2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Earlier this week, the New York Daily News ran a seething piece about “slut culture” by Kathleen Parker. She observes the attitude that it’s never “too early to start little girls thinking about sex and teaching them to dress the part.” Case in point: Parents can outfit their 4-year-olds in a T-shirt that reads, “Baby Porn Star,” and pre-pubescents can find bustiers, padded “bralettes” and stilettos at toy stores.
All this must be in the service of arguing that it’s time we save girls from being oversexualized, right? Ehhn! Wrong. The piece is actually an excerpt from Parker’s book, titled “Save the Males.” Parker argues that men are “taunted by a parade of approaching midriffs featuring pierced navels and retreating ‘tramp stamps.’” This discombobulates boys, “who report being perpetually aroused,” she says.
To recap: Girls are being sexualized before they even know what sex is, but it’s males that need the rescuing. Quick, save them from these succubi in training bras!
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.