Jennifer Lopez: Fussbudget?

Puffy's pal wanted to be in "Gladiator," said to be a pain on the "Angel Eyes" set; U.K. paper says Aguilera has pierced nipples; a blond and breathy new Monica rumor. Plus: "Survivor" mastermind gets death threat e-mail!

Topics: Celebrity, Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears,

Bad news. It seems that, even if you’re Jennifer Lopez, you can’t always get what you want.

Puffy’s best gal says she wanted to star in “Gladiator” opposite Russell Crowe “so bad,” but was rejected outright by the flick’s director, Ridley Scott.

“I could tell he didn’t see me in the role,” laments Lopez in the Scottish Daily Record. “I didn’t know what his vision was, but I could tell I wasn’t it the minute I went in.”

And if whispers from up north are true, Lopez is not used to having her wishes denied. The Toronto Sun reports that the actress had so many assistants and assistants to assistants attending to her every whim while she worked on the just-wrapped “Angel Eyes,” there was little room on the set for anyone else.

What’s more, nothing was ever quite good enough for her. “Even her coffee had to be stirred counterclockwise,” cracked one on-set source.

And filtered through a hanky/dress?

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Standing before God in a miniskirt

“If I have on a short skirt it doesn’t mean I have low morals. I have very high morals … I don’t believe in sex before marriage. I don’t believe in drugs or even smoking. I believe in God.”

Britney Spears on high hemlines and morals, in London’s Sunday Express.

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Nothing compares 2 a tongue stud

The U.K tabs are filled with piercing news. And while I find it rather hard to believe the Mirror’s report that Christina Aguilera has had her nipples pierced in an effort to one-up Britney Spears on her navel ring, I have no trouble at all buying that Sinéad O’Connor has driven a stud through her tongue.

Guess she isn’t off studs altogether after all …

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Angelina shows some skin

“I think I’ve seen all Angelina’s tattoos except the new one she had done for her husband, Billy Bob.”

Vinnie Jones, who appeared with Angelina Jolie in “Gone in 60 Seconds,” on the actress’ penchant for showing off her skin art.

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A birthday to remember

Even if a rumor circulating about Monica Lewinsky is as untrue as her most famous lover, I can’t help but pass it along.

According to the U.K. Sun, the handbag-monger recently rung in her birthday among friends and family at a New York restaurant. But as her cake was brought in, the restaurant played “Happy Birthday” over the P.A.

But it wasn’t just any rendition of “Happy Birthday.” Oh, no. Word is it was the version in which Marilyn Monroe coos “Happy birthday, Mr. President,” which may have hit just a little too close to home.

Close … but no cigar.

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So she paraphrased a little

“As Johnnie Cochran says: ‘If the guy’s a schnook, you must unbook.’”

– “The View” co-host Joy Behar, weighing in on the cancellation of Barbara Walters’ interview with O.J. Simpson.

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Like a stalker, touched for the very first time

The surest way to Madonna’s heart? Attack her adversaries.

It worked for her boyfriend, British director Guy Ritchie, who recently got into a touch of trouble with the law after he got a little physical with an avid fan of the popster, who is pregnant with his child.

“This guy had basically been stalking me for the entire time I’d been here,” Madonna tells the British magazine the Face. “And he’s a grown man, he’s not a kid, so it’s a bit creepy.

“On this particular day, we arrived in a car and this guy opened my car door. And so Guy had to get out and tell him what’s what,” she says. “I mean, Guy kept warning him saying, ‘If you piss me off, someone’s going to get it.’ And [he] sort of defied him.

“But the thing is, since that happened there has been no one in front of my house. So, thank God for chivalry.”

And you thought it was only about opening doors and picking up the check every once in a while …

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Juicy bits

Looks like surviving “Survivor” ain’t easy even for the show’s producers. “Survivor” mastermind Mark Burnett has received several e-mails from someone threatening to “twist the heads off” him and his family — as well as the other CBS executives and their families, according to Inside.com. And no, the sassy stalker does not appear to be an island reject, but rather a disgruntled viewer named Dorann LaPerch. The Survivor Entertainment Group has filed a petition in Los Angeles Superior Court for a temporary restraining order. Burnett and Co. could always seek refuge on the island of Pulau Tiga.

Heyyyy! The Emmy committee might want to step into the Fonz’s office. The Emmy overseers have ruled Henry Winkler ineligible for the guest actor in a comedy award because the episode of “Battery Park” for which he was nominated didn’t air within the eligibility period. (Although his nomination for guest actor in a drama, for an appearance in “The Practice,” stands.) “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away,” the man best known as Fonzie coolly told the Associated Press. Just don’t ask him to say he was wrong …

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