Weird Al’s Emmys parody reveals that he doesn’t watch TV

One thing is clear from Weird Al's performance: He sure doesn't know much about "Mad Men" or "Game of Thrones" VIDEO

Topics: Video, weird al, emmys, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, TV,

Weird Al's Emmys parody reveals that he doesn't watch TVWeird Al Yankovic performs at the 66th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards, Aug. 25, 2014. (Credit: AP/Chris Pizzello)

Weird Al’s having a great summer — his new album “Mandatory Fun” debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 200 and his rapid-fire release last month of eight videos in eight days mocking chart-toppers like Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy” and Pharrell’s “Happy” tapped right into the Internet’s hunger for clever parody music videos, a genre he pretty much perfected in the ’80s. So when he arrived halfway through last night’s Emmy Awards to inject some much-needed smart-ass humor into what was otherwise a three-hour layover of recycled Matthew McConaughey jokes, why wouldn’t we be excited?

Finally, some cultural commentary on this show that isn’t Seth Meyers reading a Bloomberg brief about Netflix!  Meyers, playing to his strengths, had wisely sidestepped the hosting temptation to tuck a shifty-eyed, slightly embarrassed song-and-dance number into his opening monologue. Better to leave that to the experts, and who better than Weird Al to perform parody lyrics set to our favorite instrumental show themes? That sound like they were written by someone who’s never watched TV.

Here are Weird Al’s lyrics to the “Mad Men” theme, which are barely a half-step above Nick the Lounge Singer’s “Theme from Star Wars”:

Mad Men, Mad Men / Watch these ad men / Do their thinking / While they’re stinking / Drunk!

 Jon Hamm’s never won an Emmy / Oh who cares, he’s still Jon-Freaking-Hamm!

Translation: I watched the pilot eight years ago — can you believe people used to smoke at work?  Hey, Jon Hamm!

Did they book him for this gig in a panic last Friday? Maybe “Mad Men” wouldn’t yield any great zingers, but could they not give him enough time to binge-watch “House of Cards?”

If the cleverest thing a joke writer can say about “Scandal” is that Tony Goldwyn did some questionable acting in film before his questionable acting on TV, he’s missing a lot about what’s funny about that show. The Olivia-obsessed would take a joke about her popcorn and wine diet over a “Ghost” gag any day, to say nothing of the dangers of wearing so much cream cashmere around the margins of all that drill-bit torture porn.

If you follow award show hashtags you see just how many people watch even when they have no clue who’s being honored for what so they can sound reasonably informed at the office the next day. For them, from Weird Al, here is a bit of “Homeland” in brief, in case the boss asks:

Beautiful woman, ugly crying

Inigo Montoya grew a beard!

And for everyone who mused that they had no idea “Modern Family” was even still on the air, the entirety of Weird Al’s knowledge:

My favorite old dude, couple of gay guys ….

That’s why it’s modern family!

That’s exactly how my great-aunt would describe “Modern Family” if you held a gun to her head and made her bet her pension on the audio Daily Double.

If Weird Al wasn’t up to the job — and who would have guessed he wasn’t? — this would have been a great opportunity to hear Kate Micucci and Riki Lindhome give these shows the Garfunkel and Oates treatment. It’s almost (I said almost) enough to make you wish for someone to storm the stage and say Seth MacFarlane’s name three times, come what may.

At least Al delivered in the closing segment with a fairly on-point send-up of “Game of Thrones,” which also featured, in what was easily the highlight of the evening, Andy Samberg in King Joffrey drag handing George R. R. Martin a typewriter to encourage him to type, George, fast as arrows can fly:

Here come dragons galore, and some boobs

Okay to be fair there’s way more boobs

If you miss a big scene watch it back

(Watch it over, watch it over, watch it over!)

Hope you paid attention to the map

(You can pause that, you can pause that, you can pause that!)

Don’t get too attached to a certain guy

(Have a backup, have a backup, have a backup!)

He might drink some poison wine

(That’s a spoiler! That’s a spoiler! That’s a spoiler!)

Valar Morghulis, award show song-and-dance numbers. Valar Dohaeris, Weird Al.

Erin Keane

Erin Keane is Salon's culture editor.

More Related Stories

Featured Slide Shows

  • Share on Twitter
  • Share on Facebook
  • 1 of 14
  • Close
  • Fullscreen
  • Thumbnails

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Pilot"

    One of our first exposures to uncomfortable “Girls” sex comes early, in the pilot episode, when Hannah and Adam “get feisty” (a phrase Hannah hates) on the couch. The pair is about to go at it doggy-style when Adam nearly inserts his penis in “the wrong hole,” and after Hannah corrects him, she awkwardly explains her lack of desire to have anal sex in too many words. “Hey, let’s play the quiet game,” Adam says, thrusting. And so the romance begins.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Elijah, "It's About Time"

    In an act of “betrayal” that messes up each of their relationships with Hannah, Marnie and Elijah open Season 2 with some more couch sex, which is almost unbearable to watch. Elijah, who is trying to explore the “hetero side” of his bisexuality, can’t maintain his erection, and the entire affair ends in very uncomfortable silence.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Charlie, "Vagina Panic"

    Poor Charlie. While he and Marnie have their fair share of uncomfortable sex over the course of their relationship, one of the saddest moments (aside from Marnie breaking up with him during intercourse) is when Marnie encourages him to penetrate her from behind so she doesn’t have to look at him. “This feels so good,” Charlie says. “We have to go slow.” Poor sucker.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Shoshanna and camp friend Matt, "Hannah's Diary"

    We’d be remiss not to mention Shoshanna’s effort to lose her virginity to an old camp friend, who tells her how “weird” it is that he “loves to eat pussy” moments before she admits she’s never “done it” before. At least it paves the way for the uncomfortable sex we later get to watch her have with Ray?

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Hard Being Easy"

    On the heels of trying (unsuccessfully) to determine the status of her early relationship with Adam, Hannah walks by her future boyfriend’s bedroom to find him masturbating alone, in one of the strangest scenes of the first season. As Adam jerks off and refuses to let Hannah participate beyond telling him how much she likes watching, we see some serious (and odd) character development ... which ends with Hannah taking a hundred-dollar bill from Adam’s wallet, for cab fare and pizza (as well as her services).

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Booth Jonathan, "Bad Friend"

    Oh, Booth Jonathan -- the little man who “knows how to do things.” After he turns Marnie on enough to make her masturbate in the bathroom at the gallery where she works, Booth finally seals the deal in a mortifying and nearly painful to watch sex scene that tells us pretty much everything we need to know about how much Marnie is willing to fake it.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Tad and Loreen, "The Return"

    The only sex scene in the series not to feature one of the main characters, Hannah’s parents’ showertime anniversary celebration is easily one of the most cringe-worthy moments of the show’s first season. Even Hannah’s mother, Loreen, observes how embarrassing the situation is, which ends with her husband, Tad, slipping out of the shower and falling naked and unconscious on the bathroom floor.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and the pharmacist, "The Return"

    Tad and Loreen aren’t the only ones to get some during Hannah’s first season trip home to Michigan. The show’s protagonist finds herself in bed with a former high school classmate, who doesn’t exactly enjoy it when Hannah puts one of her fingers near his anus. “I’m tight like a baby, right?” Hannah asks at one point. Time to press pause.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Role-Play"

    While it’s not quite a full-on, all-out sex scene, Hannah and Adam’s attempt at role play in Season 3 is certainly an intimate encounter to behold (or not). Hannah dons a blond wig and gets a little too into her role, giving a melodramatic performance that ends with a passerby punching Adam in the face. So there’s that.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Shoshanna and Ray, "Together"

    As Shoshanna and Ray near the end of their relationship, we can see their sexual chemistry getting worse and worse. It’s no more evident than when Ray is penetrating a clothed and visibly horrified Shoshanna from behind, who ends the encounter by asking if her partner will just “get out of me.”

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Frank, "Video Games"

    Hannah, Jessa’s 19-year-old stepbrother, a graveyard and too much chatting. Need we say more about how uncomfortable this sex is to watch?

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Marnie and Desi, "Iowa"

    Who gets her butt motorboated? Is this a real thing? Aside from the questionable logistics and reality of Marnie and Desi’s analingus scene, there’s also the awkward moment when Marnie confuses her partner’s declaration of love for licking her butthole with love for her. Oh, Marnie.

    13 of "Girls'" most cringeworthy sex scenes

    Hannah and Adam, "Vagina Panic"

    There is too much in this scene to dissect: fantasies of an 11-year-old girl with a Cabbage Patch lunchbox, excessive references to that little girl as a “slut” and Adam ripping off a condom to ejaculate on Hannah’s chest. No wonder it ends with Hannah saying she almost came.

  • Recent Slide Shows


Loading Comments...