Best of the Salon limerick contest

Part two: A roundup of some of our favorite poetic news items

Topics: Poetry, Writers and Writing, salon limerick contest, Politics, Manti Te'o, Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Paul Ryan, R-Wis., Conservatism, NRA, Wayne LaPierre, ,

Best of the Salon limerick contest

The best limericks submitted by Salon readers since the election:

So we’ve come to this point, as a nation,

Where a white man with money and station,

Is no longer a shoe-in,

So the Right Wing’s now stewin’:

“’Tis the End of Civilization!”

Bruce F. Cole

Kamuela, Hawaii

From Delaware hails our VP,

A fiscal cliff jumper is he.

He’ll work on your pecs,

Offer old ladies sex,

Won’t someone please put this guy on TV?

Josh Klemons

Madison, Wis.

Where’s Obama’s diversity minder–

His “qualified female” staff finder?

He’s named white guys galore,

To positions top-drawer,

Perhaps he should borrow Mitt’s binder.

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bayside, Queens

Did we have an assault weapons binge?

Just the thought should make all of us cringe.

Can we trust NRA,

To be honest when they,

Are the voice of a lunatic fringe?

Stephen Whitred

Barriere, B.C., Canada

In a tale of pro cycling woe,

Doping brought down a mighty hero.

But one detail I find,

Really frazzles my mind,

Who knew Oprah still had her own show?

Tom Foltz

Fort Wayne, Ind.

Although your new limerick contest is thrillin’,

My brain appears not to be willin’

When every new verse

Than the last one is worse.

Perhaps you should just call Calvin Trillin.

Bryan McKamey

Richfield, Minn.

Some red states want rules remade

the next time elections are played

I say, where’s the need?

Just go and secede

then call to request foreign aid.

Chad Parenteau

I feel sorry for poor Manti Te’O.

Turns out his sweetie pie wasn’t reo.

It was just his best friend,

Playing those tricks again,

“I’m not gay,” Manti says – oh, pleo.

Mark Childress

Key West, Fla.

The NRA’s Wayne LaPierre,

Waves his AR-15 in the air.

Claiming “guns don’t kill people!

But some drug dealing creep will,

Unless we arm kids in daycare!”

Jason Ganz

Dix Hills, N.Y.

Aghast we all heard from the Pope,

To continue His role, He’d said nope.

A change of His heart,

(Surgery was a part),

Six hundred years broken (we’ll cope.)

Alison Bruzek

Cambridge, Mass.

The role of the teacher gets bigger,

In ways that I simply can’t figger.

Teach reading and writing,

And make math exciting,

But also be quick on the trigger?

Michael Cotler

Maplewood, N.J.

In a Salon piece I read by Sirota,

Ryan’s budget exceeds every quota,

Of upper class’ perks,

As the rich get the works.

It kicks the middle-class right in the scrota.

Mike Moulton

Gainesville, Fla.

Will abandoning the weapons ban help gun safety?

The size of the pistol one packs,

Relates, if you must know the facts,

To being devoid,

To quote my friend Freud,

Of that which belongs in one’s slacks.

Nancy Cahill

Woodbridge, Va.


Thanks for sending in your limericks. We’ll be starting another new feature soon. Watch this space.

Alex Halperin is news editor at Salon. You can follow him on Twitter @alexhalperin.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 17
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails
    John Stanmeyer

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Container City: Shipping containers, indispensable tool of the globalized consumer economy, reflect the skyline in Singapore, one of the world’s busiest ports.

    Lu Guang

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Man Covering His Mouth: A shepherd by the Yellow River cannot stand the smell, Inner Mongolia, China

    Carolyn Cole/LATimes

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Angry Crowd: People jostle for food relief distribution following the 2010 earthquake in Haiti

    Darin Oswald/Idaho Statesman

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    “Black Friday” Shoppers: Aggressive bargain hunters push through the front doors of the Boise Towne Square mall as they are opened at 1 a.m. Friday, Nov. 24, 2007, Boise, Idaho, USA

    Google Earth/NOAA, U.S. Navy, NGA, GEBCO

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Suburban Sprawl: aerial view of landscape outside Miami, Florida, shows 13 golf courses amongst track homes on the edge of the Everglades.

    Garth Lentz

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Toxic Landscape: Aerial view of the tar sands region, where mining operations and tailings ponds are so vast they can be seen from outer space; Alberta, Canada

    Cotton Coulson/Keenpress

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Ice Waterfall: In both the Arctic and Antarctic regions, ice is retreating. Melting water on icecap, North East Land, Svalbard, Norway

    Yann Arthus-Bertrand

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Satellite Dishes: The rooftops of Aleppo, Syria, one of the world’s oldest cities, are covered with satellite dishes, linking residents to a globalized consumer culture.

    Stephanie Sinclair

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Child Brides: Tahani, 8, is seen with her husband Majed, 27, and her former classmate Ghada, 8, and her husband in Hajjah, Yemen, July 26, 2010.

    Mike Hedge

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Megalopolis: Shanghai, China, a sprawling megacity of 24 Million

    Google Earth/ 2014 Digital Globe

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Big Hole: The Mir Mine in Russia is the world’s largest diamond mine.

    Daniel Dancer

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Clear-cut: Industrial forestry degrading public lands, Willamette National Forest, Oregon

    Peter Essick

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Computer Dump: Massive quantities of waste from obsolete computers and other electronics are typically shipped to the developing world for sorting and/or disposal. Photo from Accra, Ghana.

    Daniel Beltra

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Oil Spill Fire: Aerial view of an oil fire following the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil disaster, Gulf of Mexico

    Ian Wylie

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Slide 13

    Airplane Contrails: Globalized transportation networks, especially commercial aviation, are a major contributor of air pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. Photo of contrails in the west London sky over the River Thames, London, England.

    R.J. Sangosti/Denver Post

    Overdevelopment, Overpopulation, Overshoot

    Fire: More frequent and more intense wildfires (such as this one in Colorado, USA) are another consequence of a warming planet.

  • Recent Slide Shows



Comment Preview

Your name will appear as username ( settings | log out )

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href=""> <b> <em> <strong> <i> <blockquote>