Shakespeare meets Sisqo

Shall I compare thy thong to a ...

Topics: Shakespeare,

Spring breakers, club predators and Top 40 thrill-seekers have fallen head over buns for “The Thong Song,” R&B sensation Sisqo’s uninhibited ode to that most skimpy of lower-body garments. Sure, the thong may bring out the dirty dawg in all of us, but isn’t there a more sophisticated means of praise than that freaky MTV refrain? If Shakespeare were alive and kicking it in Cancun, he might have offered his own two shillings. Indeed, there’s nothing like iambic pentameter to class up a concept.


O shapely arse by trousers not concealed

Your vision so divine it roundly speaks

Of passion unconfined and love revealed

A thread of heaven laid between two cheeks

On Acapulco sand I greet your form

Amongst the hoochie thighs and frat guy leers

With Molson Ice in hand the suitors swarm

And sniff like dogs at passing sun-baked rears

But neither man nor beast could ever hope

To harness that which flosses supple ass

With several inches of synthetic rope

Accentuating posterior mass

Sweet thong, your countenance up in that crack

Doth dutifully confirm: Baby got back

James Diers is the editor of and a contributing editor at Request Magazine.

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