Love and Sex

The virginity fetish

Why is our culture so obsessed with girls' chastity? Author Jessica Valenti talks about how purity balls and "barely legal" porn both feed the same idea: That a woman's worth is between her legs.

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The virginity fetish

The world wants a piece of 22-year-old Natalie Dylan — and not because of her glossy pout, smoky eyes or heaving chest. It’s something far more coveted than beauty: her virginity. In a bold move that made headlines around the world this fall, Dylan put her purity on the auction block, promising Mr. Right Price a chance at deflowering her. The current high bid for this supposedly priceless commodity: $3.8 million.

That’s just a sideshow in pop culture’s chastity circus: Take 16-year-old “Hannah Montana” star Miley Cyrus, who has publicly vowed to wait until marriage, or the raft of other tween idols — the Jonas Brothers, Disney’s Selena Gomez and “American Idol” winner Jordin Sparks — who like to flash their silver purity rings for the cameras. Toss in the popularity of “barely legal” porn, purity balls and costly “hymen repair,” and you might start to wonder: What’s with the virginity fetish?

That’s the question Jessica Valenti, founder of Feministing.com, answers in “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women.” As Valenti, the current poster girl for third-wave feminism, writes in her typically snarky tone: It’s not like we can just put our “Saran-wrapped hymens away in a freezer” or paste them “in a scrapbook.” (Well, we could, but who would want to?) Those types of, uh, vivid arguments are also found on her popular feminist Web site, which bears a logo of the classic mud-flap girl giving the finger. Mixing rude-girl slang with the academic jargon of a feminist textbook, the 30-year-old Rutgers University lecturer knows how to make feminism accessible to a young, apathetic audience: Her first book, “Full Frontal Feminism,” featured a generous heaping of the F-word (not the one found in the title) and a butt-naked lady on the cover.

“The Purity Myth,” however, is far more mature — and not in the X-rated sense. Valenti takes on the many ways that a woman’s morality and personal worth are tied to her sexual purity — from abstinence-only education to blaming rape victims, honor killings to finger-wagging over hookup culture. She points the finger of blame back at conservatives and argues that it’s the myth of virginity, not “Girls Gone Wild,” that’s hurting this generation of young women. Those two competing influences have more in common than some might think: Both teach women that their most valuable commodity is their sexuality.

Valenti recently sparked controversy by announcing that she’s getting married in the fall: Conservative columnist Kathryn Jean Lopez called her a “feminist bridezilla,” while some feminists declared she was bowing to the patriarchy and being a traitor to gay rights. One thing is for sure, though: When she walks down the aisle, she will be unceremoniously stomping on the very symbols of pre-nuptial purity that she rails against in her book. The bride will not wear white.

Valenti recently stopped by Salon’s San Francisco office during the West Coast leg of her book tour to talk about Bristol Palin, fathers dating their daughters, and the “lie” of virginity.

You start the book by announcing that virginity … doesn’t actually exist.

I did not know this [before I wrote the book]. I interviewed a woman named Hanne Blank, who wrote this great book called “Virgin: The Untouched History.” She worked at a Web site for teens about sex called Scarleteen, and the question she got most often from teenagers was, “I did such and such, am I still a virgin?” She was like, “You know, I don’t know!” So, she went to the Harvard Medical School library to try to find a standard definition for virginity, and she couldn’t find one. Apparently, there is no medical definition at all.

Virginity is completely culturally constructed, and obviously we each have our own individual understanding of what virginity is, but it’s often a really limiting version of sexuality that doesn’t include certain types of intimacy that are pretty important. Queer people are totally excluded — if you’re a lesbian with a number of partners, are you considered a slut? Probably not.

Well, you’d probably be a virgin according to certain definitions –

Right. And if you masturbate constantly, does that make you a slut? What seems to make women “dirty” is the dick.

It seems that, culturally, we can’t conceive of a woman who masturbates a lot but doesn’t have sex. Our brains would explode trying to contemplate the idea.

[Laughs] That’s absolutely true. I hate to sound super women’s studies prof, but it really is phallocentric.

So, what’s so harmful about the idea of women “losing” their virginity?

It means that we’ve lost something that we can’t get back. It ties us, and our morality, to our bodies in this way that makes me really uncomfortable. You don’t hear people talking about men “losing it” in quite the same way.

For a man it’s an accomplishment, not something lost?

Right. As a woman, you have something of value and you’re supposed to hang on to it for as long as you possibly can until you get an appropriately shiny ring to “give it up for.” There’s real commodification there.

The label “slut” is just one of many punishments used against “impure” women – what are some others?

Oh, there are so, so many. I argue in the book that a lot of reproductive rights policy is used as punishment for women. So much of it is mired in the idea that women shouldn’t be having sex before marriage and, if they do, pregnancy is their punishment. There’s also disproportionate punishment for women who are seen as impure from the get-go — queer women, women of color, low-income women, immigrant women.

Generally, though, the most obvious form of punishment is for victims of sexual assault. If a woman isn’t a virgin, she’s sometimes blamed for the assault. And then sometimes it has nothing to do with virginity. I wrote about the case of a New York woman who was raped and murdered. She was faulted in the media because she had been out at a bar drinking late at night.

That brings up another question: There’s plenty of drunken carousing that goes on among the college set, and sometimes two people get equally drunk and have sex. Some people say this is “gray rape,” a situation where consent is fuzzy. Is there anything to that argument?

I think it’s a warmed-over new name for date rape. The term came about from Laura Sessions Stepp, who wrote a slut-shaming, moral-panic book called, “Unhooked.” I didn’t think the term would get much traction, but then Cosmo ran a story on it.

I don’t believe in gray rape. The issue of consent is not necessarily as complicated as we make it out to be. This is actually something that we talk a lot about in the anthology I edited with Jaclyn Friedman called “Yes Means Yes,” which talks about enthusiastic consent. The purity myth is related to this as well. We can reframe sex as something that should be a collaborative, partnered event. And, if we redefine consent as not the absence of a “no” but a presence of a “yes,” then maybe we’ll actually get somewhere.

You would think it would make for better sex, right?

Exactly! There’s a great metaphor that one of the essayists used: You wouldn’t dance with someone who was just standing there staring at you. It’s more fun to dance with someone who’s dancing back. I think men aren’t taught to care about that. Instead it’s just about getting something, whatever that elusive something is.

Let’s talk more about men. There are countless movies about the high school geek who is on a mission to lose his virginity. So, obviously men are affected by the purity myth?

In terms of male virgins, I don’t think they’re affected nearly as much as women. As you said, male virgins are presented in this jokey way in U.S. culture — you see them in a doofy movie and that’s pretty much it. I think the way that they’re most affected is in how they’re taught to interact with women and to define themselves in oppositional terms. To be a man you just have to not be feminine — don’t be a girl, don’t be a pussy, and don’t be a sissy.

You make a connection between the purity movement and porn industry in terms of how they sexualize the virgin/whore dichotomy. Can you explain that?

It’s strange. I think that both “Girls Gone Wild” videos and abstinence-only education classes tell women that what’s most valuable about them is their sexuality. Porn has all of this “barely legal” and “virgin porn” stuff, where the most fetishized woman is the virgin. It’s the same thing with abstinence-only and the purity pushers: The most revered person in their world is the female virgin.

The virginity movement tries to fight against porn, but not really in the ways that you would expect. They spend a lot of time talking about pop culture and TV, not talking about poor conditions for sex workers — things that actually impact women’s lives. Instead, they target consensual sexual encounters between adults and little old ladies selling vibrators at, you know, [sex toy] Tupperware parties. The purity movement needs porn, so they can point at it and say, “ Look, look see all this terrible stuff that is happening!” And then they don’t actually do anything about it.

What do you think about the young woman who auctioned off her virginity?

I don’t know why we’re so surprised by it. This is going to sound terrible, but that’s essentially the same thing the abstinence movement is saying: “Hold off until you can auction off your virginity to the person with the biggest ring.” It’s really the same thing, only done in a more explicit and economically honest way.

I think it’s really interesting whom we decide to call whores. [Natalie Dylan] is a whore because she’s being really upfront and honest about it. But you would never think to call a woman who is getting married [for financial security] a whore.

Because she’s going about it in the prescribed way?

Right, she’s appropriately selling her virginity in a way that benefits the dudes around her.

Why do you think the abstinence movement has embraced Bristol Palin?

Well, I don’t think they had a choice, really. The interesting thing is that the abstinence-only movement shames teen moms and often tries to get them kicked out of school. In this case, they had to publicly embrace her to show what good Christians they are — but I don’t think that’s the treatment that any other teenage pregnant girl would get.

Bristol embodies all of these contradictions behind the purity myth. First, she said that abstinence wasn’t realistic. Now she’s promoting abstinence and trying to prevent teen pregnancy — but also saying that her baby is the best thing that’s ever happened to her.

How is it that a pop star like Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson can announce their virginity at the same time that they’re successfully marketed as a sex symbol?

Because they’re being exactly what pop culture wants them to be, which is the sexy virgin available for our consumption. We’re able to watch them writhe around in music videos, but they’re still good girls, so you can also prop them up as role models.

What was really interesting with Spears was that the media and public turned on her once she got pregnant, had a woman’s body, became a little heavier, and could no longer be seen as this untouched virgin. People had to look at her as a full-grown woman and not a little girl. That’s when they started to deride her and call her a whore, which goes to show that the women we fetishize most are not women but girls.

Which suggests that the purity movement is kind of … impure.

Oh, super impure! Oh my god, are you kidding? Purity balls? I remember watching a video of one with my dad and he was like, “I cannot watch this.” He got really visibly upset. There are just no boundaries at these events — or with the whole “dating your daughter” trend.

What’s that?

Focus on the Family started this mini-campaign to get fathers to “date their daughters” to show them good male role models, I guess. But really the point was taking your daughter out on dates so she knows what to expect when she goes out on real dates — as if a girl’s father is a stand-in until a future sexual partner comes along. The idea that fathers can’t interact with their daughters without talking about sex or modeling a romantic relationship is a really disturbing one.

Now, here’s a fun topic: Vaginal tightening, labia reductions and “re-virginization” procedures are becoming increasingly popular. What makes the cost and pain worth it?

They’re the fastest-growing form of plastic surgery in the U.S.

[Cringes] Is that true?

Yeah, I know — I’m, like, crossing my legs, “Ahhh!” It seems to be a couple of things: One, a lot of women are going into doctors’ offices with Playboy magazines and saying, “I want my vulva to look like that.” There’s also this trend of women getting it for their husbands or partners, to make themselves a virgin again for their 20th wedding anniversary.

What I find really fascinating is that in Africa and places outside the U.S. we call it female genital mutilation. But, because you pay $4,000 for it here, it’s a designer vagina? It’s ridiculous! It’s just another way of fetishizing virginity and young vaginas.

That’s interesting that women are going into doctors’ offices with Playboy, because it seems like women have no other reference for what “normal” lady parts look like. It seems like the surgeries would only perpetuate that problem.

There was actually an OB/GYN organization that called the surgeries really misleading, because so many women don’t have an understanding of what a normal vulva looks like. Women think if they don’t have — I don’t want to get too explicit — but if they don’t have something that looks a certain way, that they are abnormal.

So, what do you advocate, how do we escape the purity myth?

That was the hard part of the book. It’s such a deeply ingrained double standard. What I try to promote in the book is more real-life, everyday stuff that you can do to lessen the effects. For example, making sure that abstinence-only education isn’t being taught at your kid’s school and teaching them about media literacy. Also, to really open up the door for a conversation about a more nuanced, complex sexuality.

It seems like there’s the potential for the wife/whore dichotomy to backfire on the purity movement.

Yes, yes. You’re giving women two options: You can either be the virgin or the slut. Once you have sex and you’re not the virgin anymore, you have to commit to the other. The binary can definitely have what is an unintended effect of leading young women to have a lot more sex than they normally would.

Right, “I’m already a fallen woman, so why not have fun?” So, here’s a pressing question: Is it possible nowadays to be both the wife and the whore? [Cracks up] I mean, is there a way to embrace both of those roles — to be the committed wife and the sexually driven woman?

Within your relationship you can do whatever you want. But I don’t know if there is a way, culturally, to do that. I’m racking my brain trying to see if there are any examples. I don’t know that there are.

I’m thinking about Maxim-style celebrities, and I can’t think of any who are sexual and respected in a real way.

No, I can only think of sex symbols who are respected in a guys-wanna-fuck-her way. Maybe Angelina Jolie. But she’s an oddity.

Well, that’s a depressing note to end on.

I’m gonna go out and have a drink.

Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter.

50 shades of Shutterstock

Slide show: Everyone's favorite light-bondage bestseller illustrated by inexplicable stock photography SLIDE SHOW

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50 shades of Shutterstock

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This week, for roughly the millionth time, E.L. James’ romance-bondage trilogy “50 Shades” nabs the No. 1, 2 and 3 spots on the New York Times bestseller lists. We don’t get it either. Every page of that book, which famously began as “Twilight” fan fiction, elicits a sigh of confusion and weird secondary embarrassment. The question is: Who would read this? (The answer is: Apparently everyone.) It’s the same baffled, helpless feeling we get when we sort through stock photos on a daily basis. Stock photos – which have been the subject of recent outstanding Internet satire – are used by this site, and many others, to illustrate our flood of content. Many are plain and simple, but a good portion are flat-out mind-blowing. Why did anyone think that photo was a good idea? It only made sense to join these forces. And so, we present to you passages from the most head-scratching bestseller of our time, illustrated with the assistance of inexplicable stock photography.

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Taxing strip clubs for rape

Politicians are holding adult entertainment venues responsible for funding sexual assault services

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Taxing strip clubs for rape (Credit: iStockphoto/wragg)

It used to be that strip clubs were merely blamed for society’s ills. Now they’re actually being charged for it.

In recent years, measures have been introduced in Georgia, Pennsylvania, Texas, Illinois and, most recently, California to apply special taxes to strip clubs — specifically to fund sexual assault services. Now, even if you aren’t inclined to view erotic entertainment as the source of all evil, this might seem an appropriate aim — who wants to argue against additional support for rape survivors? It would seem even more so when you consider politicians’ and activists’ repeated claims of solid scientific evidence showing a link between strip clubs — specifically those that sell alcohol — and sexual violence.

That is, until you look at the alleged proof.

The key study advocates point to is one commissioned by the Texas Legislature in 2009. But that very report states, “no study has authoritatively linked alcohol, sexually oriented business, and the perpetration of sexual violence.” What’s more, when I talked to Bruce Kellison, director of the Bureau of Business Research at the University of Texas at Austin, and one of the authors of the report, about the alleged link between strip clubs and sexual assault, he said, “That’s not really what our study was trying to do.”

What it was trying to do was review the research on whether clubs have a “negative secondary effect” (in other words, harmful side effects). “Most of the [research] has found that there is a moderate amount of increased criminal activity outside of clubs,” he said. That’s a point contested by some: Daniel Linz, a communications and law professor at the University of California, Santa Barbara, says studies used to support restrictive zoning or special taxes on strip clubs are methodologically flawed — they fail to use appropriate controls and rely on inconsistent and unreliable data sources. Take, for example, that zoning laws often relegate strip clubs to shadier parts of town, where, of course, there is greater crime. Without an appropriate control, that crime can’t be attributed to the club itself.

According to a study Linz conducted, “Those studies that are scientifically credible demonstrate either no negative secondary effects associated with adult businesses or a reversal of the presumed negative effect.” He tells me, “We’ve done crime map after crime map after crime map of many cities and there just aren’t clusters of crime around [strip clubs]. Most crime in most cities tends to occur around high schools.” Tax the teens!

That’s just to speak of crime in general. The important thing here, given the aim of these tax initiatives, is sex crime. The Texas report looked at the incidence of sexual violence in particular inside the clubs and found that there wasn’t “additional sexual assault violence going on in the clubs,” says Kellison, or even around the clubs.

Again, as with many things in this arena, that’s contested by some. Richard McCleary, a criminology professor at the University of California, Irvine, whom Linz says he’s had a “10-year scientific battle with,” argues that there is a sexual violence impact, but not the kind that these initiatives imply. He cites a 1998 survey of “a small sample” of adult entertainers that found a high rate of reported sexual victimization inside or nearby the club. This contradicts the findings of the Texas report, however. It’s also important to note that the proposed special taxes don’t go directly toward victimized dancers; the intended target is much broader than that.

McCleary also backs up his assertion saying that street prostitutes “are attracted to the neighborhood because of the clientele and that tends to be an extremely violent trade.” Even if we’re to presume that street prostitutes are driven to strip club neighborhoods in droves, and that they in general experience a high level of violence in their work, it isn’t a direct consequence of the venue itself. As Judith Hanna, an anthropologist and author of “Naked Truth: Strip Clubs, Democracy and a Christian Right,” told me, decriminalizing prostitution would be a much more effective way to address the violence that street prostitutes face.

Hanna is particularly sympathetic to the cause. She’s worked as a volunteer for over a decade with a program for victims of sexual assault, and yet she says, “I never, nor have others in the program, known of a sexual crime victim related to a strip club.” She’s quick to point out that “there is a plethora of evidence that clergy have committed sexual crimes against women, boys and girls.” Where’s their sexual violence tax?

Kellison cuts to the chase: “The reason that many advocates say the strip club industry is being tied directly to the effort to raise funds for rape crisis centers is not because there is increased sexual assault behavior going on inside the clubs or outside the clubs or as a result of a guy going to a strip club,” he says. “That is a very difficult argument to make. What the advocates will say is that it’s an industry that is primarily run with the use of women for, generally speaking, male purposes, male benefit. And that’s why advocates have seen it reasonable to ask the industry to support a tax that would fund services that are primarily geared toward women.”

Well, they rarely actually come out and say it so plainly without the cover of alleged evidence, but that is the fundamental moral judgment behind these initiatives.

Now, there is a strong link between alcohol consumption and sexual violence, but, as Linz says, “any location that is serving drinks, whether it’s a strip club or a regular bar is going to have this societal effect.” He adds, “Compared to other businesses that serve alcohol in the community, these places are no better and no worse.” In other words, it’s the booze, not the boobs.

McCleary, on the other hand, argues that there’s evidence that those who have consumed both alcohol and adult entertainment are more violent than those who have consumed only one or the other. But this is based on laboratory research, which McCleary admits is a far cry from the real world. He also says “it’s very difficult to establish a causal link.”

Critics say these measures have advanced because of courts holding them to a low standard of proof. While some circuits require “reliable social science evidence” to establish negative secondary effects, says Linz, others essentially say, “The city can pick and choose among findings and come to whatever conclusion they want.” Some argue that secondary effects — which were originally used to justify zoning restrictions but have since been applied to even regulations on the content of dances and the degree of nudity — have trumped First Amendments rights. David L. Hudson Jr., a research attorney at the First Amendment Center, calls exotic dancing “a First Amendment stepchild” and writes in a report on the topic, “Many free-speech advocates claim that the secondary-effects doctrine has allowed municipal officials an easy path to censorship.”

Speaking of censorship, Hanna sees crusading religious moralism at work. “A segment of the politically active Christian right are not only opposed to these clubs but they are working like the Tea Party works,” she says. “They have alliances, they have big money and they’re fighting it. Sometimes it’s indirect, they’re electing their people to legislative bodies — you only need one person to start making big noise.”

These measures are a crystal clear reflection of extreme conservative views of sexuality and gender. As Hanna tells me, “The Christian right believes that if you see a nude woman you’re gonna go out and rape the first woman you see.” She also points to the stereotype of “men as a volcano of testosterone ready to be ignited.” From that vantage point, the leap from strip clubs to rape makes intuitive sense — but it doesn’t make it fact.

There’s also just plain financial desperation behind these initiatives. Several sponsors have admitted that the tax is a response to devastating budget cuts to sexual assault resources. Sin taxes — those applied to alcohol, cigarettes and gambling — are not new and have only increased as cities face severe budget cuts. What’s unique about the strip club taxes is not only that boozy adult entertainment venues are being singled out — as opposed to the broader category of liquor — but also that the taxes are being directed toward a cause that is empirically unrelated.

When it comes to adult entertainment, though, critical thinking often falls by the wayside. Strip clubs are an easy target for religious moralizing and political pandering — and one few are willing to defend.

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Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter.

Sex ads: It isn’t just Backpage.com

From Facebook to Twitter and once again on Craigslist, a new study shows adult advertising permeates the Web

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Sex ads: It isn't just Backpage.com (Credit: Advanced Interactive Media Group)

A new report could defend the besieged Backpage.com — and it comes from the same research organization that has been used in the campaign against the classified-ad site.

Activists calling for the site to shutter its adult classifieds section on the grounds that it promotes sex trafficking — like New York Times columnist Nicholas Kristof — have seized on research from Advanced Interactive Media Group (AIM) showing that across a handful of sites carrying prostitution ads, 70 percent come from Backpage. Another significant finding from the organization is that the site’s parent company, Village Voice Media, makes $22 million from such ads. Again and again, critics of the site trot out these, and similar, statistics drawn from AIM research — but the organization’s latest study highlights just how far online prostitution spans beyond Backpage.

In fact, the first lines of the report return to the supposedly resolved issue of sex ads on Craigslist: “Prostitution ads are back on Craigslist. If they ever left in the first place.” As the report explains, shortly after the adult section was shuttered, AIM reviewed the classified site and found that “there were few if any blatant ads for prostitution.” But now, AIM has found that “ads that appear to be for paid sex work are posted regularly” on Craigslist. Granted, the numbers are much lower than they were before the site closed its “adult services” section — and specific stats weren’t available ahead of this writing — but “some [ads] were as blatant as they were” before the closure, and a subset included terms like “barely legal” (which is often used to signal the opposite: underage girls).

In addition, AIM found sex ads on mainstream sites like Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter. Mostly, these ads come in the form of Facebook pages, blog posts or tweets advertising an escort service or individual sex workers. Researchers also found such ads on YP.com and About.com (interestingly, the latter is owned by the New York Times Co., which employs Kristof, arguably the most vocal critic of Backpage).

The release lays out the financial benefit to hosting such ads: “Whether free or paid, listings and ads for escort services and similar adult content frequently serve a business purpose for sites like About.com and YP.com,” the report explains. “They drive traffic and page-views; they deliver legitimate results for seemingly (or pseudo-) legitimate businesses; and they provide search results with adjacent paid or pay-per-click ads, which can generate revenue as they are served.”

The volume of these ads is nowhere near that on Backpage, but AIM’s finding shows how easily sex ads proliferate online, even in “legitimate” online venues. Keeping these ads from popping up online is like trying to keep frogs in a bucket.

Asked to comment on whether this latest research poses a challenge to the effort to shut down Backpage’s adult section, Peter M. Zollman, founding principal of AIM, said, “Ads for prostitution are in hundreds or thousands of places online, and anyone looking for them can find them. Backpage and Craigslist are just two sites, and both have taken pretty aggressive steps to eliminate ads involving trafficking in children.” The AIM report doesn’t look specifically at the existence of trafficking ads, as opposed to general sex ads, but as anti-trafficking activists have told me, they see the two as inseparable.

Update: A publicist from About.com tells me the site is “in the process of removing any pages from About.com that include links to escort services” and says “they represent a very small percentage of overall pages on About.com.”

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Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter.

Massage therapists rubbed wrong by sex talk

A Jennifer Love Hewitt show and the Travolta allegations have masseuses tired of being confused for sex workers

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Massage therapists rubbed wrong by sex talk (Credit: iStockphoto/sybanto)

Joe, a licensed massage therapist, knows what it’s like having a famous client who expects something extra. He had an Academy Award-winning actor begin gyrating on his massage table before raising his hips in the air to show off his erection. “He was hoping that I would play with him in some shape or form,” he says.

Needless to say, Joe isn’t surprised by allegations by two masseurs that John Travolta got handsy during massages. (Travolta’s attorney has denied all the allegations, and called them “ridiculous.”) “It happens all the time,” he says, and not just with celebrity clients. He frequently encounters men who try to fondle him, usually while he’s working on their glutes or lower back and their hand happens to be level with his crotch. “They think they’re so original, but they’re all so much the same,” Joe says, his voice rising. “They all use the same tactics, the same body movements, the same gyrations and grinding my table, the [heavy] breathing.”

Usually it’s men, but he’s had a couple of women do it, too: One grabbed his crotch and then pulled his sweat pants down before he could stop her. Then there’s the woman who had an orgasm just from him massaging her thighs. “All of a sudden her knees locked and her legs became straight and I thought, ‘Oh no, maybe I hurt her, maybe she has boundary issues.’” Afterward, though, she made it clear what had happened — and that it was the best massage she’d ever had.

Even massage therapists who haven’t personally experienced sexual harassment or abuse on the job are fed up with the need to constantly reaffirm the fact that they are licensed medical professionals. Shows like Lifetime’s “The Client List,” which stars Jennifer Love Hewitt as a single mom trying to make ends meet by providing happy endings, certainly don’t help to diminish the nudge-wink side of massage, nor does the ubiquity of euphemistically driven ads for massage parlors. And, for the record, many object to the use of the terms “masseuse” and “masseur” because they leave too much room for misinterpretation.

Even still, some question the legitimacy, or at least earnestness, of the allegations against Travolta and suggest that it’s the massage therapist’s responsibility to avoid sketchy situations. Barbara Joel, a massage therapist and former president of the New York State Society of Medical Massage Therapists, tells me, “I disagree how he is being portrayed as the brute and the therapists as the innocent victims … I doubt that the therapists were unaware as to what they were walking into.” Joel says experienced massage therapists understand that “many male politicians, celebrities and men of power feel a sense of self-righteousness and that they are above the law.”

To others, that sounds too much like blaming the victim. Turning down clients — particularly high-powered clients that could make your career — is challenging. Joe was voted the best masseur in New York several years in a row, but when the economy tanked his business did too, and he moved to Kentucky for the affordable rent. Now he finds it hard to reject new clients during the initial screening process because he sorely needs the gigs. “It’s difficult when you’re a therapist trying to make money in this economy,” he says. Usually, he simply tries to dodge the wandering hands. “I move my legs away from the table and after a while they’ll mellow out,” he says. “If it starts to get really bad, I’ll grab their hand and press it firmly down onto the table and say, ‘C’mon now, I’m a licensed massage therapist, this is not about sex.’”

Like Joe, Cameron Richards, a massage therapist in New York, describes encountering inappropriateness from both genders. He recently had a male client ask to be undraped during the massage. “This was all red flags,” says Richards, who’s only been in the business for four years. “To make a long story short, he wanted me to fondle him.” Once, he had a female client try to urgently book a session within the hour and then she attempted to get him to massage her breasts. “She told me when she went on a cruise they massaged everything, which I knew was a lie,” he says. Richards also knows a massage therapist in Florida who is thinking about quitting the industry because “she is getting lots of phone calls from men looking for happy endings.”

In over a decade of massage therapy, the worst Eva Pendleton has ever encountered is a client grabbing her butt. “I just quickly stepped out of the way,” she says. But Pendleton had plenty of clients get “a little frisky or flirty” when she worked in a health spa. Now she specializes in geriatrics and end-of-life care, but still she’s encountered a hospice client who asked flirtatious questions like, “Who massages you?” He was also “really into having his abdomen rubbed, hinting about wanting me to work lower.” (That’s an example of the hospice saying, “You die as you lived.”)

Massage therapists often become accustomed to the hint of an erection under the sheet. “It’s tricky because the male body sometimes sends a signal just as part of the relaxation response,” says Pendleton, “not because they’re having a sexual reaction, so I learned to ignore erections and I usually gave the client the benefit of the doubt,” she says. “It’s rarely as obvious as perhaps some of Mr. Travolta’s massage therapists experienced.”

On the whole, the female massage therapists I spoke with reported less frequent in-person sexual harassment, maybe because they are more motivated to screen aggressively. Whenever she gets a call from a potential client, Denise mentions that she offers both massage and martial arts classes — which is not easily confused as a sexy euphemism. Most people who are looking for sex hang up after that, but the ones who stay on the line usually send up red flags by asking for “adult” or “full body” massage, or asking what she looks like or what she wears during the treatment. Recently, she had a man call to ask if he could “confess his bad behavior.” She suggested that he seek “psychological or spiritual counseling” and he hung up.

Elise Constantine has been working as a licensed massage therapist for 14 years and only once had a client cross the line: He kept asking to be naked during a Thai massage, which is usually done on a clothed body. “I was infuriated,” she says, “but did not engage in any further discussion beyond saying, ‘There is the exit. No payment is expected. Do not contact me again.’” Since then she’s developed strict policies to avoid inappropriate clients and dangerous situations. She only books new male clients when one of her colleagues will be in her office suite and never does outcalls for men unless they come with a direct, reliable referral. Constantine also makes a point of dressing “modestly” and not posting photos of herself on her professional website.

The erotic plagues the industry for some of the same reasons that massage is a good cover for sex work: the intimacy of nakedness and the sensuality of healing touch. We have a hard enough time separating nudity from sex, let alone naked touch. So it’s no surprise that there’s a genre of porn that eroticizes the tension between the legitimacy of massage therapy and the naughtiness of a paid-for hand-job. “Some people don’t get touched very often, they don’t have a love life, and to them it’s like, ‘Oh my god, this feels so good,’” says Joe. “It’s synonymous with sex or foreplay to them.” Of course, there’s a crucial difference between the occasional boner on the massage table and trespassing on another person’s body. One represents a natural physiological response, the other a raging dick.

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Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter.

A night at the vibrator museum

Early vibrators were hand-cranked, two-person jobs -- and prescribed by doctors. How far we've come since then

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A night at the vibrator museum (Credit: Antique Vibrator Museum)

I can now say that I’ve used a turn-of-the-century vibrator — on my hand, but still.

The silver, hand-cranked contraption is usually kept behind glass at Good Vibrations’ Antique Vibrator Museum in San Francisco — but staff sexologist Carol Queen made a rare exception. “This is very special,” she whispered, unlocking the case and carefully pulling out Dr. Johansen’s Auto Vibrator, a relic from 1904. The “auto” part is not so much: It was a two-person job, with her having to crank the device’s handle to get it thrumming. Pressing my finger tips to its inch-wide circular platform of pleasure, I was pleasantly surprised by its power.

As I was by the two other vintage vibrators that I got to try out — the White Cross Electric Vibrator from 1917, which has a pronged aperture that makes it seem like the ancestor of Jimmyjane’s Form 2, and the Beautysafe Vibrator from the 1940s, which is reminiscent in look, feel and sound to a car waxer.

The U.S. release this week of “Hysteria,” a Maggie Gyllenhaal flick about a Victorian-era doctor who invents an electric massager and uses it to bring about “paroxysms” of relief in female patients with “hysteria,” seemed like a good excuse to get a private tour of the museum, which provided vibes that appear in the film, to learn about the history that’s left out of the movie’s fictionalized story line — and, of course, to try out antique pleasure devices while on the clock.

While the movie is set in the 19th century, doctors’ “manual manipulation” as a treatment for female hysteria goes back as far as the second century. “That took too long,” said Queen. “So doctors started training midwives to do it.” In Rachel P. Maines’ “The Technology of Orgasm: ‘Hysteria,’ the Vibrator, and Women’s Sexual Satisfaction,” she quotes a 1653 medical book that advises:

When these symptoms indicate, we think it necessary to ask a midwife to assist, so that she can massage the genitalia with one finger inside, using oil of lilies, musk root, crocus, or [something] similar. And in this way the afflicted woman can be aroused to the paroxysm.

Of course, this paroxysm was orgasm, but it was rarely acknowledged as such. Instead, it was said to be the exorcism of hysteria, a vague, catch-all diagnosis for female ailments thought to arise from a displaced uterus or, charmingly, a “wandering womb.” “Some of these women probably had PTSD, some of them were overworked, some of them had extreme stress in their lives, some of them almost certainly had sexual issues going on,” Queen explains. As Maines points out, “many of its classic symptoms are those of chronic arousal: Anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, nervousness, erotic fantasy, sensations of heaviness in the abdomen, lower pelvic edema, and vaginal lubrication.” Married women were often given the prescription of sex with their husbands.

Eventually, doctors turned to technology to speed up the laborious treatment. “It started with hydraulic devices, water jets, but that really only worked well at spas,” said Queen. In 1869, an American physician patented the Manipulator, a padded table with a steam-powered vibrating mound that rested between the legs. A decade later, British physician Joseph Mortimer Granville – who’s at the center of “Hysteria,” albeit heavily fictionalized — patented a battery-operated vibrator for treatment of muscle pain. Interestingly, he was vehemently against the device being used for hysteria. He wrote, “I have avoided, and shall continue to avoid the treatment of women by percussion, simply because I do not wish to be hoodwinked, and help to mislead others, by the vagaries of the hysterical state.”

Ads selling vibrators as home appliances began to appear in women’s magazines, often showing “women in attractive nightclothes, using it on their chest,” Queen said. “You see facial massage shown from time to time.” These spots referred to them as “aids that every woman appreciates” and promised “all the pleasures of youth … will throb within you.” But when vibrators started showing up in stag films in the 1920s, the ads started to disappear, Queen says.

“Within the next 10 years or so, the doctors close up shop,” she said, perhaps in part because it became impossible to deny the sexual nature of these therapies. “In 1952, hysteria is taken out of medical books,” Queen explained. “The medical associations voted to say, ‘Nothing to see here, there’s really not a disease – no, no, no, we haven’t been treating this with clitoral and vulva massage.’”

Vibrators were still sold direct to consumers, but manufacturers made no mention of hysteria and instead “talked about body massage and vague promises of health, vigor and beauty.” The ’60s did away with the subtlety and euphemisms: Maines explains in her book, “When the vibrator reemerged during the 1960s, it was no longer a medical instrument; it had been democratized to consumers to such an extent that by the ’70s it was openly marketed as a sex aid.”

Asked whether doctors or patients saw the treatment as sexual, Queen said, “One of the schools of thought is, ‘How could they not?’ They’re touching the genitals, she starts to sweat and flail around and vocalize and her breathing changes and she gets a flush.” But others argue that “the definition of sex and sexual functioning for a woman was so associated with intercourse,” it was so male-centric, that this treatment, which was most often external, wasn’t seen as sexual. As Maines puts it, “Since no penetration was involved, believers in the hypothesis that only penetration was sexually gratifying to women could argue that nothing sexual could be occurring when their patients experienced the hysterical paroxysm during treatment.”

Paradoxically, Queen explains that hysteria was overtly linked to sex “in that they said women without husbands who were spinsters or widows or whose husbands had become incapacitated were more likely to suffer from it,” she said. “So there was a subtext of, ‘What this lady needs is a good fuck and, sadly, she can’t have one — but this is the next best thing.’” Maines attributes the demand for the treatment to two sources: “The proscription on female masturbation as unchaste and possibly unhealthful, and the failure of androcentrically defined sexuality to produce orgasm regularly in most women.”

We haven’t exactly escaped the expectation that women should be able to climax from penetration alone, but we’re slowly improving on that front — and the mainstreaming of vibrators has played a big part. That point was only driven home as I left the museum, which is located in the back of a Good Vibrations store, and walked past scores of sleek and sexy toys in every color of the rainbow, all unabashedly advertised as what they are: Tools for sexual pleasure.

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Tracy Clark-Flory

Tracy Clark-Flory is a staff writer at Salon. Follow @tracyclarkflory on Twitter.

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