2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Here is Charlie Crist, being held hostage by lawyers, apologizing profusely to legendary musician and bicycle enthusiast David Byrne. Look at his sad, dead eyes:
While he was running for U.S. Senate, Crist used the Talking Heads song “Road to Nowhere” in a campaign ad, but he neglected to actually seek permission. Byrne sued him, and this, apparently, was part of the settlement.
Not long ago, Crist was a superstar governor and rising star in the Republican Party. Then the “Tea Parties” happened, Crist was forced out of the party, and he lost what should’ve been an easy Senate race to upstart Marco Rubio.
Oh, look, Mr. Byrne has already posted his gracious acceptance of this apology:
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.