One nation under a groove

Let's face it, our national anthem blows. And "God Bless America" isn't working either. Here's a modest proposal: Curtis Mayfield's "Don't Worry (If There's a Hell Below We're All Going To Go)."

By Brendan Costello Jr.

Sep 11, 2002 | A hopeful vision for our nation, in these troubled times:

World Series, 2002, Game 1: Sixty-five thousand screaming fans have packed into a gargantuan stadium bearing the name of a not-yet-disgraced major conglomerate, eagerly awaiting the first pitch. The players have been introduced, the Marine Corps honor guard has brought out an American flag that will cover half of right field, and it is time. The celeb singer of the day, Whitney or Britney or Celine, or maybe even Robert Goulet (!) steps to the mike as the P.A. booms: "PLEASE RISE FOR OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM."

The crowd swells, a patriotic gesture but yeah let's get on with it (we almost didn't have a World Series because of the fractious dispute between opposing camps of millionaires). The singer steps to the mike.

"SISTERS!" The crowd responds with a cheer, though they aren't sure where this is headed.

"NIGGERS!" Sixty-five thousand fans fall into stunned silence.

"WHITEYS! JEWS! CRACKERS!" The last word echoes in the charged air of the stadium, "-rackers, -ackers, -ackers, -ackers."

"Don't worry ... If there's a Hell below, we're all -- gonna GO!"

Over the confused noise of the crowd, the band strikes up. A fat, menacing bass line snakes forth, then a team of three -- no, wait, there are four -- conga players, the brass section of the Boston Pops, headed by the Uptown Horns, Yo-Yo Ma leading a string section made up of volunteers from the New York Philharmonic, and an electric rhythm section made up of former members of Parliament, this whole mighty ensemble launches into Curtis Mayfield's 1970 hit "Don't Worry (If There's a Hell Below, We're All Going To Go)."

The crowd (let's remember this is my vision) goes crazy. Over the "wikka-tikka" funk guitar riff and wildly syncopated groove, lyrics like "Top billing now is killing/ For peace no one is willing" reach those who are listening and some freeze, faces fixed with a look of recognition. But then the rhythm picks them up, snaps them awake, and they continue dancing as a wry smile blends with the expression on their faces. We get it. We are Americans.

The band jams out the national anthem for a quarter of an hour, and when they are done, the ethnically diverse crowd is united in applause that lasts for 10 solid minutes.

Well, it's a vision that inspires me, anyway. And not just for the notion of a crowd on its feet, representing one nation under a groove (wipe that smile off your face -- this is serious). It gives me hope that we might, one day, ditch "The Star-Spangled Banner" as our national anthem.

Here's another vision, one we've all seen:

Following a deadly terrorist attack, one of the most shocking and devastating moments in our nation's history, many members of the United States Congress gathered on the steps of the Capitol building for an impromptu press conference, a show of unity and spirit and resolve. After the brief comments, the assembled lawmakers joined in a rendition of ... "God Bless America." Perhaps it was spontaneous -- if they had discussed whether to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" instead, a partisan debate might have erupted that could have pre-empted their show of patriotism. (Of course, many of the assembled patriots were participants in the impeachment farce that took place while these attacks were being planned and prepared.)

Even Congress knows it's time for a new anthem. In the past year, haven't we heard "God Bless America" or "America the Beautiful" far more often than "The Star-Spangled Banner"? Like Congress, we all gravitate toward the other songs because we know the old anthem just doesn't cut it anymore.

"God Bless America" has its adherents, certainly, but there are a great many other songs that would work. John Ashcroft, no doubt, would be happy to offer "Let the Eagle Soar" as a possible contender. (Let's place that into the shrinking category of "unthinkable" for the moment. And let's not linger over the fact that the man is the attorney general of the United States of America.)

I would still argue for the Curtis Mayfield song, if for no other reason than its sense of paranoia. I think we as a nation need a national anthem that expresses, perhaps cathartically, the fear and stress that is a natural part of living in America right now.

Not so incidentally, "The Star-Spangled Banner" is full of anxiety. First of all, its whole premise is a question -- "Oh say can you see" right up to "Does that star-spangled banner yet wave ..." The lyric was written by Francis Scott Key during a battle, when British warships were attacking Fort McHenry on Chesapeake Bay, and there was a good chance that the flag of the fledgling new republic would not be seen in the dawn's early light. This is common knowledge. What is less widely known is that the melody is borrowed from an old English drinking song, "To Anacreon in Heaven." What's more important, however, is that even though the song is about victory and perseverance, its subject is the flag. Our national anthem does not feature the name of our country in the lyric.

Before we can consider changing the anthem, it is necessary to acknowledge that a great deal of sentiment has grown in each of our hearts for the song, since we have heard it throughout our lives. For better or for worse, it is the song that represents our country at the Olympics, at official state visits, at military funerals or at the end of the broadcast day (back when broadcast days used to end), so we associate it with the emotions these events inspired. The suggestion of changing the anthem is seen as a sacrilegious attack on America itself, not unlike burning the flag. Were our nation an individual, a psychiatrist would say this is clearly indicative of insecurity, deeply rooted in an identity crisis.

I am not merely taking potshots at our anthem, nor do I mean to suggest if al-Qaida had a better theme song, I'd suddenly sympathize with them. Most anthems, or at least the ones I've heard, bear a plodding similarity to one another -- they all seem to have evolved around a 19th century idea of waving banners and parading off to war. Maybe it's time for a new kind of anthem.

Next Page: Why not have an anthem that really represents America: Dark humor, multiculturalism and smokin' funk?

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