2014's fast food atrocities
Burger King's black cheeseburger: Made with squid ink and bamboo charcoal, arguably a symbol of meat's destructive effect on the planet. Only available in Japan.
Raylan Alleman is a Louisiana-based certified public accountant who, in his spare time and just for funsies, dabbles in making Internet videos filled with terrible advice about how to live your life in a terrible way.
Here is some of his advice: Hey, dads! Don’t let your daughters go to college because sexual impurity something something women don’t really need an education something something something!
Now look, I know plenty of really intelligent and accomplished people who never went to college, and no one should feel obligated to go or in any way inadequate if they didn’t go, but the idea of telling families to keep young women from seeking higher education because they might lose their “purity” is obviously total bullshit.
I am perfectly happy to let this fool Alleman speak for himself, but Lindy West over at Jezebel was generous enough to provide a nice rundown of why he is such a garbage peddler. But you may not want to believe me (or West) about this (or anything, really!) because, per Alleman, feminists are liars who don’t care about women.
Domino's Specialty Chicken: It's like regular pizza, except instead of a crust, there's fried chicken. The company's marketing officer calls it "one of the most creative, innovative menu items we have ever had” -- brain power put to good use.
KFC'S ZINGER DOUBLE DOWN KING: A sandwich made by adding a burger patty to the infamous chicken-instead-of-buns creation can only be described using all caps. NO BUN ALL MEAT. Only available in South Korea.
Taco Bell's Waffle Taco: It took two years for Taco Bell to develop this waffle folded in the shape of a taco, the stand-out star of its new breakfast menu.
Krispy Kreme Triple Cheeseburger: Only attendees at the San Diego County Fair were given the opportunity to taste the official version of this donut-hamburger-heart attack combo. The rest of America has reasonable odds of not dropping dead tomorrow.
Taco Bell's Quesarito: A burrito wrapped in a quesadilla inside an enigma. Quarantined to one store in Oklahoma City.