Baby talk

I'm a seasoned sex writer, but when a lover asked me to play his "mommy," I was stunned -- and pleasantly surprised

Topics: BDSM, Coupling, Salon -- After Dark, Sex,

Baby talk (Credit: Photo courtesy of the author/hkeita via Shutterstock)

“I want to be a good boy for my mommy,” said the man. He was in his 40s, and he was naked in bed with me. I guess this wasn’t your typical second date.

It wasn’t the first time the “m” word had been mentioned in our dirty talk, either. But when it came up on the phone, I could just laugh it off or pretend I hadn’t heard him. Not this time. Now, it was real. He wanted me to pretend to be his mommy — his naughty, flirtatious, sexy mommy. Even for a professional sex writer like me, with 19 years of adventures behind her, “age play” was out there.

A subset of the catch-all term BDSM, age play is defined by the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health as “sexual role-playing where one partner pretends to be older and in control while the other pretends to be much younger.” This could mean fantasizing about being siblings, or teacher and student. According to “The Toybag Guide to Age Play” by Lee Harrington, the most popular form is parent-child. People like it for all sorts of reasons: to be silly, the taboo factor, to give up control, to explore an inner identity, to enjoy “never having to grow up.” I’d heard of it, but it definitely didn’t sound like my thing.

It’s not that I don’t love dirty words and role play. I can get off on being called a “bad girl,” “slut” and “whore” (consensually) by a dominant partner. I’ve spanked and been spanked by men and women. But this was new to me. Pretending to be someone’s mommy? I was on the steep end of that sexual learning curve. How could I do this without sounding idiotic, even if only to myself? It was like entering an entirely new world, a sci-fi universe being made up on the spot.

Still, there is a critical moment in bed when a partner shares his deepest fantasy, and you can either tell him you’re not into it — or you can go with it. I chose the latter.

Why did I say yes? I was flattered that he felt comfortable enough to share that side of his psyche with me. I don’t know how often he goes there with lovers, but it’s obviously riskier than admitting you’re into light bondage. I also liked the idea of having the power to control exactly what would happen between us; I could tell him he was, indeed, being a good boy for me, or that he wasn’t, and would need correcting. The roles set clear boundaries: I was in charge, and even though I’m more inclined to be on the receiving end of orders given in bed, I can get off on being in command, perhaps because I know what being on the other side is like.

You Might Also Like

He’d already told me that his mom had passed away when he was a child, and you don’t have to be Freud to figure that one out. My heart went out to him for losing his mom so early in life. I was also relieved that whatever happened between him and me, I’d never have to meet the woman I was “playing.” I couldn’t help but feel a tug at my heartstrings for this big “baby.”

By submitting to me in this way, he was the opposite of the macho, selfish guys I’d dated who wanted everything their way or never dared show me their most private selves. One of the things I enjoy most about sex is the sense of connection where nothing is held back. If agreeing to be his “mommy” would get me to that place, I was game. I had long been a champion of people baring their deepest fantasies. You can’t do that in a half-assed way.

Still, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like it. How wrong I was. As he lay on top of me, he sucked on my nipples in a manner no lover ever has. He wasn’t sucking on them to give me pleasure; his tongue never brushed against my nipple to find out if it was hard. He sucked in a fast, loud way, like a baby would to get milk, cheeks moving with exaggerated motions in and out. He wanted attention as much as TLC. It was fascinating, because it felt entirely different than the usual sensual act. Here was a man over 6 feet tall who probably weighed close to 200 pounds, yet he seemed to have shrunk as he curled himself up against me (I’m around 5-foot-3 and 150 pounds). He felt smaller as he “nursed.” He was showing me his vulnerability, transforming into someone else, which made me want to offer up a different side of myself in return. And that was hot.

But the real surprise — which may be the most disturbing part, or the most honest, depending on your perspective — is what the age play stirred up in me. At 36, I don’t have any children, but I want them badly. “Baby fever” hardly begins to describe it. If I could pick up a baby at the supermarket along with my groceries, I would. And this unlikely sexual dynamic, the big baby literally calling me “mommy,” called forth powerful caretaking feelings. It was nice, for a short period of time, to be a mother, even a mock one.

Let me be clear: My maternal yearnings in and of themselves are not sexual. But my desire to comfort others does play a role in my sex life. Nurturing has been one of the ways I pride myself on providing to lovers. That might mean surprising them with dessert, sending them a list of the broken links on their website, giving an intense massage, mailing a package for them, or washing their dishes. Even when I’m in a dominant sexual role, there’s an element of caretaking involved. If I’m slapping or spanking or biting or pinching someone who gets off on me delivering pain, I am fulfilling a sexual need. It may not be the same as feeding them chicken soup, but it is still a form of taking care of them.

So while overt mommy play was new to me, combining kink and nurturing wasn’t. But this scenario brought my previous experience to a whole new level of intensity. We spun a fantasy in which I was sitting in a hotel bathtub, warm and full of bubbles, while he waited to towel me off, then gave me a foot massage. The stories we shared were far from depraved; they were gentle, tender, loving. I could see myself soaking in that tub, him washing my hair, stroking my feet, fetching food for me, sleeping at the foot of the bed. The sweetness offset the weirdness for me.

But it was a lot to process on a second date, or even a 70th. This wasn’t the kind of sex you enjoy and then forget about. Going to such a deeply psychological head space was overwhelming, especially because we didn’t stop to talk about it before or after.

We engaged in role-playing sex two more times over the course of that night and the next morning. I suspected that might be the only way he could get off. I began to wonder how long I could keep this up: I could do it for another date or two, but what would happen after that? What would happen if we really did have kids?

I never had to face that question, however, because after our date, I stopped hearing from him. Save for one brief email check-in, he was gone. I’m too stubborn and proud to beg someone to contact me, so I waited to hear from him. Maybe he felt ashamed about what we’d done, or regretted how much he’d revealed; it was impossible to know. All I knew was the comfort I could take in this: No matter how old I get, sex always has new things to teach me.

Rachel Kramer Bussel is the author of "Sex & Cupcakes: A Juicy Collection of Essays" and the editor of more than 50 anthologies, including "The Big Book of Orgasms," "Serving Him" and "Irresistible: Erotic Romance for Couples." She writes widely about sex, dating and pop culture, and is a blogger at Lusty Lady and Cupcakes Take the Cake.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 11
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    Martyna Blaszczyk/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 1

    Pond de l'Archeveche - hundreds thousands of padlocks locked to a bridge by random couples, as a symbol of their eternal love. After another iconic Pont des Arts bridge was cleared of the padlocks in 2010 (as a safety measure), people started to place their love symbols on this one. Today both of the bridges are full of love locks again.

    Anders Andersson/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 2

    A bird's view of tulip fields near Voorhout in the Netherlands, photographed with a drone in April 2015.

    Aashit Desai/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 3

    Angalamman Festival is celebrated every year in a small town called Kaveripattinam in Tamil Nadu. Devotees, numbering in tens of thousands, converge in this town the day after Maha Shivratri to worship the deity Angalamman, meaning 'The Guardian God'. During the festival some of the worshippers paint their faces that personifies Goddess Kali. Other indulge in the ritual of piercing iron rods throughout their cheeks.

    Allan Gichigi/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 4

    Kit Mikai is a natural rock formation about 40m high found in Western Kenya. She goes up the rocks regularly to meditate. Kit Mikai, Kenya

    Chris Ludlow/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 5

    On a weekend trip to buffalo from Toronto we made a pit stop at Niagara Falls on the Canadian side. I took this shot with my nexus 5 smartphone. I was randomly shooting the falls themselves from different viewpoints when I happened to get a pretty lucky and interesting shot of this lone seagull on patrol over the falls. I didn't even realize I had captured it in the shot until I went back through the photos a few days later

    Jassen T./National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 6

    Incredibly beautiful and extremely remote. Koehn Lake, Mojave Desert, California. Aerial Image.

    Howard Singleton/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 7

    Lucky timing! The oxpecker was originally sitting on hippo's head. I could see the hippo was going into a huge yawn (threat display?) and the oxpecker had to vacate it's perch. When I snapped the pic, the oxpecker appeared on the verge of being inhaled and was perfectly positioned between the massive gaping jaws of the hippo. The oxpecker also appears to be screeching in terror and back-pedaling to avoid being a snack!

    Abrar Mohsin/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 8

    The Yetis of Nepal - The Aghoris as they are called are marked by colorful body paint and clothes

    Madeline Crowley/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 9

    Taken from a zodiac raft on a painfully cold, rainy day

    Ian Bird/National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest

    National Geographic Traveler Photo Contest Entries

    Slide 10

    This wave is situated right near the CBD of Sydney. Some describe it as the most dangerous wave in Australia, due to it breaking on barnacle covered rocks only a few feet deep and only ten metres from the cliff face. If you fall off you could find yourself in a life and death situation. This photo was taken 300 feet directly above the wave from a helicopter, just as the surfer is pulling into the lip of the barrel.

  • Recent Slide Shows



Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>