What you missed while watching "Dancing With the Stars"

May 16, 2007 | 0 minutes. Fox News opens its debate by introducing each of the 10 GOP presidential candidates with an info-graphic. But there is only so much space on the screen, so choices must be made. For instance, next to former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, the graphic mentions his wife and kids, but does not mention the fact that his kids don't like his wife, or him. Next to John McCain it says "Episcopalian." Next to Texas Rep. Ron Paul it says "Protestant." Next to Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney it says "Mormon." That's right. Mormon.

1 minute. Host Brit Hume says all the candidates have expressed condolences over the passing of Jerry Falwell. So now no one has to talk about him.

10 minutes. Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback is asked a tough question. "You said that you wanted to find a way for Republicans and Democrats to work together," asks Fox's Chris Wallace. "Is that any way to fight and win a war, to look for consensus among the politicians in Washington?" Brownback does the only reasonable thing -- attack Democrats. "I condemn the statements of Harry Reid, the majority leader of the Senate, saying we've already lost," says Brownback, assuring GOP voters that he is, in fact, not very bipartisan after all.

11 minutes. In answering a national security question, Giuliani says, "I think Sen. McCain is correct." Perhaps all the candidates are going to be nice to one another. They are all Republicans, after all. Can't they get along?

16 minutes. The answer is no. California Rep. Duncan Hunter attacks the other candidates, questioning their patriotism. "I served in uniform in Vietnam. Didn't do anything special, but I served. My son has done two tours in Iraq. I can look at the American people and say, we are in this together. And I think the other guys ought to lay out their credentials to be commander in chief." Snap!

21 minutes. McCain makes the first joke of the night, a sure crowd pleaser that he tells at every campaign stop. Republicans lost their way in Washington, he says. "Government changed us. We let spending go out of control. We spent money like a drunken sailor. Although I never knew a sailor drunk or sober with the imagination of my colleagues." The crowd likes it, laughs.

22 minutes. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee will not let McCain be the funniest guy in the room. "We've had a Congress that's spent money like John Edwards at a beauty shop," he says. The crowd loves it. The laughter is louder. Huckabee wins the joke contest.

32 minutes. Colorado Rep. Tom Tancredo is talking about the budget deficit. His face is pasty. He must be wearing pancake makeup. Either that, or he has been bleeding heavily.

33 minutes. Hume says we are going to take a break for commercials. Commercials? MSNBC didn't do commercials for the first two debates. But this is Fox News. Rupert Murdoch wants to own the Wall Street Journal. Capitalism and all that. Democracy is brought to you by Health Mart Pharmacies. Smart Balance Buttery Spread. Days Inn. Plavix.

36 minutes. OK, we're back. First question goes to former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore. He goes on the attack, says Huckabee raised taxes, Romney supports government healthcare and Giuliani wants to abort babies. But he fumbles the delivery. "We've got one candidate here on the stage who in this campaign has said that he is against federal funding of abortions," Gilmore says. Oops. "That he is in favor of federal financing of abortions." Quick recovery.

38 minutes. Wallace turns the questions to Giuliani, unleashes the rhetorical equivalent of a Gatling-gun blast. "You're pro-choice, you're pro-gay rights, you're pro-gun control. You supported Mario Cuomo for governor over a Republican. Are those the stands of a conservative?" Giuliani takes the question in stride and does the only logical thing. He attacks Hillary Clinton. "We're looking at a race here in which the leading Democratic candidate for president of the United States has said that the unfettered free market is the most disastrous thing in modern America." Can that be true? It doesn't really matter. This is a Republican crowd. If Giuliani claimed Clinton was born on the planet Zorg, no one would bat an eye.

40 minutes. McCain has broad shoulders, robotic movements. He does not appear as caffeinated as during the first debate, but he has trouble saying the word "transcendental."

43 minutes. Romney tells a joke that is not funny. "Have you ever bought a suit and look at it and you can't tell if it is blue or black?" he says. "That's how blue Massachusetts is." The message: I am rich. Unlike you, I own lots of suits.

46 minutes. Former Wisconsin Gov. Tommy Thompson has had a rough few weeks. He needed a potty break at the last debate. His hearing aid has been failing. When he talks, he sounds like a Muppet. And his hair flops across his forehead like a small dead animal. But when he gets a question about embryonic stem cells, he hits it out of the park. He easily uses words like "pluripotency," "cord blood" and "amniotic fluid."

53 minutes. Tancredo gets a question about whether the other candidates are soft on immigration. This is his issue. He is ready to answer. But just as he does, something goes wrong with one of the Fox cameras. The screen gets a red haze over it. With his pasty face, the red light makes Tancredo look for a moment like Satan. Then the camera cuts away.

Next page: There goes the Muslim vote for Tancredo