2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
South Carolina, apparently sick and tired of Arizona hogging all the negative attention, is embarrassing itself before the nation once again. Republican state Rep. Nikki Haley is running for governor. So, naturally, a former Mark Sanford employee has written on his blog that he had an affair with her.
The blogger, former Sanford spokesman Will Folks, is annoyingly short on details, but he says he “had an inappropriate physical relationship with Nikki” some years before he was married. (But presumably while she was married.) He also says Haley is his preferred candidate for governor, and that “at least one story based upon this information will be published this week.” (Now it will be considerably more than one story.)
Haley has already called the claim a “disgraceful smear” and “quite simply South Carolina politics at its worst.” It seems more like South Carolina politics at its most usual.
In case you’re wondering about Folks’ credibility, the Associated Press wrote a hilarious description of his blog (and 75 percent of political blogs in general):
Folks, a former Sanford spokesman, is a political consultant who now runs FITSNews.com, a conservative site that features occasionally insightful commentary, thinly sourced stories of state political intrigue and photos of women in bikinis. It refers to him as “Sic Willie,” sports the tag line “Unfair. Imbalanced,” and often promotes Haley’s campaign.
Mark Sanford is stepping aside as governor not because of his own tragic/hilarious extramarital affair, but because of term limits. His ex-wife Jenny campaigned with Haley earlier this month. Challenging Haley for the nomination: Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer, who says unforgivably terrible things about poor people and also might be gay. Good luck, South Carolina.
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at email@example.com and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.