more than 6 feet tall.

The bus careened and groaned through hairpin turns. The sun shone high overhead. Kids popped up, yelled to one another over seat backs and eyeballed me wedged in between Julio and Xavier. A panic of the heart I’d tried for years to calm with busboys and booze was disappearing; a hole inside I didn’t know I had, like a heart defect, was filling. I was curbing my 6 a.m. 7-mile runs and sleeping contentedly instead. My complexion was clearing.

Soon we were approaching Guanajuato. Xavier passed out small sweet oranges that had just come into season. The boys spit their seeds out the windows with great teenage enthusiasm, their faces in the wind like happy dogs. The driver pulled into a dirt rest area lined with food shacks. Mono bought five hot paper bags of frituras — curls of some wheat product resembling Cheetos. The boys topped theirs with San Luis red salsa and I followed suit. Buses, semis and VW bugs whooshed by on the highway and blew dust through our hair. I imagined hailing a truck, climbing in and getting off at the San Miguel crossroads.

Hitchhiking was unsafe, of course. Nothing to do but look ahead. I should have been aligned with the teachers, whispering about order and plans and motel reservations. Yet all the teachers on this trip were males in their 20s. We’d never chatted on the Prepa grounds because I spoke little Spanish. They acknowledged my presence with polite smiles. I moved en masse with Julio, Xavier and their friends, who surrounded me like bodyguards.

In a corner pharmacy I bought contact lens solution and looked for a pay phone. None. Everyone crowded into a tiny loncheria and bought hard roll sandwiches, then spilled outside in a shrieking mass that blocked the sidewalk. I smiled apologetically at an old señora who hobbled into the street to get around the mob. I was the first to reboard the bus.

About midnight, duffels were opened and covers pulled out. “Don’t you have a blanket?” I asked Julio. But he and Xavier had packed gym shorts, T-shirts, a basketball and nothing more. I slipped one of Julio’s clean T-shirts over my head. The night air blowing in the windows was cold enough to keep frozen paletas — popsicles — solid. Under the cover of dark, I pressed myself close to Julio and sniffed his clean boyish skin. Newborns enjoy cellular transference when held next to the mother. Our breathing became rhythmic. What wouldn’t I endure to be next to him?

Eighteen hours after we had started out, dawn broke over a tropical landscape of coconut palms and bamboo shacks. At 6 in the morning, we reached the outskirts of Mazatlan.

Our budget motel was constructed of cinderblock and metal. I asked the desk clerk if I could use the phone. The only person I knew in San Miguel who had a phone was a writer named Roy. But I didn’t have his number. Phones were so hard to come by in San Miguel that an American couple I knew had set up a photo of a telephone in its intended spot surrounded by flowers and candles — an altar to their phone-to-be. I gave the desk clerk my parents’ number and he dialed it.

“Mom, hi! I’m in Mazatlan. Yeah, at the beach. A school trip.”

“Oh, you’re chaperoning at the beach?” my mother asked from New Jersey.

“Uh-huh. It was a last-minute thing. Just wanted to let you know where I am. See you in a week, Mom.”

In a week I would be at another beach, at my parents’ house at the Jersey shore for Christmas. Candles, spiced nuts, a cherry table that sat 12, matching chairs with dusty rose velvet seats. The aroma of a fat Scotch pine filling the house, my father hugging a plaid bathrobe around him as he put on the Mario Lanzo Yuletide album we listened to every Christmas morning. I would leave my huaraches in my small Mexican apartment for a week. I would wear pantyhose and the winter coat I had saved, and go to Midnight Mass and pray for guidance.

I bunked with three girl students. The room was furnished with two double beds and a plywood dresser missing several drawer pulls. On the inside of the room, the concrete blocks were painted white. The girls unpacked extensive piles of ironed shorts sets and lined up three separate canisters of Teen Spirit deodorant. I placed my bottle of contact lens solution in the bathroom, looked futilely for soap, then went outside to lean on the wood railing.

The hotel was ugly and we were packed in shoulder to shoulder like chiles in a can. Even the motel I’d used when I crossed the border had provided towels.

I didn’t fit anywhere. My roommates were 18 years old. They regarded me politely and chatted among themselves in Spanish. Perhaps I could have gossiped with them if I knew their language. Julio and his friends were on the floor above. They’d be showering and changing and doing teenaged boy things like flexing and passing gas. I couldn’t hang out in their room. It would blow the thin cover I was trying to maintain — last-minute vacationer, taking advantage of a cheap trip to the beach. I thought of a weekend alone in San Miguel, all the rest and writing I was missing. I tried to recall if at another time in my life, I’d done anything so ludicrous as run away with a bunch of teenagers. I decided I had not.

I asked my roommates if anyone had a swimsuit to spare and hoped they would offer more clothing. A studious, no-nonsense girl named Adriana handed me a black and teal one-piece. I put it on under my jeans and shirt and ran down the stairs, across a busy boulevard and onto the beach. I peeled off my clothing, splashed into the surf and dove into a wave. My cramped muscles began to stretch with a delicious tingling. I surfaced and reached my arms toward the sun.

Julio, Xavier and their friends came down to the beach in gym shorts and entered the water gingerly, like mountain boys whose feet only knew goat paths and basketball courts.

“Let’s take a walk down the beach,” I whispered to Julio just as Raul threw a piece of seaweed at his head.

“Later,” Julio said. I saw the chance of getting away with Julio alone slipping away like the teasing tide that disappeared back into the sea. Julio and I would spend three days at the beach together, but in the midst of a swarm of adolescents. What had I been thinking? Only three more days and one more bone-crunching bus ride and I’d be in control of my life again. I sighed.

“Look, Julio, this is how we ride the waves at the shore where my parents live.” I threw myself into a feeble wave that minced to the shore. At the Jersey shore, if you caught a wave at the right spot in its curl, arms over your head, body straight like a surfboard, it would carry you in an exhilarating bed of turmoil and foam to within inches of dry sand. I loved being swept off my feet. I loved, for a few seconds in time, having no control over my body, giving myself over to a great force of nature, trusting it would cradle me.

“Try it,” I urged Julio. It’s like love, I added silently.

The next day we were bussed through the streets of Mazatlan, a jumble of hotels constructed in the 1960s, and paint-chipped, shoebox residential dwellings. A few oyster shacks along the beaches provided the town’s seaside charm.

We arrived at a small boat launch where two motorized dinghies were beached. A grizzled man with graying fly-away hair under a knit cap appeared from a shack. He motioned to the boats with thick, weathered hands. Suddenly I understood. All 45 of us would fit ourselves into two wooden vessels, which were barely larger than rowboats. The students began to step into the boats.

“Julio, where are the life jackets?” I asked.

“Se me hace que no hay,” he said calmly. “It seems there aren’t any.”

I had been charmed by the wild West aspect of Mexican life, in which the government does not mandate seat belts or regulate how one crosses the street. I was learning to shrug and say, ni modo — it doesn’t matter — about things I couldn’t control. But I was an American at heart: I could not understand how 45 kids and teachers who didn’t know how to swim could be crowded into two questionably sturdy wooden boats and carried out to sea.

“Julio, I took junior Lifesaving when I was a kid. If the boat goes over, don’t try to make it to shore. I’ll carry you in. You’ll float and I’ll pull you in like this.” I hooked one arm under an armpit. “Or like this.” I cupped my hand under his chin. We had been careful not to touch amidst the crowd, but this was survival. He shrugged out of my grip. “Let me carry you in. Don’t try to swim. Promise?”

“Bueno.” OK. He looked amused. We got into the boat and chugged out. The old salt lectured as we toured the harbor. He pointed out fishing boats and rock formations. We passed an enormously tall, smartly painted ship. High above, ropes were neatly coiled and lifeboats hung from cables. An American flag was painted on the bow.

“There’s the American Navy,” our guide told us. We puttered along. Seagulls squawked overhead. We approached a small, yellowing ship. Water poured from a rusty hole in its side. It seemed to tilt as if it needed a little push to right it in the water. An old commercial fishing tub, I thought. I wondered what kind of fish it hauled in.

“And that’s the Mexican Navy,” our guide informed us.

“Ha ha ha ha ha!” I laughed. “Ha ha ha.” I was proud to have understood his Spanish, gotten the joke.

“Hee hee hee,” I subsided into bursts of giggles. I turned to Julio, who sat behind me. His face was a mask. He was studiously examining the horizon. Nobody else was laughing. Julio cut his eyes at me briefly. Oh Christ, I thought. What annoyed him about Americans was loudness. What annoyed me was being censored.

Back on land, he pulled me aside. “What?” I said, defensively.

“The Mexican Navy.” he said. “It wasn’t a joke.”

“You can’t be serious,” I said. “That floating pile of garbage couldn’t have been anything other than retired.”

“It was the Mexican Navy,” he said. I couldn’t help it. I laughed again. He was looking at me sternly, like a father. Then he laughed.

“Si tuvieramos un coche, podriamos irnos,” Julio said, touching my shoulder briefly. “If we had a car, we could get out of here.” He had used a complicated verb form and I had understood! So he didn’t want to be stuck in this crowd of teenagers either.

In the evening, students roamed from room to room and noisily played in the pool. My three roommates wore eye makeup that matched their short sets. A few dozen baby bottles of Corona beer had found their way into our shower stall and boys were steadily showing up at the door. I wandered the outside halls. Xavier informed me that Julio was taking a shower. Through the door, I saw Raul making a sandwich with the supply of white bread and tins of sardines and jalapeqos he’d brought with him.

“Sandwich, teacher?” Raul asked.

“No, ya comm,” I answered. I ate already — the standard manner of refusing food, although I hadn’t eaten at all and was hungry.

Bottles of rum could be seen on dressers through open doors. Pepe, the math teacher, lurched around the corner from the stairs carrying a strong-smelling Coke in a plastic glass.

“Marta!” he exclaimed, as if he’d just noticed I was among the group. “Do you give private English lessons?” He scrutinized me with slightly unfocused eyes.

“Why not?” I said. I could always use extra income.

“I want to take English lessons. Do you want a drink?”

I did. I wanted a drink. I wanted to go out for a nice seafood dinner. Pepe put his hand on my back and held his drink to my lips.

“We’ll arrange English lessons in school,” I said.

“Why not now? In my room?”

“Vamos.” I heard it as a growl behind me. Julio walked past me, his hair wet, his eyes hard. He went down the steps.

I took a quick gulp of Pepe’s rum and Coke, ducked out of his grip and ran down the steps.

I found Julio at the corner, waiting for the traffic light to change. I caught up and we crossed the street to the beach. Julio looked angry.

“What’s the matter?” I asked. He shook his head. We walked down to the water. The strip of hotels faded into distant lights. The ocean drowned the highway sounds in the still night.

“Wait, I’m going to take my shoes off.” He stopped and watched the horizon. I left my huaraches in the sand.

“Julio, how do you say ‘seaweed’ in Spanish?” I asked as we walked. He was watching the sand in front of him now. He stopped and picked up a broken seashell. He wrote ALGEAS in the wet sand.

“How do you say ‘sand,’ and ‘seashell,’ and ‘tide?’” I asked. He wrote ARENA, CONCHA and MAREAS.

“Waves?” I asked.

He wrote OLAS.

“Upset?” I asked. “Angry?” He looked at me, and I felt what had intoxicated me from the beginning. Julio saw me. He didn’t glance at me while finishing a meal, or look over my head while running off to basketball practice, or gaze at me late at night after I had fallen asleep, like my father had when I was a girl. Or fix lust-filled eyes on me until I agreed to sleep with him, like my last 20 boyfriends had.

Julio’s hair had dried. It fluttered around a brown cheek.

“Pepe doesn’t want English lessons. He wants to be with you,” Julio said, staring at me intently, almost accusingly. Not my fault, I would have retorted to any other boyfriend.

“All the guys want to be with the gringa. You should hear how they talk.”

“What guys?”

“Not my friends. The teachers.” Julio was threatened. By Pepe, who looked like a 5-year-old in his father’s moustache? Just as well I hadn’t made any effort to align myself with the teachers. “I’m not …” I began. The major piece of ass everybody thinks, I wanted to say. But I could see it the other way. I was a blonde American, close-up. Much later, a Mexican co-worker would explain to me that Mexican men rented American porn videos and dreamed of aggressive blonde women with great sexual hungers. They believed porn stars represented the common American woman who was constantly in the state of sexual readiness, and would do exotic things Mexican women would never even imagine. That they only needed to find the right way to trigger a gringa’s frenzy.

I picked up a seashell and drew a heart in the sand. Martha and Julio, I wrote. I felt like a caricature of a teenager, like a bikini girl in a Frankie Avalon movie. I didn’t care. Julio drew an arrow through the heart. We walked until a big outcropping of rock stopped us, then we turned back.

Kiss, I wrote in the sand, even though I knew the word in Spanish. BESAR, Julio carved with a sea shell. And he kissed me, sandy fingers at the back of my neck. I tugged his T-shirt out of his pants and urgently ran my hands up his smooth chest. What would he do if I wrestled him to the sand and took his clothes off with my teeth? Would I only prove I was the sexually abandoned creature Pepe suspected? Was I not supposed to be, even with my boyfriend? Wasn’t two months a long time to go without having sex? I hadn’t dated like this since I was 16. I didn’t know the rules anymore.

Love, I wrote, and shivered. Was I being too bold? AMAR, QUERER, he scratched high up in the packed wet sand. I knew all about sex but not about love.

Ten years earlier I thought I had loved a fellow reporter. Big personality, a funny guy, always on stage. I got tired of being his audience. Since then, I’d had a series of month-long relationships based on desire, often with young guys so I could be in control. But I wasn’t anymore. Without sex, I wasn’t controlling anything. Julio had said, come, and I had followed. All the way to Mazatlan. For what reason other than I was falling in love? With Julio, I didn’t feel like the teacher at all.

As we approached the motel, I spied the teachers in lounge chairs on the far side of the pool. Julio dropped my hand. The teachers tipped sloshing plastic cups at us, then stared with raised eyebrows. Appearing together from a late-night walk on the beach was cause for gossip. Pepe looked at me knowingly, as if we had already been together. I threw him a contemptuous look. Julio walked stiffly. I remembered the anguish of teenage insecurity. I grabbed Julio’s hand and with pounding heart, held on as we walked past the pool.

The next day I woke early, extracted myself from the sprawl of teenage girl bodies and stepped over empty beer bottles to pull on my Levis and white shirt. On the street, the sun warmed the pavement. I walked until I found a hotel with fresh flowers in the lobby. I sat in the empty dining room and ordered hot coffee and eggs with frijoles, relieved to be free from high school drama. This was the person I was supposed to be — an adult with a newspaper and a meal I could pay for.

Walking back, I found the boys at a food cart on the street, piling catsup and chopped onion, tomato and jalapenos onto hot dogs. The cart’s hand-painted sign advertised Hoot Doogs. I giggled and pointed it out to Julio.

“That’s not a joke, either,” he said sternly, then smiled at the mistake too when the hot dog man reached down into a steaming cabinet.

“Otra,” Mono said and pointed to me. The seqor handed me a weiner. I ate it slowly and entirely, not wanting to reveal I had bought myself a meal, that I had money in my pocket because I had a job, that I could set myself apart from them when I chose.

On this, our final day, we were bussed to a remote beach. My spirits were high. I had discovered a washing machine, put on my best smile for the desk clerk and been granted permission to use it. My jeans were fresh; my shirt, white again.

It was too cool to swim so we kicked a soccer ball around on the beach. The seafood feast I’d dreamed of was being prepared on grills made of halved oil drums. Butterflied shrimp sizzled, and rice and fresh peas steamed in a huge iron pot. Sand crabs scuttled at the water’s edge.

By late afternoon I was hungry again. We ate perfectly grilled shrimp and gulped down iced Coca-Colas. The hours ticked away. Soon we would be going home.

At night, we walked several blocks to a disco. Forty-five of us — teens and teachers — filled the cocktail tables and dance floor. My roommates wore shiny dresses and elaborate hairdos. They walked erect, balancing self-consciously under their coiled hair. We danced against the backdrop of a giant screen that showed us dancing. There I was, in the same pair of jeans I’d worn for five days, dancing with Julio. I watched us, to see if we looked terribly absurd. Not noticeably. I stood out because I wasn’t dressed for a cotillion.

When my mother told me to find a man like my father, I know she didn’t have a Mexican teenager who hadn’t finished high school in mind. “Your father is a good man,” my mother reminded me often. So good that when someone offered him money to have his college team shave points, he spent the night vomiting. So good that he coaxed me down a grassy hill on my bicycle again and again when I was 6 until I learned to keep the two-wheeler upright. So good that he took my brothers into the locker room after each of his games while my mother, my sister and I waited outside. During my entire childhood, I watched the man I hero-worshipped disappear behind a door that kept me out. Most of his time was spent as the central figure in a great male culture that would never include me, or become decipherable to me. Love became associated with intense, unrequited longing. Men were unattainable figures. I never expected men to love me back, so that when one did, without any effort on my part, it felt suspicious. It also felt like being reborn.

“Do you want to sit down and have a Coke?” Julio asked. In Philly, my date, or casual friend — it was never defined — would have disappeared to do a shot with friends and left me at a table, left me on the sidelines. Julio kept his hand on my back until we reached our table, then pulled my chair out. Every thoughtful thing he did almost made me apologetic, as if now it was my turn, and I should be pulling his chair out for him. I watched Mexican women accepting attention from men regally, as if their birthright. I wanted to learn it. But there was a confounding set of rules governing Mexican male and female behavior: You can touch my hand if you carry my books. You can take me to the outdoor market if you buy me an ice cream. You can, maybe someday, maybe, not a promise, maybe touch me underneath my blouse.

Mexican women were taught to withhold, withhold, withhold. From a distance, the rewards looked lucrative. Men hovered around in agitated states, eager to please with gifts and flowery attentions. I found it all exhausting. What I wanted was the profound comfort I felt next to Julio. I wanted to preserve it so badly I decided I was glad I had come to Mazatlan.

Word would fly around now that Julio and I were together. Cecilia, a pouty-lipped girl in one of my morning classes, had breezed by, whispering into my ear, “I’m going to dance with Alberto. He’s hot.” Cecilia was indeed dancing with Alberto, the physics teacher, swaying her large hips and looking at him with hooded eyes while Alberto held her by the waist. Students were after teachers. Teachers were after students. There was the veneer of proper behavior among teens, like America in the ’50s. Then there were human passions very near the proper surface. Garcia and the English teacher were inseparable. The news might reach the administration. Perhaps I should have been worried, but for the moment, I did not care.

Susan McKinney de Ortega has been a high school English teacher, publicity writer, life-drawing model, bookseller, travel guide writer, massage therapist and television news reporter. She has published short stories in the San Miguel Writer and is at work on a novel. She and her Mexican husband have two young bilingual daughters.

A better border is possible

A more enlightened boundary could make us richer, save lives and even help rescue the Rust Belt. An expert explains

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A better border is possible (Credit: Reuters/Fred Greaves)

Ever since Mitt Romney became the presumptive nominee in the Republican primary, something curious has happened to his hardline stance on immigration: It’s largely disappeared. Though he previously supported “attrition through enforcement” – a deeply disturbing approach already in practice in some states that sets out to make working and living conditions so bad for undocumented immigrants that they, in theory, “self-deport” — Mitt recently claimed he would “study” Marco Rubio’s more forgiving immigration bill.

But as Romney clumsily half-courts the Hispanic vote, conditions at our southern border are growing more dire. The brutal drug-related violence that has long gripped Mexico is on the rise. Two weeks ago, 49 bodies missing their heads, hands and legs were found near Monterey, Mexico.  A message left nearby indicated the Zetas cartel was responsible. One week earlier, 18 dismembered bodies were found in Guadalajara. One week before that, 23 bodies, with indications of torture, were found hanging from a bridge in Nuevo Laredo on the U.S. border. They are casualties of an apocalyptic drug war, a thriving human smuggling trade and, more broadly, a deeply dysfunctional relationship between the U.S. and Mexico.

Both Romney’s rhetoric and this recent rise in violence belie our extraordinarily schizophrenic attitudes toward immigration and the Mexican border. But according to Steven Bender, law professor at Seattle University, those can be fixed. In his new book, “Run for the Border: Vice and Virtue in U.S.-Mexico Border Crossings,” Bender takes a historical look at the north- and southbound journeys that citizens of both countries have taken since the U.S. and Mexican boundaries were defined. He argues that much of our border policy is determined by long-held stereotypes of the Mexican crosser – the lazy immigrant coming to gouge social services, the sly immigrant coming to steal jobs, or the criminal immigrant endangering American communities – when, in fact, the vast majority of Mexican immigrants come to work for their own survival and that of their families. Bender also makes clear that Mexican workers are possibly more crucial to the American economy now than they’ve ever been.

“Run for the Border” calls for a more honest and, in Bender’s words, “compassionate” border policy that can make both the United States and Mexico safer and stronger.

So far, border policy and, to an extent, immigration reform don’t seem to have become as prominent in this election cycle as they were in 2008. Do you agree? And why do you think that is?

I think both Democrats and Republicans realize that they’re at an impasse and that there’s little political capital to be gained by pushing forth immigration reform, particularly comprehensive immigration reform. Democrats are going to resist anything that’s too restrictive, and Republicans are going to resist anything that has anything involving what they would term “amnesty,” which would include the DREAM Act.  So, even portions of immigration reform that have previously been bipartisan – such as the DREAM Act – are stymied awaiting the election.

Four years ago, on the other hand, there was an assumption that we would finally turn as a nation to resolve the problem of immigration reform. But quickly, with states like Arizona and Alabama taking their own action, the dynamics of immigration within the U.S. shifted, and then the global economic crisis hit. Traditionally, it’s very difficult to have realistic, meaningful, compassionate immigration reform in times of economic turmoil. And now that we seem to be starting to emerge from the economic distress, the onset of election season politics has further stymied reform. It’s really a matter of getting past the election and going [forward] from there.

There are enormous differences between how the U.S. deals with its Mexican and Canadian borders. Since the middle of the Bush administration, our restrictions on the Canadian border have become tighter, but they are still much more lax than those on the Mexican border, even though a fair amount of marijuana is trafficked into the U.S. from Canada.

That’s correct. And it’s interesting that in the wake of 9/11, even though none of the 9/11 terrorists had crossed the U.S.-Mexico border, we have focused so much energy on the southern border as a gateway, presumably for terrorists. There has really been only one possible terrorist link to the U.S.-Mexico border since 9/11, yet we have focused so much in terms of resources and technology and wall building on that border in the name of homeland security. It’s today’s face of immigration – the Mexican face – that explains why there is so much emphasis on walling off Mexico rather than Canada.

[Also] interesting in relation to Canada is that, in the last couple of weeks, the Canadian paper The Globe has run a series on Canada’s immigration woes. The editorial that opened the series stated that Canada needs one million immigrants, in the short-run, to handle the necessary jobs, given the aging population. That is, of course, completely opposite from the tenor of the debate in the United States, where we view immigrants as somehow coming in and stealing jobs to which they’re not entitled.

Recently we’ve learned that more than half of babies born in the U.S. are now non-white. How do you think the country’s changing demographics will affect the way we think about border policy and immigration?

Well, at the same time that Anglo births are decreasing, the Mexican birthrate is also decreasing. But rather than comparing, it’s important to note that ultimately we may be in the same position as Canada, in terms of needing more young, viable immigrant labor. And, given the contributions of immigrants to the overall birth rate (including immigrants from all countries), and in light of the pressing needs of our social security system, our need to compete in the global economy, and the needs of the housing market, we ought to celebrate the fact that we still remain viable as a country, in large part due to immigrant births.

The American military has been experimenting with drone technology on the border for years.  There are now concerns that border vigilantes – on the U.S. side – could begin to use drones, which are already being purchased by police departments. 

There’s a long history, particularly in the U.S. and on the Arizona-Mexico and Texas-Mexico borders, of vigilantes. Most recently, the Minuteman Project vigilante campaign was really the precursor to Arizona’s immigration law — SB1070. There were a number of documented instances where the Minuteman project and ranchers exceeded the U.S.’s lawful bounds. As for drones, there are some chilling comparisons to the use of drones in Asia and the European Union. Considering the possibility that the border could some day be patrolled by drones, it’s important for us to ask this question: If, as I posit in my new book, undocumented workers who are crossing the border are among the most virtuous of border crossers, how is a drone going to evaluate and assess virtue? Not at all. The drone is going to be programmed simply to keep [border crossers] out, whether they are bringing drugs or they’re coming to work in U.S. fields and factories. So, I fear that.

You argue that Americans need to reduce demand for drugs, rather than simply cracking down on the supply. How do we do that?

We’re basically the biggest drug user in the world [sitting] next to a poor supplier country, Mexico. One of the ways to reduce demand is through selective legalization. The funds that our country would accrue through that change could be used for greater intervention and treatment – which is part of the answer to your question. But I also suggest the possibility of a moral imperative for U.S. residents to take greater responsibility for the mounting death toll in Mexico from the drug wars, and, in light of that, to really re-think drug use from that perspective.

The book argues that American cultural and economic needs can converge with those of Mexico, leading to a “compassionate” border policy.   

Yes. There are a number of grounds on which the economic (and other) interests of U.S. residents converge with a border policy that expands lawful immigration. Such a policy would assist the ailing social security system, address the need for replacement laborers, [and] aid the housing market – which depends on entry-level buyers. Increased immigration is also a way of competing with emerging economies, such as China and India. Immigrants are going to be essential for remaining competitive in a global market place.

You believe that immigrant populations can have a “renaissance” effect on economically depressed U.S. cities. Where has this happened? 

I think virtually every city that’s lately experienced a boost in immigration has experienced the potential for a renaissance that they may not recognize because immigrants tend to be far more entrepreneurial than other residents, in terms of everything from starting new restaurants and stores to running other businesses. Particularly when you’re looking at an infusion of immigrants into a place where there’s otherwise been a population exodus – the Rust Belt area, for example — and notably in places that have also been regions of backlash against immigration, such as Hazleton, Pennsylvania. These areas have failed to recognize the potential renaissance in their communities [due to] immigrants.

Many American corporations take advantage of the maquiladora structure – Mexico’s largely unregulated manufacturing system. Like American illegal immigrants, workers in maquiladoras lack the legal protections that most American workers take for granted. But are they worse off than undocumented Mexican laborers in the U.S.?

The laws between the United States and Mexico – considering the flashpoints of environmental protections and labor laws – are fairly similar, but in practice they’re quite different. Through corruption and through lack of resources for enforcement, environmental and labor protections that we take for granted in the United States are easily subverted in Mexico. And so the workers in [Mexico's] factories and the citizens in surrounding communities face worse environmental hazards and receive lower real wages, particularly in the borderlands communities where the cost of living is not much lower than across the border in the United States. Those workers have a very difficult time making ends meet. And that’s what prompts the allure of making a few dollars an hour vs. a few dollars a day; and that’s what has prompted, over recent years, particularly since NAFTA, a very strong push of immigrants across the border looking for jobs in the United States. The maquiladoras also benefit Mexico in particular ways. Certainly they provide, and have provided, a number of jobs that pay better than many other jobs in Mexico. At the same time, they have contributed to the uprooting of families from the interior of the country. They have been sites of labor abuses, and they’ve contributed to environmental degradation in the communities they’re found in.

They may also be to blame for the huge amount of murders of civilian women in Juarez. Some have noted that the poor treatment of women has been so institutionalized, through the factories, that murder somehow becomes acceptable. 

Yes. It’s the idea that was suggested by a law professor, Elvia Arriola, who has extensively studied the impact of the maquiladoras on women, particularly on the hundreds of unsolved murders – what is a femicide in Juarez over the years. She contends that the culture of subordination of workers, particularly that of female workers – who are desired by the employers because, among other things, they are perceived as less likely to object to the miserable working conditions – has contributed to a subordination of women in the broader community and to a local culture that does not value their lives and is not concerned with solving these mass deaths.

Many U.S. citizens go to Mexico to retire, which, as you discuss, has a complicated effect on the Mexican economy. There are benefits to an influx of relatively wealthy people, but there are also very specific ways that it harms the Mexican economy.  

Yes. Like the maquiladora experience in Mexico, the influx of U.S. residents as retirees, or even as buyers of second homes and vacation homes, really leaves a conflicted economic record. Certainly there’s a boost to the local economy, with the initial building of these retirement and other homes, but that tends to be a fleeting economic presence, and if anything it drives up prices and really excludes Mexican residents from the prime real estate. You have this dichotomy then between the sort of walled-in southern-California-type oasis that’s inhabited by the retirees and the working-class housing of the laborers on the other side of the walled-in community. And that’s a dichotomy that we find in the United States as well, but it’s a particularly stark contrast in these Mexican retirement havens.

A running theme of the book seems to be that the Mexican government has tended to make border policy decisions that are rational in terms of economic self-interest, while the U.S. government has behaved in its own self-interest, with an added slice of irrationality based on stereotypes and fears. How do you think race plays into the decisions of our government?  

One of the main ways it plays out here is in how we undervalue immigrant labor. The Mexican face has become the face of immigration, and we simply don’t see virtue in Mexican border crossers, whether they’re coming for jobs (which is most often the case) or for other purposes. We tend to view their entrance in a derogatory way: that they are coming to either commit crime through drug dealing or to wrest public services away from more deserving populations. That’s the lens through which we view immigration proposals, and that’s why there have been such stymied efforts to pass comprehensive immigration reform. It’s because of the Mexican face of immigration and how racialized that debate has become.

There is a dynamic that has emerged in the immigration debate in which, while it might be improper in some civilized settings to make overt racialized attacks on Mexicans and Mexican-Americans, by couching the attack as against “undocumented immigrants,” anything goes.  Anything can be said with impunity about “undocumented immigrants” because they’re being discussed as a group that is apparently not racialized. But in fact we all know that the things that are said about immigrants are being said about Mexicans.

The war on drugs has narrowed down the cartels to the most efficient and brutal groups, and violence against civilians in Mexico is increasing. What can be done?

The Mexican government needs to return to its long-standing policy – what is unfortunately a policy of corruption, but a less bloody solution – of treating the drug cartels more as businessmen, similar to how the United States treats the alcohol industry. I don’t suggest that lightly, but with the mounting death toll, that’s a reasonable compromise that makes more sense and that better serves Mexico.

Wouldn’t such a policy would allow for greater competition and decreased profits for the few cartels currently in power? 

I think what the drug cartels would be most opposed to would be selective decriminalization or legalization of drugs in the United States, particularly of marijuana, which might alone account for 60 percent of cartel profits in Mexico. That is what would scare the cartels to death: If we on the other side of the border finally tackled the elephant in the room of decriminalization and legalization beyond medicinal marijuana.

As for decreased criminalization within Mexico, I believe the cartels prefer whatever leads to more chaos. If lives are viewed as expendable, then there is potential for profit in great chaos.  So, I think that some of the cartels would, I agree, be opposed to increased legality within Mexico because they would lose that advantage of profit and the chaos that ensues today.

It seems unlikely that anti-immigration sentiment can be changed through policy alone, and that we may need vigorous public re-education before we can manage to get legislators to change policy in the first place.  

I agree. I think that to begin to address the derogatory image of the immigrant, before there can be anything along the order of compassionate immigration reform, we need to re-learn who these migrants are.  And I think that happens in face-to-face local settings, where people begin to hear the stories of these workers, begin to realize the compelling human interests that are driving them, and begin to recognize, really, the desperation that comes with poverty and that the immigrant’s search is really a search for the American dream. I think that when those dialogues occur, one-to-one, person-to-person, face-to-face, the image of the migrant can change into one of a virtuous contributor to the U.S. economy.

But given that xenophobic sentiment seems to be on the rise in some parts of the country, this seems difficult. In Arizona, people are going to have interactions with immigrants regardless of whether they wish to or not, but plenty of people who strongly oppose immigration live far from the border or immigrant populations – they could be in Appalachian Ohio, for example. They might not have any of these interactions. 

I actually think that the long-term is going to demand leadership from political leaders, community leaders, and civic leaders. And it’s going to need to happen in what I could call bastions of hate, which include parts of Arizona and places such as Hazleton, Pennsylvania, Farmer’s Branch, Texas, and parts of the South. That’s where these dialogues are going to have to take effect, and unfortunately it’s not an overnight thing.  In the meantime, people are dying crossing the border, and people are dying in the drug war. And while my book calls for, in the first instance, an immediate halt to the bloodshed while policies are transformed, realistically the blood is going to continue to flow while we hold these crucial debates and while we rethink what it means to be an American.

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Katie Ryder is an editorial fellow at Salon.

Mexican drug cartel calls truce for pope’s visit

As His Holiness visits Mexico, one brutal drug gang is giving citizens a brief break from violence

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Mexican drug cartel calls truce for pope's visitAn image of Pope Benedict XVI is taped to a wall, topped with a Vatican-colored bow, in Leon, Mexico, Thursday March 22, 2012 (Credit: AP Photo/Eduardo Verdugo)

Late last week, residents of Michoacán received some of the best news the dangerous Mexican state has gotten in months. Friday afternoon, the powerful drug cartel the Knights Templar (Los caballeros templarios) announced a three-day truega, or truce, on violent action. The reason? Not the pleas of terrorized residents, and certainly not the futile efforts of state police, who still remain nearly powerless against the cartels. The cause of this miracle – -if you would call it that — was nothing short of the pope himself.

In handmade posters hung in various places around the state, the Knights Templar announced their plan to renounce violence during Pope Benedict XVI’s three-day sojourn to Mexico this weekend. The posters, which were hung near busy intersections and pedestrian bridges, announced their “welcome” to the pope and renounced any “violent action” during his visit. Translated into English, their signs read:

The Knights Templar renounces any military or violent action. We are not murderers. We welcome the pope.

So far, with the pope one day into his visit, the truce has apparently held (though the Knights Templar kept up the killings until the day of his arrival). Though brief, the renunciation of violence is an atypical move for a drug ring that is as idiosyncratic as it is brutal. Recruiting many of its members from nearby rehabilitation centers, the Knights prohibit members from using drugs, and despite their well-documented history of violence, are devoutly religious. Among its requirements is a mandatory initiation that requires potential members to perform a blood ritual and dress up in the medieval garb that inspires their name.

At the same time, the Knights Templar is regarded as one of the most notoriously brutal cartels in the country, second only to the “Zetas,” a drug ring formed in the early ’90s that controls much of western Mexico. Reliance on violent tactics have helped the Knights Templar establish one of the largest amphetamine trafficking schemes in record time: The cartel was only founded last spring as an offshoot of La Familia Michoacana, another cartel.

When they first announced themselves, the Knights hung more than 40 banners, or narcomantas, across the state with a message promising security. “Our commitment is to safeguard order, avoid robberies, kidnapping, extortion, and to shield the state from rival organizations,” they said.
Their first killing happened days later. Now the leading cartel in the state, the Knights have proven their dominance in meth trafficking. near the area, such as the Sinaloa Cartel and the Beltran Leyva organization. Most citizens of Michoacán refuse to talk openly about the Knights Templar. Those who do speak cautiously, saying the cartel never harmed the community or complaining about constant presence of the federal police.
The pope, for his part, will take up the issue of drug violence on Sunday. According to the New York Times, he’ll blame the violence on traffickers’ greed. Then on Monday he’ll take off for Cuba — and for Michoacán, the drug war will resume.

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The pope’s controversial visit

Benedict XVI bypasses Mexico City to go to an ultra-conservative town where women are imprisoned for abortions

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The pope's controversial visitAn image of Pope Benedict XVI is taped to a wall, topped with a Vatican-colored bow, in Leon, Mexico, Thursday March 22, 2012 (Credit: AP Photo/Eduardo Verdugo)
This article originally appeared on GlobalPost.

LEON, GUANAJUATO, Mexico — The arrival of Pope Benedict XVI here is being celebrated by many, but not by all.

Global PostGuanajuato is one of Mexico’s most religious, conservative states, and the birthplace of President Felipe Calderon’s center-right National Action Party. The pope’s decision to visit this town — and bypass Mexico City — sends a message to the country’s more liberal capital.

Few issues bring the contrast into focus as sharply as abortion. Mexico City legalized abortion; Guanajuato cracks down hard on any signs of it.

Maria Lopez (not her real name) got pregnant in Leon in 2008 when she was 19, and she couldn’t afford to bring up a child at that time. She took the drug misoprostol, used for chemically induced abortions in many Western countries, to provoke a miscarriage. She ended up in an emergency room with severe abdominal pains.

“A doctor arrived to examine me, and she opened my legs almost in anger, saying ‘let’s see what you’ve done,’” says Lopez, now 22.

The doctors and nurses at the hospital reported her to the authorities. She was arrested and imprisoned. She was later released on bail and served a nine-month sentence under house arrest.

Between 2000 and 2010, 168 women have been jailed for having abortions or miscarriages in the state of Guanajuato. Some of them were incarcerated on homicide charges. Currently some 30 women are under investigation here for aborting their pregnancies or miscarrying, sometimes through natural causes, according to non-profits.

Nearly one in five pregnancies end in spontaneous miscarriages.

“We believe that it’s the hierarchy of the Catholic Church that represents the biggest obstacle to access to safe abortion for Mexican women,” says Maria Consuela. She is the director of a non-profit organization called “Catholics for the Right to Decide,” which campaigns for women’s sexual and reproductive rights.

In 2007, Mexico City legalized abortion in the first trimester of pregnancy, angering the Catholic Church. In response, and with encouragement from the church, 16 Mexican states adjusted their constitutions to protect the fetuses, beginning at the moment of conception and turning abortion — technically — into murder.

Abortion is permitted across Mexico in extreme circumstances such as when a woman has been raped, the fetus shows signs of serious deformities, or the pregnancy puts a women’s life at risk. But those monitoring such cases say authorities often fail to fulfill their obligation.

Women in conservative states like Guanajuato who visit hospitals or clinics with pregnancy complications often face suspicion — whether they’ve had an abortion or not.

“In Leon, they start to question you, accusing you of provoking the situation, and they try to investigate you to see if you did,” says Eugenia Lopez, director of the feminist sexual rights non-profit Balance.

Mexico is estimated to have the world’s second largest Catholic population after Brazil, but Catholic Mass attendance is shrinking.

The issue of abortion has divided Mexico. Most approve only of abortion in certain circumstances such as after rape, according to a survey by Catholics for the Right to Decide.

“We don’t want to end innocent lives,” says Irene Lopez, a Mexican housewife.

Yet those women who can afford it travel to the capital from other parts of the country to end their unwanted pregnancies legally and safely.

Veronica Cruz, founder of the Guanajuato-based women’s rights group Las Libres (the Free), says that women with money can get abortions secretly in private hospitals in most Mexican states. It is poor, young women who are being criminalized, she says.

“Poor women have to go to cheaper, backstreet clandestine services that aren’t hygienic where they risk their health and their lives,” says Cruz. “And these women are at risk of losing both their lives and their liberty because they are then denounced by medical staff when they seek medical help following complications.”

Mexican law separates the church and state, and priests are supposed to be barred from preaching politics from the pulpit.

But with a general election looming in July, Mexico’s Roman Catholic Church issued guidelines on how Mexicans should vote, emphasizing they place prime importance on “the right to life, starting at conception.”

As long as abortion remains illegal and taboo in some Mexican towns, women like Maria Lopez will continue to be criminalized.

“The priests say that you should have all of the children that God sends you,” she says, “and I say OK well if God sends me 20 children should I have them even though I can’t feed them?”

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The unexpected lessons of Mexican food

Nachos and burritos helped me understand my immigrant father and make sense of my strange biracial existence

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The unexpected lessons of Mexican food (Credit: Ildi Papp via Shutterstock)

I first discovered cooking at age 5, when the earthy smell of boiling pinto beans lured me into the kitchen. It was my dad. He dripped them into an oily skillet and smashed them into a lumpy paste. I started pulling on his apron straps, begging to know the name of the concoction.

“Your grandmother always made this,” he said, stirring the bubbling brown stew and pinching in cumin. “I’ll teach you how to make it. Here, try it.” He raised the dripping spoon to my mouth. The mild tingle of cumin and the soft squish of beans lingered on my pallet, like a spicy fingerprint.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt the push and pull of growing up biracial in America. In the Mexican side of my family I was known as the white one. Even though I spoke Spanish, it was the formal kind learned from classrooms and reading, rather than the one you pick up by bartering with local shop owners over the price of firm avocados, or arguing with parents over a ridiculous curfew. On the other side, my cousins called me a “Wexican,” a white Mexican despite my similarly toned skin.

Cooking, however, taught me to channel my frustrations by creating foods through the addition of sour cream, cilantro, cayenne pepper and tender meat. I could make a food that doesn’t have to be Mexican or American.

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Since I was 6, my cultural anthropologist father took me on his research projects along the border in South Texas. He wanted to show me the tiny corner in his hometown that birthed the iconic Latino food: the nacho.

We ended our 14-hour drive from Colorado as the sun began to set behind the sandy wasteland known as West Texas. We pulled into the Best Western for refuge, the only hotel for almost a hundred miles. The Anglo man gawked at my dark-skinned father and his freckled child, and answered our unasked question: “We’re out of rooms.” He shuffled his papers to avoid eye contact. As my father dragged me closer to the counter, he strengthened his grip on my tiny hand and asked why the parking lot was empty if they were out of rooms.

“Conference,” the man said, glaring at my father and me without blinking.

We spent the night on a ratty mattress supported by cinder blocks at another motel a few miles away. When dawn came, we started our trip again as if nothing happened.

“I hate white people,” I muttered as we approached the sign welcoming us to my dad’s hometown, Eagle Pass. He jerked the car off the road and pounded the brake. He sighed, wiped the sweat from his forehead and glasses, and demanded that I never utter those words again. “How would your mother feel if she heard you say that?” he said.

- – - – - -

We arrived at our destination, Eagle Pass, Texas. We weaved through the bustling streets of downtown, lined with banks, money exchanges and a line outside of the local meat market and bakery that snaked past a convenience store where people bought icy Cokes while they waited. From here, we saw the concrete bridge connecting Mexico and the United States over the Rio Grande River. During the ’60s, my dad crafted lures on both sides when he fished for catfish, carp, turtles and alligator. Now, the heat sensors and armed guards stop him from crossing as freely. We parked in front of an old hotel and began to wander around town.

Inside the Mancha Meat Market and Bakery, a sharp, sweet smell of caramelized sugar filled the room, emerging from the side ovens cooking sweet bread glazed in a strawberry coat. On Saturdays, however, the stench of bloody, uncooked cow head lurks toward the empanadas and sweet bread.

Barbacoa, slow-cooked beef, had served as the Mancha family’s specialty for 70 years. Every week they divide up several beef heads, place its remains in thigh-high containers, lower it into a hot pit, lined with mesquite coals, behind the bakery, and wake up at 6 a.m. the next morning to find the juicy aroma of tender meat, inviting you for a breakfast treat. On Sunday they used to sell well over a hundred pounds of meat for $3 a pound. Hordes of Mexican and Anglo mothers wait patiently to get their bounty for dinner that evening. There were only two weekends when Eagle Pass was left without barbacoa: once when elder Mancha died in the early ’90s from heart disease, and the other when his wife joined him several years later.

Being one of the first Hispanics to get a Ph.D. in his program at the University of Pennsylvania weighed down my father whenever he returned to Texas. He liked to keep his accomplishments tucked away from most people. When he stopped by his friends’ bakeries, banks and law offices in Eagle Pass they always greeted him with endearing shouts and playful insults. But underneath the handful of dinner invites and barbecues, he felt a gradual separation with his past.

Sometimes, I think my dad tries to repair his link back to Texas through his students, especially the minority ones. He directed the ethnic studies and chaired the anthropology departments, and in his spare time takes on a mentor role for the first generation and students of color. At lunch he sketches their life plans on ketchup-stained napkins and tells them not to take any crap from losers. Most of those students go to grad school or work as a professional in a high-powered “something.” Not once during these meetings did I ever hear him tell students how to go back to their old lives, Santa Fe, Detroit or Los Angeles, after college. Likely, he was trying to figure it out for himself.

- – - – - -

We trekked along the international bridge against a stationary line of cars waiting to enter the United States. Our two-hour wait in customs seemed like nothing compared to their four-hour wait in the unforgiving Texas heat. The sound of nearby dogs barking and angry shouting in Spanish caused me to jump, but before I could turn around, my dad tugged at my shirt, a signal for me to keep going.

The dim glow from the Moderno’s antique lamps and wooden tables made it feel like a speakeasy, rather than a restaurant. During the 1950s it served Mexican as the hangout for Mexican and Texas politicians, including President Lyndon Johnson and Maverick County Judge Roberto Bibb, conniving the different ways the Mexican vote would be delivered. As in those days, people still spent their dollars on beer, milanesa and, according to folk legend, the famous nachos, invented in this restaurant.

The waiter brought our mountain of freshly hot tortilla chips, each with some refried pinto beans, topped with a small slice of cheddar cheese and crowned with a deep green slice of jalapeno. We scarfed down the nachos like a horde of hungry javelinas. For the next 10 minutes we communicated in grunts and moans, only aware of the explosion of flavor in our mouths and the flow of dense cheese bubbling in our stomach.

The nacho, according to my father’s stories, represents the fusion between the Spanish colonizers’ new-world dairy and the Aztecs’ corn and chile. Throughout the centuries, the recipe morphed, first with the independence of Texas and California from Mexico, and then the immigration boom in the 20thcentury. By the 1980s, even though Cortez and Montezuma had withered into the pages of history, their spirits live on in the hot plates of these fried delicacies.

- – - – - -

In my junior year of college, I decided go on my own adventure south of the border. But this time, I flew past Piedras Negras and landed in Buenos Aires, where the Mexican restaurants left my mouth bitter and my wallet dry. The Argentine diet consists of rich cheese, juicy steak and fluffy bread, carried over by the millions of Western European immigrants at the beginning of the 20thcentury. The country’s distance and lack of immigrants from Mexico left Argentines confused over the simplest of Mexican dishes. The huevos rancheros scraped against my mouth, and the weak margarita left me thirsty. I missed spicy food so much, that my biweekly trip to the Bolivian vendor for jalapeños resembled a drug deal more than a produce purchase. Something needed to change.

So I started cooking. I spent the day before my feast assembling the ingredients from all over town. The Bolivian woman from down the street sold me the jalapeños, a 10-minute subway ride took me to the dietary shop where I bought dried black beans, and a long bus ride brought me to the only Mexican restaurant that hustled individual tortillas for a dollar apiece.

I made Guillermo cook the black beans, while I diced the tomatoes into fine cubes. Even though he claimed vegetarianism, he rarely ate beans and pulverized them in the skillet with childlike curiosity and enthusiasm. He never knew Mexican food beyond the posh restaurants in the gentrified neighborhood of the city, and saw this as an authentic way to learn about Mexican culture from a real live Mexican.

“I’m technically American, Guillermo,” I told him as I started slicing the avocados. “My dad is first generation and my mom is white. I’m considered Hispanic.”

“Well, you’re the only Mexican I know,” he said. “If you speak Spanish, cook Mexican food, and have Montaño as a last name, I don’t see how you could be anything else.”

The waterfall of beaten eggs I poured into the sizzling skillet engulfed the fried tortilla cubes, until the batter thickened.

“It’s a Mexican peasant dish,” I said sprinkling in the peppers. “When the ingredients in your house were just about to go bad, you threw them all in a pan and ate it.”

Guillermo and his friends took hearty spoonfuls from the skillet, and before I could stab a piece of egg for myself, they wanted more. I slathered the beans Guillermo flattened into a rough paste over a fried tortilla chip, topped it off with a thick piece of cheddar and a single jalapeño slice, and offered it to Guillermo. He ate it all in one greedy bite. After a few seconds of hurried chewing, he stopped, opened his mouth and screamed,

“IT’S TOO HOT! IT FEELS LIKE HELL ON MY TONGUE!” he said right before he gulped down two glasses of strong margaritas. Several hours later, and a bottle of tequila later, he passed out on his bed finally knowing what “real” Mexican food tasted like.

For the next couple of months in Argentina, I cooked regularly for my Argentine friends and told stories about cooking with my dad. The entire time, they noticed how my syntax and vocabulary differed from theirs. Even though I spoke Spanish as a second language, they always referred to me as their “Mexican friend.”

- – - – - -

My dad and I eat at Chipotle when we don’t feel like cooking or want to get out of the house. I order a veggie burrito stuffed with grilled peppers, wet black beans, sticky white rice and cheese. My dad usually orders the same, but tortilla-less, because of his doctor-mandated hypoglycemic diet. Even though he likes to call Chipotle “the Mexican PF Chang,” he likes the taste and befriended everyone who works there. We know the Mexican women behind the counter and we always tell stories about Piedras Negras, while they lament Mexico City and brag about their children winning college scholarships.

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Armando Montano is a senior Spanish and Latin American Studies major at Grinnell College. He's an aspiring journalist with a passion for cheeseburgers and travel.

Pick of the week: Will Ferrell’s incredibly strange Mexican adventure

Pick of the week: Don't overthink it. Just enjoy the faux-'70s Mex-ploitation wonders of "Casa de Mi Padre"

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Pick of the week: Will Ferrell's incredibly strange Mexican adventureGenesis Rodriguez and Will Ferrell in "Casa de Mi Padre"

History will judge whether Will Ferrell’s decision to make a movie entirely in Spanish — and in loving imitation of a genre of Mexican film and TV that most English-speaking Americans have presumably never watched — goes down as an act of far-sighted demographic brilliance or a bizarre and pointless practical joke. Well, OK, it probably won’t. It’s already clear that most reviews of “Casa de Mi Padre” — which was written by Andrew Steele and directed by Matt Piedmont, both part of Ferrell’s “Saturday Night Live”/Funny or Die posse — will be tepid or worse. And mainstream audiences can completely be forgiven for wondering what the hell kind of movie this is and why it exists, and for feeling that they’re somehow not in on the joke.

Even when I proclaim that much of “Casa de Mi Padre” is not funny on purpose, and that people who complain about that are missing the point — well, I might be missing the point too, right? Will Ferrell became rich and famous as an entertainer who makes people laugh, and the audience that wants to watch him push outside that box, into some anxious zone of post-Situationist conceptual art, is probably a lot smaller. But Ferrell has been moving in that direction for a while. I’d argue that his best bits in “Anchorman” or “Talladega Nights” or “The Other Guys” or even way back in “Old School” come when he stretches beyond conventional comedy into strange and uncomfortable places. (He also played a straight dramatic role last year, in the universally ignored alcoholism drama “Everything Must Go.”)

But let’s get back to my original question: Is “Casa de Mi Padre” brilliant or pointless? Indubitably it’s both, as Ron Burgundy might put it. It’s a parody of something so specific that it never quite existed in the first place: the Mexican telenovela plus the spaghetti western plus the straight-to-VHS action flicks of the ’70s, maybe. If you fell asleep in the hot-tub time machine and woke up stoned in 1982, this is the movie you’d find yourself watching on some UHF channel (right after the soccer match between Tigres and Toluca). Some of its gags absolutely fall flat — having a climactic action scene replaced with still photos of miniatures is pretty funny, while an on-screen note apologizing for it is not — but considered as a whole it’s a wonderful and hilarious phenomenon, most of it is executed to Dadaist perfection.

“Casa de Mi Padre” gets funnier as it goes along, especially if you’re paying enough attention to notice the constant continuity errors, editing glitches, mismatched musical cues and recycled backdrops. It’s funniest of all if you speak at least a little Spanish, the better to appreciate Ferrell’s perfectly stilted line readings — if you want to look at it this way, he’s playing a bad actor, playing a dumb but noble character, in another language — or the delicious supporting performances of Gael García Bernal and Diego Luna as a pair of slime-oozing narcotraficantes. I have no idea how “Casa de Mi Padre” will play with Latino and Latin American audiences, but as Rene Rodriguez’s largely sympathetic review in the Miami Herald suggests, they’re likely to get a lot more of the gags. (Initial release of this film is limited to 600 or so theaters, many of them in heavily Latino areas of the West and Southwest.)

Ferrell, Piedmont and Steele have faithfully captured a certain strain of ’70s and ’80s Mexican pop entertainment, in which the rise of the drug lords (fueled in their turn by Yankee greed) is contrasted with a highly sentimental depiction of the rugged and noble Mexican spirit. That spirit is here embodied in Ferrell’s stolid and none-too-bright Armando Alvarez, a rancher in the rural north who pines for the approval of his landowner papa (legendary Mexican film and TV actor Pedro Armendáriz Jr., in his final role) and yearns for a woman who will love the land and water and starlit skies as he does. Armando delivers this monologue straight into the camera, while inspirational music abruptly kicks into gear on the soundtrack and his father and his sleazy, sideburn-wearing brother Raul (Luna) shift uneasily on their feet. But Raul’s ultra-hot Mexico City girlfriend, Sonia (Genesis Rodriguez, an actual Mexican soap star), is overcome with emotion. If no one else notices that she’s the woman for Armando, she does.

How you respond to that scene might determine how you feel about “Casa de Mi Padre.” It’s hammy, shamelessly melodramatic and technically inept (all of that intentionally) — but it’s supposed to work on you anyway, if you’ll let it. Similarly, a barroom confrontation between Armando, Raul and the supremely evil drug lord called La Onza (Bernal), begins as pure shtick and eventually becomes an evisceration of United States drug and immigration policy that would be completely impermissible in an American film. (I can’t remember which one of them first refers to Americans as a race of “shit-eating monster babies,” because I was laughing too hard.)

That moment of biting social criticism comes and goes, as does the dynamite norteño musical number “Yo No Se,” performed by Ferrell with Adrian Martinez and Efren Ramirez (playing a pair of loyal-sidekick ranch hands). There’s a completely unmotivated and splatterific shootout at a wedding, which tragically interrupts an awesome Spanish cover of “Whiter Shade of Pale,” performed by Venezuelan pop star José Luis Rodríguez (aka “La Puma”). There’s a vision quest led by an outrageously fake animatronic white leopard, and loaded up with the psychedelic, pseudo-Aztec claptrap that’s such a central element in Mexican pop culture. Then there’s the completely schizophrenic depiction of Americans, who are corrupt and mendacious morons in one scene, and John Wayne white knights in the next. (This movie was made by a bunch of gringos, but they’ve done their pinche homework.)

Inevitably, people are comparing “Casa de Mi Padre” to “Death Proof,” the fake ’70s exploitation flick that was Quentin Tarantino’s half of “Grindhouse.” (I would also suggest “Rubber,” French director Quentin Dupieux’s meta-meditation on the no-budget American horror film.) In both cases, asking what the point is becomes an unanswerable Zen koan: If you’re posing the question, the movie already didn’t work for you. I think the point of “Casa de Mi Padre” is that a major Hollywood comedy star made a preposterous and delightful low-budget movie in Spanish, for no reason except that the absurdity of the premise appealed to him, and because he wants to push his celebrity in unexpected directions. But maybe it’s not even that complicated. Maybe it’s just that when Bernal’s unctuous drug lord makes a phone call from poolside, surrounded by girls in tiny bikinis, he uses exactly the right ultra-high-tech toy from 30-odd years ago, and it’s beautiful and funny and expresses a lot of things without saying a word, and that’s quite enough.

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