2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Not only does Matthew Perry have Friends who support him — he’s also got family — and, it would seem, a perfectly functional liver, despite what certain British tabloids say.
“Contrary to what is being reported as fact in regard to Matthew Perry’s health, it is completely untrue he needs a liver transplant,” said Perry’s publicists last week, addressing rumors that the star was near death. In fact, they said, “He has been out of the hospital for a number of days [after being treated for the flu] and is feeling much better.”
His stepfather, NBC news anchor Keith Morrison, was not amused by the reports of his son’s imminent demise, which, he told the Canadian Press Association, were “blown way out of proportion.”
“You know how these things are,” Morrison said. “Somebody gets a germ of something and turns it into a fabulous story … It’s crap and it’s bunk and it makes you mad, but what are you going to do?”
“I have a girlfriend I want to come on. Have us a little lesbian love affair. Lesbianism’s chic. No big deal.”
– Amy Brenneman on her “Ally McBeal”-esque plans for “Judging Amy,” in Us Weekly.
Care for a pair of Supernatural shoes? Carlos Santana’s launching his own line of shoes, courtesy of the Brown Shoe Co. The Carlos label will feature fashion footwear with “multicultural influences” for men and women and is due to land in stores this fall. A portion of proceeds will go to Santana’s Milagro Foundation, which helps disadvantaged kids. “Meeting with Brown Shoe I realized they could connect with my vision,” said Santana. Give him your foot, make it real or else forget about it.
Curious career crossover of the week: Palme d’Or-winning director Lars Von Trier is in talks with a Copenhagen, Denmark, theme park to help design an interactive ride called the Roll O’Matic. I’m guessing Bjvrk will not be the first in line.
Puff Daddy can breathe a long-awaited sigh of relief. Last week, the rap impresario’s hard-working lawyers reached an undisclosed settlement with Nicole Levy. In a $2 million lawsuit, Levy had claimed that she’d suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and a condition called Graves’ disease after a deadly stampede at a benefit concert at City College of New York back in 1991. One legal problem down …
Be careful what you wish for … According to the Washington Post, Newt Gingrich and his fiancie, Callista Bisek, may have gotten more than they bargained for when they registered for $14,000 worth of giftage on the Web. Democratic campaign consultant Bob Mulholland reportedly took the opportunity to have a set of six dishcloths from Williams-Sonoma.com delivered with the following thoughtful message: “Newt: Here’s a set of dishcloths to clean up the mess with your 2nd wife. Callista: In 5 years, he’ll be w/another younger woman — that’s his pattern.” Not quite as pithy as “Mazel tov!” but it does make its point …
What does Kathie Lee Gifford think Reege’s people should look for in her replacement? “Courage. She needs courage,” she recently told the Associated Press. But wait, that’s not all. The lucky lady will also need “a great sense of humor and she is going to need a real strong inner constitution. She will be in the spotlight the likes of which she has never, ever felt before. I hope she’s got a really good solid foundation of who she is, because when they start writing the lies about her she’s going to have to have a sense of her own truth.” Oh, and having a kid to talk about incessantly wouldn’t hurt either …
Sample this: Jazz flutist James W. Newton is suing the Beastie Boys, claiming the group unlawfully sampled six seconds of his trademark sound and used it more than 40 times in the song “Pass the Mic” on their 1992 album “Check Your Head.” The Beasties, however, contend they went through all the proper clearances from Newton’s record company. Hello nasty lawsuit …
Did the Emmys catch this year’s Oscar curse? On Wednesday, thieves made off with a parked truck containing 10,000 videotapes of the sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond,” which were to be sent to Emmy voters. Police had no immediate leads, but the show’s executive producer, Phil Rosenthal, told the press he had his suspicions. “I don’t want to say anything, but I heard [Ray Romano's Emmy-winning nemesis] Kelsey Grammer was seen driving the truck.” Everyone loves an opportunity to take a crack at the competition …
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.