Bill O’Reilly, a man who wears anger like it’s an essential fashion accessory, recently mouthed off on Salon, a website “for morons,” for mocking him and his auctioning of handwritten notes from an interview with President Obama. While proceeds of the auction go to charity, the joke — lost on O’Reilly — is that he has deemed his own chicken scratch (and photocopies of it) “historic.” The bidding for the single sheet of paper, signed by O’Reilly and Obama, began at $10,000.
Stephen Colbert has also mocked O’Reilly’s auction by launching his own auction of the Fox News anchor’s 6-year-old microwave — signed by Colbert, and O’Reilly — if he will sign it.
Considering O’Reilly’s penchant for self-promotion, here are five other items the Fox News anchor could put up for auction. Proceeds for these items of little import could go to charities that you could also just donate to on your own:
Someone else’s photocopy of Bill O’Reilly’s photocopy of Bill O’Reilly’s handwritten interview notes
O’Reilly’s photocopies are going for $25. This item is currently available on eBay for $99. It is doubtful that those $99 are going to charity.
A tweet of a screenshot of a photo (of a photocopy!) of O’Reilly’s handwritten interview notes
Here, I made it easy:
A $5 bill
Please note that this is not just any $5 bill, but a $5 bill that once passed through the hands of the Fox News anchor (so says a former intern I made up).
Bids for this item will begin at $65,732.02.
Bill O’Reilly’s secret collection of Chris Hayes and Melissa Harris-Perry fan fiction
What if the Fox News anchor has a private collection of fan fiction written about the liberal news anchors, perhaps a special pet project he worked on sometime between writing the “Killing” franchise? (Actually, if this exists, people would pay millions for it.)
A marker that Bill O’Reilly probably won’t use to sign Stephen Colbert’s microwave
Chances are pretty good that you have access to a marker that Bill O’Reilly will not use to sign the microwave Stephen Colbert stole from him, but in case you need another marker that Bill O’Reilly won’t use to sign the microwave, you can buy one here. Assorted colors available in various shades of Patriotism.