2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
On Tuesday, Calififornia restaurateur David Viens went on trial for allegedly murdering his wife, Dawn (though he maintains it was an accident), and cooking her (that part was intentional).
It started in 2009, over beer, bread and lemonade at a California Pizza Kitchen. The Los Angeles Times reported that at some point after dinner, the couple got into a fight that ended with Viens binding his wife’s hands and feet with duct tape — which he told police he’d done twice in the past to prevent her from “driving around wasted, whacked out on coke and drinking.” Viens then fell asleep. He told Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Sgt. Richard Garcia:
The next morning, “I woke up. I panicked,” he said.
“Why — why did you panic?” Garcia asked.
“She was hard,” Viens said.
She was hard because she was dead, as Viens quickly realized. To get rid of the body, the chef cooked it in a vat of boiling water for four days and drained the waste in a grease pit at The Thyme cafe.
And, because the Internet is a horrible and soulless, reporters have dug up old reviews of Thyme Cafe, rife with cringe-worthy puns. From Urban Spoon:
“haven’t eaten there since the Dawn of Thyme,” “she was a little too salty,” “heard they were going to rename it ‘The Melting Pot’” and (quoting Hannibal Lecter) “it was served with fava beans and a nice chianti.”
(To be fair, there are a lot of supportive, less callous reviews, too.)
Prachi Gupta is an Assistant News Editor for Salon, focusing on pop culture. Follow her on Twitter at @prachigu or email her at email@example.com.More Prachi Gupta.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.