Cities without landmarks
Niagara Falls, U.S./Canada
Last week, photos surfaced of Lindsay Lohan with a new tattoo: a line from the 1989 Billy Joel song “I Go to Extremes” — “Clear as a crystal sharp as a knife/ I feel like I’m in the prime of my life” — inked onto the right side of her torso. While it’s inspiring that the words of one of our greatest bards can provide such light and inspiration for one of our newsiest starlets, the act of rendering Mr. Joel’s lyrics permanently onto one’s body is hardly new. It seems that quite a few celebs have fallen under the Piano Man’s spell, as evidenced in this list of Billy Joel tattoos that didn’t make the headlines:
Warren Buffett (around left wrist; obscured by watch): I’ve got the old man’s car/ I’ve got a jazz guitar/ I’ve got a tab at Zanzibar.
Sean Connery (backward across chest): You’re my castle, you’re my cabin and my instant pleasure dome.
Michiko Kakutani (top of left foot): I’m a cosmopolitan sophisticate/ Of culture and intelligence/ The culmination of technology/ And civilized experience.
Barbara Walters (right bicep): Go on and cry in your coffee/ But don’t come bitchin’ to me.
The Edge (scalp): I still belong/ Don’t get me wrong –
Bono (scalp): And you can speak your mind/ But not on my time.
Michael Bay (under left eyelid): It’s alright, it’s alright, sometimes that’s all it takes/ We’re only human, we’re supposed to make mistakes.
Henry Rollins (left arm; hidden among other tattoos): When I’m blue/ When I’m lonely/ She comes through/ She’s the only one who can/ My baby grand/ Is all I need.
Russell Crowe (backwards on forehead; visible only under blacklight): You had to be a big shot, didn’t you?/ You had to open up your mouth.
Al Roker (right bicep; Old English script): We’ve got the cumulonimbus and a possible gale/ We’ve got a force nine blowing on the Beaufort scale.
Courtney Love (left calf): So you go to the village in your tie-dye jeans/ And you stare at the junkies and the closet queens/ It’s like some pornographic magazine/ And you smile.
Jesse James (left bicep): And if I could go back and start over somehow/ I would not change that much.
Lance Bass (inside of left forearm): I bet she never had a backstreet guy/ I bet her mama never told her why.
Demi Moore (right calf): But it’s sad and it’s sweet/ And I knew it complete/ When I wore a younger man’s clothes.
Alex Trebek (entire back): Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac/ Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, Bridge On The River Kwai/ Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle, California baseball/ Starkwether, Homicide, Children of Thalidomide/ Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, Space Monkey, Mafia/ Hula Hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go/ U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy/ Chubby Checker, Psycho, Belgians in the Congo.
Ted Haggard (lower stomach): And it’s fine with me ’cause I’ve let it slide/ Don’t care if it’s Chinatown or on Riverside.
Jackie Chan (right shoulder blade): Captain Jack will get you high tonight/ And take you to your special island.
Alec, Daniel, William and Stephen Baldwin (insides of left forearms; one line each): How about a pair of pink sidewinders/ And a bright orange pair of pants?/ You could really be a Beau Brummel baby/ If you just give it half a chance.
James Hetfield, Dave Mustaine (insides of right wrists): We’ll get a table near the street/ In our old familiar place/ You and I, face to face.
Angelina Jolie (inside of left thigh): She’s got a way of pleasin’/ I don’t know what it is/ But there doesn’t have to be a reason.
Jennifer Aniston (inside of left thigh): If that’s movin’ up/ Then I’m movin’ out.
Margaret Thatcher, Macaulay Culkin, Madonna (various locations; different artists): I’d go crawling down the avenue/ There’s nothing that I wouldn’t do/ To make you feel my love.
George Clooney, Vladimir Putin, Angus Young, The Dalai Lama (right bicep; same artist): Every time I go out/ I always seem to get in trouble.
Tom Hanks (inside of right wrist): I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life.
Peter Scolari (inside of left wrist): Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone.
Taylor Momsen (left armpit): Come out, Virginia, don’t let me wait/ You Catholic girls start much too late.
Betty White (across chest; cholo lettering): ONLY THE GOOD DIE YOUNG
Ruth Bader Ginsburg (across chest; sailor lettering): UPTOWN GIRL
Lil’ Jon (upper gums/ lower gums): THA NIGHT/ IZ STILL YOUNG
Michele Bachmann (inside of lower lip; several backward letters): I GO TO EXXXTREMES
Billy Joel (across fists; hardcore lettering): XPIANOMANX
Niagara Falls, U.S./Canada
Sydney Opera House, Sydney, Australia
Mount Rushmore, South Dakota, U.S.
Eiffel Tower, Paris, France
Colosseum, Rome, Italy
Taj Mahal, Agra, India
Siena Cathedral, Siena, Italy
Christ the Redeemer, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Arc de Triomphe, Paris, France
Lost City of Petra, Jordan