2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Religious right pioneer and anti-gay pseudo-scholar George Alan Rekers has resigned from the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality (“NARTH”). Not because he’s gay, mind you! The fact that he hired an escort from Rentboy.com and particularly enjoyed erotic nude massages from said escort does not mean he is gay! Rekers is actually quitting to devote himself fully to his defamation suit against the reporters who broke the story of his hiring a male escort.
NARTH denies helping Rekers craft the bizarre questionnaire he filled out and sent to his escort friend in a transparent attempt to get their stories straight. (Rekers also claimed to have received advice from NARTH’s “public relations people,” who told him to make one statement and then stop giving interviews. Maybe they should’ve told him to stop talking to his male escort friend on speakerphone when New Times reporters are in the room?)
Jo-Vanni Roman, the escort at the center of this whole mess, sat down with Randi Kaye for a piece for Anderson Cooper’s CNN show:
This is the saddest part of this whole tale: Rekers, who claims he only hired Roman to help him “lift luggage,” no longer has an excuse to go on lengthy European trips with nubile young men.
In a follow-up e-mail to Christianity Today, Rekers said that his wife will be retiring soon and will accompany him on trips when their sons are unavailable.
Are you happy, journalists? You’ve taken away George Rekers’ glorious vacations from his miserable double life. Now he has to go to Europe with his wife.
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.