SALON

Sunday, Apr 14, 2013 3:00 PM UTC

Best of the Salon limerick contest

Part two: A roundup of some of our favorite poetic news items

By

Topics: Poetry, Writers and Writing, salon limerick contest, Politics, Manti Te'o, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, R-Wis., Conservatism, NRA, Wayne LaPierre, ,

Best of the Salon limerick contest

The best limericks submitted by Salon readers since the election:

So we’ve come to this point, as a nation,

Where a white man with money and station,

Is no longer a shoe-in,

So the Right Wing’s now stewin’:

“’Tis the End of Civilization!”

Bruce F. Cole

Kamuela, Hawaii

From Delaware hails our VP,

A fiscal cliff jumper is he.

He’ll work on your pecs,

Offer old ladies sex,

Won’t someone please put this guy on TV?

Josh Klemons

Madison, Wis.

Where’s Obama’s diversity minder–

His “qualified female” staff finder?

He’s named white guys galore,

To positions top-drawer,

Perhaps he should borrow Mitt’s binder.

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bayside, Queens

Did we have an assault weapons binge?

Just the thought should make all of us cringe.

Can we trust NRA,

To be honest when they,

Are the voice of a lunatic fringe?

Stephen Whitred

Barriere, B.C., Canada

In a tale of pro cycling woe,

Doping brought down a mighty hero.

But one detail I find,

Really frazzles my mind,

Who knew Oprah still had her own show?

Tom Foltz

Fort Wayne, Ind.

Although your new limerick contest is thrillin’,

My brain appears not to be willin’

When every new verse

Than the last one is worse.

Perhaps you should just call Calvin Trillin.

Bryan McKamey

Richfield, Minn.

Some red states want rules remade

the next time elections are played

I say, where’s the need?

Just go and secede

then call to request foreign aid.

Chad Parenteau

http://www.chadparenteaupoetforhire.com/index.html

I feel sorry for poor Manti Te’O.

Turns out his sweetie pie wasn’t reo.

It was just his best friend,

Playing those tricks again,

“I’m not gay,” Manti says – oh, pleo.

Mark Childress

Key West, Fla.

The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre,

Waves his AR-15 in the air.

Claiming “guns don’t kill people!

But some drug dealing creep will,

Unless we arm kids in daycare!”

Jason Ganz

Dix Hills, N.Y.

Aghast we all heard from the Pope,

To continue His role, He’d said nope.

A change of His heart,

(Surgery was a part),

Six hundred years broken (we’ll cope.)

Alison Bruzek

Cambridge, Mass.

The role of the teacher gets bigger,

In ways that I simply can’t figger.

Teach reading and writing,

And make math exciting,

But also be quick on the trigger?

Michael Cotler

Maplewood, N.J.

In a Salon piece I read by Sirota,

Ryan’s budget exceeds every quota,

Of upper class’ perks,

As the rich get the works.

It kicks the middle-class right in the scrota.

Mike Moulton

Gainesville, Fla.

Will abandoning the weapons ban help gun safety?

The size of the pistol one packs,

Relates, if you must know the facts,

To being devoid,

To quote my friend Freud,

Of that which belongs in one’s slacks.

Nancy Cahill

Woodbridge, Va.

 

Thanks for sending in your limericks. We’ll be starting another new feature soon. Watch this space.

Alex Halperin is news editor at Salon. You can follow him on Twitter @alexhalperin. More Alex Halperin.

Next Article

Related Stories

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

The week in 10 pics

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11
  • This photo. President Barack Obama has a laugh during the unveiling of the George W. Bush Presidential Center in Dallas, Tx., Thursday. Former first lady Barbara Bush, who candidly admitted this week we've had enough Bushes in the White House, is unamused.
    Reuters/Jason Reed

  • Rescue workers converge Wednesday in Savar, Bangladesh, where the collapse of a garment building killed more than 300. Factory owners had ignored police orders to vacate the work site the day before.
    AP/A.M. Ahad

  • Police gather Wednesday at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology to honor campus officer Sean Collier, who was allegedly killed in a shootout with the Boston Marathon bombing suspects last week.
    AP/Elise Amendola

  • Police tape closes the site of a car bomb that targeted the French embassy in Libya Tuesday. The explosion wounded two French guards and caused extensive damage to Tripoli's upscale al-Andalus neighborhood.
    AP/Abdul Majeed Forjani

  • Protestors rage outside the residence of Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh Sunday following the rape of a 5-year-old girl in New Delhi. The girl was allegedly kidnapped and tortured before being abandoned in a locked room for two days.
    AP/Manish Swarup

  • Clarksville, Mo., residents sit in a life boat Monday after a Mississippi River flooding, the 13th worst on record.
    AP/Jeff Roberson

  • Workers pause Wednesday for a memorial service at the site of the West, Tx., fertilizer plant explosion, which killed 14 people and left a crater more than 90 feet wide.
    AP/The San Antonio Express-News, Tom Reel

  • Aerial footage of the devastation following a 7.0 magnitude earthquake in China's Sichuan province last Saturday. At least 180 people were killed and as many as 11,000 injured in the quake.
    AP/Liu Yinghua

  • On Wednesday, Hazmat-suited federal authorities search a martial arts studio in Tupelo, Miss., once operated by Everett Dutschke, the newest lead in the increasingly twisty ricin case. Last week, President Barack Obama, Sen. Roger Wicker, R.-Miss., and a Mississippi judge were each sent letters laced with the deadly poison.
    AP/Rogelio V. Solis

  • The lighting of Freedom Hall at the George W. Bush Presidential Center Thursday is celebrated with (what else but) red, white and blue fireworks.
    AP/David J. Phillip

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 11

Related Videos

Comments

 3 Comments

Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
Would we give up burgers to stop climate change? New study suggests if we reduce our intake of animal products by 25%, we can halt climate change
756 points757 points | 365 comments
vote
Facebook has been used to find ex-lovers, childhood BFFs or the one who got away. He used it to find the guy who, without his consent, made him his drug mule.
249 points250 points | 23 comments
vote
“This could be a career ender for Michele Bachmann”
151 points152 points | 65 comments
vote
Poll: 3 in 10 voters say “armed revolution might be necessary” - 29% say they believe they'll have to act "in order to protect our liberties" in the next few years
46 points47 points | 16 comments
vote
"New evidence reveals big banks still illegally foreclosing on thousands of homes – and weak settlement allows it."
29 points30 points | comment

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "The Shelter Cycle": Raised in a cult

Recommendations