The smoke clears

The truth about Robert Downey Jr.'s arrest emerges. Plus: Hugh Grant gets a slice; Madonna keeps us guessing; and 'N Sync gets sued.

Topics: Celebrity, Nick Hornby,

Now that the initial shock and sadness of Robert Downey Jr.’s Thanksgiving weekend arrest has begun to wear off and “Ally McBeal” has welcomed him back, it’s time to address a few questions about the unfortunate drug bust.

1) Why’d he do it? While the rest of us blame the addiction — or, if you’re hard-hearted, the addict himself — Downey’s uncle, Jim Downey, blames Hollywood. “If you’re as sensitive and fragile as Robert is, [the Hollywood pressure cooker is] a setup for disaster,” Uncle Jim told USA Today, adding that one really oughtn’t to blame Downey’s dad, indie director Robert Downey Sr., who handed little Robert his first joint when he was 6 years old. “It was the times,” Jim Downey insists. “No one, including Bobby, blames him.”

2) Who does Bobby blame? The coppers, apparently. According to the Desert Sun newspaper in Palm Springs, Calif., Downey told the arresting officers who discovered 4.5 grams of cocaine and methamphetamine stuffed into a Kleenex box in his hotel room, “Don’t do this to me. You’re going to ruin my life.”

3) Who dropped the dime on him? Some papers have speculated it was Downey’s dealer, who dialed up 911 to rat him out. Others suggest it was a fellow “Ally McBeal” cast member, concerned about his health. (One NP reader even wrote in to tell me he suspected it was Downey himself, although the fact that the caller got a key fact wrong — there was no gun in the room, as the caller contended, when police arrived — blows a big hole in that intriguing theory.)

A Palm Springs woman named Laura Burnett, who says she spent Thursday and Friday with Downey in his hotel room, opines that the caller “was just somebody who knew [Downey] was there and wanted to make a big ordeal about it.”

But police say locating the dime-dropper is a non-issue. (As is locating Burnett, who has eluded them despite the fact that she went on “Access Hollywood” to tell her story. They did, however, find what is believed to be her Wonder Woman costume hanging in Downey’s closet.) “If we don’t locate the woman or the 911 caller, it doesn’t really go to the heart of the matter,” Palm Springs Police Sgt. Patrick Williams told the Desert Sun. “We don’t need them to file a case.”



4) A Wonder Woman costume?

- – - – - – - – - – - -

The dynasty continues …

“When Debbie Reynolds first showed up, she said, ‘I’m old and I’m fat and I don’t care.’ Then she got a look at Joan Collins and, believe me, she cared.”

– Costume designer Nolan Miller on rivalry on the set of the upcoming flick “These Old Broads,” which stars Elizabeth Taylor and Shirley MacLaine in addition to Reynolds and Collins, in W magazine.

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Juicy bits

Bond, Catherine Zeta Bond? According to the U.K. Mirror, the new Mrs. Michael Douglas may play the first female 00 agent alongside Pierce Brosnan in the upcoming Bond flick, “Beyond the Ice.” She apparently found time, somewhere between birthing baby Dylan and planning her opulent wedding, to screen test for the role. Good to know, in case diamonds are not forever, she’s got the old acting career to fall back on.

Hope Hugh Grant likes pie. Chris and Paul Weitz, the geniuses behind that instant classic “American Pie,” are set to direct the film adaptation of Nick Hornby’s most recent novel, “About a Boy” — and according to Variety, Grant is a leading candidate for the lead role.

Whom to believe? The U.K. Sun’s Dominic Mohan, through whom Madonna often airs her news, claims Madonna and Guy Ritchie are planning to tie the knot Dec. 22 at Dornoch Cathedral in northeast Scotland — and says the $1.4 million reception will be held at nearby Skibo Castle. But the Scottish Daily Record claims to have it from a source close to Madonna that Skibo is definitely out — and that Madonna’s people have booked several other venues to “keep everyone guessing until the last minute.” The smart money’s on Mohan, who adds that Madonna will wear a Stella McCartney gown and that Guy “has been fitted for a kilt.” Some people wear tuxes …

Here they come, walking down the street. Heaven help us, three members of the original Monkees — Davy Jones, Mickey Dolenz and Peter Tork — have announced plans to reunite and tour. The band’s spokesman says that, if the “Monkee Mania Returns 2001 tour,” which will trek through 15 cities, is successful, it could culminate in a run on Broadway. Hmm … what do you suppose happened to Mike Nesmith — and his hat?

‘N Sync’s ‘n trouble. Sid & Marty Krofft Pictures, the folks who brought you such Saturday morning classics as “Land of the Lost” and “H.R. Pufnstuf,” are suing the members of ‘N Sync for copyright infringement. According to Krofft, the boy band owes them a cut of souvenirs depicting the 25-foot puppets of the band members the company created for the group’s “No Strings Attached” tour.

Couldn’t Krofft just have sicced Witchiepoo on them?

- – - – - – - – - – - -

Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 14
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Pilot"

    One of our first exposures to uncomfortable “Girls” sex comes early, in the pilot episode, when Hannah and Adam “get feisty” (a phrase Hannah hates) on the couch. The pair is about to go at it doggy-style when Adam nearly inserts his penis in “the wrong hole,” and after Hannah corrects him, she awkwardly explains her lack of desire to have anal sex in too many words. “Hey, let’s play the quiet game,” Adam says, thrusting. And so the romance begins.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Elijah, "It's About Time"

    In an act of “betrayal” that messes up each of their relationships with Hannah, Marnie and Elijah open Season 2 with some more couch sex, which is almost unbearable to watch. Elijah, who is trying to explore the “hetero side” of his bisexuality, can’t maintain his erection, and the entire affair ends in very uncomfortable silence.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Charlie, "Vagina Panic"

    Poor Charlie. While he and Marnie have their fair share of uncomfortable sex over the course of their relationship, one of the saddest moments (aside from Marnie breaking up with him during intercourse) is when Marnie encourages him to penetrate her from behind so she doesn’t have to look at him. “This feels so good,” Charlie says. “We have to go slow.” Poor sucker.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Shoshanna and camp friend Matt, "Hannah's Diary"

    We’d be remiss not to mention Shoshanna’s effort to lose her virginity to an old camp friend, who tells her how “weird” it is that he “loves to eat pussy” moments before she admits she’s never “done it” before. At least it paves the way for the uncomfortable sex we later get to watch her have with Ray?

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Hard Being Easy"

    On the heels of trying (unsuccessfully) to determine the status of her early relationship with Adam, Hannah walks by her future boyfriend’s bedroom to find him masturbating alone, in one of the strangest scenes of the first season. As Adam jerks off and refuses to let Hannah participate beyond telling him how much she likes watching, we see some serious (and odd) character development ... which ends with Hannah taking a hundred-dollar bill from Adam’s wallet, for cab fare and pizza (as well as her services).

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Booth Jonathan, "Bad Friend"

    Oh, Booth Jonathan -- the little man who “knows how to do things.” After he turns Marnie on enough to make her masturbate in the bathroom at the gallery where she works, Booth finally seals the deal in a mortifying and nearly painful to watch sex scene that tells us pretty much everything we need to know about how much Marnie is willing to fake it.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Tad and Loreen, "The Return"

    The only sex scene in the series not to feature one of the main characters, Hannah’s parents’ showertime anniversary celebration is easily one of the most cringe-worthy moments of the show’s first season. Even Hannah’s mother, Loreen, observes how embarrassing the situation is, which ends with her husband, Tad, slipping out of the shower and falling naked and unconscious on the bathroom floor.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and the pharmacist, "The Return"

    Tad and Loreen aren’t the only ones to get some during Hannah’s first season trip home to Michigan. The show’s protagonist finds herself in bed with a former high school classmate, who doesn’t exactly enjoy it when Hannah puts one of her fingers near his anus. “I’m tight like a baby, right?” Hannah asks at one point. Time to press pause.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Role-Play"

    While it’s not quite a full-on, all-out sex scene, Hannah and Adam’s attempt at role play in Season 3 is certainly an intimate encounter to behold (or not). Hannah dons a blond wig and gets a little too into her role, giving a melodramatic performance that ends with a passerby punching Adam in the face. So there’s that.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Shoshanna and Ray, "Together"

    As Shoshanna and Ray near the end of their relationship, we can see their sexual chemistry getting worse and worse. It’s no more evident than when Ray is penetrating a clothed and visibly horrified Shoshanna from behind, who ends the encounter by asking if her partner will just “get out of me.”

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Frank, "Video Games"

    Hannah, Jessa’s 19-year-old stepbrother, a graveyard and too much chatting. Need we say more about how uncomfortable this sex is to watch?

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Desi, "Iowa"

    Who gets her butt motorboated? Is this a real thing? Aside from the questionable logistics and reality of Marnie and Desi’s analingus scene, there’s also the awkward moment when Marnie confuses her partner’s declaration of love for licking her butthole with love for her. Oh, Marnie.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Vagina Panic"

    There is too much in this scene to dissect: fantasies of an 11-year-old girl with a Cabbage Patch lunchbox, excessive references to that little girl as a “slut” and Adam ripping off a condom to ejaculate on Hannah’s chest. No wonder it ends with Hannah saying she almost came.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>