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Wednesday, May 1, 2013 1:59 PM UTC

71 names so awful New Zealand had to ban them

Lucifer. Mafia No Fear. "*" (!) What were these parents thinking?

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Topics: GlobalPost, New Zealand, Australia, Apple, Facebook, CNN,

71 names so awful New Zealand had to ban them
This article originally appeared on GlobalPost.

Global Post You thought “Apple” and “Facebook” were bad?

Some New Zealand parents were getting so creative devising unique names for their newborns that the country’s Department of Internal Affairs has stepped in to stop the shenanigans.

New Zealand released an official list of rejected names on Wednesday that includes “4Real,” “Mafia No Fear” and “Anal.” Other gems — like “.” and “*” — didn’t even bother with the alphabet. All of the names on the list were at some point proposed by parents, soon to be rejected by the government, which deemed the names too offensive.

In some cases, parents appeared to have lost any inspiration for coming up with a moniker for their offspring, naming the family’s latest addition simply “2nd”, “3rd” or “5th.”

The department has also forbidden names that might imply a child holds an official title or rank. That’s why requests to call children “King,” “Duke” and “Princess” have been turned down repeatedly since 2001.

New Zealand isn’t the only country where you have to have your baby name approved. CNN reported Sweden has also axed names like “Superman” and the inexplicable “Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116.”

While there’s a fair debate to be had over parents’ liberty to call their childen whatever they please, we can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief for the babies who’ve narrowly avoided the childhood trauma of a truly bizarre name.

Seriously — could you imagine being the poor kid named “.”? Imagine the first day of school:

Apple: ”Hi, I’m Apple, and this is my friend Facebook.”

.: “Hi, I’m ‘.’”

Apple and Facebook look at each other awkwardly.

Apple: “Um, what?”

.: “In New Zealand we say ‘full stop.’ You know, for this —” (Child draws a period on a sheet of paper.)

Apple: “Well, in the US, we say ‘period,’ so I’m going to call you that.”

Apple and Facebook giggle mercilessly.

Here are 71 of New Zealand’s banned names, along with the number of times they were rejected in the past 12 years or so:

1. Justice – 62
2. King – 31
3. Princess – 28
4. Prince – 27
5. Royal – 25
6. Duke – 10
7. Major – 9
8. Bishop – 9
9. Majesty – 7
10. J – 6
11. Lucifer – 6
12. Use of brackets around middle names – 4
13. Knight – 4
14. Lady – 3
15. Use of back slash between names – 8
16. Judge – 3
17. Royale – 2
18. Messiah – 2
19. T – 2
20. I – 2
21. Queen – 2
22. Sir – 2
23. III – 2
24. Jr – 2
25. E – 2
26. V – 2
27. Justus – 2
28. Master – 2
29. Constable – 1
30. Queen Victoria – 1
31. Regal - 1
32. Emperor - 1
33. Christ - 1
34. Juztice - 1
35. 3rd - 1
36. CJ – 1
37. G - 1
38. Roman Numerals III – 1
39. General – 1
40. Saint – 1
41. Lord – 1
42. . (period) – 1
43. 89 – 1
44. Eminence – 1
45. M – 1
46. VI – 1
47. Mafia No Fear – 1
48. 2nd – 1
49. Majesti – 1
50. Rogue – 1
51. 4real – 1
52. * (asterisk) – 1
53. 5th – 1
54. SP – 1
55. C – 1
56. Sargent – 1
57. Honour – 1
58. D – 1
59. Minister – 1
60. MJ – 1
61. Chief – 1
62. Mr – 1
63. V8 – 1
64. President – 1
65. MC – 1
66. Anal – 1
67. AJ – 1
68. Baron – 1
69. L B – 1
70. H-Q – 1
71. Queen V – 1

More Kyle Kim.

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