Christian Bale almost didn’t get the treatment.
I was leery of writing about him, since he’s on the cusp of mega-stardom, having beaten out the ubiquitous Ben Affleck and similarly Afflected über-celebs to be the new blockbuster “Batman.” When I decided I was going to write about him, it was because I was doing it with a decidedly hairy eyeball — I was not a believer.
I had been annoyed by him in “Velvet Goldmine,” but I was morbidly, Robby-Benson, Tiger-Beat curious about him after seeing the teen-girl-Internet-cult Disney musical “Newsies.” My curiosity was further piqued by his eccentric performance as an emotionally damaged and somewhat retarded person in “All the Little Animals.”
What a strange range batch of roles, I thought. What weird career choices.
This week, Bale opened in “The Machinist,” a role for which he pulled an Adrien Brody anorexia-thon and lost one-third of his body weight, making him 6’2″ and 120 pounds. This horrific act of discipline alone is bound to win him points in Hollywood, where weight loss or gain has long been interpreted as acting skill, since they have no other apparent means of recognizing it.
I decided to write about him, because I wasn’t what you’d call a fan. I didn’t care about Christian Bale — I figured he was just one of Britain’s pretty boys who could sort of act — the U.K.’s version of Brad Pitt, maybe.
About three DVDs into my bale of Bale, I began genuflecting deeply to my laptop, a changed harridan. I watched, over hours, the proverbial sword get pulled from the stone. Hear ye, and believe it or not: Christian Bale is the Arthur Rex of leading men — the Once and Future King, born to rule the light-projected dimension of the silver screen in a natural, inalienable, yes, maybe even holy way; a real honest-to-God fucking star, with a frightening load of multiple talents, dazzling instincts, deadly beauty, cannonball cojones, a killer sense of comic timing, deeply empathic humanity and effortless authority that no actor in this country could get within 1,000 miles of, even in a Hummer.
It alarms me to say it, but I can’t even think of an American actor in any era who, in his heyday, had as much mojo going on as many different cylinders, as Christian Bale … Judy Garland? Nope, too screwed up; she didn’t own herself. Marlon Brando? Nope, too flawed, too egomaniacal, too limited … Frank Sinatra? Same … Fred Astaire? Not sexy enough … Buster Keaton? Not chameleon enough … It’s scary, but true. I think Bale is legitimately superhuman — an advanced, evolutionary leap into Future Movie Stardom. He’s the Michael Jordan of film actors — the übermensch who takes the sport so much further than it was possible to conceive of its being taken, in one generation, that it changes the face of the game forever. And nobody really knows it yet.
Bale has done the more or less impossible: He was a child star who successfully became an adolescent star (while avoiding becoming a teen idol, incredibly) who successfully made the turn into being a serious adult actor. He is a virtual shape-shifter, shamanic and stealthy — he comes and goes, he leaves a hook in your consciousness with some druidic act of goose-bump-raising screen voodoo, he vanishes; he reappears years later, wholly transformed, doing something completely different, but equally mind-boggling. I realized, re-watching the films I thought he sucked in, that even when he looks like he’s sucking, he’s brilliant — once you’ve seen two or three other examples of his possibly limitless range, you realize that in roles where he isn’t obviously hurting your eyes with his ultra-bright Apollo gleam, he is transmitting his role from the dark part of a distant planet, doing the kind of hard thespian thinking that is a real privilege to see, in a dunced-out medium like the movies.
Those of you who read my columns scanning for choice mud balls of character assassination had best bail out here (no pun intended): I don’t bandy it around much, and I hate to hurl it at beautiful people, and I especially hate to use it on beautiful people who are currently rocketing to the top of the A-list, but I have to use the G-word — Christian Bale is a friggin’ genius.
Christian Charles Philip Bale, after being born in 1974, made his professional debut on the London West End stage, playing opposite beloved “Blackadder” comic Rowan Atkinson. American audiences first got a good look at Bale, the most gripping child actor since Jackie Coogan, when he beat out 4,000 other kids to star in Steven Spielberg’s unregenerate, hugely overbudgeted, over-art-directed, hyper-sentimentalized sob-mop, “Empire of the Sun” (1987), where he plays a preadolescent boy separated from his parents in Shanghai during the Japanese occupation in World War II.
He’s really, really good, and there is no need for the “for a kid” caveat — when he loses his mother in a bustling mob and screams for her; when his face registers the discoveries of lust, betrayal, cataclysmic loss and various fugue states in between, it is clear that we are dealing with a freak of nature. This is no mere child actor; this is a kid who knows how to act as well as most 50-year-olds in the Royal Shakespeare Company — the kind of preternatural, precocious talent that suggests a boy that has lived human lives and done this kind of thing before.
He successfully captures a sophisticated nuance of being traumatized but still being a kid; having long stretches of forgetting he’s traumatized by being distracted by his kid instincts — mucking around, collecting cool trinkets, horseplaying at survival. He is at times a beautiful, innocent child and at times properly annoying. He shows that he can both act cool and lose his cool. He loses his mind and he finds it again. It’s an undeniable tour de force; the National Board of Review created the Best Performance by a Juvenile Actor award to laud the performance. I’m not sure how he avoided getting sucked down the Macaulay Culkin rabbit hole or otherwise dodged an insane amount of toxic overexposure after “Empire,” but he must have had marvelous parents and/or management.
Shortly after this, Bale was Falstaff’s “Boy” in Kenneth Branagh’s “Henry V” (1989). It’s not a big part but one that spikes the already heady emotional punch — he’s the angel-faced darling young lad whose unjust slaying, in the war, drives Branagh’s Henry to wild, salivic fits of sky-ripping poesy; his bloody, limp young body is toted around like a grief-promoting handbag by Branagh in the final scenes.
“Newsies” (1992) is an incredibly strange, perversely commercial, yet weirdly compelling Disney musical, largely ripped off from “Oliver Twist,” that involves dancing, singing pre-pubescent orphan newsboys in turn-of the-century New York organizing against child-labor abuses by the Big Newspaper. Bale plays Jack Kelly, the Artful Dodger re-imagined as a union-organizing Bowery Boy.
Another spooky thing that proves Bale is something slightly beyond human is that he does not ever appear to have had any awkward adolescent period. He always looks perfectly like himself, perfectly proportional, just smaller or larger. Which is not to say he’s perfect. He’s not. His eyes and mouth sometimes hang ridiculously open like that of an excited collie; when he smiles, it looks like his tongue is hanging out, just a little.
In this film, Bale should by all rights look ridiculous — like poncing, mincing, homo-boy bait, a mass-produced Twinkie cake. The role of Jack Kelly should have been enough to turn stomachs, alienate his fan base, and kill his career for several years. I can’t really figure out how he does it, but he emerges from even this wild embarrassment smelling like a rose. How? How can Bale sing wussy songs about having “no muddah or faddah,” on artificial cobblestones, clutching a prop-room wagon wheel and pirouetting in musical numbers so sellout-sational they make “Mary Poppins” look like a freebase weekend with Bob Fosse, and still look great? How can he be that emotionally exposed, in a project so Disney-twee it could only be considered an artistic success by 11-year-old girls and pedophiles, without ever looking twitted-out and dickless?
I will tell you.
There is something that great stars like Cary Grant and Michael Caine have: the elusive Common Touch, which makes their divine gifts non-alienating to the less fortunate. How does one recognize the Common Touch in a star?
I have devised a fail-safe, if vulgar, test: Can you easily picture him shitting his pants?
With Bale, the answer is a resounding yes — you can also picture him becoming wildly frustrated by the parking valet or sticking his elbow in the gravy boat. He’s human, in every beautiful, fucked-up sense of the word. He wears all the inconveniences and embarrassments of being alive very openly. He also lays a kiss on his teen co-star at the end that is so surprisingly salacious I’m surprised it didn’t boost the film to a PG-13.
“Swing Kids” (1993) was kind of a “Flashdance” for Nazi Germany-era jitterbuggers. Bale plays the weak-minded hothead kid in the swing clique, who is eventually brainwashed by the nationalistic narcissism and brotherly calisthenics of the Hitler Jugend. He is a hypnotizing, wonderful dancer, easy, loose and sarcastic — his character transforms into an equally convincing stupid, wrathful Nazi, who in one scene brutally strangles a co-star whose multiple first names I can never remember properly (hence, I call him and about six other guys Michael Sean Patrick Scott Leonard).
Probably to come off as not jarringly different from his co-stars, Bale utilizes a perfect — I mean undetectable — American accent; something that most British actors, including Ewan McGregor and the entire cast of Monty Python, really can’t do (granted, it sounds a little Bronx-y from time to time, but hell, he’d just come off “Newsies”). For me, the thing he displayed in this movie, besides great dancing, is super-advanced, black-belt self-control. Some of this had to be direction, but it is evident that even as a flailing, hormone-squirting teen, Bale could go hugely comic and over the top, or play ultra-subtle, eyebrow-flinching minutiae with equal credibility, and weave both into the weft of his overall character … this, to me, given his age, is freaky.
The film of Bale’s that surprised me the most, and gave him a great trunk of emotion to unpack in a finely embroidered arena of human experience, was “Little Women” (1994), where he is darling Laurie, the rich boy next door and playmate of the March girls, whose heart is eventually broken by tomboy Jo. Both Bale and Winona Ryder (in a role that reminds you she had talent for something besides grand larceny) are incandescent in their deep, familiar, civilized affection for each other. In their roughhousing they look as sweet and natural as puppies; joy circulates between their faces. Bale throws on the nitrous-oxide switch and zooms into the stratosphere with the proposal scene; I have (I hate to say it) never seen its equal: a visible human heart presented glowing and vibrating on a silver plate with a brave confession of love — then a crushing rejection — and a recovery, from that rejection, which is so tender, and so moving in its being too of a piece with that fine and delicate character in that lovely little world to be concealed or defensive, at all.
I enjoyed the strange Danish movie “Royal Deceit” (1994), in which Bale plays Amled, Prince of Jutland (from the original Saxo-Grammaticus ur-text of “Hamlet”). It’s a weird but not unsatisfying flick, with Helen Mirren, Gabriel Byrne and Bale running around in burlap tunics in 6th century Denmark. Bale, the young prince, pretends to be insane in order to avenge the death of his father and gets to goon out and drool and rave non sequiturial Dutch japes about ducks and ride a horse backward and engage in other puzzling medieval Anglo-Saxon antics, before swooping in for the kill and bedding Kate Beckinsale. What is a little arm-hair raising, here, is that Bale, at age 20, has an easy rightful Kingliness to his bearing that is as compelling as Dame Judy Dench’s stranglehold on the inner state of Queenliness.
Then there was “Metroland” (1997). The book had to be better; there must have been more nuance. But the on-screen adaptation reduces Julian Barnes’ meditation on … uh, the compromises of maturity, I guess … into seeming like a sentimental old fuck waxing self-congratulatory about his overprivileged sexual heyday in France while trying real hard to imitate the “Alexandria Quartet.” Here Bale shows a mask that he will wear several times in his film career — that of the goofy, marshmallow-white, repressed feeb. It is so utterly convincing, it can give the uninitiated Bale viewer the impression that he is that guy — some hapless, pasty, sexually anxious dork. He actually turns down the volume on his charisma for these roles, something I find incredibly satisfying to watch — he has absolutely nothing to prove by not serving the character.
This film also marked the arrival of another aspect of Bale that audiences would soon see a lot of: his ass. There is a lot of sex in this movie, though painfully Caucasian and unsteamy; Bale has no apparent fear of nude scenes, with unclothed actresses or otherwise. And unsurprisingly, given his bastard-child-of-Charles-Berlitz-and-Meryl-Streep ear for language and accents, he speaks exquisite French.
The next time he played an uptight honky was in “Velvet Goldmine” (1998), the first movie I ever saw Bale in. I remember thinking, Who is this drip? Is he Todd Haynes’ boyfriend or something? Why is he in this movie?
He looks kind of dumb, greasy and awful; the ’70s androgyne shag and bad eye makeup is counterproductive to his naturally square, masculine face. He plays a journalist reflecting back on his glam-rock days as a young English dolt suffering a squirmingly awkward, self-conscious gay awakening. Again, he opts for muted charisma. He does slide a lot of humor in this role, but it’s so subtle that American audiences probably missed it entirely (I did, on first viewing), such as the scene in which he’s clumsily prettying himself with cosmetics, grumping at his mate with a brogue-y accent: “Oy, wait a muhnut, oym puttin’ on moy oyloynah.”
On closer scrutiny I wonder if Bale intrinsically disliked playing gay. But you have to admire him for taking that career bungee jump.
Naturally, after “Velvet Goldmine,” Bale was cast as Jesus.
“Mary, Mother of Jesus” (1999) is an abysmal TV movie featuring a Linda Ronstadt look-alike as the Holy Mother of God, saying dumbed-down, made-for-TV, Bible-epic schlock like “Is this world mad? Where’s God?” and, “Why the suffering? I beg you for an answer! How can I ease this suffering? What can I do?” Bale, with sandals and neck beard, gives his most generous, spiritual smile and pats the knee of a little Aramaic girl with Down syndrome in the first scene he’s in. “He’s nice,” she lisps to her mom, pointing at the Christ.
Even in a schlock monster like this heap, Bale, consummate professional, gives it up. He is suffused with raw compassion. As Jesus, he is surprisingly wild: by turns broody, tortured, savage and ecstatic. He plays it more like a classic John the Baptist, so the John the Baptist had to overcompensate by screaming his entire performance like John Cleese with a loincloth full of scorpions. Carrying his cross to Golgotha, Bale is in suspiciously awesome shape for a desert-dwelling guy; he bares his blue-white teeth in anguish, straining his shining, bloody pectorals and ripped Nautilus obliques. All in all, Bale’s Jesus was more a Warrior Christ of the Apocalypse than a peaceful Lamb of God, but he was the only saving grace in a movie that otherwise should have been flayed, skinned alive and crucified Mel Gibson-style.
I think a lot of people probably didn’t see “American Psycho” (2000) because the tedious and disgusting book it was based on suggested a dumb, bloody and stomach-churningly misogynistic film. The movie is an exponentially better piece of art, and Bale, as the Psycho, is world-slicing, laser perfection. Poetry. Riveting. A firebird. So perfect it kind of makes your stomach turn inside out watching him, like when you’re watching a once-in-a-lifetime opera with a perfect cast; a rare convergence of talent at its apex and the ideal opportunity. This is a movie not to rent, but to own — when I am Supreme Dictator, I will demand that all Americans watch it every Christmas morning.
For starters, he looks beyond incredible, like “Brad who?,” gasp, rend your clothing and wail like an eighth-grade Bay City Rollers groupie incredible. Just from a Soloflex, gym-slut centerfold perspective, he is in Triple Crown racehorse condition. The best thing about that movie, though, is how incredibly funny he is. The scene in which he puts on a transparent raincoat and hacks a co-worker to death in his living room with a shiny ax while doing some very prissy interpretive tap dancing and giving an edge-free, Parade magazine-style fluff-piece oration on the Huey Lewis and the News song “It’s Hip to Be Square” is, I think, one of the great comic scenes of the 20th century.
“I have to return some videos,” he says, at three different points in the movie, and every time he says it, it rolls around slimy in his mouth like some foreign animal innard. If you can’t appreciate Christian Bale after “American Psycho,” well, I’m sorry, but you just can’t have Christmas anymore.
“Reign of Fire” (2002) is a curiously dark, post-apocalyptic dragon movie in which Bale has a macho dick-unrolling contest with the hilariously heavy-handed Matthew McConaughey, who looks like Fidel Castro re-imagined as a tattooed bodybuilder by Tom of Finland. Bale has a rather scraggly, unbeautiful beard and a Cockney accent, and he retains the one rudder of sanity throughout a film where the director was clearly telling everyone to go for melodramatic, hair-tearing, chest-pounding hysteria — McConaughey (who is supposed to be the cool guy), by comparison, ends up looking like he’s acting in a gay Mexican soap opera.
In “Laurel Canyon” (2002) Bale puts on his uptight-white-guy face again as the beleaguered fiancé of Kate Beckinsale and the devoured son of the fabulously narcissistic Frances McDormand. He is tempted by the fruit of another, in this case a sultry Eastern European co-worker played by the ravishing and very underrated Natascha McElhone. There is a highly steamy conversation in the front seat of her car, which starts with Bale festooned with awful guilt for thinking impure thoughts about her:
“I think about you too, Sarah. A lot. Trust me.”
“How do you think about me? Do you think about having sex with me?”
He is shocked. “[Gulp] Yuh.”
“How?”
“How do I think about having sex with you?” (He is shocked, bemused, shocked again, blushing, thrilled, a little petrified.)
“Yeah. Do you think about me going down on you?”
The look in his eyes, here, is so turned-on, it looks like he might start to cry. But there’s a whole lot more going on in his face, too:
- raging hard-on
- male/human validation
- something close to the euphoria of falling in love
- relief that he feels Nos. 1-3, since it reaffirms No. 2.
In short, he went for some very complicated thinking and feeling when all he really had to do was look sort of vapidly present and give her a solid, open-mouthed kiss. But it gets better. McElhone delivers a Dietrich-worthy sex chat that would fog the windows of an Airbus, and Bale plays along more than willingly — the scene is about 50 times sexier than 92 percent of all film scenes in which both actors are fully or partially naked, and worth the price of the DVD.
“Equilibrium” (2002), is a surprisingly terrific, über-stylish, “1984″/”Brave New World”-style movie about futuristic totalitarianism that got stupidly marketed as a poor man’s “Matrix” with Bale as a poor man’s Keanu Reeves. It features Bale as an unfeeling “cleric,” a supercop whose mandate is to destroy all evidence of the pre-apocalyptic sensory world, e.g., emotion-inspiring articles like Leonardo da Vinci paintings, books of Yeats — in order to preserve a regime that forbids feeling and worships emotion-assassinating psycho-pharmaceutical drug ampuls. Naturally, the cleric’s great stillness is shaken by the wild blue eyes of sense criminal Emily Watson, and he stops taking his neck shots — and the good fascist’s identity crisis ensues.
OK, it’s a straightforward, any-Keanu-could-cut-it role, but Bale is a genius, so what does he do?
Act 1: Bale is, essentially, a robot. He looks clammy and flawless, and he seems to enjoy his job, killing the outlaws who emote. He’s great at it. He makes you admire the insect. When he sets his jaw and says, “Burn it,” at a pile of masterpiece paintings, it gives one a twinge of sadistic pleasure; oh, the simple, beautiful cruelty of the obedient fascist machine.
Act 1 Turning Point: Bale, sifting through Watson’s apartment, cranks up her Victrola and is exposed, for the first time, to a symphony. He hasn’t been taking his shots. The look on his face, hearing the opening strains, is one of innocent shock, sudden heartbreak, flash humanizing — you watch the music gently, suddenly, impale him and activate his forgotten soul; the finger of God to the clay body of Adam. He falls into a chair and weeps. An indelible moment.
And he gets even more stunning.
Act 2: Bale sets his jaw in the exact same, robotic way he set it in Act 1, but now he is a poet pretending to be a robot, with a hugely bleeding, emotive heart that is screaming to claw its way out of his black trench coat.
Try that, Keanu, I double-dare ya.
Try that, any actor under 50 living.
I told you: He’s scarily evolved.
If you love Christian Bale, don’t see “The Machinist” (2004). This kind of vanity ultra-masochism in the film industry shouldn’t be encouraged or rewarded — it sends a horrible message. The film isn’t good enough to justify Bale’s horrendous physical sacrifice. I wanted to point a screwdriver at the director’s eye and hiss: Find a fucking ectomorph actor for your poorly conceived protagonist, you wannabe David Lynch, Daddy paid for film school, ooh ain’t I edgy, no structure havin’, tired-ass disturbing film clichés of the post-noir ’80s abusing motherfucker. Don’t shrink down and sicken one of the most beautiful physiques of our time to fit your B-rate material.
I can’t figure out what Bale was thinking, taking this role, other than, I will show the world how far I’ll go. Which is, I think, too far. When he stands up, shirtless, the audience gasps. It’s fucking horrible to see that body at 120 pounds; it represents the kind of fascist, wholly objectivized, uncompassionate terrorism imposed on a body by the hateful will of people like Nazis and Mary-Kate Olsen. To the Freudian psyche, hunger is the opposite of love, or something like that. From this perspective, “The Machinist” is totally anti-life, and not in a fun way, and it looks, in a queasy way, like Bale is hunger-striking for his own cause-celeb.
Today, Christian Bale is teetering on the brinkety-brink and enjoying his final seconds as a “cult figure.”
He’s had a few high-pop-visibility accolades in the past — the 10th Anniversary issue of Entertainment Weekly called him one of the “Top 8 Most Powerful Cult Figures of the Past Decade,” largely because of his zillion fan-sites on the Internet, and he was once referred to, by Premiere, as one of the “Hottest Leading Men Under 30″ — but in America, he’s still no household name, at least for the next, uh,..tick…tick…tick…
He’s Batman now, and it’s all over. Christian Bale is about to explode into a Hollywood super-duper-nova. Who knows what kind of inspirational humanity he can sustain? He did survive Disney, and Spielberg … this is encouraging. Chances are, he’s got the golden inner reserves to survive “Batman” and the publicity-slave mob that will follow it and surely change his life forever. Who knows? Some of us will be watching his eyes very carefully to see how he does in the face of this mega-mega-media onslaught. What Happens Next to Christian Bale, post-Batman, will answer the question: Can a modern St. George slay today’s dragon of worldly corruption, or are we as a celebrity media brainwashed society too far gone? Is the dark disease of fame too powerful? My urgent Princess Leia cum S.E. Hinton SOS message to Christian Bale, over the next four years, is, Stay gold, Obi-Wan Pony Boy. You’re our only hope. Beep.
“I’m tired of pretending I’m not special anymore.” – Charlie Sheen
It has been a red-letter week for the grand-mal celebrity meltdown.
Charlie Sheen has proven himself to be the poet laureate of all once and future megalomaniac sex-addicted crackheads, and John Galliano’s once brilliant design mind unraveled like a cheap acrylic Christmas sweater in a Marais bar, where he dressed down French patrons in a torrent of Nazi jackbooted verbal abuse, prompting excommunication from the worlds of both Natalie Portman and the house of Dior.
Several weeks ago, before any of this went down, I saw John Galliano’s recent designs in Manhattan’s newly re-opened Dior store. I believe I saw foreshadowings of his meltdown in those designs. I trashed the new Dior collection. I have been a longtime Galliano fan, but I felt his new designs were cynical, weak and irresponsibly barbarous.
Because I have spent several years translating fashion statements into English, I could literally read from the clothes that John Galliano was in a deeply miserable place — the clothes themselves seemed to be screaming in agony.
Fashion is a language of references.
Galliano had always been the master of the Marie Antoinette-cum-Scarlett O’Hara-cum-imperial concubine look. But something about the new too-lavish details and hyper-expense suggested to me all the semiotic indicators of megalomaniacal dictator chic: a whorish criminal rococo for those who wanted to flaunt it.
I recognized Dior’s new look as emanating from a certain dirty flavor of kleptocracy: I felt it was a look for Russia — the sexy new Wild Wild East for entrepreneurial land sharks and hookers, made deliberately to “adorn mistresses and new trophy wives in the sartorial equivalent of hula skirts made from 500-euro notes.”
“Not to put a peasant in the punch bowl,” I wrote, “but Dior would make an ideal costume department for the Vlad Putin Hollywood vehicle, ‘Kremlin, Inc.: Too Fast, Too Furious.’ Moscow, after all, does not believe in understated elegance.”
The idea that celebrity is toxic is one of the arguments I make in my first book, “A Massive Swelling: Celebrity Re-Examined as a Grotesque, Crippling Disease.” I had a hunch that the hot psychological mess that was befouling the gowns and tuxedos of so many celebrities had a direct political analog/corollary, but I hadn’t read enough things, and it was all too murky for me to really substantiate.
Now, I think it’s all falling a little more clearly into place. (Bear with me, the dots do connect.)
A recent article in the Atlantic spoke about the new global plutocracy — a loose-knit international coalition of first- or second-generation multibillionaires who hang around the World Economic Forums in Davos, Switzerland, and Bilderberger meet-ups and tend to view themselves as a separate community of interests informed by an interest in protecting their lifestyles of outrageous fortune.
They are a class unto themselves, in other words.
Top designers — members of Galliano’s own elite social class — became his apologists: Donatella Versace commented that there is no justification for the insults but that she doubted Galliano had “meant to be racist.” Giorgio Armani attributed Galliano’s meltdown to a “moment of weakness,” and told fashion reporters, “You can’t expect exemplary behavior from an eccentric man like him.”
Certain “exceptional” people — either by name or industry — happen to have some power and/or agency over large, swirling shit-storms of money. If these people have weak, fractured, underdeveloped egos, they tend, after a while, to go Boom. And the translation of these meltdowns, I believe, no matter what is said about Hitler, really boils down to two words: Stop me.
People like Galliano know they’re not OK — they want someone to stop them, and nobody does. Since they make so much money, they are allowed to flail around nurturing their darkest impulses and perversions. Untethered rich people act out the unrestrained id of toddlers and madmen — they shit everywhere, literally or figuratively — and their class-peers excuse this batshit crazy behavior as being mere “eccentricity” or “creativity.”
An emotionally fractured superstar can foam around with rabies and bite people for years. Galliano’s absurdly over-the-top anti-Semitic tirade — and Mel Gibson’s, for that matter — has to be seen for what it is: a social form of Suicide by Cop.
At some point, the successful human commodity literally has to sabotage him/herself and stop being a functional commodity in order to save his/her own life, because the circles he/she inhabits will merely milk the cash cow, enable the ongoing self-destruction, protect it by hiding it, and “yes-man” a moneymaking one-person industry — literally — to death.
Donald Trump commented that CBS will rehire Charlie Sheen because he gets ratings, and ratings are the only thing that matters. Mel Gibson got away with slurring Holocaust denials in Hollywood — the Israel of the Americas — because he was still raking in cash in the movie theaters. John Lesher, a prominent agent, told the New York Times: “People here will work with the Antichrist if it puts butts on seats.”
Power is a phenomenon that contains a personal component — big power tends to emanate in the character of the person who wields it. The personality of a particularly pungent boss can be felt throughout an entire company — the new Dior collection contained the character of Galliano, because he was the mind responsible for it. This is politically apparent as well.
The Bush administration took an imperialist stance, rooted in delusions of American exceptionalism — i.e., America decided to view itself as Charlie Sheen. Because of America’s tiger blood and Adonis DNA, the U.S. was too special to be understood by any normal country, so we decided to do strafing runs in our underwear before we had our first cup of coffee. Karl Rove’s secretive, post-reality, ideological hubris resulted in a credibility gap that the American political system has yet to recover from. Dick Cheney’s personal cornered-rat paranoia resulted in policies that ushered in a preemptive war on a sovereign nation — and ever since, we are a nation that debates the merits of torture and lives in fear. Neoconservative fiscal policies ushered in the fastest, most balls-to-the-wall economic calamities that have ever happened in America. And American life, as a result, took on the morose character of the Bush administration: We became isolated, paranoid and morally bankrupt and ultimately broke — a dry-drunk nation, in other words, that had totaled its car and lost all daddy’s money.
The cultural superstructure tends to mirror what’s going on with the prevailing power structure. Celebrity artists are emotionally labile, oversensitive people whose inner hard drives are often incapable of processing all of the weird input they get. Like canaries in coal mines, celebrities are early warning systems — they are social malaise barometers: They tend to act out the psychological impulses motivating the prevailing sociopolitico-economic power structures around them.
Exploding stars seem to have the same illness shared by oligarchs, plutocrats, dictators, tyrants and serial killers. For the sake of discussion, let’s call it Extreme Morbid Elitist Narcissism (X-MEN). It turns people into Superheroes that need to fight their biggest and only deserving enemy: themselves.
There is no comfort in perceiving yourself as being so exceptional as to be utterly divorced from the family of man. The inner poverty of having no common language of human experience — nobody bigger than you, in your own mind, no equal or superior on earth or in heaven — is deadly. To think of yourself as glaringly exceptional — whether you are a designer or an actor or a country — is to invite the most grievous form of hellish isolation. The super-elite person/class/nation who hates him/her/itself must punish and humiliate itself in the absence of a thunderbolt-hurling Zeus that will do it.
Even in the midst of an alcoholic blackout, anyone who grew up in this world in the last 50 years and ever owned a belt knows that shouting “I love Hitler” in an open space isn’t going to go over well. But tyranny doesn’t always manifest in racial cleansing, cannibalism, zipping your enemies into leather duvet covers with raccoons, or MC Hammer sunglasses. Tyranny is, at its root, the same disease that informs the self-defacement of plastic surgery addicts and/or the personal dictatorship of anorexia.
The Tibetan Buddhists view grandiose self-regard as not just a poor way to live and horribly embarrassing, but as a klesha: literally, a poison.
Richness and specialness is an expansive personal hell — but ironically, people like John Galliano, Charlie Sheen and Moammar Gadhafi are even more terrified of escaping their hell than they are of living in it. To recover from their terrible specialness would mean they would be forced to recognize themselves as being potentially unspecial. Associating with the Great Unwashed and suffering unbearable indignities like flying coach again is something that people (or nations, or class structures) with “Adonis blood,” or “tiger DNA,” or the mandate of heaven, and/or several bazillion dollars regard as a fate worse than going down in a hail of bullets or going to jail (which at least means they are still exceptional: This makes them legendary outlaws, which in this demented mind-set is still way better than admitting you have real problems.)
In the lack of a dialogue about political economy and its effects on individual psyches, capitalist nations instead indulge the delusion that these things are unrelated. We are tacitly encouraged, as a society, not to see corruption as the product of elitism and power — not class-related, in other words — but accidental every time, a result of the personal weakness of the powerful individual, who we are encouraged to view as an aberration — mentally ill, an addict — an exception to the rule, rather than the norm.
The super-rich are so over-engorged, so coddled, so disgusted with themselves, they are turning into demons, because they have lost all touch with reality and all faith in the boundaries of a sane world. And when tyrants and stars, nation-states and classes believe they are Nietzschean übermenschen, beyond good and evil, there is, quite frequently, a body count.
John Galliano, people close to him have commented, is dying. He is murdering himself before our very eyes.
There are some people who think that Charlie Sheen might have had something to do with the death of porn star Chloe Jones, including his ex-wife, Denise Richards. Anna Nicole Smith, Heath Ledger, Brittany Murphy … Idi Amin, Stalin, Hitler, John Galliano. No matter how you slice it, we are all watching this genocide on TV, and not stopping it.
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Sarah Palin may be a lady, but she ain’t no woman.
I confess, it was pretty riveting when John McCain trotted out Sarah Palin for the first time. Like many people, I thought, “Damn, a hyperconservative, fuckable, Type A, antiabortion, Christian Stepford wife in a ‘sexy librarian’ costume — as a vice president? That’s a brilliant stroke of horrifyingly cynical pandering to the Christian right. Karl Rove must be behind it.”
Palin may have been a boost of political Viagra for the limp, bloodless GOP (and according to an ABC/Washington Post poll she has created a boost in McCain’s standing among white women to a 53 over Obama’s 41). But ideologically, she is their hardcore pornographic centerfold spread, revealing the ugliest underside of Republican ambitions — their insanely zealous and cynical drive to win power by any means necessary, even at the cost of actual leadership.
Sarah Palin is a bit comical, like one of those cutthroat Texas cheerleader stage moms. What her Down syndrome baby and pregnant teenage daughter unequivocally prove, however, is that her most beloved child is the antiabortion platform that ensures her own political ambitions with the conservative right. The throat she’s so hot to cut is that of all American women.
I don’t want Sarah Palin being the representative leader and custodian of my rights, my Constitution and my country any more than I want polygamist compound leader Warren Jeffs baby-sitting for my preteen goddaughters.
As a woman who does not believe what Palin believes, the thought of such an opportunistic anti-female in the White House — in the Cheney chair, no less — is akin to ideological brain rape. What this Republican blowup doll does with her own insides in accord with her own faith is her business. But, like the worst and most terrifying of religious extremists, she seems very comfortable with the idea of imposing her own views on everyone else.
I did not think that women being downgraded to second-class, three-holed chattel would be a pressing concern in my lifetime. I thought it was like polio, or witch burning — an inhumane error that had already been corrected. But after eight years of Republican hegemony, and now the potential ascendance of this sheep in ewe’s clothing, I am so mortally offended I feel like it is really time for women to be angry, hardcore and disgusted again. Not just with old white Christian patriarchs and their hopelessly calcified, religiously condoned misogyny, but also with the self-abnegating, submissive female Uncle Tommies whose ambitions and eagerness to please the powerful males of their tribe are so desperate that they would sell out their sovereignty over their own bodies. And yours too.
Republicans have — in a P.T. Barnum, sucker-born-every-minute kind of way — successfully framed themselves as the custodians of Christian ethics and conservative family values. This stance successfully masks their wholesale class war against the majority of their supporters, who continue to vote blatantly against their own economic interests in thrall to this deliberate emotional manipulation. It was the media critic Douglas Rushkoff who pointed out, several years ago, that Republican politicians were employing marketing techniques perfected by Clotaire Rapaille. Rapaille, broadly paraphrased, introduced a theory that approximately 80 percent of all decision making is done at the level of the limbic system — our lowest, most colorless, reptilian emotional level. Republican strategies are consistent with a belief that the voting process, for most people, is full of feelings — but devoid of reason.
Sarah Palin, in this light, makes so little sense that she makes perfect sense. She speciously represents a new power paradigm of the Nice Mommy: the opposite of Hillary (the Mean Mommy), the opposite of Oprah (black, and therefore foreign), the opposite of Martha Stewart (another Mean Mommy). In her support for women on women’s issues, she has done everything but volunteer for her own circumcision. She tacitly promises a roll backward into old-fashioned sexual roles — like Old Testament-style old. Her morality is fixed, predictable and inflexible. There are those who will find comfort in the fact that they will know exactly what can be expected from Palin: Free will subordinated to obedience of an airtight, evangelical interpretation of the demands of God, country and Republican men.
The choice of Palin represents what the Christian right is really saying to the women of America. The subtext: It’s a Faustian bargain, girls. To elevate your sex to power and respectability, you must first give us the keys to your chastity belt.
It is unsurprising that the morally compromised fraternity of corruption-infested Republican robber barons and war profiteers came up with this stunt, but we must regard it in the same light as the rest of their treasonous, criminal behavior. We must regard Sarah Palin as the Carmella Soprano of the GOP — an enabling wife of organized crime, who sees, hears and speaks no evil of the boys in her old-boy network for whom she does this ideological lap dance.
It is a kind of eerie coincidence that Sarah Palin is being sprung on the public at the same time as the bimbo/frat-boy titty comedy “House Bunny,” which features a poster of a beautiful young lady with Playmate-style bunny ears, big, stupid eyes and her mouth hanging open like someone just punched her.
Sarah Palin is the White House bunny — the most nauseating novelty confection of the evangelical mind-set since Southern “chastity balls,” wherein teen girls pledge abstinence from premarital sex by ceremonially faux-marrying their own fathers.
Sarah Palin is the sexual front of the culture war and the embodiment of the bold social engineering stance of the new authoritarianism that Republicans have been employing ever since they stole the election in 2000. As a result of conservative Republican policies, America has proved itself to be too rife with fraud, bureaucratic constipation, self-inflicted economic calamity, cronyism and incompetence to effect any positive movement anywhere at all, even at home.
But, the Republicans seem to be saying, at least we can offer you the hope of putting women back in their place.
Bristol Palin will no doubt be a fine example as a first teen, particularly now that her mother is inflicting an old-fashioned shotgun wedding on the hapless, horny, condomless youth who impregnated her.
The Republicans are, in effect, saying: We’re not going to win this race on the basis of being the better candidates. Barack Obama is going to make you think. You don’t like thinking. Here’s an It Girl vice president who is easy on the eyes, you stodgy old white baby boomer. She’s like a grown-up version of Mary Ann from “Gilligan’s Island.” She embodies the raw conviction that everything the Republicans have ever done has been right. She’ll make you feel better about yourself for voting for Bush. Twice.
Relax: The war is God’s plan. (Or whatever.) Women, even if they are vice president, can always look pretty, worship their husbands in the fear of God and never, ever resist invasions from unwanted sperm.
Sarah Palin and her virtual burqa have me and my friends retching into our handbags. She’s such a power-mad, backwater beauty-pageant casualty, it’s easy to write her off and make fun of her. But in reality I feel as horrified as a ghetto Jew watching the rise of National Socialism.
She is dangerous. She is not just pro-life, she’s anti-life. She is the suppression of human feeling and instinct. She is a slave to the compromises dictated by her own desire for power and control. Sarah Palin is untethered from her own needs and those of her family, which is in crisis, with a pregnant daughter, a son on the way to Iraq and a special-needs infant.
She should, however, be a galvanizing point for women everywhere. Not to support her candidacy but to rebel against the Republican Party and take back the respect and equality so hard-earned by the women’s liberation movement in the 1970s.
We’ve been shanghaied. This is sick. We need to slap the face of our bad frat-boy date and walk home from this drive-in movie. Sarah Palin may put out to be popular, but the rest of America’s women don’t need to do the same.
If not, what the hell? John McCain should go the whole Hugh Hefner route and have eight V.P.s that all look exactly like Sarah Palin.
It’s McCain’s world, girls: You’d just live in it.
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Saturday, June 28, was a swampy 92 degrees in Washington; the sidewalks on Pennsylvania Avenue were frying. Flamboyant activist group Code Pink was scheduled to kick off a tent-city vigil for peace and democracy in Lafayette Park, across the street from the White House. “Let’s bring this world-changing form of protest back to our nation’s Capitol!” shouted the Code Pink Web Site.
Code Pink welcomes anybody “willing to be outrageous for peace.” But despite its emphasis on “joy and humor,” its ruckus-raising techniques often cause me and my liberal community, who tend to agree with its politics, to regard them with distaste and embarrassment. Why did these shrieking middle-aged women in pink novelty hats believe this manner of protest was going to be effective in Congress, let alone in an almost completely co-opted media climate that seems hellbent on ignoring them?
In Lafayette Park, across the street the White House was there, mute and elegant in the shade behind its black iron gate on its dark, immaculate lawn. But it was already 3 p.m. and Code Pink was not here, nor were there tents. There were a few hardcore peaceniks straggling about; several people in wheelchairs with hand-scrawled signs; a guy wandering around wearing an OPEC sheik costume.
A hunger striker — a small, intense man with Rasputin-blue eyes who calls himself “Start Loving” — sat cross-legged in view of the White House with a handmade sign: Wage Love Vigil Day # 132. Start Loving, who has the words “wage love” tattooed across his nose in blue letters, wore a pink scarf to show solidarity with Code Pink. He was concerned about their absence: “They’re the only group that I know that is worth a damn in this,” said Start Loving. “Everyone else you can ignore. One [Code Pink member] told me the other day that she was getting discouraged. I immediately started to cry because if those guys give up, we have no hope. They’re the only game in town.”
“Code Pink does a hell of a lot. Code Pink has the power,” agreed Christine DeFontenay, a beatific looking older lady. “The people who protest torture and abuses of the Constitution are us old guys! I’ve been keeping a vigil across from Cheney’s [residence] every Wednesday now for eight months, every week. Other people are joining me, I am getting lots less abuse. I’m gonna save Cheney’s soul. On the weekends, he’s changed the route he takes home so he doesn’t have to see my signs — ‘America’s Shame’ and ‘Torture Is Terrorism.’”
Changing Cheney’s route, if not his mind, I agreed, was something. “It is!” said DeFontenay. “Every little bit helps.”
I watched the Torture Abolition and Survivor’s Support Coalition, a small group of torture survivors from Central America, Africa and the Middle East, launch their “Peace Train” — a row of cardboard boxes covered with tempera paint redolent of grade-school murals; images of brown people hugging, interracial hands shaking over wobbly lettering: It’s OK for Both of Us to Win.
On a bandstand, a middle-aged woman exhorted onlookers to “hop on board” the Peace Train. “It’s not OK to fight and do torture and violence. The peace train does not run on hate!” A group of earnest middle-aged people picked up the “Peace Train” and began dutifully trotting it around the bandstand to the Cat Stevens song. “The rainbow of love is our caboose! Now we’re going chugga-chugga-chug.”
I thought: I love peace, but why would any adult human who ever owned a nice belt want to be seen with this eyesore? Why does the peace movement have to dress and act like an irritating children’s birthday party? More to the point, how was this peace demonstration supposed to convert the hearts and minds of the executive powers across the street, when the main event — the tent city, and Code Pink, its most vital supporters — didn’t even bother to show up?
Two days later, I dropped by the Code Pink house in Washington. In the spirit of Princess Diana (who often wore dresses evocative of the flag of the countries she visited), I threw on a pink silk Lily Pulitzer thing from my Republican Slut collection to put the women at ease, hoping it wouldn’t come off like a Trojan Dress.
Located in a brick row house on Capitol Hill, the Code Pink house is its rallying point for Washington actions. It serves as a base for activists from Code Pink’s 250 local chapters around the globe. Inside, the atmosphere resembled a grubby, renegade sorority installation at FAO Schwartz — the underground headquarters of Barbie’s rebellion. The basement is where pink happens: stacked to the low ceiling beams with crates of pink garments, tubes of glitter, glue, colored pens, cardboard signs, oversize papier-mâché heads of Bush, Condoleezza and a sneering Cheney. Upstairs, coltish young interns in shorts and tie-dye T-shirts sat around on pink couches, typing furiously on laptops. A lone young man was stuffing manicotti in the kitchen.
In the parlor, Code Pink executive committee member Gael Murphy sat cross-legged on one of the couches. Murphy, who also works with United for Peace and Justice, was a warmly robust, welcoming and intelligent presence with a firm handshake. She quickly dismissed Code Pink’s absence from Lafayette Park. “That wasn’t our protest,” she said. “We were just going to come out and support it, but the main organizers decided not to go through with it.”
Murphy seemed tough enough to address my skepticism about Code Pink head-on, so I was obvious about it. Do the group’s self-admittedly obnoxious tactics, like those employed by other militant ideologues like PETA and ACT UP, actually win over as many converts to their cause as they alienate people who are their natural allies? Given a mainstream media climate that almost entirely ignores peace demonstrations, are such demonstrations actually demonstrating anything, if nobody is watching?
Murphy didn’t flinch. She launched into an articulate, sound and uninterruptible tirade on the issues consuming Code Pink. True: While Code Pink Members are regularly getting arrested, they — and the larger peace movement as a whole — still can’t get arrested, so to speak, when it comes to getting commensurate media coverage for the antiwar movement.
She was particularly urgent on the subject of the Democrat-controlled Congress, which had just ushered in another $165 billion in funding for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. I got the impression that as a member of the press just sitting there, listening, I was giving Ms. Murphy an almost medical form of relief for her inflamed buildup of talking points, prepared for a distant and disinterested media that doesn’t generally ask for them.
“We’ve arrived at a point where it obviously didn’t work,” she said of Code Pink’s disruptions in Congress. “We didn’t stop the Iraq war funding; we haven’t gotten the Democrats to change policy. We’re feeling our tiaras have lost their glow, and that our predictable attention-getting and disruption has run its course.”
Murphy cataloged the “legitimate” work the group does behind the scenes (which, I had to admit, I had failed to recognize in my blindness from the glare of their prom dresses). Code Pink, Murphy insisted, worked with Congress to help Iraqi women visit the U.S. to participate in Code Pink’s 2006 Iraqi Women’s Delegation war protests. They organized lobby days, wrote “Pink Papers” on the condition of women under occupation and U.S. military reparations for Iraqis, and gathered information for groups involved in the larger peace movement. Murphy told me that Code Pink opened an occupation watch center in Baghdad (as part of United for Peace and Justice — a group whose accomplishments Code Pink seems to feel comfortable occasionally taking credit for without direct acknowledgment).
“Our visibility, our pink, our street theater, is to get [the message] into the media that there is opposition, that there is an antiwar movement,” said Murphy, sounding a little desperate. The problem — the same as that of the military — seems mainly to be one of recruitment: Even groups like MoveOn.org have enormous trouble getting people out to protest. “There’s a huge gap between being against the war and doing something about it as a citizen,” Murphy added.
The strategy of loud pinkness, useful in terms of visibility, must evolve, said Murphy. “Yes, it’s good to be on Jon Stewart or ‘Saturday Night Live.’ But we’re being trivialized. That isn’t all of what the antiwar movement is, or all of what we are. If it’s not working anymore, if it’s served its purpose, we need to nimbly and quickly move on to something that is effective.” Murphy described a new Code Pink effort to educate city mayors on how the war was draining local coffers.
Medea Benjamin strode into the house, creating a flurry of excitement. A co-founder of Code Pink, Benjamin is a small, wry and wiry woman who looks more like a member of Congress than someone who shouts at them in the halls. She speaks five languages and has two postgraduate degrees (one master’s in public health from Columbia University; another in economics from the New School of Social Research).
“I’m a very serious person!” she insisted. “I used to work for the United Nations. I have lived and worked in refugee camps around the world. Did I ever think that at 56 years old I’d be wearing tiaras and going to Congress and holding up signs?”
I asked about the difficulty of “waging peace” — how, after all, is one proactively peaceful? She gave me an ironic smile; her eyes — naturally sad, downturned at the outside corners — flashed a bit flinty.
“One goes to Congress every day and one takes one’s head and hits it against the wall,” she said. “You know that saying, ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results’? Because we believe in democracy, we think if we do the same thing over and over — demand that our elected representatives actually represent us — they will. But it’s hard to be peacemakers when we’re almost treated like terrorists. We keep getting arrested, thrown in jail, threatened. And we’re treated like that by Democrats.”
Like Murphy, Benjamin was an unceasing font of well-articulated and atrocious facts, relayed in an almost breathless run-on monologue. “The Democrats — who are supposed to be our friends! — are as bad as the Republicans. That latest $165 billion for war is just astounding. Not a peep from the public; the media almost buried the story. We were in Congress that day in the tunnels, going after every congressperson we could find, saying, ‘Don’t do it!’ Ready to throw bloody money onto the floor of the gallery when they voted. Not covered by the media at all. We were thinking, ‘Well, I hope history at least records that there were some people there who tried.’”
Lack of media coverage and its result — an inability to get exhausted working people off the couch to fight an invisible battle — has endlessly frustrated and discouraged Code Pink. “We have had eight demonstrations of over 100,000 people — some much larger — that got virtually no attention, no response from the White House,” Benjamin said. “C-SPAN is the only mainstream media that isn’t censored. We get cut out of everything else.”
Benjamin has been vocal on the subject of Iraqi refugees; she has been to Syria and Jordan to meet with them. “The U.S. is doing nothing to help these millions of people whose lives we destroyed,” she said. Despite trying, Code Pink has failed to draw mainstream attention to the refugees’ plight. “We called a very serious press conference [with an Iraqi] refugee whose husband had been killed because he worked for the U.S. government — we had one Japanese reporter that showed up, that was it,” Benjamin said. “That same day, a group in Berkeley was doing a witch’s exorcism of the Marine recruiting station. The media was all over that. That’s the climate that we live in.”
This was a bit hard to digest in light of the recent arrest of a Code Pink member at the same Marine recruiting station in Berkeley, who happened to be topless — but I understood her frustration. Code Pink finds that it can’t be taken seriously when it wants to be taken seriously, even though its legitimate work is substantial and deserves to be taken seriously. Such is the sharp double-edge of the glitter tiara.
Benjamin reserved her most evident bitterness for progressive Democrats. “Have you seen them join us in a sit-in at the White House? No. They did civil disobedience around apartheid in South Africa — they did civil disobedience for Darfur. Sixteen of them got arrested; we went to them, and we said, ‘Fabulous. Now can we do that around Iraq? Join us, do a dignified sit-in in front of the White House.’ They hemmed and hawed. We couldn’t even get Barbara Lee to do it.”
I found it easy to admire Benjamin’s quixotic pluck and grasp of the issues. Although I didn’t say it, it occurred to me that apartheid and Darfur were issues that were comfortable to Congress — and to mainstream media — because of their high-level celebrity endorsements: Darfur had Bono, apartheid had Springsteen, AIDS had Elizabeth Taylor. It was mainstream media stars — and the mainstream media that built them — that ultimately allowed these issues to get enough momentum for serious support.
Again, though, Code Pink seems at least partly to blame for its own lack of political support. Benjamin seems to expect congress members to attend Code Pink proceedings, and bring their limelight with them, because she’s morally right. But her demands begged the question — in terms of security, let alone political image — why would Nancy Pelosi support a movement that has been parked outside of her house, denouncing her publicly for two years? Why should the Democrats, for whom Benjamin reserves such special loathing, come over to her side of the iron tutu and do her the favor of legitimizing Code Pink?
Benjamin, slumping in her patio chair, shot me a weary expression. “Look, the most heinous thing that George Bush has done is the war in Iraq. The Democrats have not only given George Bush what he asked for, they gave him more than he asked for because they didn’t want to deal with the war issue in October, right before an election. Here we are, on the eve of an election for president, with Bush using diplomacy to cut a deal with North Korea and the Democrats pushing a war policy with Iran.”
What was her pet theory about this? “All [the Democrats] care about is power,” she said. “They want the war to be George Bush’s problem, not theirs. They could be doing so much more to get other Democrats to vote against the war, and to build this movement with us, to gather a million people out on the street. The people have been so snookered by Democrats and Republicans — so blind to the fact that neither party is working in the interest of the general public — that it’s been virtually impossible to build a strong movement.”
Benjamin and Murphy admitted that Code Pink’s approach needed revamping, but both seem addicted to the theatrics. Both were more than hot to discuss their upcoming action — a “blockade” of Rep. Gary Ackerman’s office to protest his resolution calling for a blockade of Iran. “We’ve seen this before,” Benjamin said. “Sanctions resulted in 500,000 Iraqi children being killed! What are we gonna do? Sit by and say, ‘Oh, let’s write another paper about this? Let’s take three months out and write a book?’ We have to speak out immediately.” Benjamin paused. “Gary Ackerman is the only member of Congress who is also a friend of my family,” she said with a grin.
Benjamin and Murphy seemed to share a compulsive germ: this rowdy game of dress-up and protest, an obsession as chronic and irresistible as canvas to painters, or beaches to surfers. Devotees and enthusiasts don’t measure success the same way as non-fanatics; as my mother, the incredibly broke jazz pianist once said, “You’re a successful artist if you get to keep doing it.”
I confessed to both women that I never would have known about Code Pink if they didn’t disrupt congressional proceedings in pink tiaras. “That’s right,” said Benjamin. “Without the tiaras, you wouldn’t be here. You know: ‘If it bleeds it leads.’ Code Pink is a manifestation of crisis, of a lack of democratic vehicles through which we can express ourselves. We’re a manifestation of a broken system. You might not like the way we manifest it, but we’d like people to reflect on how broken the system is.”
I was beginning to feel a bit like a big-mouth bass: Lured by a bright pink artificial fly, doing the hula on the surface. It struck me how necessary pink tiaras were in the informational black hole that enables the inscrutable machinations of Washington to move forward without public scrutiny. A successful movement depends on a media that will grant it public legitimacy. Without it, the peace movement is left to masochistic zealots like Benjamin and Murphy: They crash Congress every day and destroy their own dignity for just the tiniest effect — a nearly inaudible yelp from the dust speck of peaceful Whoville.
I came away from the Code Pink house believing that guerrilla theater is more critical than ever. For activists, Benjamin and Murphy represent the thin pink line separating the American peace movement from muteness, invisibility and depression unto disbandment. “We are committed to being a direct action movement,” said Benjamin. “We shed light through theater, through disruptions. We’re going to keep doing that as long as it serves.”
Code Pink may have lost a little heart, temporarily, but the ladies haven’t lost their way, or their flair: I was touched that Benjamin went out of her way to compliment my fishnet stockings.
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The writers’ strike was resolved, but not soon enough, apparently. The wounds were deep. Much blood was lost. Oscar was deprived of oxygen, and sustained a great deal of brain damage.
It must have been grim at that academy meeting, just a few weeks ago. No writers, just a bunch of liminal Hollywood power brokers in $6,000 Brioni suits sitting glumly around a large obsidian table in one of the Carrara-marble, earthquake-proof bunker-vaults deep in the ground under CAA, too depressed even to eat their grilled seafood salads.
“Editors,” someone finally said, the idea light bulb suddenly reflecting off his hairless scalp.
“Huh?”
“Fuck the writers. They’ll all eventually eat each other like the Donner party. We have editors. This Oscars? We break new territory.”
Eyes peer up hopefully through $3,000 Japanese glasses frames made of hammered titanium and hand-carved wood.
“This year? All new: all old. We just montage the living shit out of it. Wall-to-wall montages of Oscar footage recycled from the last 80 years.”
“Great.”
“Thank God.”
“Let’s go home.”
Five minutes later, a symphony of bloot-bloots and black Mercedes doors automatically popping open, then the roar of fresh German engines as the identical cars began their climate-controlled trips through the poisoned brown air, back to their home garages in Glendale and Brentwood.
The montages, it must be said, were so numerous and so mind-blowingly stupid as to border on sadism.
Jon Stewart, who hosted, presented it as a joke, but they actually did show a montage completely devoted to the uses of binoculars and periscopes in movies over the years.
The unlovable animated Seinfeld Bee character from the vastly disappointing “Bee Movie” introduced some technical award with — no joke — a bee montage.
There was a montage devoted to production design. A montage devoted to How the Oscar Ballots Get Cast.
For nearly every major award, there was a montage of all 79 other winners from the past.
In short: This year, Oscar honored the heart-touching magic of the film industry’s celebration of life by sucking every possible ounce of spontaneous life, marrow and energy out of the event by waterboarding it to the point of gag-reflex failure with canned montages.
Hollywood executives were firmly convinced for the past several months that writers were worthless. So, all in all, the evening was sort of like “Romeo and Juliet,” but without a script: a frictionless battle between the Montage-Yous and the Crapulets. They both lost. Actually, we all did.
Even though the event was way more lame than lamé, it feels wrong even taking potshots at the Oscars now. It’s like picking on Britney Spears, at this point — it’s so easy, it’s not even sporting. Oscar is elderly, and in dire need of hipness-replacement surgery. In his dotage he is tiresome, dull and earnest, and employs a lot of doddering repetition about how movies “touch the soul” and “inspire others to dream.”
Even Jack Nicholson, perhaps because of his symbiotic link to Oscar, looked frail when talking about the “common link that touches the (heh heh heh) ‘humanity’ in all of us.” You know when Jack is having a hard time looking convincingly inhumane at the Oscars that some power grid in hell is in the grips of a rolling blackout.
Hollywood is always a lopsided reflection of the political situation we’re in.
In this sense, performing artists, classically a fairly high-strung, hypersensitive lot, have always been pretty effective canaries in the cultural coal mine. What they’ve been telling us, lately, is that we have a very, very sick culture on our hands.
It was a terrible, tooth-gnashing year of hideous self-reflection, for America: the ugly flipside of cultural narcissism. Our country, on the back end of a rapacious tear of sophomoric jerkbag behavior, is moving into the slightly more mature adolescent phase of starting to hate its own smell.
I am the greatest country in the world / I am the piece of shit at the center of the universe.
After shaving its head and driving drunk around the globe with no panties, calling itself the Antichrist, and finally abandoning its children, totaling its SUV and getting its ass kicked in the parking lot of the Persian Gulf, America is realizing that it is internationally loathed, broke, soulless, tasteless, fat, drunk, malicious, greedy and stupid, and has been generally behaving like a lousy excuse for a world superpower for long enough to lose all its friends and position.
So, since America hates itself this year, Oscar gave the biggest trophies to foreigners:
Best supporting actress: Tilda Swinton — British.
Best supporting actor: Javier Bardem — Spanish.
Best actress: Marion Cotillard — French.
Best actor: Daniel Day-Lewis — British.
Conspicuously missing from this Oscars was any loose talk of politics or the war, until the designated time block for dissent during the presentation of the documentary film awards. This was especially weird: Why, if they didn’t want to acknowledge the outside world, did they get a truth teller like Jon Stewart to host the thing?
But it isn’t totally shocking when you consider that ABC, which owned the Oscars this year, is owned by Disney. The whole night seemed conspicuously laundered through Robert Iger’s Great Disney Sanitizer — as if the academy came down with heavy threats and successfully imposed a gag order on the evening (a moratorium on natural speech so suppressive and creepy that I took to calling it the “Iger Sanction”).
This Oscars was noteworthy, though, if only because it featured the worst musical interludes since the Great Debbie Allen Interpretive Dance Meltdown of 1999.
The Disney movie “Enchanted” somehow had three completely unsingable, perversely idiotic, overproduced, melody-free songs nominated.
Amy Adams sang the first of these: a frantically upbeat anthem about being vermin and doing menial labor — kind of a “Whistle While You Work” number that had suspiciously happy housewife/sweatshop/totalitarian overtones.
Kristin Chenoweth sang the second “Enchanted” mess: a musically schizophrenic orchestral pseudo-calypso duet with a Rastafarian who was virtually invisible onstage because nobody bothered to light him. This big song ‘n’ dance number was somehow supposed to convey the “cultural diversity of New York’s Central Park” via a kick line of white senior citizens, brides and grooms, a gymnastic troupe of dancing boys in hard hats and Con Edison drag, a flock of tuba players and, most offensively, a mariachi band wearing sombreros … the likes of which I have never, ever, ever seen in Central Park. In short, it was the kind of illegal gathering that, in the Rudy Giuliani era, would have gotten you shot.
The third “Enchanted” number had waltzing couples dressed like Cinderella and Prince Charming, which could only have been choreographed by John Ashcroft or a 6-year-old girl.
To karmically rebalance these mortal offenses, Bob Fosse must rise and vengefully return from his grave to fan-kick down the door of Robert Iger’s summer home and terrorize him with zombie jazz hands.
In the nominated movies, it was a big year for painfully long shots of people having private moments, and great swirls of emotion moving just enough under the eyeballs to be perceptible — a forced march straight into the head and soul of the actor.
In a year where most of the actresses were shielded from their own regrettable taste by professional stylists like Rachel Zoe, best supporting actress winner Tilda Swinton, at least, was bravely and refreshingly fashion-forward enough to look bonkers. She wore no makeup and what looked like a velvet Isamu Noguchi coffee table, and spoke in insouciant, artistic free verse about Oscar’s naked buttocks in the great weirdo-artiste tradition of Dustin Hoffman.
That was pretty much it for iconoclasm during the evening. They really should learn to invite Björk every year.
The best moments were the unplanned injections of humanity: the ruinously beautiful Marion Cotillard’s sincere, if stumbling, acceptance speech; Jon Stewart arranging for Marketa Irglova — the woman from “Once” who, with Glen Hansard, sang “Falling Slowly,” a baldly nice and stirringly emotional ballad — to come back and give her acceptance speech after she’d been rushed off the stage.
The issue of Iraq was finally allowed to chug out all at once: A handful of grunts in Iraq presented the award for best documentary short subject via satellite. Hollywood deity Tom Hanks was ceremonially trotted out to lend gravity to the award for best documentary feature, a category that pitted three films about the Iraq war against Michael Moore’s “Sicko.”
The winner, Alex Gibney, the filmmaker responsible for “Taxi to the Dark Side,” urged the audience to “hope we can turn this country away from the dark side.”
Helen Mirren introduced the award for best actor with the following:
“Ambition. Amorality. Greed. Deviousness. Misery. Venality. Remorse … All facets of the rainbow of human behavior.”
And Daniel Day-Lewis won for his savage role in “There Will Be Blood.”
Day-Lewis is a wonderfully fluid actor, but frankly, that role, while a perfectly credible Wild West, crotchety old brown-toothed prospector ultimately devoured by his own rottenness, wasn’t the most mind-blowing performance of the year. The movie was, however, based on the Upton Sinclair story “Oil,” and the role was an excellent allegory for a nation that gets ruthlessly strung out on greed for the black crude, loses its soul, abandons its children and brings about its own demise through unchecked hostility.
I know I am not alone in my contention that Viggo Mortensen deserved a special Oscar for his full-frontal nude fight scene in “Eastern Promises.”
Tommy Lee Jones was recognized with a nomination for “In the Valley of Elah,” an important bummer of an Iraq movie that certainly won’t make anyone feel good (but makes you a better human being if you see it).
Tommy Lee Jones was really superb in that role: His wonderful face has always been almost but not quite handsome, in a messed-up way — in this film, he looks almost like an early proto-human skull that was reassembled from bashed fragments and covered with grayish-pink modeling putty. Some unfortunate truck stop on the evolutionary highway. A great craggy simian brow and trout mouth. But his black eyes were crammed to the support beams with an incredibly complex emotional reality — a skillfully compartmentalized man in a state of controlled crisis. Really amazing.
And Clooney — sigh. He deserved the trophy as well, but Hollywood knows he’s a lifer and he’ll be around for a while. There’s time for Clooney later.
Joel and Ethan Coen, of course, were the night’s big winners, taking home the awards for best adapted screenplay, best directing and best picture for “No Country for Old Men.”
While I like the Coens, it is important to bear in mind that in their lifetimes, Ingmar Bergman, Akira Kurosawa, Federico Fellini and Alfred Hitchcock never received Oscars for best director. Kevin Costner did, though.
Not that anyone asked me, but “Michael Clayton” was, in my opinion, the best film of the year. There was a lot more to it than its just being Clooney’s “Erin Brockovich.”
Screw imperial corporate greed-bag awfulness, and that goes for Hollywood too, George Clooney, via Michael Clayton, said under his breath, loud enough to hear. Glitz is meaningless. Greed is deadly. Vanity is overrated. But you can humbly, slowly accrue some virtue, some small but real heroism, by navigating the sometimes-invisible line between doing your job well and doing the right thing.
Despite having one of the best social diatribe screenplays since “Network,” what was interesting about “Michael Clayton” was the way it dialed your focus way down to the quiet private battles of the imperfect everyperson — the unwitnessed, unrewarded slog of trying to amass good decisions and do some small immediate good day to day — and failing sometimes, despite fighting the good fight, and winning sometimes in a way that goes largely unrecognized.
Like good photography, “Michael Clayton” elevates the normal into the sublime by seeing its own world with such razor clarity that it expands the viewer’s perceptions by reframing them with a bigger, more generous awareness.
Nan Goldin, for example, looked at her ragged life and saw art springing all around her, even in the mirror at her own punched-out face. Real life, for all its broken noses, cigarette butts and bad decisions, is more beautiful than the L’Oréal illusion, or six hours in the grip of Rachel Zoe — provided you can muster enough emotional intelligence to feel your way out of a paper bag, and you’re not so desperately afraid of offending people or not looking pretty that you can’t move your face or be funny anymore.
Compassion. It’s the new Scientology. A new theology for the rich and famous. Ruthless greed and inhumanity, Hollywood seems to have recently realized, are as suicidal as an OxyContin habit: It can really only take a career, or an art form, or a nation, so far.
Well, in terms of national consciousness, maybe it’s a start.
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For more Salon coverage of the Oscars, click here.
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