Me and Betty and Veronica from the Archie Comics were hanging out.
I was 12 and I woke up and ran into the bathroom. My head was spinning. What’s happening? What’s that feeling? That’s a good feeling. Wow. Wow. I looked down and creamy stuff was coming out of my wiener! Why? I was having such a nice dream. Me and Betty and Veronica from the Archie Comics were hanging out. Oh yeah, and they took their clothes off. And what’s that? Oh yeah, they wanted me to pee on them. What’s that about? And then I woke up.
And now here I am in the bathroom in the middle of the night, pondering my penis. I look around like I’m not sure where I am. There’s the wrinkled-up tube of Crest. There’s the melting bar of soap, and the little crocheted toilet paper cover that doubles as a dress for a little Barbie doll. And there’s this stuff on my hand. Is this it? Is this cum? Am I a man now, finally? Yech! Better wash it off. Phew. Guess I should go back to bed. Maybe I’ll have another dream like that.
Eric Bogosian is an actor and writer. His solo shows include "Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll" and "Wake Up and Smell the Coffee." His novel "Mall" will be published by Simon & Schuster in November. More Eric Bogosian.
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