2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Jon Huntsman has easily won the “liberals on Twitter” primary by announcing that he … believes in evolution, a theory that is almost universally accepted by scientists and rejected primarily by people looking to preserve the myth that every word in the self-contradictory, partially incorrectly translated, and occasionally quite ridiculous ancient scriptures of the Jewish and Christian faiths is literally true. (Huntsman also said he likes Captain Beefheart, which handily won him the “aging dudes with big vinyl collections” primary.)
It’s only remarkable that a well-educated prominent political figure believes in a nearly century-old scientific consensus because many other members of the political elite don’t. Huntsman’s tweet was prompted by Rick Perry telling a child that he has his doubts about evolution.
“I hear your mom was asking about evolution,” Perry said today. “That’s a theory that is out there — and it’s got some gaps in it.”
Perry then told the boy: “In Texas, we teach both creationism and evolution. I figure you’re smart enough to figure out which one is right.”
Yep, that’s how schools work. You tell kids some things that are true and some things that are made up and you trust that the children will be “smart enough” to figure it out. “America’s first three presidents were George Washington, John Adams and the Green Lantern. Good luck on your AP History test.”
Here we are in 2011, and we are still daily relitigating the Scopes Monkey Trial, and indeed some not insubstantial number of grade school graduates are still under the impression that “evolution” means “my grandpa was a monkey.” Huntsman’s acceptance of evolution is proof that he’s a joke candidate not worthy of coverage, actually. (Even blue state “moderate” Chris Christie has his doubts..)
Mitt Romney, of course, used to believe in evolution (or at least natural selection controlled by God, the mildest form of “intelligent design”), because he used to govern a very liberal state that contains a lot of well-educated people. But he used to believe a lot of things. Now, his thoughts have … “evolved.”
Michele Bachmann — well, she became prominent in local Minnesota politics running for school board on an anti-science platform. She has actually slightly moderated her language on the subject, as she toned down the end times Dominionist language a bit upon entering national politics. (You can trust Michele Bachmann to tell your kids the truth — she used to call herself a doctor!)
Newt Gingrich used to be fine with it, too, though he doesn’t bring it up much, now. (Ron Paul thinks it’s irrelevant.)
And this is just evolution. Global warming, or anthropogenic climate change, is a lot more contentious, because certain powerful industries have a powerful financial interest in denying it. On that one, well … Newt Gingrich used to believe in it. Tim Pawlenty apologized for agreeing with it before. Mitt Romney believed in it before, too. Rick Perry believes in curing droughts by praying. God help us.
Alex Pareene writes about politics for Salon and is the author of "The Rude Guide to Mitt." Email him at email@example.com and follow him on Twitter @pareeneMore Alex Pareene.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.