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Thursday, Mar 26, 2009 10:19 AM UTC2009-03-26T10:19:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

My date rapist is on Facebook as a “person I might know”

I want him to confess and admit he was wrong. Should I contact him?

Dear Cary,

Recently while I was on Facebook, the man who date-raped me in college showed up as “people you might know.” Apparently a mutual friend has him as a Friend, at least virtually. I never filed charges, never told people for years afterward, and didn’t even think of it as rape until five years ago. But now that I think about it, it infuriates me that he was able to victimize me without consequences. I don’t want to bring legal action, or shame him publicly, but I do want him to understand what he did was wrong. I’d like an apology. I think I could easily forgive him if an apology was offered. We were both young. Mistakes are made. That doesn’t make it OK.

Should I attempt to contact him, or just let bygones be bygones? Honestly, I could take it or leave it. My only worry is that he will think date rape is OK. (I was extremely drunk, and threw up for hours, and went in and out of consciousness while he had sex with me. He watched me throw up, and then still tried to have sex with me.) I’ve had a long path recovering from this incident and prior childhood abuse, and I’d hate to think he was still doing the same thing to other women.

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Cary Tennis


Cary Tennis is Salon's advice columnist. His latest book is "Citizens of the Dream: Advice on Writing, Painting, Playing, Acting and Being." He leads writing workshops and creative getaways, and occasionally tweets and bellows as @carytennis on Twitter.

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Thursday, Feb 9, 2012 5:22 PM UTC2012-02-09T17:22:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Facebook’s threat to a poor Silicon Valley city

As the social media giant opens a new campus nearby, East Palo Alto residents fear for their community's future

facebookipo_500x279 L

 (Credit: Charisse Domingo)

This article originally appeared on New America Media.

EAST PALO ALTO, Calif. — A baby blue billboard displaying a giant thumbs-up hand, the iconic Facebook “Like” symbol, stands on the corner of Willow Road and the 84 freeway, facing Menlo Park. It marks the entrance into the new campus of Facebook, the Internet giant that just recently filed for an IPO, minted a new crop of multimillionaires, and has just moved into this newer, bigger home – the former campus of Sun Microsystems.

The Like sign may just reflect the sentiments of the city of Menlo Park, a mostly affluent suburb that is sure to receive a windfall in taxes from the arrival of its new tenant, which has made the city the new center of Silicon Valley.

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Wednesday, Feb 8, 2012 4:45 PM UTC2012-02-08T16:45:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Facebook’s hypocritical breast-feeding controversy

The social media giant can't figure out what defines a dirty picture -- or the difference between biology and porn

breastfeeding

 (Credit: iStockphoto/JoseGirarte)

This week in Controversies We Can’t Believe Are Still Happening: Facebook. Breast-feeding. Discuss.

Facebook, where you can create an entire album of your drunken, vomity, relieving-yourself-into-a-sink exploits, where you can share images of your child happily sliding around in his own diarrhea, has long maintained a surprisingly prim attitude toward the comparatively tame issue of breast-feeding shots. Though the company insists that “breastfeeding is natural and beautiful,” and that “the vast majority of … photos are compliant with our policies, and we will not take action on them,” it also maintains that “photos that show a fully exposed breast where the child is not actively engaged in nursing do violate Facebook’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.” Photos that are taken down, Facebook says, “are almost exclusively brought to our attention by other users who complain about them.”

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Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedubMore Mary Elizabeth Williams

Saturday, Dec 31, 2011 2:00 PM UTC2011-12-31T14:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

The rise of Facebook Nation

The social network has become as big and powerful as a country -- and it's time its citizens got a constitution

facebookflag

 (Credit: ponsulak kunsub via Shutterstock/Salon)

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This article was adapted from the upcoming book "I Know Who You Are and I Saw What You Did," available Jan. 10 from the Free Press.

When David Cameron became Britain’s prime minister, he made an appointment to talk to another head of state — Mark Zuckerberg. Yes, that Mark Zuckerberg: the billionaire wunderkind, the founder of Facebook. At the meeting at 10 Downing Street, Prime Minister Cameron and Facebook president Zuckerberg discussed ways in which social networks could take over certain governmental duties and inform public policymaking.

A month later, Zuckerberg and Cameron had a follow-up conversation, later posted on YouTube. Cameron, dressed in suit and tie, chatted with Zuckerberg, who wore a blue cotton T-shirt. “Basically, we’ve got a big problem here,” Cameron pointed out to Zuckerberg, describing the U.K.’s financial woes.

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Lori B. Andrews is a professor at Chicago-Kent College of Law and the director of the Institute for Science, Law and Technology. She is the author of 14 books, including "The Clone Age: Adventures in the New World of Reproductive Technology."   More Lori B. Andrews

Wednesday, Dec 28, 2011 9:00 PM UTC2011-12-28T21:00:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Why kids need solitude

Our culture of immediate gratification is changing our children. A teacher and author explains what we're losing

Interview with author of republic of noise about children and distraction in education

 (Credit: Melissa King via Shutterstock)

Demand for remedial instruction in colleges is on the rise. About 75 percent of New York City freshmen attending community college last year needed remedial math, reading or writing courses. The organization that administers the ACT found that only one in four of 2010 high school graduates who took the ACT exam were college-ready in four key subjects areas: English, math, reading and science. Statistics like these are startling, as they not only reveal serious flaws in our educational system, but also raise questions as to how these students will fare in the future if they are lacking the knowledge and critical skills needed to succeed in college and beyond.

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Wednesday, Dec 14, 2011 7:15 PM UTC2011-12-14T19:15:00Zl, M j, Y g:i A T

Can Facebook save your life?

As suicide notes increasingly arrive in status updates, the social-networking site offers help to the despairing

facebook suicide

 (Credit: Facebook/Salon)

Topics:,

In September 2010, Rutgers freshman Tyler Clementi posted on his Facebook page that he was “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry” – and then did. Last Christmas, Simone Back wrote that she “Took all my pills be dead soon so bye bye every one.” Several Facebook “friends” added disparaging comments, but no one stepped forward to check on her. Black’s body was found the next day. And last December, Clay Duke posted a Facebook “testament,” writing that “Some people (the government sponsored media) will say I was evil, a monster … no…” He then went on a shooting rampage and killed himself.

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Mary Elizabeth Williams

Mary Elizabeth Williams is a staff writer for Salon and the author of "Gimme Shelter: My Three Years Searching for the American Dream." Follow her on Twitter: @embeedubMore Mary Elizabeth Williams

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