2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Spring breakers, club predators and Top 40 thrill-seekers have fallen head over buns for “The Thong Song,” R&B sensation Sisqo’s uninhibited ode to that most skimpy of lower-body garments. Sure, the thong may bring out the dirty dawg in all of us, but isn’t there a more sophisticated means of praise than that freaky MTV refrain? If Shakespeare were alive and kicking it in Cancun, he might have offered his own two shillings. Indeed, there’s nothing like iambic pentameter to class up a concept.
“THE THONG SONNET”
O shapely arse by trousers not concealed
Your vision so divine it roundly speaks
Of passion unconfined and love revealed
A thread of heaven laid between two cheeks
On Acapulco sand I greet your form
Amongst the hoochie thighs and frat guy leers
With Molson Ice in hand the suitors swarm
And sniff like dogs at passing sun-baked rears
But neither man nor beast could ever hope
To harness that which flosses supple ass
With several inches of synthetic rope
Accentuating posterior mass
Sweet thong, your countenance up in that crack
Doth dutifully confirm: Baby got back
James Diers is the editor of requestline.com and a contributing editor at Request Magazine.More James Diers.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.