Someday they’ll have a patch for that. Dr. Gordon G. Gallup theorizes (via Feministing) that women have a “chemical dependency” on semen. He’s based this conclusion on a survey that found that women who regularly had sex without condoms became increasingly depressed the longer they went without sex (read: semen). Women who regularly used condoms didn’t have this experience. So, it could be that if you consistently have sex with a condom, you’ll not only ward off STDs but depression via “semen withdrawal.” (I’m curious whether the couples who went without condoms used birth control and whether a raised risk of pregnancy — real or perceived — during regular unprotected sex could be a factor. Might there be a craving for frequent reassurance through frequent sex — paradoxically, since it could increase your chances of pregnancy — that your partner is planning on stickin’ around in case a baby comes along?)

A woman’s place is in the home — who cares if there’s any food to put on the table? Women bring home the bacon in about 14 percent of Iraqi families, yet they’re being pushed out of work in large numbers: “Insurgents and militias want us out of the work environment for many reasons: Some because they believe that women were born to stay at home — cooking and cleaning — and others because they say it is against Islam to share the same space with men who are not close relatives.” (What about prostitution, which many Iraqi refugees are being forced into for lack of other work; isn’t that against Islam?)

Put your breast face forward. ABC News (via Nerve’s Scanner) talks to Elisabeth Squires, author of “Boobs: A Guide to Your Girls,” who lays out cleavage guidelines for every occasion. At work: “If cleavage isn’t in your job description, don’t put it in.” At the kids’ soccer game: “This is not the time to show off your girls. Your children should not have to compete with your cleavage for attention.” And during pregnancy: “[Y]ou should celebrate your breasts … cleavage on a pregnant woman is just different — live it up a bit.” The most important maxim of all: “Use your breast power responsibly.”

No straights allowed. A tribunal granted an Australian gay bar an exemption to the country’s Equal Opportunities Act, allowing it to legally ban heterosexual and lesbian patrons. Cate McKenzie, the tribunal’s deputy president, said allowing anyone but gay men into the pub could “undermine or destroy” the atmosphere. “To regard the gay male patrons of the venue as providing an entertainment or spectacle to be stared at, as one would at an animal at a zoo, devalues and dehumanizes them,” she said.