WASHINGTON -- Get out from behind that computer! Stop whining about the news! You -- yes, you! -- can go on the road and be a campaign reporter! But first you must pass the ACTAT -- the Advanced Campaign Trail Aptitude Test.
For the first time, Salon is bringing the secret standardized mainstream-media test to the public, publishing the actual* questions reporters must answer correctly before they can travel with any candidate. This is not a basic news quiz. This is the real deal.* It's hard.
How to take the test: Number a piece of paper 1 to 30, and take the test. Check your answers against the answer key on Page 3. If you get only five to 10 questions right, you qualify as a well-informed citizen. If you get more than 15 right, you may be focusing too much time on politics and not enough on your family. If you get every question right, you can have my job.*
*Just kidding.
1. What new high-tech device has John Edwards campaign manager Joe Trippi been showing off on the campaign trail in recent weeks?
2. On the day he announced his presidential campaign, Joe Biden got in trouble for:
3. According to the Washington Post, former John McCain campaign manager Terry Nelson had which cinematic sound clip playing on his computer in the weeks before he resigned from the campaign?
4. "Kum & Go" is:
5. In early August 2003, which Democratic candidate led his rivals in national presidential primary polls?
6. The last time Mike Gravel held public office, the president was:
7. Ingrid Newkirk, the president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is mad at Mitt Romney because he:
8. Which two 2008 presidential candidates were behind-the- scenes players in the Watergate scandal that brought down Richard Nixon? (Pick two)
9. When he announced his resignation from the White House, Bush advisor Karl Rove called Hillary Clinton a:
10. As of Wednesday, the South Carolina primary will be held on:
Match each of the following stump speech passages with the candidate who uttered it.
11. "All for Jesus. All for Jesus. All for Jesus. All for Jesus."
12. "There is this narrow window. It doesn't come around that often -- maybe once a generation -- where we have the opportunity to put our shoulder against the wheel and move history in a better direction."
13. "We came to power in 1994 to change government and government changed us."
14. "I'm no superman. What I've learned by managing things is the key is bringing good people together."
15. "I am committed to doing what we must in the 21st century to not just reassert America's moral authority and leadership, but to come up with innovative solutions to deal with the problems we face, because we cannot do it alone."
16. What must-read campaign blog has Hillary Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson called the "new purveyor of conventional wisdom"?
17. Which of Mitt Romney's five sons says "Braveheart" is a favorite movie, says "my dad" is his hero, enjoys water-skiing, snow skiing and reading, and recently visited each of Iowa's 99 counties in an R.V.?
18. Flip Romney is:
19. Which of the following is not the name of a city or town in Iowa?
Match each of the following passages of canonical campaign reportage to its author:
20. "For years I've regarded [Richard Nixon's] very existence as a monument to all the rancid genes and broken chromosomes that corrupt the possibilities of the American Dream; he was a foul caricature of himself, a man with no soul, no inner convictions, with the integrity of a hyena and the style of a poison toad."
21. "It occurred to me during the summer of 1988, in California and Atlanta and New Orleans, in the course of watching first the California primary and then the Democratic and Republican national conventions, that it had not been by accident that the people with whom I had preferred to spend time in high school had, on the whole, hung out in gas stations."
22. "People are unpredictable by nature, and although you can take a nation's pulse, you can't be sure that the nation hasn't just run up a flight of stairs, and although you can take a nation's blood pressure, you can't be sure that if you came back in twenty minutes you'd get the same reading. This is a damn fine thing."
23. "The likeliest reason why so many of us care so little about politics is that modern politicians make us sad, hurt us deep down in ways that are hard even to name, much less talk about. It's way easier to roll your eyes and not give a shit. You probably don't want to hear about all this, even."
24. Warren G. Harding "writes the worst English I have ever encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean-soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights."
25. Former presidential candidate Tommy Thompson sometimes traveled with a motorcycle gang of supporters who wore black T-shirts embossed with what slogan?
26. Which senior campaign official is so afraid of flying that he regularly drives to events as far away as Iowa?
27. Which presidential candidate brought an Elvis impersonator from Texas to perform for voters at the Republican Iowa straw poll?
28. Why has Rudy Giuliani been photographed repeatedly while dressed as a woman?
29. In his 1995 memoir, "Dreams From My Father," Barack Obama admits to:
Extra credit (because no one can be expected to get it right):
30. Romney's traveling press secretary is a former statehouse bureau chief for the Boston Herald named Eric ...
Answers are on Page 3.
Here's how to score your answers:
0-5 correct. Cub. Give it a few years. You are not yet ready for the trail.
6-15 correct. Up-and-comer. Occasional campaign bus rides allowed.
16-25 correct. Trail ready. Head for the Iowa State Fair.
26-30 correct. Top-tier pencil. You are in a select group. Go scoop the New York Times.
1. D -- iPhone
2. D -- Clean, articulate
3. B -- Lebowski
4. C -- Gas station
5. D -- Lieberman
6. A -- Carter
7. C -- Dog on roof
8. C and E -- Clinton and Thompson
9. E -- Fatally flawed
10. E -- Trick question
11. C -- Brownback
12. D -- Obama
13. A -- McCain
14. B -- Romney
15. E -- Clinton
16. B -- Ambinder, though this fact has not been previously reported
17. D -- Josh
18. C -- Talking dolphin
19. A -- Oak Bluffs
20. B -- Thompson
21. D -- Didion
22. C -- White
23. E -- Wallace
24. A -- Mencken
25. A -- One of our own
26. C -- Wolfson
27. C -- Duncan Hunter
28. C -- "SNL" and charity dinners
29. E -- Marijuana and cocaine
30. A -- Fehrnstrom, go figure
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