Courtney Love drops her top

The Holey one shows skin, buys time; the Bible, featuring Claudia Schiffer! Prince: The artist no longer known as pottymouth. Plus: David Duchovny: "shaving my legs, surrounded by the strangeness."

Topics: Celebrity, Courtney Love,

I’m sure she’s trod through some painful stuff these past coupla weeks, but Courtney Love could start giving lessons on how not to let a miscarriage get you down.

Step No. 1: Get onstage and jam with the band.

Step No. 2: Offer to buy drinks for everyone in the house on your friend’s credit card.

Step No. 3: Rip off your top.

According to the Vancouver Province, Love startled patrons at a local nightclub Saturday by jumping up onstage to jam with former Lemonheads singer Evan Dando. When her “movie nails” from “24 Hours,” which she’s filming in Vancouver, British Columbia, got in the way of her guitar playing, Courtney just gnawed them right off and got down to it, performing live for the first time in two years.

In one improvised song, Love riffed on her life and image — even alluding to her rumored affair with Russell Crowe. And when the bar’s management tried to wrap the show up, that rascally Courtney tried to buy more time by offering to A) buy beer for the entire audience with her “24 Hours” costar Charlize Theron’s credit card and B) recap her entire sexual résumé (something Dando quipped would take way too long). Finally, she ripped off her halter top and flashed the staffers, buying herself an extra 10 minutes.

Just imagine what she would have had to do for an extra 15 …

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“In my issue, the ink will be glow-in-the-dark, so all the boy bands can read it in the closet.”

Craig Kilborn on his exciting plans for the September issue of Gear magazine, which he’s guest-editing.

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Change his name, change his life …

Now that all that partying like it’s 1999 is behind him, Prince has gotten religion and decided to clean up his act. Now that he’s become a Jehovah’s Witness, he is, he says, eschewing naughty language.

“When you use those curse words, you call up all the anger, all the negative times the word has been used before, you bring it toward yourself,” the artist formerly known as an unpronounceable symbol tells Gotham magazine. “Why would you want that?”

F*** if I know …

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Baa-baa back (and still intact)

“It would creep me out for anyone else to do Lamb Chop. No one could do it. No one else has ever put their hand in Lamb Chop. I would find it hideous.”

Shari Lewis’ 33-year-old daughter Mallory on why she’s decided to resurrect her late mother’s sheepish puppet herself, rather than pass the baton to someone else.

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Your chance to know Claudia Schiffer … biblically

In the beginning, God created supermodels?

Four Swedish entrepreneurs who call themselves Fishtank are hatching plans to create a high-gloss version of the Bible featuring models like Claudia Schiffer and Markus Schenkenberg (as Eve and Adam, respectively).

The U.K. Telegraph reports that, while some of the models in the new Illuminated Bible, which will feature the traditional King James text, will appear clothed, others will shed their fig leaves and show their gospel goods. It is, Fishtank member Gustaf-Wilhelm Hellstedt says, a naked attempt “to contemporize the Bible and make it accessible to 15- to 30-year olds.” (They’re hoping it will be put out by … ahem … Virgin Publishing.)

“The Bible is very sensual and we are going to exploit that. We want to take the Bible off the dusty back shelf and put it on coffee tables,” Hellstedt tells the paper.

Why have “a boring drawing of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden,” he asks, when you can “have a couple walking down a New York street, kissing”?

I suppose, that’s a question only the Big Guy Himself can answer, Gustaf-Wilhelm.

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Juicy bits

David Duchovny has a secret fantasy — and he’s not afraid to share. He’d really like to slip into a pair of fishnet stockings and play a transvestite, much as he did for his brief role on “Twin Peaks” way back when. “I loved creating that character,” Duchovny tells the British mag Empire in an upcoming issue. “I was only on it for a few days, shaving my legs, surrounded by the strangeness — I wish I could do something like that again.” Hide your razor, Tia.

Some of Christina Aguilera’s fans took that “Come on over” stuff of hers a bit too seriously. The singer has been forced to shell out $1.5 million for new digs in Pennsylvania for her folks to protect them from the roving bands of trash pickers and photo snappers who tormented them at their old house, Dotmusic reports. Guess what a girl wants is for people to keep their stinkin’ hands off her family’s trash.

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Miss something? Read yesterday’s Nothing Personal.

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