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Friday, Feb 9, 2001 8:31 PM UTC2001-02-09T20:31:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The last time I committed suicide

Don't try to die surrounded by cross-dressing fashion slaves.

The last time I committed suicide
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The first and last time I tried to commit suicide was in 1975. I was living in a warehouse in San Francisco with a collection of other would-be artists. We had high hopes of converting this warehouse into lofts, but most of us were too stoned to do much in the way of home improvements. The huge concrete building was cold, damp and dark. Huge quantities of downers didn’t make it any less depressing. We were living there illegally, since this was before the city made it legal to live in converted warehouses.

I have no idea why we were never busted for living there. The government was sending no fewer than 12 Supplemental Security Income checks to that address — all of them for psychiatric disabilities. In truth, we were more like one huge day room than the artists loft we all envisioned. But I digress — let me get my head back in the oven.

I can’t remember why I had wanted to kill myself, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I decided to tell my friend Flossy Nylons about my idea. I walked half a block inside the warehouse to his makeshift unit. The more we talked, the more the idea sounded good to him and he decided to join me. His main concern was that we not do it in the warehouse, as it would bring down the heat on the others. They might all get kicked out if it was discovered that people lived there. Flossy had a friend, Carl, who had a small apartment nearby. He called to ask him if we could use his oven.

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Carol Ormandy is a freelance writer in San Mateo, Calif.  More Carol Ormandy

Thursday, Jan 12, 2012 1:00 AM UTC2012-01-12T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The depressing toll of the Great Recession

Mental health problems mount nationwide while budgets for treatment and care are shrinking

Down and out

Down and out  (Credit: AP/Rick Bowmer)

In late 2009, as the unemployment rate in San Joaquin County, California, reached 18 percent and one in twelve homes were being foreclosed, two high school students in the town of Ripon, population 15,000, committed suicide within two months of each other. Over the next eighteen months, sixteen more teenagers around the county took their own lives, a not-uncommon occurrence that public health researchers refer to as “suicide contagion.”

Years of declining budgets had cut the number of counselors, nurses and psychologists in county schools, impairing the ability of individual districts to handle the needs of grieving students, parents and communities on their own. So school officials in cities like Ripon, Stockton, Lodi and Linden turned to each other for help.

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Rob Waters writes about health, mental health and science from his home in Berkeley, California. His investigative feature in Mother Jones, “Medicating Aliah,” examined pharmaceutical industry influence over prescribing guidelines and won the Casey Award in 2006. His articles have appeared in Bloomberg Businessweek, Mother Jones, Health, Reader’s Digest and other publications.  More Rob Waters

Tuesday, Jan 10, 2012 1:00 AM UTC2012-01-10T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

I kissed her and then her husband killed himself

Now I'm in an agony of guilt and my life will never be the same

Cary Tennis

 (Credit: Zach Trenholm/Salon)

Dear Cary,

I met a woman at work nine months ago.  We clicked immediately but I refused her advances because she was married, to her second husband, in fact.  After a few months, I could no longer resist the attraction.  Immediately after we kissed, she told her husband they hadn’t been in a real marriage for a long time and she was leaving.

She asked him to discuss dividing their possessions.  Shortly after, he went upstairs and shot and killed himself.

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Cary Tennis


Cary Tennis is Salon's advice columnist. His latest book is "Citizens of the Dream: Advice on Writing, Painting, Playing, Acting and Being." He leads writing workshops and creative getaways, and occasionally tweets and bellows as @carytennis on Twitter.

What? You want more?

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Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011 7:15 PM UTC2011-12-14T19:15:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Can Facebook save your life?

As suicide notes increasingly arrive in status updates, the social-networking site offers help to the despairing

facebook suicide

 (Credit: Facebook/Salon)

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In September 2010, Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi posted on his Facebook page that he was “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry” – and then did. Last Christmas, Simone Back wrote that she “Took all my pills be dead soon so bye bye every one.” Several Facebook “friends” added disparaging comments, but no one stepped forward to check on her. Black’s body was found the next day. And last December, Clay Duke posted a Facebook “testament,” writing that “Some people (the government sponsored media) will say I was evil, a monster … no…” He then went on a shooting rampage and killed himself.

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Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedubMore Mary Elizabeth Williams

Monday, Oct 10, 2011 1:00 AM UTC2011-10-10T01:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

“A Thousand Lives”: What really happened in Jonestown?

A new look at the largest mass suicide in American history

A Thousand Lives WTR

 (Credit: AP)

Were the deaths, in 1978, of more than 900 Americans in Jonestown, Guyana, a mass suicide or a massacre? And were the members of the Peoples Temple, who founded the settlement, the hypnotized victims of a cult dominated by a purely evil man? In the decades since the tragedy, as it recedes from popular awareness, scholars (and not a few cranks) have argued over the answers to these questions, obvious as they may seem to anyone who knows of the event primarily through the mass media. The latest entry in the discussion is “A Thousand Lives: The Untold Story of Hope, Deception and Survival at Jonestown” by Julia Scheeres, which looks at Jonestown from the perspective of the church’s rank-and-file members.

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Laura Miller

Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.comMore Laura Miller

Sunday, Aug 7, 2011 7:01 PM UTC2011-08-07T19:01:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

How I learned the secret rule of grief

After I lost my family, I refused to believe how long it would take to heal. Now I see the wisdom in that number

How I learned the secret rule of grief

Four years. I nod my head in agreement as the nurse keeps talking. I am in the medical center for a routine blood draw, to track the thyroid condition I’ve lived with for most of my life. But the nurse is not talking about the levels of thyroid stimulating hormone in my blood. She is telling me about her husband, who has started to answer the phone again four years after his father died “suddenly.”

The word “suddenly,” like “unexpectedly” is code for suicide. I instantly know what she is trying to say. I live in a small town; she surely has heard about the recent sudden and unexpected deaths in my family. My brother in September, my father in March, with my mother’s cancer death right in between. Everyone in town knows the story by now. It is April.

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