31 Ejaculations: No. 10

A part of my body is inside her body.

Topics: Sex, Love and Sex,

When I lost my virginity I didn’t have an orgasm. I got nervous because I kept thinking my mom was coming home. We were in my folks’ house; we had nowhere else to go. I kept thinking I could hear a car in the driveway. So Naomi and I, we’re kind of struggling around on my parents’ bed, on this kind of slippery shiny material, and I’m thinking, so this is what a girl feels like. But I’m kind of numb because I know my mom is coming home from the mall any minute. I’m wondering, will she be able to tell we did it on her bedspread? I glance up and our Savior is looking down on me, all white and tortured on a wooden cross over the headboard. I look to my right and my grandma’s sepia-tinted picture is on the nightstand next to the ashtray I made for Mom in seventh-grade pottery class. (Mom didn’t even smoke!) And in the midst of all this, my girlfriend, who is a kind of alien in this environment, is nude and having sex with me. A part of my body is inside her body. Which felt completely abnormal and definitely was not something I should have been doing at this place in time. So I didn’t come. I faked it.

Read No. 11

Eric Bogosian is an actor and writer. His solo shows include "Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll" and "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee." His novel "Mall" will be published by Simon & Schuster in November.

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