I Like to Watch

Nov. 11, 2007 | As winter drapes its gray blanket over the land and sends a bitter chill through the McDonald's playgrounds and Home Depot gardening centers and Toys "R" Us parking lots of this great nation, we must all pause for a moment and say a quiet prayer for freedom.

Yes, freedom. Because, as we spread freedom, making the non-Western world safe for Jamba Juices and Restoration Hardwares, as we establish Banana Republics and Cheesecake Factories on every corner of every street on the globe, as we transform every last inch of public space into an outdoor mall and put Sunnis and Shiites alike to work, whipping up Honey Chipotle Chicken Crispers and half-decaf Pecan Praline Macchiatos for the masses, unappreciative foreign peoples remain determined to paint our freedom fighters as arrogant imperialists, so anxious are they to bite the lily-white hand that feeds them their daily Happy Meal. These unkempt skeptics resist the generosity of our corporate overlords in harnessing resources to build our necessary infrastructures, instead brattily insisting that they do it all by themselves, like those foolhardy Chinese! Sure, they long to pave paradise and put up a parking lot, as expansionist visionary Joni Mitchell once urged, but they stubbornly refuse to let Halliburton do it for them, the ingrates!

And so, the U.S. dollar falls on its face. This makes us Americans -- freedom lovers, inventors of Sizzlin' Steak and Shrimp Fajitas and Mango Citrus Rug and Room Deodorizers -- feel bad about ourselves. It makes us feel like the star quarterback who graduated and got old and fat, but still keeps going back to high school football games to gorge on hot dogs and bellow menacingly at the referees from the sidelines.

Is the golden age behind us? Have we grown spoiled and lazy after a 50-year winning streak? Are we, the citizens of what was once the Greatest Nation on the Planet, destined to shout at the world's referees from the sidelines? It's enough to make you shiver in your boots -- just like the Pilgrims once did when they stumbled on this great land of ours! -- as you cross several acres of parked cars on a cold and chilly winter's evening, in search of curly fries.

Alien nation
OK, fine. We'll go ahead and admit it: We thought we were destined to rule the universe forever and ever, Amen. Wasn't Jesus on our side, way back when? Didn't we have the right stuff -- the independent, devil-may-care spirit, the sunny disposition and the natural urge to kick the little guys when they were down? We were once the handsome stars of the world's stage. How did we become a bunch of washed-up, ignorant, financially and emotionally unstable bullies overnight?

This rapid descent is not lost on the creators of CW's "Aliens in America" (8:30 p.m. Mondays), a show that champions the outsider and the underdog while pointing and jeering at the countless flaws of mainstream Americans. When Raja (Adhir Kalyan), a foreign exchange student from Pakistan, comes to live with an average family in a small town in Wisconsin, he upsets the balance of ignorance and conformity that keeps the community's delicate ecosystem from imploding from within. The family and the town's shocked residents prove to be well-meaning but pathetic and easily foiled. They're current-day Americans, in other words, thoroughly modern Millies who mill about, accustomed to winning without fail -- to the extent that they don't even notice when they're losing. As nerdy Justin (Dan Byrd) chases popularity and girls like any typical high school boy might, Raja is perplexed by the immorality and shallowness of Justin's pursuits at every turn. Now, we've seen this unfrozen Caveman act before, which only makes Adhir Kalyan's performance as Raja all the more impressive. Kalyan not only makes us believe that Raja is truly, deeply confused at the sorts of ethical lapses that most American kids take for granted as the dog-eat-dog flavor of high school life, he actually has us empathizing with him. How can he navigate this strange and confusing world that he's landed in?

Kalyan is fantastic as Raja and makes me laugh out loud at least once per episode. In my favorite episode yet, "Rocket Club," Justin admits that he's been lying about the existence of a rocket club in order to sneak off to R-rated movies with his friends. Raja, who's terrible at lying, attempts to brief Justin's parents on that night's rocket club meeting, and ends up rambling on about the joys of building enormous rockets. (Go ahead, watch the scene and see if Kalyan doesn't make you chuckle; the episode is available online here.)

Unlike NBC's "Chuck" or CW's "Reaper," two shows about conflicted young slackers caught up in situations that are beyond their control, "Aliens in America" doesn't just thrust a few charming smartasses front and center, expecting audiences to roll on the floor because they have dorky jobs and/or their friends are losers. "Aliens in America" is packed with actual jokes and the story lines are tight and funny. When Justin's parents start asking tough questions about their rocket club, for example, Justin and Raja are forced to start an actual rocket club, which sends Raja to the local hardware store looking for what appears to the owner to be bomb-making materials.

Next page: Rich people take up signs against other rich people!