Elizabeth Gilbert
Endangered species
Why are there no more rugged, self-reliant he-men like the subject of Elizabeth Gilbert's "The Last American Man"? Because no women will put up with them.
Despite its determinedly sprightly tone, the chief impression left by Elizabeth Gilbert’s “The Last American Man,” a book-length profile of one Eustace Conway, is that of a terrible loneliness. At one point Conway compares himself to Ishi, the sole surviving member of a California Indian tribe who was taken in and studied by anthropologists in the early 20th century. “[I'm] the last of my kind,” Conway laments, “stranded. Just trying to communicate. Trying to teach people something. But constantly misunderstood.”
Gilbert thinks Conway is the last of his kind, too, but they seem to have slightly different conceptions of what his kind is. Conway sees himself as a woodsman, in the tradition of such boyhood heroes as Daniel Boone. As a child he embarked on an extremely methodical and focused campaign to teach himself how to live in the wild, and he became very good at it. He’s an expert hunter who knows how to turn his prey into clothing as well as food. For years at a time he lived in the forests of North Carolina in a teepee he made himself. He carved his own bowls from wood and made his own pots from creek clay. He wove baskets and started fires without matches. He hiked all 2,000 miles of the Appalachian Trail, eating only what he could catch or forage along the way. He rode a horse across America.
Gilbert sees Conway as both the consummate woodsman and as the last specimen of something she holds dear, a classic American man. It’s not quite clear if Conway himself finds the question of masculinity very compelling (although at one point Gilbert describes him as regretting the vanishing of coming-of-age rituals for boys), but for Gilbert it’s the crux of the matter. For her, Conway truly is what the rest of American men can only imagine themselves being; “computer programmers, biogenetic researchers, politicians, or media moguls” may call themselves “maverick,” or “pioneer,” but Conway is both things in actuality.
“He makes true a notion of frontier identity that has long since passed most men of his generation, most of whom are left with nothing but the vocabulary,” Gilbert writes. “We’ve based our American masculine identity on that brief age of exploration and romantic independence and westward settlement. We hold on to that identity, long after it has any actual relevance, because we like the idea so much. That’s why, I believe, so many men in this country carry a residual notion of themselves as pioneers.”
All this makes Conway the walking embodiment of archetypal American manhood: resourceful, competent, intrepid, independent. A heavy symbolic load to carry, but Conway does seem up for the job; “I’ve never found anything to be particularly difficult,” he tells Gilbert (though we later learn that’s not entirely true). Most importantly, Conway possesses a trait that is, in its own way, just as quintessentially American as the frontier virtues: he’s an evangelist. He learned how to live on his own in the woods, merging with “the high art and godliness of nature,” and he has devoted himself to spreading this message: You can, too.
If Conway were in fact living alone in the wilderness, his loneliness would make more sense. Instead, he’s spent much of his life proselytizing, urging people to give up an existence swamped in “smog, plastic, and a never-ending babble of nonsense enough to scramble brains, raise blood pressure, create ulcers and sponsor heart disease” to live in the woods. Gilbert testifies to his charisma in preaching this doctrine; she’s seen him captivate a roomful of rowdy high school students and “the scariest posse of drug dealers you’d ever want to meet” in New York’s Tompkins Square Park.
Conway makes money speaking to classes of schoolchildren and at county fairs, gives interviews to the press and takes on apprentices at Turtle Island, his camp, where he teaches young people how to live off the land. He’s had a series of beautiful, strong, capable girlfriends and many worshipful disciples. And yet these people, no matter how much they may idolize Conway at first, have a way of getting fed up and walking out on him. Despite his heartfelt desire for a wife and children, he has neither.
“The Last American Man” is Gilbert’s attempt to sort out how someone who embodies so many qualities she cherishes and admires, a man who is “our mythical inner self made flesh,” can be so impossible. She clearly likes Conway, but harbors few illusions about his ability to manage what she calls “a showdown between the two things he craves most: absolute love and absolute control.”
The daughter of back-to-the-land counterculture types herself, Gilbert has had a lifelong crush on cowboys that she’s got just enough sense to make fun of but perhaps not quite enough to get over. After graduating from college, she ran off to a ranch in Wyoming where she told people she was from “Lubbock, Texas” (it was really Connecticut) and persuaded the other “wranglers” to call her Blaze. It was there that she met and romanced Eustace Conway’s “damn cool” younger brother, Judson, a less austere, more ironic variation on the Man himself.
But for the pop culture cowboy of Gilbert’s fantasies, “women are for rescuing and also for tipping your hat to as you ride off into the sunset without them.” Eustace, with his dream of heading up a large family (he told one girlfriend he hoped to father 13 children by her), probably bears more of a resemblance to the real-life pioneers, and his chief problem is a lack of pioneer women. “What he really needs is a woman who is both strong and submissive,” Gilbert decides, thinking of Daniel Boone’s long-suffering wife, who raised 10 children of her own and eight orphans in rustic forts and nearly left her husband after getting a brief taste of comfortable settlement life while he was out founding the colony of Kentucky.
Ultimately, Rebecca Boone followed her husband back to the frontier. But then again, she didn’t have much of a choice — that’s what a wife did 200 years ago — and she was miserable. The thrilling masculinity practiced by Boone and other frontiersmen, it turns out, was founded on the principle of bossing everybody else around and getting no back talk about it, either. Why would anyone want to live with that who didn’t have to? And what happens to the patriarch when suddenly there’s no more patriarchy, when everybody who doesn’t like playing by his rules decides to take the ball and go home?
Of the dozen or so smitten women who have joined Conway in his woodland retreat (including one who wrote him passionate letters addressed to “My Primitive Savage Pagan”), not one ultimately could find a reason to put up with his demanding, tyrannical ways. “I desire you still,” an Apache doctor wrote him. “You are a charmer. But I feel you want me for your needs … as a glorification for you.” Another described him as “loving but intolerant” and obsessed with accumulating more land for Turtle Island. “It got to the point where I never saw him. The only time we spoke was when he gave me orders.” This is a woman who characterized her move to the woods as “following my bliss” and “a spiritual mission”; she didn’t sign up for boot camp, and she didn’t stick around for it, either.
Likewise, Conway’s apprentices, the people he hoped would fan out across the nation and spread the word, tend to leave Turtle Island in rage and disappointment, complaining “you make me work so hard … make me feel unworthy … I feel unappreciated and unwanted.” He, in turn, sees himself as unsupported and misunderstood by overgrown spoiled children too accustomed to being indulged. “I have worked very hard to make this place what it is,” he wrote in his journal. “What have they done? What investment have they ever made in anything that is a challenge? How am I to put up with them?”
“How am I to put up with them?” maybe be one of humankind’s primordial questions, but it’s particularly plaintive coming from someone whose ambitions — leading a transformation in the American way of life, heading a large family — entail the active, enthusiastic participation of other people. Conway can teach a child that “the woods are alive” by having both of them buried in the ground with only their faces sticking out (“Now we are the forest floor … and let’s tell the others what we see and feel”), but he hasn’t a shred of empathy for acolytes who are dismayed when they slave for him all day long only to be relentlessly criticized — even though he himself suffered exactly the same, painful treatment at the hands of his own perfectionist father. A frustrated outdoorsman turned chemical engineer, the brilliant but pitiless Eustace Conway Sr. would subject his son to humiliating mathematics drills at parties (it was the one subject Eustace the younger never quite mastered) and made a habit of calling him an idiot.
There is so much pining in this book: Conway longing for a bride he can respect who will then put up with being treated disrespectfully; his followers craving a very contemporary kind of fulfillment from a man bent on rejecting modern life; and finally Conway’s women and Gilbert herself, infatuated with a vision of earthy, elemental, self-sufficient manhood who turns out to be just another damaged guy trying to shake off the legacy of a remote, unloving father. Even for someone who can get into the idea of living in a world without Lester Young saxophone solos or Ernst Lubitsch movies, this must seem pretty dire. And needless to say, if Conway ever manages to have those kids, they’ll probably be basket cases, too; “I’d be there from the beginning to teach them what’s acceptable and unacceptable behavior,” he says when contemplating his still-hypothetical brood.
If “The Last American Man” is a book about not wanting to live with such a man, Noelle Howey’s memoir, “Dress Codes,” is about not wanting to be one. Howey’s father is a transsexual, a closet cross-dresser who decided, when Noelle was in her late teens, to live as a woman and, eventually, to have gender reassignment surgery. Howey sees “Dress Codes” as a story about how to become a woman, paralleling her own coming of age (including a battle with clinical depression in graduate school) with her father’s transformation into a woman and her mother’s emergence from the decades-long funk of an unsatisfying marriage.
But “Dress Codes” is also about the misery of being a man, as experienced by Richard Howey, Noelle’s father, whose life story is woven into his daughter’s. Of course, it’s especially unpleasant being a man when deep inside you really want to be a girl, but what’s remarkable about the version of manhood Richard adopts is how much he winds up resembling Eustace Conway’s father, Eustace Conway Sr. Both men are emotionally withdrawn and domineering. Both subject their families to a stream of withering criticism. Both seem marinated in a thin, bitter broth of resentment.
In a passage of “Dress Codes” devoted to the youth of Noelle’s mother, Dinah, a group of teenage girls talk about whether they’d ever want to be boys. “Boys have terrible lives,” says one. “They have no friends.” Dinah silently concurs: “Boys were barely even sociable. The nice ones sat quietly and didn’t say much, and the ones who did speak didn’t usually have anything pleasant to say. Dinah couldn’t imagine having to live in such a solitary world.” Later, the pubescent Noelle will avoid her surly father, terrify herself with visions of imaginary rapists and, when she finally leaves home, seek out a boyfriend as faultfinding as her dad and beg him to call her degrading names in bed.
“When he was still male,” Noelle writes of her father, “I had a dad possibly like yours: sullen, sporadically hostile, frequently vacant. I had a dad who became a woman in order to be nice.” It wasn’t until her father began his transformation that the two could finally communicate. “Dress Codes” concludes with a scene of Noelle and her parents gathered together for her birthday: “It was a simple family dinner — three women: a father, a mother, and a daughter — and that was the greatest part about it … We had achieved the mundane … In the end, there was just camaraderie, affection and what truly counts as unconditional love.”
It’s just that to get there, Richard has to have his penis removed and change his name to Christine. There’s got to be a less drastic way to get rid of the pioneer spirit — or whatever it is that makes these guys such a drag to live with and ultimately so lonely. Given what a glum assignment it turns out to be, no wonder Eustace Conway is the last American man.
Of course, we’ve all been taught by now that a transsexual like Richard Howey was a woman trapped in a man’s body, and how can such a person, when so thwarted, be happy enough to have warm familial relationships? But it’s also worth noting that “The Last American Man” ends with a scene in which Conway whoops ecstatically at a splendid buck walking with his doe and fawns on a dark country road, “I love you! You’re beautiful! I love you!” Gilbert intends the moment to stand for Conway’s robust embrace of nature, but I couldn’t help thinking that the buck has his family, and even Noelle Howey’s very unconventional father has hers, while Conway is once again standing in the dark, proclaiming his affections to yet another creature that’s preparing to run away from him.
Laura Miller is a senior writer for Salon. She is the author of "The Magician's Book: A Skeptic's Adventures in Narnia" and has a Web site, magiciansbook.com. More Laura Miller.
Talking about God with Martin Sheen
Our fave TV president and his son Emilio Estevez talk about their moviemaking pilgrimage with "The Way"
Emilio Estevez and Martin Sheen TORONTO — Martin Sheen is a very popular guy at the Royal York Hotel, a massive stone edifice overlooking Lake Ontario. Last week, unionized workers at the Toronto landmark went on a one-day strike, to call attention to what they view as unfair working conditions. Not coincidentally, it was also opening day for North America’s most prestigious film festival, with hordes of celebrities and journalists descending on Canada’s largest city.
Sheen himself was just off the plane from L.A., here to promote his son Emilio Estevez’s new film “The Way,” a lovely, leisurely and often highly moving odyssey in which he plays a bereaved dad walking a pilgrimage across northern Spain with his son’s ashes in a metal box. (Estevez himself plays Sheen’s dead son, seen only in flashbacks and visions.) But the 70-year-old actor is also a board member of the Screen Actors Guild and a lifelong labor activist. So out he went onto Front Street, amid the crowd of Latin American immigrants who work at the Royal York, to walk the picket line wearing a beautiful tailored suit and a “Unite Here” signboard.
Continue Reading CloseThe “Eat, Pray, Love” guru’s troubling past
Accusations of financial misconduct, sex abuse scandals: The dark history of Elizabeth Gilbert's yoga mentor
Right: Gurumayi Chidvilasananda When audiences go to “Eat, Pray, Love” this weekend, they will watch as Julia Roberts, blond and brokenhearted, folds her long, long legs into a perfect letter X, chants a mysterious mantra, and magically finds the equanimity that has been eluding her. Viewers will see her undergo life-changing experiences thanks to her guru’s grace and the spirit of her guru’s master, a man she calls a “South Indian old lion.” They will perhaps be awed and enchanted by the exotic spiritual treasure chest that is India. And then they will cheer for her as she finally mends the cracks in her heart and makes her way to Bali to find love.
Continue Reading CloseRiddhi Shah is an editorial fellow at Salon. More Riddhi Shah.
“Eat, Pray, Love”: A phenomenon goes bust
Julia Roberts finds grub, God and guys in a frequently frustrating adaptation of Elizabeth Gilbert's bestseller
Javier Bardem as "Felipe" and Julia Roberts as "Elizabeth Gilbert" in Indonesia in Columbia Pictures' EAT PRAY LOVE.(Credit: Photography By: François Duhamel) The enormous success of Elizabeth Gilbert’s travel memoir “Eat, Pray, Love” is one of those paradoxes that pretty much define modern life. There is nothing affluent Westerners of the information-economy class like better than being told that our lives lack soulfulness, sensuality and a sense of purpose — except, perhaps, for heaping derision on those who bring us this news. Every move in this dance is so well rehearsed that none of it can escape cliché: not the original complaint about our shallowness and materialism, not the presumptive moral high ground and false modesty of the evangelist-observer, not the exaggerated, Bill O’Reilly-style scorn of those who feel their iPhoned and Twitterized lifestyle is under attack.
Continue Reading CloseElizabeth Gilbert, the reluctant bride
The literary phenomenon behind "Eat, Pray, Love" embraces a second marriage, and her everywoman book-club status
Elizabeth Gilbert Back in the late ’90s, Elizabeth Gilbert published her first book, a collection of strange, dark short stories called “Pilgrims,” which, according to her, sold “about 11 copies.” At one reading, only a single person bothered to show up, a lone man, who she was convinced just might live in the bookstore. Since the publication of her fourth book, the 2006 memoir “Eat, Pray, Love,” however, it’s no exaggeration to say that she generates pilgrims of her own. They trickle in, “generally women in groups of three,” to her husband’s small import shop in New Jersey, they take up therapeutic yoga and pizza eating and, this past Tuesday, on an evening when temperatures in New York City threatened to dip into the teens, 500 of them filled the fourth floor of Barnes and Noble in Union Square to hear Gilbert read from her new book, “Committed,” which finds her wrestling with the question of whether to marry “Felipe,” the handsome Brazilian gentleman Gilbert met in Bali after all that eating in Italy and praying in India. (In fact, the pilgrims so packed the place that when Gilbert relayed this anecdote about the sparse attendance in her early days, the best hope most of the audience had to see her in person came from the monitors in the cafe one floor below.)
Continue Reading CloseAmy Benfer is a freelance writer in Brooklyn, N.Y. More Amy Benfer.
Eat pray equivocate
Author Elizabeth Gilbert becomes the latest female literary figure to write about her ambivalence toward marriage
Fairy-tale weddings, searching for Prince Charming, or even for Mr. Big: It all seems so 1990s. These days, it’s women, not men, who are reluctant to commit to marriage — with those who have committed regretting having done so — and they’re writing about it all over the place. Earlier this summer, Sandra Tsing-Loh, in an essay about her divorce, came out against the “companionate marriage” in the Atlantic Monthly. Cristina Nehring blamed such bloodless arrangements for the bankrupt state of romance in “A Vindication of Love.” Only the profoundly unhip Caitlin Flanagan defended the institution in Time. (The upshot of her un-sexy argument? It’s for the kids.)
Continue Reading ClosePage 1 of 2 in Elizabeth Gilbert