SALON

Friday, Jun 28, 2013 11:30 PM UTC

I hate books

They're heavy and they make moving impossible. But an iPad just doesn't hold the same memories

By

Topics: Books, e-readers, reading, E-books, Editor's Picks, iPad, ,

I hate books (Credit: Africa Studio via Shutterstock)

Earlier this month, I moved for the seventh time in eight years. My mom says I’ve filled up a page in her address book; a family friend recently told me that when she thinks about me, she always imagines me amid boxes. I maintain that moving a lot doesn’t make me especially unusual — a friend of mine recently moved out of her apartment, stayed away for six months, and moved back in again, a sort of real estate Grover Cleveland. But constantly having to transport my possessions across town and across the country has led to certain uncomfortable realizations. The most recent among them: I love reading, but I hate having books.

Books are heavy. They’re bulky. When you finish one, it’s suddenly useless, and you have to carry it around for the rest of the day, or the rest of your vacation. When you move, it’s one more bricklike object driving up the cost. Move two of seven for me was a cross-country one, and shipping a dozen boxes of books to my new address cost hundreds of dollars. Then I had to cantilever each box down the stairs to my basement apartment using a rolling backpack. After that I’ve never forgotten how quickly an entertaining read becomes a millstone.

I might feel differently if I loved the feel of turning pages, or the heft of a hardcover in my hand, but I never have. I love reading, and for me the easiest way to read is on my iPad. I know e-books have their problems as a business model, and I do still buy physical books to support my favorite writers and bookstores. But all else being equal, I’d much rather hold an iPad, which feels like nothing — almost like all I’m carrying is the words.

This means my library is getting out of date. When I needed to recommend a book to someone, I used to just cast an eye over my shelves to see what I’d been reading lately. The shelves were a record, like a family album but for stories.

But I’ve always relished shedding things when I move — it’s a good opportunity to be ruthless with your possessions — and in the past few years I’ve ditched all the books I’m no longer in love with. And while I’ve bought new titles to replace them, I’ve mostly bought digitally. Packing up my apartment this time around, I found very little that I’d read in the past year on my shelves — it’s all in the cloud.

So if those shelves are a family album, they’re no longer the constantly updating record of a growing family — they’re more like the yellowing binder your parents can’t part with, even after you’ve long grown up. Nearly every book I’ve kept has some sentimental value, which leads to some idiosyncrasies. I have two copies of  a particular Roz Chast cartoon collection — one to reread, one to remind me of the time my mom called Powell’s Books to ask, “Do you have ‘Proof of Life on Earth’?” The response: “You’re it, aren’t you, lady?”

I also have two copies of Li-Young Lee’s “Rose,” because both are signed, although only one by the author. I have a ratty paperback of “The Odyssey” because it was one of the first “grown-up” books I read — tucked into it are a receipt dated 1993 and a eulogy I wrote 16 years later for my grandfather. I have three collections by Amy Bloom, which sustained me through an especially bad breakup and whose covers still make me feel calm. And the book I’m least likely to get rid of, one that faces out on any shelf I put it on, is the Allard/Marshall classic “The Stupids Die,” a picture book about a family so divorced from reality they think they’re dead when electricity goes out (“This isn’t Heaven,” says Grandpa Stupid. “This is Cleveland.”) I somehow lost track of that book after childhood, and my mom got me a vintage copy for Christmas a few years ago so I’d never be without it. I know it by heart, but a quick glance at it still makes me feel like all is right with the world.

With a few exceptions, the books I’ve kept around are more use to me as objects than as narratives. They’ve made the cut because they make me feel a certain way, they reassure me, they keep me in touch with the past. I do reread some of them (Claire Emerson’s “Late Wife,” in particular, keeps coming off my shelf when I’m in a certain mood), but many are more for looking at than reading — or even simply for the reassuring feeling of knowing that they’re there.

So now my library is static, stuck in the past; if you want to know what I’m reading now, I’d have to show you my iPad. Someday I could eliminate the static archive entirely. I certainly fantasized about it during the last move — the first title for this piece was, “What if I got rid of all of my books?”

But I probably won’t. I came of age right before most media stopped being physical, and so I’m stuck with a backlog of bulky objects freighted with meaning. Physical books have memories attached to them that they’re unlikely to accrue for someone 10 or 15 years younger. In some cases I just won’t be able to separate the memory from the object, and the object, however heavy, will have to stay.

Anna North

Anna North is Salon's culture editor. Follow her on Twitter at @annanorthtweets. More Anna North.

You Might Also Like

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

7 motorist-friendly camping sites

close X
  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 9

Sponsored Post

  • White River National Forest via Lower Crystal Lake, Colorado
    For those OK with the mainstream, White River Forest welcomes more than 10 million visitors a year, making it the most-visited recreation forest in the nation. But don’t hate it for being beautiful; it’s got substance, too. The forest boasts 8 wilderness areas, 2,500 miles of trail, 1,900 miles of winding service system roads, and 12 ski resorts (should your snow shredders fit the trunk space). If ice isn’t your thing: take the tire-friendly Flat Tops Trail Scenic Byway — 82 miles connecting the towns of Meeker and Yampa, half of which is unpaved for you road rebels.
    fs.usda.gov/whiteriveryou


    Image credit: Getty

  • Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest via Noontootla Creek, Georgia
    Boasting 10 wildernesses, 430 miles of trail and 1,367 miles of trout-filled stream, this Georgia forest is hailed as a camper’s paradise. Try driving the Ridge and Valley Scenic Byway, which saw Civil War battles fought. If the tall peaks make your engine tremble, opt for the relatively flat Oconee National Forest, which offers smaller hills and an easy trail to the ghost town of Scull Shoals. Scaredy-cats can opt for John’s Mountain Overlook, which leads to twin waterfalls for the sensitive sightseer in you.
    fs.usda.gov/conf


    Image credit: flickr/chattoconeenf

  • Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness Area via Green Road, Michigan
    The only national forest in Lower Michigan, the Huron-Mainstee spans nearly 1 million acres of public land. Outside the requisite lush habitat for fish and wildlife on display, the Nordhouse Dunes Wilderness Area is among the biggest hooks for visitors: offering beach camping with shores pounded by big, cerulean surf. Splash in some rum and you just might think you were in the Caribbean.
    fs.usda.gov/hmnf


    Image credit: umich.edu

  • Canaan Mountain via Backcountry Canaan Loop Road, West Virginia
    A favorite hailed by outdoorsman and author Johnny Molloy as some of the best high-country car camping sites anywhere in the country, you don’t have to go far to get away. Travel 20 miles west of Dolly Sods (among the busiest in the East) to find the Canaan Backcountry (for more quiet and peace). Those willing to leave the car for a bit and foot it would be remiss to neglect day-hiking the White Rim Rocks, Table Rock Overlook, or the rim at Blackwater River Gorge.
    fs.usda.gov/mnf


    Image credit: Getty

  • Mt. Rogers NRA via Hurricane Creek Road, North Carolina
    Most know it as the highest country they’ll see from North Carolina to New Hampshire. What they may not know? Car campers can get the same grand experience for less hassle. Drop the 50-pound backpacks and take the highway to the high country by stopping anywhere on the twisting (hence the name) Hurricane Road for access to a 15-mile loop that boasts the best of the grassy balds. It’s the road less travelled, and the high one, at that.
    fs.usda.gov/gwj


    Image credit: wikipedia.org

  • Long Key State Park via the Overseas Highway, Florida
    Hiking can get old; sometimes you’d rather paddle. For a weekend getaway of the coastal variety and quieter version of the Florida Keys that’s no less luxe, stick your head in the sand (and ocean, if snorkeling’s your thing) at any of Long Key’s 60 sites. Canoes and kayaks are aplenty, as are the hot showers and electric power source amenities. Think of it as the getaway from the typical getaway.
    floridastateparks.org/longkey/default.cfm


    Image credit: floridastateparks.org

  • Grand Canyon National Park via Crazy Jug Point, Arizona
    You didn’t think we’d neglect one of the world’s most famous national parks, did you? Nor would we dare lead you astray with one of the busiest parts of the park. With the Colorado River still within view of this cliff-edge site, Crazy Jug is a carside camper’s refuge from the troops of tourists. Find easy access to the Bill Hall Trail less than a mile from camp, and descend to get a peek at the volcanic Mt. Trumbull. (Fear not: It’s about as active as your typical lazy Sunday in front of the tube, if not more peaceful.)
    fs.usda.gov/kaibab


    Image credit: flickr/Irish Typepad

  • As the go-to (weekend) getaway car for fiscally conscious field trips with friends, the 2013 MINI Convertible is your campground racer of choice, allowing you and up to three of your co-pilots to take in all the beauty of nature high and low. And with a fuel efficiency that won’t leave you in the latter, you won’t have to worry about being left stranded (or awkwardly asking to go halfsies on gas expenses).


    Image credit: miniusa.com

  • Recent Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • Thumbnails
  • Fullscreen
  • 1 of 9

Related Videos

Comments

Loading Comments...

follow salon

Most Read

Popular on Reddit

links from salon.com

vote
We crush them with debt to go to college -- and today, rates are actually set to double. Are we out of our minds?
3279 points3280 points | 4074 comments
vote
Before Edward Snowden: “Sexual deviates” and the NSA - When the last major defection hit the NSA, the government smeared the leakers as gay. New documents show they lied
2673 points2674 points | 186 comments
vote
This man is still lying to America: A smoking gun shows Director of National Intelligence James Clapper is not coming clean to us -- again
768 points769 points | 43 comments
vote
We must hate our children. We crush them with debt to go to college -- and today, rates are actually set to double. Are we out of our minds?
113 points114 points | 17 comments
vote
James Clapper is still lying to America
82 points83 points | comment

From Around the Web

Presented by Scribol
listener_new_rect The Listener: "The Joker": Laughing at life's deepest sorrows