My turn

The foot, the lies, the yellow-haired lady: Komo the Komodo tells his side of the story.

Topics: Satire,

My turn

First I apologize for my English. It’s not my first language. I am from Indonesia, island of Komodo. I am the dragon that bite the man. I don’t mean to hurt nobody really. But I’m a Komodo dragon. This is what we do. I get hungry.

I’ve always been fascinated by people. I always talk about it. Komo always happy to see people, and Komo was very glad to see the man come into the cage. The man Jay comes into my cage sometimes but I don’t try to eat him. Here in the zoo we have a saying: Don’t eat the man that feeds you.

They feed me rats, you know. I can eat 80 percent of my body weight at a sitting, man. You know how many rats that is? A hundred pounds of rats, mister man. Rats, rats, rats. Same old same old, you know? I see this big guy come in here and I’m thinking, Now Komo get some real grub for a change! Plus not so much hair. You don’t get so thirsty. Yes. Komo always fascinated by people.

So listen. The man tells lots of stories to the newspaper. The man Jay tells stories too. Komo tells his story now. I’m sorry for English, people friends.

I don’t want to call nobody a liar or nothing. This is just what I know. But one thing I’m tired of hearing about is how I mistake this guy’s foot for a white rat. Komo didn’t make no mistake. I don’t see so good maybe, but I flick my tongue out I can smell this bum from three miles away. Komo knows what the fuck he doing.

So the man takes his shoes and socks off and he walking around in there in my house. The man Jay is in there too. I tell you something. I don’t want to offend nobody, but people smell bad to Komo. People don’t smell like a food. Komo like a nice deer. That’s some good eating! The man don’t smell like that, but you know I get hungry. I didn’t ask this guy to come into my house at lunchtime. Now there’s a lady with yellow hair outside and she’s taking pictures. She tells the man to move around to other side. This Komo’s bad side. This is L.A., you know. Lady should know better. So now Komo a little steamed. Komo bite the man.

The lady starts yelling into little phone. “Operation spike fill is underway!” I don’t know what that mean, sorry. English not Komo’s best language.



The man says in the newspaper he pried my jaws open. He don’t pry nothing open. I kick the man’s ass he come back in here again. I rip his belly open. I tell him, “You think you’re pretty smart but Komo been evolving since the late Carboniferous period. How about you, pal?” The man so smart he would have rolled around in Komo’s poo like the baby dragons do. Then I don’t try to eat him.

Nobody pries Komo’s jaws open. I let that sucker go. Komo don’t need to hang on. Komodo dragon bites his prey and then waits for it to crawl off and die. They get infections from our teeth. Dragon eats the carrion, see. Komo follow animal through the grass till they give out. But this man, he don’t go through the grass. He goes to the Cedars-Sinai.

So Komo goes too. I sit in the waiting room, read a magazine. I look at restaurant guide. Komo really hungry now. I ask at desk, “How man doing?” Nobody wants to talk to Komo. I get tired of waiting.

One thing, though. For Komodo dragons, socialization happen at the feeding site, and mating too. Now I’m in that waiting room and the yellow hair lady there too. She starting to look pretty good to Komo all of a sudden. Komo really want to insert one of his hemipenes into her cloaca, but Komo can’t find. I decide to go. I make “call me” sign at side of my head with front foot as I’m leaving. She rolls her eyes like ladies do, but then I catch her smile a little at Komo. Maybe she call sometime.

So that’s Komo’s story. Sorry for the English. I speak other languages better.

Let the man tell the newspaper about how he pried my jaws apart and got away. He knows what really happened. All Komo want to say is when I bite his foot, it taste like chicken.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 11
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Beautiful Darkness by Fabien Vehlmann & Kerascoët
    Kerascoët's lovely, delicate pen-and-watercolor art -- all intricate botanicals, big eyes and flowing hair -- gives this fairy story a deceptively pretty finish. You find out quickly, however, that these are the heartless and heedless fairies of folk legend, not the sentimental sprites beloved by the Victorians and Disney fans. A host of tiny hominid creatures must learn to survive in the forest after fleeing their former home -- a little girl who lies dead in the woods. The main character, Aurora, tries to organize the group into a community, but most of her cohort is too capricious, lazy and selfish to participate for long. There's no real moral to this story, which is refreshing in itself, beyond the perpetual lessons that life is hard and you have to be careful whom you trust. Never has ugly truth been given a prettier face.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Climate Changed: A Personal Journey Through the Science by Philippe Squarzoni
    Squarzoni is a French cartoonist who makes nonfiction graphic novels about contemporary issues and politics. While finishing up a book about France under Jacques Chirac, he realized that when it came to environmental policy, he didn't know what he was talking about. "Climate Changed" is the result of his efforts to understand what has been happening to the planet, a striking combination of memoir and data that ruminates on a notoriously elusive, difficult and even imponderable subject. Panels of talking heads dispensing information (or Squarzoni discussing the issues with his partner) are juxtaposed with detailed and meticulous yet lyrical scenes from the author's childhood, the countryside where he takes a holiday and a visit to New York. He uses his own unreachable past as a way to grasp the imminent transformation of the Earth. The result is both enlightening and unexpectedly moving.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Here by Richard McGuire
    A six-page version of this innovative work by a regular contributor to the New Yorker first appeared in RAW magazine 25 years ago. Each two-page spread depicts a single place, sometimes occupied by a corner of a room, over the course of 4 billion years. The oldest image is a blur of pink and purple gases; others depict hazmat-suited explorers from 300 years in the future. Inset images show the changing decor and inhabitants of the house throughout its existence: family photos, quarrels, kids in Halloween costumes, a woman reading a book, a cat walking across the floor. The cumulative effect is serene and ravishing, an intimation of the immensity of time and the wonder embodied in the humblest things.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Kill My Mother by Jules Feiffer
    The legendary Pulitzer Prize-winning cartoonist delivers his debut graphic novel at 85, a deliriously over-the-top blend of classic movie noir and melodrama that roams from chiaroscuro Bay City to Hollywood to a USO gig in the Pacific theater of World War II. There's a burnt-out drunk of a private eye, but the story is soon commandeered by a multigenerational collection of ferocious women, including a mysterious chanteuse who never speaks, a radio comedy writer who makes a childhood friend the butt of a hit series and a ruthless dame intent on making her whiny coward of a husband into a star. There are disguises, musical numbers and plenty of gunfights, but the drawing is the main attraction. Nobody convey's bodies in motion more thrillingly than Feiffer, whether they're dancing, running or duking it out. The kid has promise.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    The Motherless Oven by Rob Davis
    This is a weird one, but in the nervy surreal way that word-playful novels like "A Clockwork Orange" or "Ulysses" are weird. The main character, a teenage schoolboy named Scarper Lee, lives in a world where it rains knives and people make their own parents, contraptions that can be anything from a tiny figurine stashable in a pocket to biomorphic boiler-like entities that seem to have escaped from Dr. Seuss' nightmares. Their homes are crammed with gadgets they call gods and instead of TV they watch a hulu-hoop-size wheel of repeating images that changes with the day of the week. They also know their own "death day," and Scarper's is coming up fast. Maybe that's why he runs off with the new girl at school, a real troublemaker, and the obscurely dysfunctional Castro, whose mother is a cageful of talking parakeets. A solid towline of teenage angst holds this manically inventive vision together, and proves that some graphic novels can rival the text-only kind at their own game.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    NOBROW 9: It's Oh So Quiet
    For each issue, the anthology magazine put out by this adventurous U.K.-based publisher of independent graphic design, illustration and comics gives 45 artists a four-color palette and a theme. In the ninth issue, the theme is silence, and the results are magnificent and full of surprises. The comics, each told in images only, range from atmospheric to trippy to jokey to melancholy to epic to creepy. But the two-page illustrations are even more powerful, even if it's not always easy to see how they pertain to the overall concept of silence. Well, except perhaps for the fact that so many of them left me utterly dumbstruck with visual delight.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Over Easy by Mimi Pond
    When Pond was a broke art student in the 1970s, she took a job at a neighborhood breakfast spot in Oakland, a place with good food, splendid coffee and an endlessly entertaining crew of short-order cooks, waitresses, dishwashers and regular customers. This graphic memoir, influenced by the work of Pond's friend, Alison Bechdel, captures the funky ethos of the time, when hippies, punks and disco aficionados mingled in a Bay Area at the height of its eccentricity. The staff of the Imperial Cafe were forever swapping wisecracks and hopping in and out of each other's beds, which makes them more or less like every restaurant team in history. There's an intoxicating esprit de corps to a well-run everyday joint like the Imperial Cafe, and never has the delight in being part of it been more winningly portrayed.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    The Shadow Hero by Gene Luen Yang and Sonny Liew
    You don't have to be a superhero fan to be utterly charmed by Yang and Liew's revival of a little-known character created in the 1940s by the cartoonist Chu Hing. This version of the Green Turtle, however, is rich in characterization, comedy and luscious period detail from the Chinatown of "San Incendio" (a ringer for San Francisco). Hank, son of a mild-mannered grocer, would like to follow in his father's footsteps, but his restless mother (the book's best character and drawn with masterful nuance by Liew) has other ideas after her thrilling encounter with a superhero. Yang's story effortlessly folds pathos into humor without stooping to either slapstick or cheap "darkness." This is that rare tribute that far surpasses the thing it celebrates.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Shoplifter by Michael Cho
    Corinna Park, former English major, works, unhappily, in a Toronto advertising agency. When the dissatisfaction of the past five years begins to oppress her, she lets off steam by pilfering magazines from a local convenience store. Cho's moody character study is as much about city life as it is about Corinna. He depicts her falling asleep in front of the TV in her condo, brooding on the subway, roaming the crowded streets after a budding romance goes awry. Like a great short story, this is a simple tale of a young woman figuring out how to get her life back, but if feels as if it contains so much of contemporary existence -- its comforts, its loneliness, its self-deceptions -- suspended in wintery amber.

    Ten spectacular graphic novels from 2014

    Through the Woods by Emily Carroll
    This collection of archetypal horror, fairy and ghost stories, all about young girls, comes lushly decked in Carroll's inky black, snowy white and blood-scarlet art. A young bride hears her predecessor's bones singing from under the floorboards, two friends make the mistake of pretending to summon the spirits of the dead, a family of orphaned siblings disappears one by one into the winter nights. Carroll's color-saturated images can be jagged, ornate and gruesome, but she also knows how to chill with absence, shadows and a single staring eye. Literary readers who cherish the work of Kelly Link or the late Angela Carter's collection, "The Bloody Chamber," will adore the violent beauty on these pages.

  • Recent Slide Shows

Comments

0 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>