2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Five rhyming lines might be the ideal way to describe Mitt Romney’s ill-starred campaign fundraiser in Florida:
At a meeting in Boca Raton,
Mitt Romney was filmed by a phone
as he quipped to his host,
“Through this race I would coast,
If I just had a darker skin tone.”
This man of the uppermost class,
Who hopes to gain critical mass,
Leaves nothing to chance, sir,
But pulls every answer
Reliably out of his ass.
The ultimate truth that explains
The smouldering mess that remains
Of the Romney campaign
Is not taxes or Bain…
But the fact that they’ve got Mitt-for-brains.
This is the political season.
So let us all strive for cohesion,
By forsaking our manners,
And hoisting up banners,
That proclaim the demise of our reason!
For a mere 50K, legal tender,
Eat with the plutos defender.
For that sum of cash
Enjoy a sumptuous bash
And a very attentive bartender.
While speaking at Boca Raton,
I ad-libbed some words of my own,
Not elegantly stated,
Yet all were elated….
God damn that video phone!.
Laguna Woods, Calif.
Romney’s father was once “on relief.”
47 percenter — good grief!
Does that mean that Mitt’s dad
Would not vote for his lad?
Was he Michigan’s Victim in Chief?
Madeleine Begun Kane
Bayside, Queens, N.Y.
Send your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org. The deadline is 5 p.m. ET on Sunday. Please include your name and hometown. Good luck!
Alex Halperin is news editor at Salon. You can follow him on Twitter @alexhalperin.More Alex Halperin.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.