2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
If an alien species came across footage from last night’s MTV VMAs and watched it, trying to determine whether we’re a race worth saving, Earth surely would have been blown up by now. And Miley Cyrus is the woman we’d all be able to thank for that. Cyrus, who is desperately trying to make a name for herself as an expert twerker, forced all of America to watch her indulge her new hobby while on stage.
The performance was so jarring that the New York Times described it as a “shambolic, trickster-esque performance by Ms. Cyrus, to whom no one has apparently said ‘no’ for the last six months or so, which included plenty of lewdness and a molestation of Robin Thicke.”
MSNBC’s Mika Brzezinski called Cyrus “a mess” on “Morning Joe”:
“I think that was really, really disturbing. That young lady, who is 20, is obviously deeply troubled, deeply disturbed, clearly has confidence issues, probably eating disorder and I don’t think anybody should have put her on stage. That was disgusting and embarrassing…That was not attractive. That was not fun. That was not funny. That was really, really bad for anybody who’s younger and impressionable and she’s really messed up…The whole thing was cringe worthy but I feel bad for her. She is a mess. Someone needs to take care of her. Someone needs not to put her on stage and make a complete fool of herself.”
As US Weekly notices, Drake, Rihanna and One Direction were not impressed, either:
Making her performance even more disturbing, Buzzfeed’s Ryan Broderick points out that Cyrus bears an uncanny similarity to Angelica’s doll Cynthia from Rugrats:
Basically, this tweet says it all:
Miley, I understand you can't stop but you really need to.— B. (@rivalofmars) August 26, 2013
But this is our fault, America. The Onion predicted this would happen back in 2008 and no one tried to stop it:
…at least Will Smith enjoyed it?:
Prachi Gupta is an Assistant News Editor for Salon, focusing on pop culture. Follow her on Twitter at @prachigu or email her at firstname.lastname@example.org.More Prachi Gupta.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.