Gary Kaufman
Game of the week: Love vs. Gay Pride
PETA says the Green Bay Packers should change their blood-drenched name. The Packers aren't the only ones.
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals asked the Green Bay Packers Monday to change their name. The animal rights group says the name, which refers to meatpackers, promotes violence and bloodshed against animals.
PETA vegetarian campaign coordinator Bruce Friedrich suggested in a letter to team president Bob Harlan that the club, which has been known as the Packers since 1919, call itself the Pickers, as in crop pickers, or the Six-Packers, in tribute to Wisconsin’s brewing history.
Although Harlan says the Packers won’t change their name, Out of Bounds thinks PETA is on the right track and, after reviewing team names throughout the NFL, has concluded that fully half the teams in the league should change their potentially offensive names.
Here are the teams that should take a look in the mirror and make a change, the reasons they should rename themselves and, because Out of Bounds wants to build up, not just tear down, some suggested replacement names.
Dallas Cowboys: Domination of Indians, retrograde attitudes toward women, exploitation of horses as free labor, murderous cattle industry. New-name suggestions: Dallas Love (a historically significant name in town, plus it has a nice ring), Dallas Animal Rights Activists.
Minnesota Vikings: Legacy of raping, looting, pillaging and wearing of pelts and animal horns. New-name suggestions: Minnesota Bodies (after the governor), Minnesota Dylans (after the state’s best songwriter).
New Orleans Saints: Demeaning to the memory of the many saints who died for a higher purpose than to convert a 3rd-and-10. New-name suggestions: New Orleans Faithful (same idea, but not so high and mighty), New Orleans Lagniappes.
New York Giants: Glorification of the kind of “bigger is better” attitude that leads to environmental disaster and poor self-esteem for short people. New-name suggestions: New York Garment Workers, New York Simplicity.
San Francisco 49ers: Demeaning to the memory of the women who were forced into sexual slavery and the Chinese who were exploited and persecuted in Gold Rush San Francisco, as well as to the Indians and Mexicans whose land was stolen. New-name suggestions: San Francisco Gay Pride, San Francisco Campesinos.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Legacy of larceny, disrespectful language, ganglike symbols (the Jolly Roger, for example) and nonconsensual sex with cabin boys. New-name suggestions: Tampa Bay Sailors, Tampa Bay Philanthropists.
Washington Redskins: As Indian activists have long pointed out, this name is simply racist. New-name suggestions: Washington Monuments, Washington Presidents.
Buffalo Bills: See Dallas Cowboys. Also, Wild West shows used performing animals and demeaned Indians. New-name suggestions: Buffalo Bison, Buffalo Nickels.
Cleveland Browns: Racist and demeaning to people with brown skin. New-name suggestions: Cleveland Rainbows, Cleveland Rock Stars.
Kansas City Chiefs: Trivializes the position of an important person in Native American society and glorifies hierarchy. New-name suggestions: Kansas City Consensus, Kansas City Equals.
New England Patriots: The word “patriot” has an unfortunate history of being co-opted by fanatical right-wingers who wish to deny marginalized groups their rights. New-name suggestions: New England Pacifists, New England Clam Chowders.
New York Jets: Giant, noisy pollution machines. New-name suggestions: New York Bicycles, New York Solar Power.
Oakland Raiders: See Tampa Bay Buccaneers. New-name suggestions: Oakland Sharers, Oakland Free Speakers (in honor of nearby Berkeley, Calif.).
Pittsburgh Steelers: Legacy of monopolistic, anti-worker practices by the steel industry. New-name suggestions: Pittsburgh Cooperative Farmers, Pittsburgh Proletarians.
Tennessee Titans: See New York Giants. New-name suggestions: Tennessee Rhinestones, Tennessee Flattop Boxes.
Last call for the Hall
Readers have their say about which players should make it to Cooperstown. Last of three parts.
Over the past two days I’ve talked about which position players and pitchers ought to make the Hall of Fame. Now it’s your turn.
The e-mails have been pouring in, and some major themes have emerged, aside from the usual major theme of questioning my intelligence, parentage and mental state.
One theme is that I’ve misjudged the criteria for induction into the Hall of Fame, that it’s easier than I think, and some of the guys I’m saying won’t make it actually will. This is not so much misjudgment as poor writing on my part: I didn’t make it clear that I haven’t been trying to predict who will make it; I’ve been talking about who I think should make it. The world according to me.
Continue Reading CloseSearching for the real killers
O.J. Simpson smiles creepily on his comeback TV tour, hoping to win back our hearts -- and pin a little guilt on his NBC hosts.
I have $50.31 on me right now and I’m willing to put it up as a reward to find the “real killers” of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.
O.J. Simpson went on the “Today” show Tuesday to hype his Internet appearance Thursday at AskOJ.com, where, for $9.95, he’ll answer any question from the public, as long as it’s not about his kids.
Simpson said he’s asked the sponsoring company to donate his profits to three charities. But “Today” host Katie Couric said those charities — including the Innocence Project (which uses DNA evidence to spring the wrongly convicted) and a summer camp for kids with cancer that Simpson helped found — were reluctant to accept the donations. That’s OK, Simpson shrugged, if they don’t want it, some charity will be happy to take it.
Continue Reading CloseHall of Fame hurlers
After Clemens and Maddux, which active pitchers are on their way to Cooperstown?
Monday we talked about which active position players were likely to make the Hall of Fame. Today we consider pitchers, who are a little tougher to judge. Especially relief pitchers.
Baseball showers honors on relief pitchers who rack up a lot of saves — a statistic that borders on the meaningless. How many times have you watched a “setup man” pitch out of a bases-loaded jam with a two-run lead in the eighth, only to have the “closer” come in and set down the side in the ninth to collect the save?
Continue Reading CloseWho’s going to Cooperstown?
Considering the definitelys, the probables and those intriguing maybes.
Carlton Fisk and Tony Perez were the recently retired players inducted into the Hall of Fame Sunday, which is as good a reason as any to consider which current players are headed to Cooperstown. (Note for you cub reporters: That’s what we call a news peg.)
Today we’ll consider position players. Baseball’s offensive explosion, which began in 1993 and really went nuts in 1998, may force the voters (baseball writers) to reconsider the “magic numbers” for inclusion. Traditionally, collect 3,000 hits, 400 home runs or 1,500 RBIs and, with a few exceptions, you’re in. Will that still be true when players who have spent most or all of their careers in the current rabbit-ball era start to become eligible?
Continue Reading CloseDropped like a chalupa
The Taco Bell Chihuahua talks about his sudden, shocking dismissal and considers his showbiz future.
The Taco Bell Chihuahua sits slumped over a picnic table at a Doggie Diner in this Los Angeles suburb with the misleadingly glamorous name. He’s wearing dark glasses and chain-smoking Dunhills.
“I fucking knew it, man,” he says, stubbing out a barely started cigarette on the tabletop and adding it to a rapidly growing collection under his seat. “Everything’s always ‘Cool, beautiful, man, we love your work,’ but I always knew deep down that I was just a dog to them.”
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