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You, too, can be a campaign reporter: Take the test!

Introducing the ACTAT, the secret test all elite reporters must pass before they can hit the 2008 trail.

By Michael Scherer

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Read more: Politics, Iowa, News, Michael Scherer, 2008 election

Aug. 16, 2007 | WASHINGTON -- Get out from behind that computer! Stop whining about the news! You -- yes, you! -- can go on the road and be a campaign reporter! But first you must pass the ACTAT -- the Advanced Campaign Trail Aptitude Test.

For the first time, Salon is bringing the secret standardized mainstream-media test to the public, publishing the actual* questions reporters must answer correctly before they can travel with any candidate. This is not a basic news quiz. This is the real deal.* It's hard.

How to take the test: Number a piece of paper 1 to 30, and take the test. Check your answers against the answer key on Page 3. If you get only five to 10 questions right, you qualify as a well-informed citizen. If you get more than 15 right, you may be focusing too much time on politics and not enough on your family. If you get every question right, you can have my job.*

*Just kidding.

1. What new high-tech device has John Edwards campaign manager Joe Trippi been showing off on the campaign trail in recent weeks?

  • A. The SCRAM, an alcohol detection anklet made famous by Lindsay Lohan
  • B. The SatTime 500, a digital watch that displays the GPS location of Sen. Edwards
  • C. The BlackBerry Pearl
  • D. The iPhone
  • E. The Sony VAIO VGN-UX280P, a 6- by-4-inch laptop

2. On the day he announced his presidential campaign, Joe Biden got in trouble for:

  • A. Saying he doesn't like the taste of corn
  • B. Texting a congressional page
  • C. Pledging to bomb Pakistan to kill Osama bin Laden
  • D. Calling Barack Obama "clean" and "articulate"
  • E. Confusing Sunnis with Shiites

3. According to the Washington Post, former John McCain campaign manager Terry Nelson had which cinematic sound clip playing on his computer in the weeks before he resigned from the campaign?

  • A. "Nobody puts baby in a corner." -- Johnny Castle from "Dirty Dancing"
  • B. "Where's the fucking money?" -- The Dude from "The Big Lebowski"
  • C. "Mr. Corleone never asks a second favor once he's refused the first, understood?" -- Tom Hagen from "The Godfather"
  • D. "The horror ... The horror." -- Col. Walter E. Kurtz from "Apocalypse Now"
  • E. "You can't handle the truth." -- Col. Nathan R. Jessep from "A Few Good Men"

4. "Kum & Go" is:

  • A. A prophylactic sold primarily in South Carolina
  • B. A famous ice cream parlor in Manchester, N.H.
  • C. A gas station chain in Iowa
  • D. John McCain's strategy for winning the Iowa caucuses
  • E. (Insert Bill Clinton joke here)

5. In early August 2003, which Democratic candidate led his rivals in national presidential primary polls?

  • A. John Kerry
  • B. Howard Dean
  • C. John Edwards
  • D. Joe Lieberman
  • E. Richard Gephardt

6. The last time Mike Gravel held public office, the president was:

  • A. Jimmy Carter
  • B. Ronald Reagan
  • C. George H. W. Bush
  • D. Bill Clinton
  • E. Warren G. Harding

7. Ingrid Newkirk, the president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, is mad at Mitt Romney because he:

  • A. Drowned a bag of kittens in a Michigan river when he was 11 years old
  • B. Invested in a company that demonstrated surgical products on live dogs
  • C. Put his dog, Seamus, on his station wagon roof rack during a family vacation
  • D. Deliberately mocks dolphins on the campaign trail
  • E. Often hunts wild boar in Texas with an automatic rifle

8. Which two 2008 presidential candidates were behind-the- scenes players in the Watergate scandal that brought down Richard Nixon? (Pick two)

  • A. Duncan Hunter
  • B. Chris Dodd
  • C. Hillary Clinton
  • D. Joe Biden
  • E. Fred Thompson
  • F. Ron Paul
  • G. Sam Brownback
  • H. Barack Obama

9. When he announced his resignation from the White House, Bush advisor Karl Rove called Hillary Clinton a:

  • A. "Talented, treacherous, markedly wicked candidate"
  • B. "Brilliant, bodacious, deeply dishonest candidate"
  • C. "Solid, soulful, truly underestimated candidate"
  • D. "Masterful, maniacal, totally unstoppable candidate"
  • E. "Tough, tenacious, fatally flawed candidate"

10. As of Wednesday, the South Carolina primary will be held on:

  • A. Jan. 1
  • B. Jan. 20
  • C. Dec. 24
  • D. Dec. 16
  • E. It's a trick question, since Democrats have scheduled the primary for Jan. 29 and Republicans for Jan. 19

Match each of the following stump speech passages with the candidate who uttered it.

11. "All for Jesus. All for Jesus. All for Jesus. All for Jesus."

12. "There is this narrow window. It doesn't come around that often -- maybe once a generation -- where we have the opportunity to put our shoulder against the wheel and move history in a better direction."

13. "We came to power in 1994 to change government and government changed us."

14. "I'm no superman. What I've learned by managing things is the key is bringing good people together."

15. "I am committed to doing what we must in the 21st century to not just reassert America's moral authority and leadership, but to come up with innovative solutions to deal with the problems we face, because we cannot do it alone."

  • A. John McCain
  • B. Mitt Romney
  • C. Sam Brownback
  • D. Barack Obama
  • E. Hillary Clinton

Next page: The quiz continues

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