I Like to Watch

March 9, 2008 | Overbearing professionals are the rock stars of the small screen. Since the malleable and the mediocre are so often rewarded in real-life workplaces, it's no wonder that so many of us choose to spend our evenings in the company of outspoken, arrogant know-it-alls like James Woods' character on "Shark" or Simon Cowell on "American Idol" or that awful "Millionaire Matchmaker" lady.

When Jack Bauer snaps at his bosses on "24," then not only ignores their wishes, but also breaks a few laws and tortures an innocent civilian along the way, we're temporarily emancipated from the team-player make-believe bubbles we're forced to live in, nodding in agreement with our bosses while our minds quietly calculate how long we could live on food stamps if we quit tomorrow.

And they wonder why Americans watch quite so much TV? Mavericks from "The Wire's" McNulty to "The Shield's" Vic Mackey swagger through the world, breaking rules, scoffing openly at management and making no secret of their feelings of superiority, exactly the sorts of behaviors that will get you demoted and shamed and fired and written off as a troublemaker in the real world.

So, as the real world is populated less and less by colorful, opinionated, brash souls, TV Land fills up with such types, their brilliance and bravado rewarded afresh each night. Meanwhile, we drive home from our jobs and plant ourselves in front of our television screens, we who once dreamed of being more than neutered office drones, and we sit mutely there for hours, soothed by illusions, soaking into our couches like untended stains.

Above the law
OK, maybe we don't soak in like untended stains. Maybe we soak in like really comfortable, relaxed sons of bitches, doing whatever the hell we please after a long, grueling day spent earning our keep.

I can't quite decide. Are we untended stains or relaxed sons of bitches? And is there a real difference between the two, existentially speaking? Elizabeth Canterbury, the macho lady lawyer of Fox's new drama series "Canterbury's Law" (premieres 8 p.m. EDT on Monday, March 10), could probably answer that question in front of a jury of her peers, if she weren't so preoccupied with her latest grueling case defending the accused. I'm going to hazard a guess that she'd say we were relaxed SOB's who deserved a little R&R, just like she deserves to speed away in her Porsche for an illicit dalliance or to toss back a few glasses of vodka on the rocks while sidestepping her colleague's implication that she's still in serious pain over the loss of her young son. We aren't told much about this loss, but it's clear that Canterbury is trying to blunt the pain of some looming, Dominick Dunne-style tragedy.

Predictable back story aside, this is the kind of female character it's nice to see on TV for a change. Bossy and distracted and arrogant to the point of being slightly irritating, Canterbury is a cross between Nancy Grace and Dr. Gregory House of "House," demeaning her underlings and enraging the prosecuting attorney and cheating on her husband (played by Aidan Quinn). Canterbury ignores criticism, shrugs off her hate mail, and fires her receptionist because she's "stupid."

She's also prone to grandiose statements. "I sleep the sleep of the righteous," she says matter-of-factly, and claims, without hesitance, "I know when someone's lying to me." As Canterbury nears the courtroom steps and her associate wants to dodge the cameras, she walks right toward them, muttering, "My mere presence speaks volumes."

God bless Julianna Margulies, who first captured our attention as the needy, suicidal nurse girlfriend of George Clooney's Dr. Ross on "ER." Sure, her character, Carol Hathaway, eventually bought a house and considered med school, and Margulies had a great recurring role as Tony's lover on "The Sopranos," but that heartbroken nurse thing is tough to shake. For Margulies, this role must feel downright redemptive.

And yes, Canterbury is a rule-breaking über-professional, but she's nothing like the pretty rich girls of "Cashmere Mafia" or even the big-city professionals of "Lipstick Jungle." Canterbury is an actual drunk, she's depressed and slightly belligerent, and Margulies dares to give her verbal tics that can remind you of a nasty, nagging, know-it-all big sister.

In some scenes, it really does seem like Margulies has turned to the semi-pathological pluck and nastiness of Nancy Grace for inspiration. "Here's the new theory," Canterbury tells a judge in his chambers while the prosecuting attorney looks on. "The night in question, Mr. Jasper hits his son, which we all know that he did." The prosecutor starts to complain, but Canterbury simply raises her voice and takes on a condescending singsong that sounds exactly like Grace, "We all know that he did, only this time, this time he hits the floor and he doesn't pop back up. Mr. Jasper panics and buries him in the woods!" Now, most of us can agree that one Nancy Grace is enough in the world, but there's something sort of gratifying about a drama in which the lead character could dare to be that unlikable.

But Canterbury is in pain, remember? We see her feeling vulnerable and alone over the loss of her son, sitting on his bed, burying her face into his pillow. We get it, she's a human being. Why do women always have to be grieving a lost child to get away with being assholes? That "Shark" guy isn't weeping and snuffling pillows. House doesn't break down in tears when he's popping pills. Mackey has an autistic kid, but he's not crying into his oatmeal over it.

And unfortunately, when you take Canterbury's admirable vim and vigor out of the picture for a second, this is just another courtroom drama, limited to the same old overdramatic courtroom scenes that we've seen a hundred million times before, on "Shark" and "The Practice" and "Ally McBeal" and "LA Law" and "Law and Order" and on and on and on. The defense calls a surprise witness, somebody confesses or lashes out on the witness stand, some new bit of evidence emerges -- we know every possible variable, and when there are no predictable twists, we're also disappointed.

I don't know if there's a way for a law show to win at this point. My guess is that "Canterbury's Law" will flounder, despite its strong lead character. But hey, I've been wrong many, many times before.

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