Hank Hyena
Kill the yeast beast!
Yogurt-soaked tampons, carnivorous tree bark and boiled panties all crush vaginal thrush.
Dec. 14, 1999
“Soak a tampon in plain yogurt that has active live cultures and insert it into your vulva,” suggested Rean Cross, University of Toronto sexuality education media coordinator, in an interview with Naked World Thursday. “Or squirt it inside yourself with a spermicidal applicator.
“It’s kinda messy,” she admitted. “But for a lot of women, yogurt is the best ticket to combat candida.”
Yeast fungus, also known as Candida albicans or thrush, is still baking belligerently in female crotches despite all the gynecological attempts to annihilate it. The cottage-cheesey discharge thrives profusely in hot, acidic environments that have weakened immune systems.
Tight polyester pants provide a perfect playground for the annoying organism. Fun foods like alcohol, sugar, caffeine and refined carbohydrates also bring on the infection. Additional culprits are stress, antibiotics, birth-control pills and contaminated sex partners. Yes, men are yeasty, too.
“We don’t recommend pharmaceutical medicines immediately,” explained Cross, “because some have a toxic affect on your liver. The alternative treatments are really worth trying.”
Yogurt tops the University of Toronto’s list of self-help solutions. Inserting garlic cloves or capsules of boric acid powder is also recommended. Douching with vinegar and water or golden seal herb and myrrh is deemed effective, but women are urged to not overuse this method or the vagina’s friendly natural bacteria will be destroyed.
Cranberry juice is also touted as a curative, and all one has to do is drink it.
The British are battling yeast with additional weapons, suggests the (London) Daily Telegraph in a Nov. 24 column by Dr. Sarah Brewer. Boiling one’s knickers or steaming and pressing the infected underwear with a hot iron is strongly advised, because yeast spores aren’t killed in low-temperature washing cycles.
Another thrush-crusher, claims Dr. Brewer, is an herbal extract made from the bark of a bizarre Brazilian tree called the Lapacho. This predatory plant has carnivorous flowers that devour jungle insects. Lapacho bark resists fungus: Recent studies conducted in Central America and Japan have demonstrated that it conquers candida.
Carnal goo
New products now being tested promise to alleviate female sexual dysfunction.
Imagine a gel that women layer on their pudenda that magically swells the area with lustful desire. Blood engorges the labia, the clitoris stiffens excitedly and lubrication (the historic task of foreplay) is swiftly unleashed by the moistening cream. A tiny dollop rubbed in softly and — shazam! — the female tingles, itching with passion.
Such a thing exists. Many over-the-counter sex creams that speed up women’s “libida” are already available, and two biopharmaceutical companies are aching to get their new love lotions approved by the Food and Drug Administration. Their medical and financial ambition is to garner the products massive Viagra-esque popularity with women.
Continue Reading CloseSexy penises
The circumcision decision could affect a baby's future sex life.
“He’ll never get a blow job!” pregnant Abigail fretted, “if we don’t circumcise him.”
“Fellatio,” her husband Kent conceded, “is man’s best friend. But why won’t my son get sucked if he’s whole?”
The Berkeley, Calif., baby shower had disintegrated into yet another debate about circumcision. Every well-wisher on the festive patio knew that neo-natal Zachary already owned 15 stuffed animals, nine Dr. Seuss books and enough green overalls to costume an elf army, but the parents — like so many others — hadn’t determined yet if the tot would be sporting a foreskin.
Continue Reading CloseThe quest for sweet semen
I learned how to transform funky spunk into delicious joy juice -- but ultimately decided not to.
“You’ve got funky-tasting spunk,” Samantha tells her bitter paramour on the Aug. 6 “Sex and the City” episode, as she refuses to fellate his foully spurting member. “Giving head [to you] is like a trip to the rotten-egg buffet.”
I winced watching this, because I am consumed with greedy but guilty desire when it comes to the issue of squirting inside the mouth and swallowing. I adore oral acceptance of my penile offering, but I’m cravenly apologetic asking for it, because I’m sure the texture and flavor are repulsive on my lover’s palate. Fear of Samanthas also inhibits me: My crotch loves a tongue-lashing but my ego doesn’t.
Continue Reading ClosePenis gourds: The rebel uniform
Indonesia's government sees the garb worn by Dani tribesmen as backward and an act of defiance.
Indonesia is a polyglot nation of 13,000 islands, 300 ethnic groups and 365 languages that has always been ruled by the heavy-handed, populous Javanese. East Timor’s recent wrenching escape from the iron grip of
Jakarta is only the most visible boil in this archipelago that festers with religious, economic and cultural strife. The next bloodbath could break out in the province of Irian Jaya, the western half of New Guinea, where recent settlers have zero in common with the Stone Age indigenous inhabitants.
Is there a connection between AIDS and circumcision?
Researchers claim decade-old evidence has been ignored.
Male circumcision could help diminish the HIV/AIDS pandemic in developing countries, but health professionals are reluctant to publicize this fact, according to an editorial in the Lancet by Daniel Halperin and Robert Bailey. The authors cite a study, published a decade ago, of 422 Kenyan men who habitually visited prostitutes. The research showed that the uncircumcised men had an 8.2 times greater risk of infection. Of 38 additional investigations, 27 from eight different countries found a similar association between uncut men and infection.
Continue Reading ClosePage 1 of 15 in Hank Hyena